100 lb. Club - Eek! Should I go, or not?




View Full Version : Eek! Should I go, or not?


lalique
08-16-2007, 07:25 PM
So, as you all know.. I have a serious crush on a guy.. :love: Weíve known each other 2 Ĺ years, and have worked with each other for just as long. We were really good friends for a while, but because I have a huge crush on him, and Iím embarrassed of myself too much to let him know, Iíve kinda distanced myself. :kickcan: We see each other at work, and sometimes hang out together (we have mutual friends), thatís about it. Well he joined the army, :drill: and is now going away for a while, and 2 nights ago, I saw him, and hung out with him for a while.. His sister invited me to a ďsurpriseĒ going away party for him. I really had no intention on going at first, but the other night when he was with me and my best friend (who heís also good friends with) he said that he knew about the party, and wanted us to come.

So he himself has now invited me to come to his party.. Now I do feel like I should go, but Iím nervous!! Besides, he also said ďmaybe you can meet my girlfriendĒ :yikes: HAH! I donít want to meet her!! :( Well, I kinda do, because I wanna see what she has that I donít, :club: but on the other hand, I really donít wanna meet her eitherÖ

Part of me wants to buy a new outfit, get my hair done, and goÖ The other part of me wants to hide!!

I really want to see him once more before he leaves. With where heís going I just donít know if Iíll have another chance to see him. But Iím so ashamed of myself, and I get all nervous, and stuff when Iím around him, I always end up putting my foot in my mouth, or embarrassing myself some how when Iím around him. :tied:

I just donít know. :shrug:

So should I go or not?


sockmonkey70
08-16-2007, 07:29 PM
Part of me wants to buy a new outfit, get my hair done, and goÖ

Definately do what this part says. He's going away! Of course you should go! And leave a good impression..maybe when he gets back..well...you know :)
And you should get the outfit, and hair done ANYWAY..FOR YOU! It will help loads with the confidence :D

CLCSC145
08-16-2007, 07:40 PM
I agree 100% with Mary!


lalique
08-16-2007, 08:03 PM
Definately do what this part says. He's going away! Of course you should go! And leave a good impression..maybe when he gets back..well...you know :)
And you should get the outfit, and hair done ANYWAY..FOR YOU! It will help loads with the confidence :D

Yeah. I don't really have the money for a hair do, but I think if I do go, I might get it done in a funky up-do anyway... And I'm going to get a new outfit for sure... Don't know where because nothing ever looks good on me.

My best friend (who knows this guy really well also), is the only one who knows about my crush on him, and she is very against him and I getting together, saying that I "deserve better than him"... So if she see's me with a new outfit and my hair and make-up done all up, she's gonna kick my butt for sure!

All the times she's tried to talk me out of liking him, its never worked. He's hot. He's got a great personality, He's funny, and dispite all the stupid things his done, he really has a heart of gold. One of many stories: When my girlfriends and I decided to go camping by ourselves, and a storm blew in, he got out of bed at 3 in the morning, and drove 40 miles just to get our tent out of the tree, and bring us home. Even though we offered him gas money, he didn't take it.

I just don't know though... I don't want to see the girlfriend. And I'm so embarrassed of myself, I'm just a klutz around him.... :cry:

mj5
08-16-2007, 08:21 PM
I agree w/ Mary and CC! Like you said, this may be the last opportunity you have to see him. Besides, if it isn't going well, you can always leave.

lalique
08-16-2007, 08:24 PM
I guess so... Well I'll probably go... I think.... Unless I suddenly at the last minute chicken-out...

The last time I had my hair done for a party that I knew he would be at, he didn't even look at me... So I'm not sure I'll even bother with that...

