Weight Loss Support - I've figured out why I don't try to look my best.

I used to wear makeup, do my hair, wear nice clothes (when I was a reasonable weight). Since then, I don't wear makeup, I go out of the house with messy hair and sloppy sweats and t-shirts. I don't paint my nails or care in any way how I look. I figured out why: I think I am invisible. I think that people don't see me because of my weight, that they look right through me. Does anyone else feel this way?

I'm not sure I think I'm invisible - more the fact that I hope I am. I look like I currently do and all I want is to be ignored/not noticed. I dont wear makeup and I don't really make an effort I guess. I keep thinking 'when I hit the magic number then I'll be bubbly and vibrant and will make an effort'... but this is just something else that I'm going to have to deal with as I'm fully aware that most probably won't be the case lol

I think I have more of a, "I won't look good anyways so why even try?" kind of mentality.

Hi! I've struggled with my weight for about 12 years but really started taking a lack of interest in how I looked in 1999 after breast cancer struck and my left breast was removed. Ever since, I've lost all sense of feminity and don't even bother anymore. I don't wear make up and for the most part wear jeans and various men's tees. I wear only 2 pairs of shoes, my Birkenstock sandles and my walking shoes.
And then I am fat. Add it all together and I just really don't care to even try to look good anymore.
Johannah

Hmmm. When I was very overweight, I took *extra* care with my hair and make-up and clothes to detract from my fatness. I still take lots of care with those things. I like to look nice.

Just between us, I tend to think that if you start to take care of your physical appearance and do little things like fix your hair and slap on a bit of makeup and put on real clothes instead of sweats before you leave the house, it helps to change the way you think and feel about yourself. Changing the way you think and feel about yourself--feeling GOOD about yourself, even if you are overweight--will help you to really believe that you deserve to lose weight and feel attractive and to be noticed by the world as a strong woman with dignity and value. There is no reason that an overweight woman shouldn't be able to look nice and feel nice while she's doing her grocery shopping. People will *see* you, too, if you present yourself with confidence. And the appearance of confidence can help to create the real thing, and that can only help you as you continue on your weight loss journey.

It's remarkable what mascara and a manicure can do for a girl :) Give it a shot. You deserve it!

I completely let myself go for 3-4 years when I was at my heaviest. I was miserable and depressed with my weight and felt fat and hideous. I didn't want to SEE myself, I never looked at myself in a full length mirror or down at myself in the shower, I hated all pictures. I let my hair go long and curly and grey. I wore the same pair of loose fit Eddie Bauer size 18 pants, I wore the same black loafers every day. No jewelry (except a watch), no make up, same ugly black purse, no perfume.

It wasn't that I thought I was invisible and that people saw through me, but that I WANTEDto be invisible and have people not see me. I didn't like myself, care about myself and I hated to look at myself. I didn't think I was worth any effort.

It's a little funny now - I knew when I lost weight I would have to buy new clothes. What I didn't expect was all the accessories for someone who is TRYING to look good. I have a black Kate Spade bag now (and a red Mon Sac purse!). I have tons of shoes, I have 2 different watches, tons of earrings (looove Sundance!). I had to build a complete wardrobe from the ground up - I had nothing.

I feel that way alot. Most of the time, I want to be invisible! I don't like people watching me, thinking.

I think I have more of a, "I won't look good anyways so why even try?" kind of mentality.

Ditto.

I'm another one who agrees with lovelypurple.

But I will say that now that I've lost weight I am willing to put more effort into how I look. I care more but I think it is because my self estime is higher now. I don't always put make up (actually I've decided I'm pretty without it) on but I do my hair a lot more (I got a stylish hair cut), I purchased stylish clothing that fit me well. I paint my nails. I just feel better about myself and it makes me want to lose more weight.

I've pretty much given up at 19. tragic, huh?

But I don't want to be noticed. And even if i did try, it wouldnt work anyway. i dont own any cosmetics at all.

I have two younger sisters. There's about a year and a half max between each of us.

I learned to do everything for myself at an early age, because my mom was always busy with my sisters. I learned to make Kraft Mac & Cheese when I was 4 years old! On my own as well! Even got in trouble for it, because my mom thought I was just making pb&j sandwiches when I told her that I was going to make dinner! lol

I never learned to be a girl. I never wore makeup, and whenever I tried it, I always ended up looking like I belonged on the corner of 5th and main.

I cant straighten or even blow dry my own hair, my sisters used to beg me to let them make me look pretty.

Because of all of that, I never really bothered learning to match clothes (jeans go with everything!), wear makeup, or do up my hair. My Fiance actually straightens my hair for me now! (its actually too long for me to reach! just 1.5" above my hips now when straight!)

I just cant be bothered wasting my time trying to look nice, unless its a really special occasion. I tend to think that people see me, they just dont pay attention to me, unless I'm dressed up nice.

I've pretty much given up at 19. tragic, huh?

But I don't want to be noticed. And even if i did try, it wouldnt work anyway. i dont own any cosmetics at all.

Well, I can see from your pic that you at least have cute hair :) You're a pretty, sensitive and intelligent girl. I think you should act as though you believe that about yourself (even if you really don't.)

I don't think you have to want to be noticed, but we all deserve to feel good about ourselves, and putting a little effort into one's appearance can really help with that. I just don't see how anyone can feel confident in stained old sweatpants, giant t-shirts and bad hair.

I think I have more of a, "I won't look good anyways so why even try?" kind of mentality.

I'm the same way, plus I'm just downright lazy.

I completely understand about feeling invisible. I thought it was just me who felt that way. I live in New York City and with so many people in one place you would think that it would be much easier to meet people and strike up a conversation but that rarely happens for me. I think a huge part of it is that I am still so uncomfortable with my body and the more weight I lose, the more aware I am of my actual size.

