Ughhh! I had a migraine starting at work. Leaving work both my kids had screaming meltdowns. DD threw herself on the floor in a giant hissy. I had 7 bags to carryout between my stuff and thiers. Neither kid would help, just screamed. They didn't nap. So they fell alseep in the car. DH brought them in for me and put them on the couch. All is good. I kick back in the recliner after taking a perscription with codiene. He leaves to go play farmer. The kids sleep until 7:15. Then they litterally wake up screaming. We're talking Skull peircing screaming. I try to sooth them, I try to distract them. I ask what we should have for dinner. OMG all heck broke loose. DD wants one thing DS wants another, I make other suggestions to comprimise. They just scream and scream and scream. So I offer a snack (am I engraining emotional eating into their psychies?). But they scream and scream and scream. Especially DS. He might be sick. He might be tired. I offer comfort, he pushes away he wants his Daddy. Who is 6 miles away fixing his dad's truck.
All I know is I am so far on the edge that I am afraid I'm gonna lose my temper. So I eat cookies. I ate 8 of them. I inhaled 8 of them. Anything to bring my mind off the noise. I don't know what to do. I am frustrated, lonley, overwhelmed, depressed. Food is the only way I cope these days. I can't make it through the day without a binge like this. I don't know why the kids do this. I don't know where I am going wrong. But right now food is how I cope. I fear my anger. I have broken things in my frustration b/c I don't know how to cope. I don't want to do that with my kids so food is how I keep in check. I try to talk to the dr. They kind of blow me off. They did give me some pills that made me a zombie and DH ragged on me about them. The other dr gave me an antidepressant, but he took me off it.
I know alot of people have crappy lives and jerky husbands and in the scheme of the world mine's not that bad. We all have vices, we all have annoying habits that get on the nerves of those around us. But I cleaned all day yesterday. I got so much done. Then I baked cookies and brownies for the family b/c they had been asking for months. I had dinner on the table, I cleaned up dinner. DH knows I need the house cleaned, he knows I need the chicken coop finished. And he sat on the couch all evening. We all need those days so I didn't complain. I did ask him to wash the kids hair for me while I cleaned up the kitchen. He didn't. I let them play in the tub while I watched tv too, hoping he'd follow through on doing it when he said he would. Still no hair washing. Finally at 9:15 I did it.
I don't know what to do. I don't know how to cope without eating. It's that or put my fist threw the wall. I am ready to walk out. I am a lazy housewife. I am not a great cleaner, I am not neat or organized, but I get the job done. DH spends more time worrying about what is going on across the road than worrying about what is going on in his own house. I am tired. I can tell my kids are stressed out. I feel like a single parent most of the time. I don't even like my husband anymore. Maybe I am asking too much of him. Maybe I expect too much. I don't know.
SOrry for venting. I just needed an outlet. I have to go stir dinner.
ThinGirl in FatBody
07-03-2007, 08:27 PM
You know what? I feel like eating a cookie after reading your post! I can feel the stress coming out of your words and that's what happens to me too - I get stressed and want things like that.
Well, it's over and done with now, don't beat yourself up over it - tomorrow is a new day and in fact right now is a new minute, eat a good/healthy dinner, try to get a good nights sleep, tomorrow will be a better day :)
07-03-2007, 08:51 PM
Your life and my life are alot alike. Is there no time a day that you can just get away, leave the kids with DH 30 minutes and just waLK OR GO EXERCISE. I have found that just 15 minute of something like this helps my anxiety level. I loathe housework, the whole housewife ordeal. But I love my kids and my husband. How old are your kids? Sounds like they may be just testing their limits. Hang in there.
07-03-2007, 10:32 PM
That's exactly it. No space, I can't even pee alone.
I managed to get dinner on the table. They felt better after that. Then we took a walk. I let them walk instead of ride in the stroller. No fighting over who sits where, who's touching who. It was nice.
My kids are 4 and almost 3. Behavior has been a big issue latley, they are testing and DH is not consistent. He either coddles or screams and spanks, but never the same thing twice for the same offense. I try to be very consistent. You scream you go to your room, and it has been satrting to work.
I have been working a weird schedule waiting for this or taht to happen so we can get back to normal. I planned to stay home with my kids and I did until the youngest was 8 months. But then I started babysitting to earn some cash, which lead to babysitting AND teaching preschool and working in the daycare, which then fell into teaching preschool, working in a daycare and doing speech therapy. It was the first time that I had to ahve my kids in childcare without me. It was really hard. Now I am done working at the speech job and just doing the daycare three days a week for the summer. And even though I was home and babysitting I never really got the time with my kids taht I wanted. I might as well have put them in daycare and worked full time, but with 4 kids in teh house they might as well have been in daycare.
I think my kids are as stressed and burnt out as I am. I had planned on staying home two days a week come fall and teaching preschool and working in the day care three days a week, but now another speech job has come along and I can't turn it down. We just got home from vacation, so today was thier first day back to daycare.