Bobbie Wickham
08-16-2007, 09:36 PM
You should definitely do things that will make you feel better about yourself--hair, nails, whatever. As to going, I think you need to ask yourself what is going to make you feel better/worse. Will going and seeing him with his girlfriend be more or less painful/frustrating than not going? Examine your motivations for going--are you going to see him off and have some final moments with a friend, or are you going because you are (and we have all been here) are nursing the hope in your heart of hearts that he will see you as more than a friend/come to his senses now that he's leaving town? Can you go and just have a good time for what the moment is? Will it serve as any sort of helpful closure? This may sound a little selfish, but are you going to make yourself happy or to make him happy? Only you can decide what is best for you, but, as I said, you need to figure out what is best for your own emotional health.

lalique
08-16-2007, 10:43 PM
You should definitely do things that will make you feel better about yourself--hair, nails, whatever. As to going, I think you need to ask yourself what is going to make you feel better/worse. Will going and seeing him with his girlfriend be more or less painful/frustrating than not going? Examine your motivations for going--are you going to see him off and have some final moments with a friend, or are you going because you are (and we have all been here) are nursing the hope in your heart of hearts that he will see you as more than a friend/come to his senses now that he's leaving town? Can you go and just have a good time for what the moment is? Will it serve as any sort of helpful closure? This may sound a little selfish, but are you going to make yourself happy or to make him happy? Only you can decide what is best for you, but, as I said, you need to figure out what is best for your own emotional health.

I have no idea whats best for my own emtional health. Seeing him with his new girlfriend can't be more painful than when he dated one of my friends a couple years ago.

I do want to go, to see him off, and wish him good luck, and see him one last time, in case I never see him again.

I'm not expecting him to "come to his senses" right now, because I know he see's me as a friend and co-worker, and nothing more, and I know he's got a girl in his life right now. It might be a helpful closure, but I'm not sure... It may be kind of emotional, knowing that he is leaving, and that it might be goodbye forever. I'm very confused. But this has become the norm for me when it comes to him.

I don't know if he'll care if I'm there or not. My guess is that it won't matter. So as for making myself happy or him happy, I guess its just for my own happiness. I'm not expecting him to be excited to see him, and hang around me the whole time. With him, I'm just satified with some simple conversation, and acknowledgment (spelling?) that I'm am there.

The only reason I would be disappointed, and upset for going is if he doesn't talk to me, or say only 2 or 3 words to me the whole time.

I just don't know now... Now that I examined all this, I'm back to the "to go or not to go".... :sorry:

Bouncing
08-16-2007, 10:54 PM
Lalique, this party isn't about you. It's about HIM. Step out of yourself for a minute. Think about what he might want. To see his friend again before he goes away to God-knows-what, seems like. If you can't be happy for him and his girlfriend, "talk it until you can walk it." This is an opportunity for you to rise above your old self, which this journey is all about anyway. If for some reason you should never see him again, how will it make you feel to know that you could not, for one evening, reach for the selflessness to be a loving and kind friend to someone you like and respect, because you let your own insecurity rule the day? If you want to, you can do this with grace and true serenity. How your body looks is irrelevant and shouldn't even be a consideration. It isn't your body that is his friend. It is your heart, your spirit, your wisdom, your ability to see the better truth that lies beyond what your girlfriend sees. You are not the woman you used to be, and you are not the woman you are going to be. You are who you are right now, today, and that woman is EXACTLY as she is supposed to be. Refuse to listen to the whiny, insecure, I-WANT, self-obsessed voice, we all have one, and reach instead for the woman who walks in love and grace and sees into her heart and the hearts of those she loves. Go, girl, and give your friend love and good wishes as he goes forward into this new chapter of his life.

sockmonkey70
08-16-2007, 11:03 PM
Shellie that was very touching.... *sniffles*
Great advice.

lalique
08-16-2007, 11:26 PM
That was very touching. Thank you!

I'm going. :)

beautifulone
08-16-2007, 11:50 PM
Shellie, your post is so beautiful and touching!
I'm going to keep a copy of parts of it, they are words I think I will look to many times :)

Mrs Quadcrew
08-17-2007, 08:34 AM
Shelie, that advice made ME cry! What a different light to the subject.

NotTheCheat
08-17-2007, 08:39 AM
Lalique - I am glad you decided to go!

Shellie - You are my hero! I absolutely loved your advice, it is so true.

