General chatter - Is this tacky or is it just me?

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07-15-2007, 11:14 PM
In the past month I have been invited to two parties by friends (well, people who are some where in the realm between friends and aquintances). The invitation didn't say BYOB or donations excepted (we're broke 20 somethings, I get that stocking a bar for a party is expensive!) but they said they were charging $3 a drink or $10 to drink all night. The last invitation said specifically not to bring any booze for yourself or to share with the bar but to bring $10. I didn't go, because I was in silent protest. But a friend went and she said they were taking money and marking peoples hands with X's to make sure they paid. it's not the money that bothers me, it just seems ... wrong.

This isn't like a frat party or something similar. I was roommates with the hostess for two years, and we're all friends! Is this tacky? Or am I over reacting?

07-15-2007, 11:16 PM
Very tacky! I've never heard of such a thing except for college where you're expected to pitch in for the keg if you're drinking!

07-15-2007, 11:17 PM
Definately Tacky!

07-15-2007, 11:42 PM
Tacky, tacky, tacky! This isn't a party, it's a kegger... I've never been anywhere they marked my hand except a night club. :no:

07-16-2007, 12:30 AM
This is insane. My husband and I debated about how to handle the alcohol issue at our wedding, and we decided not to have any. Aside from ours being a wedding on a very small budget, we had so many guests coming in from long distances, in and out of state, we were concerned that some guests might be tempted to drive after having had too many. Nothing would say "Happy Anniversary" every year, like commemorating the drunk driving accident that killed a relative or someone else on our wedding day.

We were afraid that some people would think not having alcohol was "tacky," but we had tons of nonalcoholic beverages available and a great buffet. We got a lot of compliments, and didn't even see anyone slip out to get drinks from the bar down the hall (We had our reception at the Knights of Columbus).

07-16-2007, 12:50 AM
Definitely tacky! I think BYOB is fine when you are on a budget, it's fun and you get in the spirit of sharing, but asking for money just doesn't seem right to me. It's not like your friend's party is some hot night club or something.

07-16-2007, 01:03 AM

BYOB is fine...

but especially tacky is the command to NOT Byob, but charge you. fundraising party? Its not even a kegger..I mean $3/drink, $10/night...that is making a profit. I drink snooty drinks and I cant drink $10 unless its expensive wine or champagne or high end scotch. I doubt this was that kind of alcohol

07-16-2007, 01:17 AM
Tacky I'm in my twenties and broke or not if your having a party your responsible for purchasing the booze. Or BYOB which I still think is tacky. You can have a great party with cheap beer and cheap wine. If your all broke anyway no one is expecting top shelf anything.

07-16-2007, 02:28 AM
You can also have a great party perfectly sober. ;) Difference being everyone has to actually be funny & entertaining, as opposed to so drunk no one cares. Yeah, it's tacky. They're not a nightclub, they're a person. You don't charge admission to parties. Just wait, in the future their wedding invitations will have registry information printed on them, & they'll expect you to "cover your plate."

07-16-2007, 02:50 AM
I completely agree. Tacky to the end of all tackiness.

Be creative. Have a "everyone bring your favorite drink mix" party, or don't have a party at all if you're so broke you have to charge people to come to your house. Or be like us and don't have alcohol at all at parties.

I wouldn't have gone either.

07-16-2007, 03:27 AM
I vote TACKY!!!

07-16-2007, 03:38 AM
Very tacky. There's nothing wrong with BYOB, but that's definitely tacky to charge for drinks like that.

I realise that I'm in another country and that laws differ between the US and here, but under NZ law it's illegal to charge for alcohol unless you've got an alcohol licence and someone with a bar manager's certificate on premises at all time. We looked into this last year when we were setting up the social club at work...

Diana the Hun
07-16-2007, 08:45 AM
I don't drink at all, so maybe I'm not getting the whole concept entirely, but I was brought up to think that if you go to the effort of inviting others into a social situation, whether it's a party or a meal out or whatever, you pay for everyone!! And if you can't afford it, you don't plan the event. I know that sounds harsh, but the whole point for me is YOU are inviting THEM and therefore the guests shouldn't be responsible for paying for what was essentially your idea, ya know?

Otherwise it just feels like a bunch of people who happen to know each other congregating in the same place and there's something special missing from the fact that it was your idea to get them together in the first place. So, to quit waffling (mmm... waffles :doh:), heck yes that's tacky!! Might as well go to a club where there's atmosphere :)

07-16-2007, 10:08 AM
TACKY TO THE HIGHEST DEGREE!! Oh, the nerve!! This makes me cringe and you are right for your feelings. The host always pays for everything or yes, the party does not go on.

I'm sure the party was held in the barn they were brought up in!!!! :devil: Good for you for not going. Encourage your friends to do the same. Next invite: send them some etiquette books...

07-16-2007, 01:53 PM
Another vote for tacky! I've never understood the BYOB concept either...if you can't afford to have a party then don't have one. To me it's like asking someone to lunch to dinner and asking them to pay. JMHO

07-16-2007, 02:59 PM
Do these people have a liquor license? I think to charge for drinks you need to have a liquor license,at any rate it is beyond tacky.

07-16-2007, 03:08 PM
Yikes! I think in some cases BYOB is fine, but unless you're at a college keg or wapatuli party where few people attending will personally know the host, charging is absolutely unacceptable. This sounds like a story for the Etiquette **** Forum :devil:

07-16-2007, 06:29 PM
The only case I know of where people actually "charged" for getting into a party was when DBF's coworkers threw a big huge kegger type party (they're all college students at UT). They didn't specifically charge, but they did have a donation jar out for people to pitch in for drinking. They didn't say you couldn't BYOB (in fact I think it was encouraged), and most of the people coming didn't personally know them, so in that case I think it wasn't that bad. I wouldn't spend $400 for booze on people I barely know (which was the case here). However, considering you know the hostess well, in this situation that is EXTREMELY tacky. Not to mention that they specifically said no BYOB. That means they were just looking to turn a profit, IMHO, which is wrong, even if not illegal in your particular state.

07-16-2007, 10:16 PM
Oh my. Yes, that's awful!

07-17-2007, 11:59 AM
Another vote for tacky! I've never understood the BYOB concept either...if you can't afford to have a party then don't have one. To me it's like asking someone to lunch to dinner and asking them to pay. JMHO

I personally don't see anything wrong with having BYOB in the invitation, IF it is a party where you know all of the people very well. (We have a group of friends who we often do this with.)

We have parties at New Years, and we always provide all of the food, the entertainment, and a couple of simple alcoholic things, like a case of beer and a bottle of something stronger...but you run into the issues with a lot of people where everyone drinks something different. We have one friend who drinks Miller Lite, another who drinks MGD, another who drinks vodka-and only Stoli, another who drinks those Zima-cooler type things, and so on and so forth. We would literally have to buy a liquor store to have what everyone "liked". It's too much.

BYOB is definitely appropriate in many occasions. Basically, it is under the presumption that, yes, we will have something there to drink, but if you are picky and will only drink a certain thing/brand-bring your own. :lol:

On the other hand, if I am having a simple gathering with 3-4 women friends, I will provide some more elegant food, and a nice bottle of wine.

Either way...I don't think they should force payment. They should have welcomed the BYOB into the party.

07-17-2007, 03:07 PM
Ettiquette dictates that BYOB is always appropriate to do whether requested or not. I always bring a hostess gift, even if it's something little but alcohol always seems a good idea since proper ettiquette dicates you open it and share it with your guest. :) Ah, a civil society... the only time I don't is when I know the host and/or hostess don't drink.

You should absolutely tell your friends that charging for drinks in their home is selling liquor without a license and ILLEGAL. No matter what, if they are throwing kegger-style parties, they should call their insurance agent right now and add "Host Liquor Liablility" to their Homeowners' policy. They may not have anything now but they won't ever have anything once their wages get garnished in a settlement when someone gets too drunk and gets hurt.

07-17-2007, 09:56 PM
Yeah, that's tacky.

Now, my friend hosted a Hallowe'en party in which a huge number of people were invited. There was a magician, a DJ, and more Jello shooters than we could handle. At that party, the entrance charge was $5/person, and that seemed reasonable, especially because (1) they had put so much money into it themselves to get this set up, (2) we were allowed to BYOB if desired, and (3) we were warned about the charge far in advance. (In fact, she asked if we would mind paying before she invited us, and didn't enforce it for people who were unable to afford it.) In that case, it seems totally acceptable to me.

But to force a no-BYOB rule, charge $10 and mark your hand? Yeah, that's incredibly tacky if it's anywhere outside a college dorm!

As for BYOB itself, I'm perfectly comfortable with it. Whenever we host BYOB, we always provide some vodka, wine and munchies anyway. It's pretty much assumed around here, in my age bracket/industry anyway, that a party will be BYOB.

07-18-2007, 09:03 PM
I don't see anything wrong with the invitation at all :no: The invitation tells you the rules...if you don't like the way the party is being run, just don't go.

I think the $3 per drink or the $10 all night is fair...if it was BYOB you would still have to pay!

I have never been to a party like that...being 53 and all...but I think it takes the confusion out of who brought/bought what.

Whenever Angie and I have people over...almost every week-end...they always ask what to bring...the food may change...but the kids (23-27) that always come know that "POPS" will have plenty of MGD and CORONA in the fridge....and a few Karl Strauss or Sam Adams for the "darker" drinkers....other than that you better BYOB! or at least call me with your order before hand ;)

07-18-2007, 11:35 PM
I'm another "how tacky" voter. I've been to parties, and thrown one once. And the host provides the drinks or its BYOB. A friend and I threw a keg party once. Everyone could bring anything else they wanted, but we made it clear that we provided the keg and the food. If someone wanted something more than beer, they had to bring it. ****, we even provided the entertainment (a game of Twister under a foot of fog made with dry ice and hot water. LOL)

Sorry EZ, but you can go into any bar and get a beer for $3. And BARS make a profit. So whomever is throwing this party is making a profit as well. So no, its not fair.

And like has been mentioned by a couple of poster, if the law found out, they'd be in a heap of trouble because they do NOT have a liquor license and CANNOT be selling beer AT ALL. Even if its to recoupe their funds. They could charge a cover charge, but CANNOT charge for drinks.

07-18-2007, 11:57 PM
I always bring a hostess gift, even if it's something little but alcohol always seems a good idea since proper ettiquette dicates you open it and share it with your guest.

Actually, no it does not. Proper etiquette dictates that a gift is a gift, and the recipient may do with it as she pleases. (Though I was amused by the Miss Manners column a few weeks ago where the hostess, under the misimpression she had to use the hostess gift immediately, delayed dinner by quite some time so she could prepare the fresh vegetables one of her guests gave her.)

07-19-2007, 12:07 AM

Unless they have a liquor license, they really can't "sell" drinks. And to force a No-BYOB rule and basically make it so that if you want to drink, you gotta pay seems a little....I don't know, I just seems a bit "profiteer"-ish to me.

Shouldn't a party be about friends and fun times instead of worrying about who paid to drink and who didn't? Just seems like adding all that extra stress and extra steps would just defeat the whole purpose of even HAVING a get-together to begin with.

07-19-2007, 12:21 AM
Sorry EZ, but you can go into any bar and get a beer for $3. And BARS make a profit. So whomever is throwing this party is making a profit as well. So no, its not fair. ......

ALMOSTHEAVEN ~ You're brutal! ;) I don't know about where you live, but here in southern California it is ...maybe impossible to get a beer for $3...even domestic. The last time I got a beer for under $3 was about a month ago, in COLORADO at a VFW, with sticky floors, at a wedding....IN A CAN...a BUD...not that I don't like Bud mind you...but it isn't MGD :)

I'll take my lumps and "agree to disagree" here with the majority...I guess :shrug: :(...but I can easily drink more than $10 worth ;)

07-19-2007, 12:29 AM
Here in KC they had $1 nights at some of the clubs up until a year or so ago. You can still find a beer for $3. On the rare occasions I buy beer I spend about $9 a 6 pack (**** Hath No Fury Ale - good stuff with a pink label) so selling them for $3 each would bring in a profit.

I think it's tacky, and the legality is questionable. Here you do need a license and can only sell to 1:00 unless you get a even more expensive license that lets you sell until 3am.

07-19-2007, 12:49 AM
Today I paid $9.99 for an 18 pack of MGD CRV....that was a good price.

All I know is the canned Buds that I got in Colorado cost $2.75 each...the night cost me about $75....of course I tipped the barmaid after each one...she did say something about being able to pay her rent when I bought my last one....before Angie locked me in the car....don't remember too much about that night...nope...not much.

07-19-2007, 11:16 AM
Well I live on the other side of the country, in the low rent section. ;) I pay $4 to $5 for amaretto sours (my drink of choice), which are more costly than a bottle of beer any ole day. But, if you could get 18 beers for $10, just imagine the profit these people made on their $10 charge for beer.

07-19-2007, 01:18 PM
I think you raise a good question.
My brother's 10 years younger than me and has worked lights for a lot of "hot" DJs for fun.
I grew up with the generational group that started raves (just a time frame, that's all). It went from Frat parties to anyone who wanted to party and pay. The raves in many states were illegal because there wasn't a license to sell alchohol and often the raves exceeded site/venue capacity numbers.
With time (and maturity) many of my age group left that behind and parties were stated either BYOA or "if you want something other than what we offer, bring it and share."
But, from my brother's experiences, raves never really went away, they got smaller. Often inviting acquaintances. And yes, they are very very profitable. (My brother bought a car off of 4 months of "house-raves.")
What I've found now is that the definition of "party" seems to have diffused. "House-raves" are being called parties (the initial entry on this thread described a house-rave, to me); pot-luck get-togethers are being called parties; even a completely pay-as-you-go get-together is called a party.
I'm too old to care what other people call it, so here's what I see as definitions. If it's a party, the host/hostess pays. If it's a get together/pot-luck, everyone chips in in one way or another. If it's a rave (no matter the size) you pay the same way you'd pay a cover charge at a bar that's licensed.
It's not that I didn't enjoy each venue for what it offered, I've just got too many other things to do with my life than spend money for a rave.
What ever the social function is called, if you go - I hope you have fun.