I get it. I am asking too much from little kids. But I don't know how to deal with it without eating. I can't just go walk it off, like you it's not an option for me either. I have to take the kids. I'm glad to know I am not the only one.
I just don't understand why I am the only one who sees the laundry, the dishes, the wrapper on the floor. I can't even walk through my livingroom right now. I just keep thinking if I can find the right system it would be easier. But I don't see why I have to get up at 5:30 to shower, pack lunches, load the car, do the laundry, dress the kids and get to work when DH can sleep until 7:30, come down and maybe brush DD's hair or help DS put on his shoes (which in his mind makes him super dad), surf the internet, take a long shower and show up to work 30 minutes late.
We live on his dad's dairy farm. We don't farm we have other jobs. But Dh helps out alot. ANd that's ok to an extent. But we can't so much as order pizza without asking his parents across the road if they need anything. DH has so much on his plate and he won't finish anything. He bought horses 5 years ago and never broke them, so they run wild. He spent thousands on flying lessons and now that he is at the point hwere he has to read a book to take the written test he pratically quit. Not even to mention the house and all the half finished projects.
He makes biodiesel from recycled veg. oil. For his dad's tractors. That comes before playing with the kids. His dad's truck broke, that comes before screwing a surge protector to the wall like I asked so it's out of the way. My house is litterally falling in around me, we can't afford to move but we can spend $500 on fireworks or $450 on chemicals for fuel we don't use. His dad walks in at anytime and if DH isn't here he makes rude comments that are meant to be a joke but it's getting old. It is completley inapporpriate for him to ask if I need help in the shower. DH says "Oh that's just my dad for you". I hate living here. No wonder I'm depressed, no wonder I eat.
I have no friends near by. So I am sorry I keep venting on here. But I have to put it somewhere, b/c I am going crazy. I know I have a good husband. He really is a nice guy. I don't have to worry about where he is, I am very lucky compared to many others. If push came to shove he'd walk through fire for these kids. But I am losing myself and who I am. I can't persue my own passions. It's like I folded myself up, stuck her in a box and put her on a shelf.
07-04-2007, 08:59 AM
Misty... hugs! I totally understand the thing about not even peeing alone! I've said that to my DH before, and he just rolls his eyes at me.
I seriously have to run right now... I shouldn't even be online, LOL, since I have to load up the car and get going... but I just wanted to say I understand, and you're not alone.
07-04-2007, 04:09 PM
Hi Misty! I've soooo missed you! Wow, things are tough right now.......but.............deep breath, definately go for that walk by yourself, and definately get a good nights sleep! I'm 42 and DD1 is 19 and DD2 is 15 and I ABSOLUTELY remember these same melt downs. I still have them only about different issues. I still run to the kitchen and get out the cookies, chips or muffins (or whatever else is easy to grab n' eat)! I know there has to be a miracle answer to this emotional eating - AND TOGETHER WE WILL FIND IT!!!! Hugs!
07-04-2007, 11:37 PM
Hi Misty. I haven't been posting here in ages but I've been lurking a lot and reading everyone's posts. Maybe this is none of my business and you can tell me to go to heck but sorry I don't think you are lucky to have the husband you have. From your description I don't think I have ever heard of a less supportive and helpful husband including my own who I thought took the prize when it came to unsupportiveness. Yes we all need those days to kick back and veg, when do you get your time?? Also please that bit with your FIL?!? That is too creepy for words and I don't care if that is 'just how he is' , it is totally inappropriate. I'm surprised you haven't had a complete nervous breakdown by now. So maybe you are lucky in that your husband doesn't beat you, I suppose that is what you mean by lucky or that he isn't screwing around on you. But considering that he doesn't help around the house, spends money you don't have, doesn't really help all that much with the kids, etc etc, pardon me but what the heck is he good for? Maybe I am being a bit harsh here but I know you've been having these same issues for the past couple of years so when are things going to change?
I know you are frustrated and angry and I am frustrated and angry for you. I wish I could come down there and help you out but I can't help until you are willing to help yourself and that means you are going to have to do something with that husband of yours. Your marriage is supposed to be a partnership, being parents is a partnership and so far he's being a silent partner and letting you do all the work and that isn't acceptable.
Anyway I am getting off my soapbox and stopping my rant because I've probably said too much to begin with considering I haven't been here forever and now I'm just popping in to get all nuts about your husband. I really, really hope things get better for you Misty, I really do but remember sometimes you have to make these things happen even if it means big changes.
07-05-2007, 06:30 AM
Thanks Jen! How's your summer going?
He has his moments you know? Like last night he took them with him to work on his stuff and gave me an hour to chill.
But I look at my best friend her husband actually does MORE stuff around the house than she does. But she forces him and there is always tension. There has to be a happy medium you know?
I am a lazy housewife, so I think I can't say too much until I get my act together you know. I don't want to be the pot calling the kettle black.
I probably have had a a break down. I tend to lose my temper and scream and kick and break stuff. I know DH feels spread thin. But he needs to line up his priorities, start nailing down his projects and moving through them to actually finish them. As a couple we need to make and stick to a budget and household chore lists.
