General chatter - i need a little love :(
07-13-2007, 03:26 PM
well i dont know if y'all remember my last post "how do i know when to say goodbye" but i didnt have to make a decision , my boyfriend called me this morning and told me he needed a break. thats it , like that he said he needed to work on him. i guess its for the best since we were having so many problems. but im so bummed , i dont know why i guess it made it easier since i didnt have to make a decision about our relationship. but its still so hard. we were together for 3 1/2 years , weve been friends since we were 3 . i kind of dont know what to do with myself im so used to having him around. i have no friends, my family arent really the kind i can turn too. im lost. i think theres a little light in my heart, telling me theres someone better out there for me . but how am i going to find him , what do i do for myself in the meantime. how do i work on me???????? i really dont know how. or what i should do.:( im trying to keep my head up , and my mind off him. . . . . how have you guys handled a break up you thought would kinda last ????????? what should i do????????????:?:
07-13-2007, 03:44 PM
That happened to me, kind of.
We were together for a little more than 3 years. We got together when we were 16. I lost my virginity to him... I thought I was going to marry him. He told me he wanted to be single during bootcamp... turns out he was messing around with another girl who he says he's in love with. Except, I had to find out about this through is mom, because he wasn't sending me letters doing bootcamp... but sending them to her and they were really lovey and sexual and blah blah.
I was devestated, of course. I know that it hurts.. but that whole "break" thing, isn't what you need. If he doesn't want to be with you, then he needs to give you closure and let you know that it's over for good.
Keep yourself busy, pick up some new hobbies, get out there and make some new friends. It's tough but life will go on and you WILL find someone else. I've found someone else... I've been with him for a little more than 3 weeks. We're taking things slow and they're going really good right now.
You'll be okay, sweety.
07-13-2007, 03:50 PM
Break-ups are the worst. And I'm sure we can all relate to a time where a relationship just wasn't going to work no matter what. And even though it might be for the better, it still sucks.
When it was me in that situation, I pretty much changed my whole life in the year that followed. I started going to school again, met new friends, and ultimately met the boy who I'm still with today.
My advice, I guess would be.. do something for yourself. Lots of somethings. Whatever you like to do. You're the only one who matters right now. And when its time, everything will fall into place.
07-13-2007, 03:56 PM
I think you need to be totally selfish for a while and just take care of you. It will be hard to get over this, but in the meantime, why not focus on what you need to do to make yourself happy. Go out with the girls, get a pedicure, watch that movie HE didn't want to see, go shopping for nothing (i.e., no goal in mind). I think if you do this, Mr. Right will fall into your lap. That's what happened to me (I was engaged to a guy and he decided to take off), and the man of my dreams literally showed up at my side one day. We've been together for a total of 6 years and happily married for 3 years and plan on growing old together.
07-13-2007, 06:56 PM
I agree with everyone. It's time for you.
I know it's hard to know what you like because it's been you AND him.and I sure your whole world went around him.
Give it time. I had the most horrible, nasty break-up and it took me about 2 months to get over it to the point where I wasn't thinking about him, or crying, or being just plain sad.
go do things you've been wanting to do. Pick up your old hobbies, or some new ones.
If you're upset, dive into a workout. But don't sit in front of an open tub of ice cream Or as I say "Tub of Makes-it-all-go-away"
remember to smile, take care of yourself. Whatever makes you feel good and pretty.
He isn't in charge of your being happy.... you are. ^_^
07-13-2007, 07:20 PM
thank you guys so much, i feel better. and your right its MY time now. :) so i took all the little ol dollars i was saving for his birthday that is coming soon and i bought a 3 year fully paid membership to la fitness. yay me! i hope it does get easier. hey maybe mister right will be on the next tredmill to the right lol. i know its going to get hard once the realization hits me that hes really not around. but ill try not to focus so much. so what should i try for hobbies i have all the time in the world now ??????????????
