100 lb. Club - Perceptions of "FAT"

I found it interesting last night when I was out at a bar with my sister and she was referring to peoples' weight. I thought I might share what happened:

First, there was a girl she formerly worked with, whom I had never met previously, that she always refers to as disgusting and fat and so on. So I see this girl last night. She is slightly over weight but by no means fat or disgusting. I told her, “That girl you always talk so badly about is not fat! Man I can’t imagine what you think of me if you think she is fat.” She replies, “Well.. I don’t hate you!” That makes me feel a lot better.. not. Realizing I’m offended, she continues to explain that the girl thinks she has a way better body than she does and that guys don’t like her. I told her I would be happy with that girl’s body! Really the girl was not built much different than my sister, except my sister has longer, leaner legs. She thought I was crazy but stopped talking about it....

Then later a good looking guy stops over to talk to her. She apparently knows him. He walks away and I was saying he looks like someone I know.. a guy that my sister had a crush on several years ago that I went to school with. She is like, “No he doesn’t!” I looked at him again and said he had a bit more fullness to his face but he did look like him. So we are both looking at him from a distance and she says, “That guy used to be really fat! …. He was fat and then he lost a bunch of weight.” I said, “I prefer them that way.” She looked positively perplexed so I continued, “I prefer guys that way. I like them to be healthy...but it’s kinda nice when they have lost some weight before… they know what’s it’s like. They understand.” She looked at me like I was insane and she didn’t mention anything weight related after that.

---------Really I just found the evening interesting. I know my sister was not trying to be mean with what she was saying. It just made me think about how everyone has different perceptions of FAT. What it looks like...and the stigma around it.

Hmmm - I think some people use "fat" the same way they would use "stupid" or "ugly" or any other negative adjective. Not that this is a good thing but I don't think they necissarily mean "fat" as in overweight. That said - I do think she was onto something when she said "I don't hate you". Have you ever seen someone - maybe a man - who you don't know or at least not very well - and you don't think he's very attractive ? Then as you get to know him you find him more attractive ?? That may be the case here. Although your sister sees the girl as fat - she sees you has her sister whom she loves and doesn't see "fat". LOL - then again I could be completely wrong on both !!!

You sister knows the "you" without the weight -- your personality, etc. Maybe she doesn't like the other woman and her weight is just one thing she can pick at? I also think we can be very critical of others, almost as much as we are of ourselves :D

My sister and I used to be thin together, she now goes up and down 40 lbs or so and unfortunatley I just kept going Up, Up, Up -- 100 lbs of it!! Her daughter was probably 6 or 7 and commented to my sister how my sister had become "chubby" so she asked my nieced about me and the little girl said "no aunt sue's perfect" -- I LOVE that girl!!!

I also notice now I pay much more attention to how people perceive others than I did when I was thin. I was kind of oblivious to others comments but now I realize some of these comments are probably being directed at me.

I know I see fat much differently than I used to. When I was 130, 160 was fat...now It's positively emaciated!

I also agree that a lot of people use fat as a generic negative comment. They don't always know how it sounds to someone who *is* fat when they call a person a fat.whatever.

i am always correcting people or calling them out on calling people fat. by calling people fat - #1 no matter how big someone is, name calling and judging is WRONG. every time someone says anything about my weight - i remember it. for years!!!! #2 - people are labeling people who really dont have a weight problem as fat - which then only perpetuates stereotypes and the judgmental culture that we live in! ugh!

Fat is often used as a "four letter word," which is inappropriate. But when it's not used that way, I don't have a problem with it. In fact, one thing I really hate is when a small child will say something like "wow, that lady's really fat," just like they would say "wow, that man's really tall," and the kid's parents punish the child, usually without even explaining to the child why they're angry. Not only does it pass on the negative feelings about being fat, it also communicates that the mere mention of the word taboo - at least when the person is in earshot. Because I know at least some of the time, these are the adults that the child will overhear using the the word in the "four letter" sense.

On occasion, when talking to friends or aquaintances, I will casually make reference to being fat. I'm not afraid of the word, and I'm not afraid of talking about how being fat affects my daily life. I don't go out of my way to bring it up in conversation, but sometimes it does happen. The word doesn't make ME uncomfortable (I've been fat since I was five, I can handle the truth), but it definitely makes others uncomfortable, so uncomfortable, it's not uncommon to hear, "you're not fat." What!? What planet are you living on that you can look at me and not see that I'm fat. It's like telling someone 3'6" that they're not short - you sound like an idiot, if you're not under 3'4" and meaning it like "you're not short, now I'M short!"

In some ways, I find that more offensive than using fat as a way to insult me. That I can laugh at - "no kidding, I am fat! Did you figure that out all by yourself, or did you have help." But saying "no, you're not fat" is like saying "you're too NICE to be fat, fat is nasty and disgusting, you must be something else instead." It implies that what I AM is too shameful to talk about honestly and openly. I think some people would be more comfortable talking about their S-T-D than their F-A-T.

I AM NOT FLUFFY, I AM FAT!!! Say it with me girls, "COLLEEN IS FAT!!!!"

I'm not asking anyone else to embrace the word. If you weigh 600 lbs, and don't want to use the word, or would ask others not to it in your company, I have no problem with that (well maybe a teeny problem with it, because I think it would make the inapproriate usage of the word ridiculous. Like trying to insult someone by calling them "tall," or "brunette" or "green-eyed").

All very interesting points. I know that the girl and my sister don't get along. It is more to do with her personality than her appearance. I can see that she sees her more negatively because of this and that is why she chooses to pick on her appearance in particular. Really though.. if the girl wants to wear booty shorts then who cares. I hate hearing people say, "Dang! That girl shouldn't be wearing that! She needs to put on some clothes..." and so on. Why shouldn't she wear it? Does it really bother you to see her in shorts? That's kinda ridiculous.

I also am not so much opposed to the word fat as much as the way in which it is used. I think any comment intended to be offensive and hurtful should be kept to yourself. But I also know that everyone has done it at some point. If you really don't like someone it is easiest just to go in for the kill and hit 'em where it hurts.

Colleen - I'm with you - boy does it make people scream when I refer to myself as fat. Lol - strange considering it's something that's so obvious!

I think it's very interesting how the people we love see us as us, and not as fat. My brother - I love him to death, but he is very unpolitically correct, to say the least. He was talking one day about being out with some friends and this girl was hitting on him. He kept on and on about how she was huge, a cow, etc. I just stared at him till he finaly stopped and said "what?" I told him "have you ever realized that somewhere out there, some guy may be talking to his sister about "this girl I saw that was a cow" and mean me?" He got this really funny look on his face and said "but you aren't that big." Ummm...ok, yeah I am. He apologized and said he didnt mean to upset me and he stressed that he wasnt commenting on me at all. I told him thats not my point. I think he got it. But really, he was totally sincere when he said "you're not that big." He then said he doesnt think of me in size, shape or hair color, it's just his sister.

In 1992 I had a short story published in a now out of print magazine called "BBW" (Big Beautiful Woman). The story I wrote was a parody of Cinderella, in which the main character broke the magic diet spell she had bought from a witch, by forgetting to remove the skin from her 2 oz portion of dragon breast and instantly regained all of the weight she had lost in preparation for the prince's ball.

I still have a copy of the check posted near my computer to remind me of my goal to write and sell a novel.

How this relates to how others see us, I was very proud of the story, and being paid for it, but I guess I expected my parents to be a little embarassed that the story was in a "fat woman's magazine" and maybe even about the story since it was about a fat princess meeting her short, shy, fat prince (my prince as it turned out would be tall, fat and as outgoing as I am, maybe even more so). My father (very thin most of his life, now with an extra 25 lbs of middle aged belly though) was so proud of me that he was telling everyone about it. He was a Butternut Bread delivery person, and if the store carried the magazine, he would show it (pointing to my name in very small print on the cover) to the grocery store managers, employees, and customers!

I don't know why, but it was the first time that I realized that he was proud of me. Not only that he loved me, but that he was unconditionally proud of who I was and what I have accomplished, even when it's not only despite my weight, but in some small part because of it.