40-Somethings - Did turning 40 remove your inhibitions?
07-09-2007, 02:02 AM
I know it did for me. I've always been a sarcastic person, but I used to be so much better about holding my tongue, but when I hit 40 something happened. Somewhere over the past 6 months I seem to have lost a lot of the controls that keep me from being well, kinda b**chy. It's not that I can't be calm and understanding, I just don't want to be.
I am president of our street artist association and the vice president is a real A*****E. At the meeting today he goes into his usual attempts to boss me around and instead of just ignoring him I turned on him. My time was too valuable for his cr*p.
A few days ago we got awful service from a waitress. It was hard to get her attention because she was too busy talking to some of the other servers. When I finally did get a refill on my water she made a big show out of rolling her eyes and sighing. The girl then proceeded to turn all nice and sugary at checkout where her manager was present. She asked if had enjoyed our meal. I told her no. She was not a very good waitress and if any of my 3 teenagers had behaved the way she did they would have been grounded. Her manager apologized and I had the impression that she would be speaking to the girl later on. Not to long ago I would have voiced my dissent by leaving a small tip and telling myself I wouldn't be back at that place again.
My husband informs me that I am going to be a nightmare when I reach 80:devil:
07-09-2007, 09:32 AM
Sometimes you just get tired of taking all the crap. I think in our advanced years and wisdom, we can see that just trying to be nice all the time doesn't always help the situation and we want to take back our control and power.
07-09-2007, 07:03 PM
My biggest change was that I no longer cared so much about what other people think. With that comes the escalation in sarcasm and "telling it like it is". I still make some attempt to be nice and polite about most things, but if nice doesn't work WATCH OUT! :devil:
07-10-2007, 02:48 AM
I think you're right Diane, a lot of it is about taking back the power. Like lots of women I spent a lot of time making nice and fixing things, giving up my power and control. One of the things I admire most about my daughter (18) has been her ability to remain calm and stand up for herself even against authority figures. I wish I had been that confident and sure of myself at her age.
07-10-2007, 11:48 AM
Maybe we're teaching our girls the right way, then. I have a 13-year old girl and I admire how she handles herself, too. She doesn't just "try to keep the peace". She stands up for herself and she doesn't let things get to her like I did when I was at her age. Good to see that we are enabling our girls to do better!!
07-10-2007, 02:13 PM
I am pretty much the same outspoken b**ch I always was! ;)
07-25-2007, 01:40 PM
I don't know... I remember being in my 20s thinking women in their 40s could be such *****es actually. I'm about to turn 40 and I know - especially after running my own company so long - that I see right through things, and I get frustrated more. It's key for us as women to be ASSERTIVE, but I don't think being loud or ugly is beautiful at all. How about picking battles? It drives me crazy too, the lack of service at restaurants and how rediculous people can be. There's lots of things to get upset about in life, but if you blow up at small things and worry about some stupid waitress - it's zapping your energy. I'd rather focus on the positives. But I've been through **** the past few years - lost my father to a horrible battle with cancer, and divorce/custody issues. I gained wieght, got negative and was tired all the time. Now I'm trying to refuse to let small things get to me - I'm doing yoga/meditation and have lost some weight. Oh, now and then I'll still let someone have it - trying to be calmer then my younger years when I do assert myself - but it's rare anymore. Usually I do the Biblical thing and turn the other cheek and move on... Most people aren't worth it...
07-25-2007, 01:45 PM
I'm 43 and while I wouldn't say I've lost my inhibitions, I tolerate a lot less b.s. then I used to. If I'm not being treated nicely, I will politely but firmly speak up. As they say, youth is wasted on the young - I wish I could send some of my new assertiveness back to my younger self! Oh well, at least that's one good thing about getting older - no longer feeling like I have to grin and bear it.
07-26-2007, 10:29 AM
Ooh, this is a good post! I have always been painfully polite, at the sacrifice of my own self respect, way too many times. I have found that in the last few years , now 45, that it just isn't necessary for me to suck up, and bite my tongue >> that I'm not doing anybody any favors by being so polite and low spoken. However, I really don't respect obnoxious people who have a hostile and aggressive front at all times. To be in a neutral place , and ready to thoughtfully, respectfully scrutinize each situation, takes quite a talent. I admire those who remain calm when the person who deserves the fuming at isn't receptive to be admonished anyway, or likewise, when the person who *seems* like they deserve a tongue lashing, really doesn't. It just takes patience, but most of all Self Respect >> as one can not respect others until they have self respect. Maybe that was too much information, but a topic I love to think about, and anticipate being better equipped with in my next years. ;)
07-27-2007, 09:48 AM
hmm, this is all very interesting, but I find the older I get (now 47) the more mellow I am. I am a kinder person but also state my "inhibitions" in a kinder way. They still know I am not happy with whatever situation. I always say you get more with sugar than you do vinegar.