07-13-2007, 08:39 PM
Hey Sweetie ~ most of us have been there done that...it will get easier...just takes time. As far as what to do to stay busy...try a community college for those interesting classes like belly dancing ;) or yoga. Beginning bowling leagues have young people sometimes, hiking and running/walking clubs...5K's are a great way to meet people. I know church isn't for everybody but for our family it is...we always put that first for finding good things to do to stay busy. Some of the mega churches have hundred's of kids your age.
Prayers for you in your new journey! It will get better...but...just a little at a time usually.
07-14-2007, 07:33 AM
today has been a rollercoaster of emotions. i dont think i have stopped crying for seriously 2 hours straight. i hate goodbyes so so so much. i feel like a part of me is missing and theres nothing i can do about it. but just lay here in pain. and its excruciating. i keep telling myself its for the better, and he's just not the right one for me. but i cant get him off my mind. and he keeps texting me things. like someday im going to marry you , and dont tell me to get over you cause its impossible . what am i suppossed to do with that??? I cant choose. i want to hate him so i can get over him. but he keeps telling me how much he loves me , how do i hate him for that??? why is this so damn hard. my eyes hurt. writing makes me feel better, i feel like at least im getting my pain out. thank you for listening. i need someone to ask me out , i feel like theres no hope. i kinda need proof as pathetic as that is. .. . i hate being fat. my confidence is non. sometimes i seriously wondered why he even loves me. im disgusting. you know what my problem is . im too damn different... and i dont fit in. you know i have never flirted with a guy before, or drank , or did any drugs , or tried cigarettes, or even hukka . or wore a short skirt, i have never not made dinner for someone i love, or iron their clothes , i take care of my dad , and my brothers, i've never gone to a club. or had a fling. i try to hard to be perfect that nobody feels comfortable around me. i've been ditched by so many friends .they said i was to hard to live up to. why am i like this . sometimes i just want to be like everyone else. maybe thats why he dumped me . my standards are to difficult to meet. yup thats why. why do i have so many things i hate. including myself sometimes. sorry so long ill stop now.
07-14-2007, 09:18 AM
Hey Kiddo ~ sounds like you have been placed with and have placed a lot of "weight" upon your shoulders.
Don't give up those outstanding values you have. Values and morals like that will keep you strong forever...to live the other way some of your friends "may" have gone will certainly turn out to be no good for them. All of those things you listed can only harm you...I know...I have done a few of those in my past.
I am proud of you for setting your standards high! If friends of your choose to be "away" from you for that...well....probably not much of a loss really.
What your ex is texting you is not cool...love you forever...gonna marry you...this is really odd. For him to be hurt because he is leaving and to truly not want to hurt you can very well be true. I would ask him to not text me anymore. If he is gonna go...then GO!
Kiddo, I mentioned it before and I don't want to irritate you but it really sounds to me like you need to get involved with youth that have the same ~ or try to anyway ~ have the same values. I live south of you in north San Diego county...I know there are a lot of churches between us with large groups of kids your age...could be a new good start for you...:shrug:
Just trying to help ~ Gary
07-14-2007, 09:33 AM
Ok, first of all: :hug:
Now is the time for YOU. Time to find a little more about yourself in a positive way, try new things and not let someone jerk your chain (like that text message: WTF? Not cool. He can't have his cake and eat it too).
Go do something you've always wanted to do. I like the idea of walking/hiking clubs and maybe some community classes. You'll meet people in your area who have the same interests and make some new friends.
I want you to succeed and believe in yourself. Go out and enjoy nature with all it's splendor and just love the moment and all that's around you. I just had a wonderful bike ride in the mountains and was racing dragonflies, saw some beautiful plants and some rabbits. It was peaceful.
You don't need someone else to define who you are. Cry, get it out. But most of all, love yourself. You are the one who is important and don't let anyone else's emotions take over your own. I personally don't like anyone dictating how I feel. I'm in charge of those emotions...
New chapter in your life, so turn the page and discover something new!
07-14-2007, 09:35 AM
You know, I heard once that a "break-up" is just that, a chance to "move-UP"
go to a beauty salon or spa, take a few days to discover who "you" are. You have devoted so much time and energy into a relationship you tend to become a part of it, and in the process we tend to lose ourselves.
