Hi girls...I have been MIA lately, busy with work and getting ready for xmas and haveing my xmas with my family...how are you all?
I have to tell you I am not doing well. I have a kidney infection, and I am in a lot of pain. Work is busy and stressful. My dad is taking my mom to court in a couple of weeks (long story, basically I am reliving the divorce) and to make it even more fun, I leave for NB on Friday.
The thing is, its this ex thing again! I mean, I know that I am living with b/f and all, but I asked him one thing, which was to not have her come over on xmas day. It being my first xmas away from home, and I don't particularly want the ex to be there. and he basically told me to **** right off. He said its his bday and I had no right to impose limitations, that she would probably visit that day and he would'nt tell her what day she could visit or not.
I am so hurt. He is out on the couch right now, not caring that I am hurt, and I am angry too. Angry b/c I asked him one thing, one SMALL thing and he can't do that for me. HE can't say to that ***** that its our first xmas together, can she hold off til boxing day, or come on the 23rd or something.
he also said if I don't go along, tough ****. He is still seeing her, and I can't stand in his way of his "friendships". Then he went on to say that he is still attracted to her, its hormonal and that there is no difference btw thinking someone is good-looking and wanting to jump their bones.
We watched Bridget jones again last night and I found myself wishing I had a Mark Darcy. I guess he is not it b/c if I am to be honest with myself, he is not over her. If he was, and he truly loved me, he'd tell me that he loved me and tell her to not come on xmas day. But he won't even do that for me.
So, I guess I made a big mistake again.
I wanna know where my confidence went.
you know, on Friday he got really hammered so he was all hung over on Saturday and didnt' wanna come with me to the nursing home to deliver gifts and sing, but he found time to call her and make arrangements to see her in NB.
I wish I didnt' feel so lonely and unimportant. ANd he wonders why I don't trust him and why I feel poorly about myself...hmmm...
Well, thanks for letting me vent.
I needed someone to "talk"to.
Belle