Sandi
08-17-2007, 10:03 AM
Wow, Sheillie - that was some great advice!

lalique - we expect a full report on Monday!

cara1980
08-17-2007, 10:43 AM
I say you go to the party with a new outfit and hair done. See the "current" girlfriend so you know your competition. Then while he is away, continue your dieting and exercise. Blow him away when he comes back.

beautifulone
08-17-2007, 12:23 PM
Lalique, I hope you do go and have a great time! Know that we're all behind you and cheering for you :)

lalique
08-18-2007, 01:21 AM
I chicked out. :dunno:

I didn't want to go by myself. So I asked my best friend to go with me. She said she would (even though she is really busy trying to get ready for a garage sale tomorrow, and to move next week), but she said she'd go with me for a half hour or so... So I thought that would be great. I went home and gussied myself up, and went back to her house to wait.... and wait.... and wait.... She came up with one excuse after another, and next thing I know its was after 8pm... (the party started at 7).. So I got kinda mad :mad:
So I decided to go myself.

I got close to it, where I could see everyone but they couldn't see me.
I saw him. He was smiling and laughing, and having a great time. I just watched for a while. And for some reason I started crying like crazy. I don't know why. This is like the end of a era... 2 1/2 years, and its coming to an end. I had plenty of chances to tell him how I felt over the last years, but was too scared to. :sorry:

Then I saw the girlfriend. :mag:
That was a total shock! A tall, skinny, blonde, with nice boobs. (Which is totally not like him, all his girlfriends in the past haven't been all that great looking, in fact 2 of them were fairly overweight, I guess that was part of the reason I thought I might actually stand a chance with him, if I could just work up enough nerve)..

I don't know why, but I totally chicken out. And drove away.
I asked my friend later why she didn't want to go. She knows the girl he's dating, and is not happy about it. She's so mad at him, she doesn't even want to see him... Which I don't completely understand... But I guess. Whatever.

Now I'm so sorry I didn't just get out of my car. Even if it was just to say "Hey! Just wanted to stop by and tell you good luck!" - because thats all I really wanted to say to him. Just to let him know I care enough to stop by and wish him well...

I was crying so hard I just couldn't........

:halfempty:

CLCSC145
08-18-2007, 02:14 AM
You still have a chance to say "good luck" and wish him well. Call him and tell him you are sorry you missed his party, but you just wanted to let him know you wish him well in the Army and that he's got a pen pal if he wants to keep up on what's happening at home.

Forget about the romance. Start with being his FRIEND. You may not ever fall in love with each other, but it is absolutely within your power to make him a friend for life. So do it!

CBETA
08-18-2007, 02:43 AM
CL, I absolutely agree.
Life is full of unexpected things, besides one can never have too many friends.

Do this, when someone is going away everything becomes touching.

lalique
08-18-2007, 05:46 PM
Well I talked to his sister, she called me for some reason I have no idea... And was rambling on for hours about random stuff... Finally right before we hung up, I told her that I was late getting home from school, and completely spaced out about "his" party, but to please tell him I'm sorry for missing it, and good luck. She promised to tell him.

I'm planning on getting his address from his sister or mom, so I can write to him while he's away. I'll just surprise him with a letter. :) I'm sure he won't mind hearing from his "Friends back home" :)

beautifulone
08-18-2007, 07:58 PM
:hug: Lalique, I'm sorry this was so hard for you. Although at the same time, I think that if it was a learning experience for you, then as hard as it was, these experiences are always valuable :)

I think there is a lot of wisdom in CLCSC145's post :)
I'm proud of you for taking the step to speak with his sister and planning to ask for his address, way to go girl! :D

lalique
08-18-2007, 09:19 PM
:hug: Lalique, I'm sorry this was so hard for you. Although at the same time, I think that if it was a learning experience for you, then as hard as it was, these experiences are always valuable :)

I think there is a lot of wisdom in CLCSC145's post :)
I'm proud of you for taking the step to speak with his sister and planning to ask for his address, way to go girl! :D


Yeah, I met his sister before I met him, and became quite good friends with her. I also know his mom pretty well, she always stops me in the halls to ask how I'm doing and tell me "You look great!" (I have no clue where that comes from, half the time when she see's me I'm hard at work, pouring sweat, and look like crap) and ask how schools going... So I'm fairly sure that as long as nothing happens to him while he's away doing whatever he's gonna do, I'll see him in 5 months when he returns. Maybe by then I can lose some weight, and give myself a new-found self-confidence. By then maybe through some letters we may re-build the friendship we had years ago when we were teenagers. Who knows, he might look at me in a different light. Even if we never develope a romantic relationship, at least I'll have the satifaction (spelling?) of making him look at me and think 'wow' :^: