My sister, who's a year younger than me, had always been the skinny one. Always. I think for her being the thin sister was a security blanket. She compliments me on my weight loss, but she's become strange about clothes. She's given me some hand-me-down jeans that she "didn't like" anymore (I think they were too small...), but if I touch any of the clothes she has in her drawers--she gets really up tight about it. We're wearing the same size pants for the first time in our lives.
So, the other day I'm down in her room talking to my cousin, Ashley (who's been living downstairs with my sister for the summer) and we're talking about Sara's insecurities, about weight loss...and Ashley says she wishes Sara would lose weight the healthy way, gesturing to a bottle of Zantrex 3 on my sister's dresser.
I guess my sister's been taking Zantrex 3 for a week now...and for some reason, that makes me really angry. Maybe I'm starting to get nervous that she'll be the skinny one again...I think that could be part of it. Another part of it is that I've never resorted to weight loss pills to try and lose weight...I'm not sure that they even work. But what if they do for my sister? If they do and she wants me to compliment her or be positive about her weight loss, I don't think I can be. How can I say to her, after a year and a half struggling against my habits and working hard to lose 30 pounds, "great job!" after taking weight loss drugs to do it??
I don't think I can...and because I know my sister, she'll probably really make a huge issue about not having to do ANYTHING to lose the weight. After she turned 21 this summer, she went on a week-long booze binge. She was trashed--severely--every night for almost a week and barely ate at all. She lost almost 10 pounds that week and was flaunting it--like her dehydrated body (I'm sure that most of that "weight loss" was dehydration) was some sort of victory or something to be proud of. "Oh, well I lost almost 10 pounds this week from drinking! Seems like the way to go!" :bomb:
08-15-2007, 01:57 PM
Get yourself addicted to meth amphetamines. You'll be up for weeks at a time, subject to inexplicable bouts of rage and hallucinations and much, much thinner. That'll teach her.
08-15-2007, 02:05 PM
People do get really funny about weight loss. Like their self worth was somehow validated by you being fat....seems like this the case with your sister.
08-15-2007, 02:34 PM
I can understand your anger. Remember THIS is YOUR life. If she wants to take drugs to be thinner than you, let her. If she wants to starve herself to be thinner than you, her choice. If she wants to cut off a body part to be thinner than you, than she is insane! lol
But really. I know you are frustrated but you may just have to bite your tongue. Ultimately HER health will be what suffers. Not yours!
08-15-2007, 03:04 PM
Family dynamics . . .
Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr . . . . :mad:
Sooooooo, another thing about my visit to the country over the weekend (and BTW greens, a large % of the population "down home" is apparently on the "meth diet" - if you judge by the skeletal jack 'o lantern toothless smiles!;)) but back to the visit:
Soooooooo, everybody is glad to see me and old friends are saying how great I look - esp. my face and neck looking thinner since July 4th etc. Asked Big Sis - who had been esp critical of my weight gain - "Can ya tell I've lost 16 lbs?"
Just ignore and moooooove on, az. That's what I'm FINALLY learning to do.:hug:
08-15-2007, 04:17 PM
Azure, I've always been the "fat sister". My younger sister lies about her wt. and constantly tries to act like she is losing wt. when she isn't. Last time I saw her , she had Zantrec 3 sitting on her fridge too. So, I know where you are coming from. But, apparently her pills aren't helping her. Even with the pills it takes eating less and moving more. How I deal with my sister is ignore her. LOL, she is just jealous.
08-15-2007, 10:59 PM
I agree that it sounds like jealousy to me. She sees you losing weight and feeling good and she's probably panicked that you will be better than her, hence the reason she gives you her "old" clothes but you can't touch her new stuff. People can be odd that's for sure. :)
As for the weightloss pills I say just let her do her own thing. If you want you may express to her that you don't think it it's healthy but I'm sure she'd get defensive. She'll lose it how she wants though and just be happy to know that you are doing it your own healthier way too. :)
08-16-2007, 01:50 AM
i have always been the fat sisiter but luckily for me my sister and i support each other in our endevors to become healthier - my sis is 5'2 and about 115 pounds but she tries to focus on healthy eating and exercise - and i find that she is really supportive of me.
that said im sorry that this is frustrating you and that your sister seems to be insecure that you are getting healthy and losing weight - i would be concerned for her health though if she is drinking like that and using diet pills - that is just plain unhealthy - you guys are family and should be supposrtive of each other - have you talked to her about how you are feeling?
one of my best friends is my biggest competitor - she always had it easy as far as diet and exercise goes and i feel as though she is more threatened my my new exercising and diet that she is making herslef workout more.
azure - no matter what you have come along way and it sucks that your sis cant handle it but that her prob not yours - you are doing great!
08-16-2007, 04:45 AM
I'm 19, my younger sisters are (almost) 18 and 16, respectively. They have been skinny as long as I can remember. I didnt used to be the fat one, I was just as skinny as them, until when I was approximately 13 or 14. I lost my best friend in a drive-by shooting in Chicago, and then my parents moved us away before I could even attend his funeral.
That stressful time in my life made me balloon in weight. I stopped trying to make friends, because Damian was the first and best friend I'd ever had. It didnt really help growing up with my dad in the military, moving us around all the time. I dont know how my sisters coped so well, and why I couldnt handle it. I became the fat sister.
Even now, I'm trying to lose weight, but I'm finding it difficult, always living in my younger sisters's shadows. My younger sisters have similar body types, and are as tiny as can be in a healthy sense. I however, got the big bones and all of the "weird" bits in my family gene pool. I look nothing like my sisters or my parents and most people ask me if I was adopted.
I'm just lucky enough that my sisters love me and I love them, and we support each other through all of our tough times. I miss them so much, I cant afford to fight or be angry with either of them anymore.
I am sorry your sister feels insecure about your lifestyle change and weightloss. I hope she can get over it, and be a real sister to you, without the jealousy or insecurities. You're family, no matter what. Be there for your sister when/if she needs you :)
08-16-2007, 08:22 AM
This is a topic I understand quite well. For as long as I can remember my sister was the skinny one, and prided herself on that. Whenever she wanted to be particularly hurtful, she would say things like "well at least I'm not FAT." She did whatever she could to hold it over my head, and I believe this is because it was the only thing she could - I excelled in school, whereas she didn't, she was younger and hence when I was in high school then I had more privilages than her (later curfew, my driver's license, etc.). In her mind, no matter what I did, she was better than me by virtue of being smaller than me.
When I moved for work, I was about 20 lbs heavier than her (as opposed to the 80 lbs heavier I'd been for the last few years). At that point she was getting very insecure, and insisted on telling people that I was starving myself; I guess the intent was to make my accomplishments less valid (don't know how it's starving yourself to eat six times a day, personally...). She has never complimented me on my weight loss, and I don't expect she ever will.
While I was home and she was watching my progress, she started trying to follow the plan I was, with little success given that a male friend of hers buys her about 10 lbs worth of candy on every Saturday. Now that I've moved, she gave up on it, and I guess she finds it easier to ignore.
In October I have a visit planned, and by then I'll weigh less than her for the first time in my life (currently 5 lbs heavier than what she tolds me she weighs - which I'm pretty sure is actually 10-15 lbs less than what she actually weighs) and I wear smaller sizes than her. I expect to get a lot of harassment during that visit.
I expect your sister is quite similar to mine - part of her identity is based on being the skinny sister, and while yours may not consider herself better than you because she is/was smaller like mine does, it's still difficult for her to face the possibility of her becoming the fat sister. People resist change every single way they can, as I've discovered.
08-16-2007, 03:59 PM
How can I say to her, after a year and a half struggling against my habits and working hard to lose 30 pounds, "great job!" after taking weight loss drugs to do it??
Of course you can say it. Because you know in your heart you did it the right way, built new healthy habits, and you are better for it. Plain and simple.
We all know there is no quick fix, zantrax stuff isnt going to work as well as your new habits are. Right?!
Dont let what she does bother you....Im sure you have heard it all before, but you are your own person, and what your sister does or doesnt do, really has no bearing on how you feel about yourself.
You have done an amazing job, you feel great, and look beautiful. Let her do as she wishes!