07-27-2007, 08:04 PM
I've found that the more I got into my 30
s and now 40's (I'm now 41) I'm more willing to stand up for what I want in terms of how I want to be treated, wether it be with friends or when I got out places such as restuarants. I also don't take the crappy service that I did when I was younger.
I've also found myself alot more willing to do things that my mom never did such as take an 8 month car trip across the States with just my dog for company. Then I jumped at the chance to work in Alaska for 3 months. I've found I'm alot more adventerous as I get older in years.
07-28-2007, 07:02 PM
Hi everyone, My name is Kym and I`m new here.Although I have been posting on the intro thread for a couple of days, it was so nice to read the posts here from others who are "older". If by assertive you mean less willing to put up with stupid **** I`d have to agree but I have found that as I get older less stuff bothers me.I agree with horsey most things just aren`t worth it.But then again I went through my teens, twenties, and thirties flying off the handle about any and everything. I probably just wore myself out....Kym
07-28-2007, 08:30 PM
I went through my 20s and 30s flying off the handle too - perhaps here at nearing 40 I'm just tired of fighting as well. Now I just take a deep breath, throw on some quiet music, do some yoga - and ignore the idiots. I think almost everything you go to do anymore is a fight, there's no service in anything, so why expect it and why throw fits about some stupid waitress? The young bimbos are of a different era, they are in their own world, raised in front of the tv and computers, lacking common sense. I run my own business and I can't hire anyone in their 20s and even 30s is hard. So why scream at the business owners, none of us can get help that's worth a damn anyways... Pick your fights or you'll age yourself. Studies show those that live the longest are the ones that are happy, that don't dwell on the negatives, those who are appreciative. Even though some minor things can go bad in everyday I try to have a grateful heart. There's something to be said for being confident but still feminine, to be assertive is important, yes us women have come a long way - but grace. Jackie O style.
07-29-2007, 07:32 PM
I am pretty much the same outspoken b**ch I always was! ;)
Me too! After all, why wait until you hit your forties to stand up for yourself?
08-11-2007, 01:55 PM
I just turned 40. When I think of losing my inhibitions, I think more about feeling confident and not being insecure and worried about little things. I think I have slowly gained more of that confidence throughout my 30's. My priorities have changed since my 20's and early 30's. I expect they will continue to change. The most significant thing I've noticed is that I feel more appreciative of my life than ever before. I make a point to enjoy my family and friends more and make time to be with them. I do tend to focus on the positive and not make a fuss over the little things because it's just my personality. I don't think it has much to do with age or inhibitions.
Looking forward to the rest of the 40's. :)
Is that really me
08-14-2007, 09:46 AM
Did turning 40 remove my inhibitions? That would imply I had any to begin with!! :lol: Having said that, I'm waay more likely to speak my mind now vs. when I was younger. When people need something from me that I just can't give -- usually time -- I realized quite awhile ago that I do not need to give explanations because 'No' is an answer (just like 'round' is a shape! :D). Some sick part of me likes watching people fidget a bit when they realize that 'No' is the only amount of information I'm going to provide. I'm always telling my husband 'Isn't it great getting older? Don'tcha just love expressing yourself w/out worrying about what others might think'? I don't need the approval of other's agreeing w/me and I love letting people know what I think. Not in an insulting or bad way, just in expressing my opinions. And having the wisdom to pick your battles? -- priceless!!!
08-27-2007, 04:12 AM
I've definitely lost my ability to hold my tongue and put up with crap. At 45 I decided that certain family members and other people who couldn't act right could just stay away from me and I meant it. Life's too short to put up with some of the nonsense they were putting me through. At 49, I seem to have lost the filter between my brain and my mouth. If my brain thinks "Well thats stupid" it just seems to fall out of my mouth. Sometimes even I am surpised to hear myself saying this stuff. LOL I do however, feel freer and far less stressed. I wouldn't go back to my 20s to save my life.
09-15-2007, 02:24 AM
I certainly became more tolerant and able to see other people's points of view. Now it's much easier to get over things that used to really upset me.
10-05-2007, 07:26 AM
Yes, I think so. I am so much happier than I was in my 20's. I am more willing to speak my mind. But, I am not a rude person.
I only wish I could look 25 and be 41.
10-13-2007, 10:37 PM
I used to be so shy, and used to get taken advantage of ALL the time. For me, I don't think it has to do with being 40, but has to do with finally standing up for myself. I really don't care what everyone thinks anymore!
10-25-2007, 02:43 AM
I'm not so sure turning 40 removed my inhibitions..it sort of had the opposite effect on me. I've always been pretty outspoken (my husband just calls it being b*tchy), but I think I've finally learned that I can get my point across without causing such a fuss.
10-31-2007, 01:05 AM
I'm 44 and I tend to keep my mouth shut most of the time. I have ADHD and all these years I have practiced keeping quite because for me it's too easy to say the wrong thing at exactly the wrong time. Kudos to you ladies who can say what you think.