Well I am gonna be late for work. It's 6:30 and I have to pack lunches and shower yet. Have a great day everyone.
07-05-2007, 10:47 AM
Hi Misty, sorry about the harsh post, I really have no right to comment about your husband but it is frustrating to see you go through all of this time and time again.
Okay sorry you are not a lazy housewife, give me a break here. You clean more in a few days then I probably do all year. Don't put yourself down in order to make the way he acts more acceptable. Just because the place is a mess is not a result of you being lazy, it is having 2 very young children and a husband who you have said leaves stuff like tools laying wherever he happens to drop them. You also work so that takes up a lot of time you might spend doing stuff around the house.
I do know exactly what you mean about a happy medium. I would say that I never ever nag my husband into doing stuff he doesn't want to do but the difference between us (you and me I mean) is that if the house is a wreck I generally don't let it bother me. I mean in the grand scheme of things a clean house is far down on my list if it means I have time to myself to relax and unwind, I am not b!tching at my husband or nagging him about stuff like that. In 50 years who is going to give a rats behind if we had a clean house?
Finally you are spread just as thin as your husband, you work, look after the kids, grocery shop, laundry, look after the house and garden, organize 4th of July gatherings and probably a million other things. Please don't be putting yourself down, you do a lot and your husband is taking you for granted.
Anyway I am fine, the summer has been pretty good. We are 90% finished building a shed in our backyard, next we are going to start the deck. I have been doing a lot of gardening, problem is that the soil here is really, really dense clay. I think I should give up on gardening and start a pottery. I have to dig down about 18" or so and get rid of all that clay soil and put in bagged soil I have bought from the store. It will be a long process until I get the garden looking the way I want but it will be so worth it. Weight loss wise I am down a few lbs, not much, I was down more with the Meridia I got from the dr but I went off that at the end of May. We have decided to try for another baby so I needed to get off that med. It really works I have to say that, as soon as I stopped taking it I gained back 5 lbs in a few weeks. So that was a bit depressing because I had lost about 12 lbs and it was nice to see the scale moving downwards. Anyway I can't blame the fact that I am not taking the Meridia, it helped no doubt but it is still my bad eating habits that are the problem. Still I think I have been doing better lately and my weight has stabilized and I haven't gained back any more and I think with my next weigh in that I will actually be down a bit. It is very frustrating because I know I can do it, generally I will lose 3-4 lbs a week when I am eating healthy and drinking lots of water but then those bad habits creep back. Anyway this is turning into a novel so I'd better end this here. I really do hope things improve at home and forgive me for being so blunt. Take care!
07-05-2007, 05:56 PM
Blunt is good. I can handle it. :D I really try not to nag DH about stuff. Take the chicken coop for instance. I was full on going to do it myself. I asked him what I needed what I needed to do. I figured how hard can a 4x4 box be right? Well Dh got involved and 4x4 is now 8x8. He totally volunteered himself and now won't finish. I work on what I can, what I know how to do.
I don't rag on him about house work. I'm a slob, he's a slob, we are raising two slobs. I don't care if the beds are made, I don't care if the laundry is put away. I would like to be able to walk through a room. It's just I come from a long line of neat freaks. My best friend is a neat freak, everyone loves to go to my sister's house it's so neat and organized and she the perfect hostess. When people are grossed out to come over, or offer to help me clean it makes me feel embarassed. I don't really care so much if the dog lays on the couch, but then people come over and I am embarassed b/c they have hair all over them you know?
I try to communicate my issues to DH. But it doesn't get through and I end up being the one who apologizes.
I am sure we'll get it figured out. Mostly my issue the other day was the screaming kids. It was nuts, they were screaming so loud and nothing would stop them I was afriad I was gonna put a fist through the wall. I was about to snap.
I'm glad your summer is going well. I'm glad to hear you are TTC. What an adventure. I totally blew off a garden this year and my flowers are fending for themselves. I did not have the engery.
Well off to cook some dinner. and...clean LOL I can't find my kitchen table....or couch, or laundry room and I think there was a bathroom around here at one point. Then again I may sit down and watch tv.
07-06-2007, 07:50 AM
Misty! :hug: Wow it sounds like you are under a lot of stress! I agree with the other ladies who have said that you need some "me" time. Maybe just 15-20 minutes for a walk every day. We don't have kids so I can't comment on those things, but I do get upset with DH sometimes when he says he will clean and he doesn't. Normally, this is work I would do. But he volunteers sometimes and doesn't follow through. Then I end up having to do it anyway. It sucks because you think you get a break and you really don't. That "me" time is really important to me. It makes me realize that those things I get upset about really aren't that big when it comes down to it. For me, my "me" time is usually a nice hot bath with a good book. Maybe you need to find something that works for you?
I've got to say though, that recently I have binged (a few times) because of emotional stress. So I DEFINITELY know how that feels. I even stopped journaling, and finally got back on track. That stress can really get you, and I need to find a way of venting my anger, frustration, and stress that isn't eating.