Find a new hobby or interest. listen to books on tape while working out, join a group that has similar (but not idenicle) interest that you have. Learn to make friends, no matter how hard it is (trust me I know). I tend to not have many "friends" but I have a lot of aquaintences. Learn to be a good friend (not implying your not already) and you will have good friends. Surround yourself with POSITIVE people, and elimate or limit the NEGATIVE people in your life, just that alone will help your overall mental state.
Take a class at the community center or jr college. take a vacation/trip, if even just an overnighter.
GOOD LUCK! I know it is hard! We are all here for you.
07-14-2007, 10:20 AM
You are getting a lot of good advice here. I agree with just about everything! I think that you should definitely ask him not to text you anymore. At least for now. That just keeps the wound open and does not give you the time to heal. Maybe you can be friends later, but for now, you need your space.
Joining the fitness club was a great move. That will give you a place to "work out" the anger and pain. I also agree with EZ, that maybe it is time to look for people your age with your same high standards. No one is perfect, but settling for less is not a great idea. You have lots of life and time ahead of you. Time to discover what is best for you!
07-14-2007, 08:04 PM
last night was soooo hard.it was the first night ya know??? today i thought of him but not a too too much. thank you guys so so much , you have no idea how much your words are helping me. i honestly wouldnt be able to handle this without you . i have no one else to talk too. i've been thinking a lot, and he isnt right for me. he kept saying he needs a break to work on him so he can make our relationship work later on. but his first night on working on him after three years of being sober , which i helped him get. he went out and got drunk off his a$$ . so i guess THATS who he is when he isnt with me , and thats not the type of man i want. but its still hard to convince my heart of that.
EZ MONEY- THANK YOU DARLIN' I USED TO GO TO CHURCH ALL THE TIME .I THINK ITS ABOUT TIME I GOT CLOSE TO GOD AGAIN.I NEED HIM. YOUR WORDS ARE SO ENCOURAGING. ABOUT MY STANDARDS. HONESTLY I DONT THINK I COULD CHANGE IF I TRIED:) JUST NOT ME. BUT YOUR ARE RIGHT ABOUT THE FRIENDS THING . I JUST GET SO LONELY SOMETIMES. ITS REALLY HARD TO FIND PURE PEOPLE IN LA, GOOD PEOPLE. WITH GOOD MORALS. BUT BETTER TO STAND ALONE THEN BE DEFEATED BY CLONES. THANK YOU.
AYMSTER- I USED TO BE SUCH A NATURE KID TOO. IT STOPPED WHEN I STARTED DATING HIM. I THINK A HIKE WOULD DO ME SOME GOOD . SOME TIME TO REFLECT IN PEACE . . .
STILLTRYIN- YOUR RIGHT MOVE UP. THE NEXT GUY WILL BE BETTER SUITED FOR ME RIGHT???
SLASHNL- ALL THE TIME TO DISCOVER WHAT IS BEST FOR ME. . . . I REALLY NEED TO REMEMBER THAT. . . .
I THINK MY QUOTE FOR THIS BREAK UP WILL BE "ITS BETTER TO BE HATED FOR WHO YOU ARE, THEN LOVED FOR WHO YOUR NOT."
I THINK MY IDEA IS , TO REALLY KEEP MYSELF ENTERTAINED , AND BUSY. IF HE WORKS THINGS OUT ON HIS OWN AND HONESTLY CHANGES . WE'LL SEE THEN. BUT I NEED A FEW MONTHS. I THINK IM GOING TO TRY DATING , IVE NEVER REALLY DATED BEFORE. . . SO I THINK I SHOULD EXPERIENCE IT. BUT I MAY BE BACK ON HERE TO BUG WHEN IM FEELING DOWN AGAIN, THE DAYS GO BY OK , HARD BUT NOT MISERABLE. BUT THE NIGHTS ARE THE HARDEST THING I HAVE EVER HAD TO DEAL WITH. LOVE YOU GUYS!!!!!!!!! THANK YOU!!!!!!! YOU HAVE SAVED MY SANITY.