I agree with baffled also, I think the more you take care of your appearance, the better you feel. I wore a summer dress to work last week, and I felt so much better, lighter, and just more attractive in general. I guess for me it's really a matter of finding a look that's simple and feminine, but not too over the top so that I can be consistent.
Being fat is hard work

Trooworld, you are pretty and don't look unkempt at all. :)

Personally, since becoming fat, I often think that I am at once invisible and hyper-visible, meaning that I am either not seen or I am seen negatively. Then again, I know there are times I look GREAT and people tell me so!

I wear makeup maybe once a month or less and even then, it's just lipstick and mascara. That being said, I am amazed at the difference it can make in how I feel when I put effort into my appearance!

I think that for me it was more the WANTING to be invisible, not caring because I didn't want to be noticed. And I only realize that nowadays because now I WANT to be noticed. I like the way I look now, and I do take care of myself all around now.

I guess I don't really want to be noticed this size, anyway now that I think about it...but it would make me feel more like a person to be noticed. And maybe it is that mentality that lovelypurple was talking about (I won't look good...).

Baffled111...what you said makes total sense and it is something that I will have to remember in the morning when I wake up and don't want to shower or do my hair or makeup. Maybe if I take care of my physical appearance, I will "consider myself an investment" and, like you said, feel like I deserve to lose the weight. I see plenty of big girls that wear makeup and take care of themselves and look good. Why can't I do that?

Glory87...I can't WAIT to have that problem! lol I was in Target yesterday and I saw all these cute clothes and I just thought about how stylish I would be (yes, Target has stylish clothes and cheap too!) if I was thin enough to just fit into some of the stuff. It's exciting to think about the prospect of going shopping for CUTE clothes, I used to have style when I was thinner. Now, it's just "wear/buy whatever fits" which usually means jeans and plain t-shirt type of shirts or t-shirts...and tennis shoes.

SoulBliss....you are so sweet! You saw me on one of my *better* days. haha I know what you mean about the invisible/hyper-visible thing. Last night, we were in Blockbuster and the guy behind us rubbed his belly (while looking at me) and said, "Too much." I was really hurt and I whispered to my husband but my husband said that the guy said, "I ate too much." But here I am with my paranoid self, thinking it was ALL ABOUT ME! How vain. ;)

Well, I painted my toenails today and feel a little more feminine. This comes after yesterday, in which I bought a new pair of cute Vans, new bras and sexy undies and shaved my legs. I am planning on putting on makeup and doing my hair tomorrow before school. I am investing so much time into school for a career, I can invest some time and effort into my physical appearance, too.

Hi All! I have just joined your group and think it is wonderful! I too stopped taking care of myself. Wore over sized t-shirts, no makeup, etc. But after starting to loose even just a little bit of weight, I started feeling better about myself. It's like when you are too tired to clean your kitchen at night - but if you just clean your kitchen sink and get it shinny - you end up wanting to clean up the rest of the kitchen :carrot: So anyway, yesterday I took the big leap! I really wanted to start making changes to look my best! I used to have red hair, but as I got older, it got darker. I went to a salon and got my hair colored for the first time. Oh my gosh..... it is such a drastic change ... too dark...looks almost burgundy.... totally looks fake:yikes: No one said anything at church today. So my mind is telling me everyone hates it and didn't want to say anything. Now I have to face everyone at work tomorrow.

I hope it fades A LOT - maybe i can add some highlights to it to lighten it up. Anyway.... I am still trying to look my best even if it turned out a disaster!!

When I reached my "max" weight, I started buying guy's t-shirts from Old Navy -- cheaper and bigger to cover all my plump! I was always leaving the house with my hair wet because I couldn't be bothered to do anything with it. However, recently I started buying "girl" clothes again -- you know, something that fits actually makes me look thiner, even when I'm not!! Besides -- no one is invisible, everyone takes a quick glance whenever someone walks by or in a room. I don't want someone to think I'm too lazy to care (even though I am most of the time :D) and with two kids, I don't want the impression people have of my kid's to be a reflection from me.

Hard to tell. I didn't wear much make-up at my heaviest, but I don't wear much now either. I had long hair that I wouldn't take care of, but I got it short when I was at my heaviest, and I wouldn't take care of long hair now either. The main difference, though, is probably that I pay more attention to clothes now because, well, they actually fit and I don't have to do with the "will that make me look thinner?" mindset when I very well know that I'll look fat no matter what and won't fool a darned soul saved mine. After all, finally looking good in *sports* clothing is quite a victory in my eyes. But I admit that having more freedom with clothes makes me want to try more things, and this probably is part of the "taking care of oneself" thing.

But seriously, I'm just too lazy to put on much make-up and the likes. I doubt that even at goal weight, these things will change much.

You know, I'm a waitress at a catering hall and I was standing and watching the guests at a graduation event I was working the other night... and there were quite a few big women. I noticed that some did not look happy, were sitting with their husbands or kids at the tables, staring off into space and just not enjoying themselves. And then there were quite a few women, who were all dressed up, makeup & hair and all that, having an awesome time on the dance floor.
The difference between these two groups struck me quite significantly, especially when I remembered this thread. Please, ladies, be the women on the dance floor! They were beautiful and you can be too :)

When I reached my "max" weight, I started buying guy's t-shirts from Old Navy -- cheaper and bigger to cover all my plump! I was always leaving the house with my hair wet because I couldn't be bothered to do anything with it. However, recently I started buying "girl" clothes again -- you know, something that fits actually makes me look thiner, even when I'm not!! Besides -- no one is invisible, everyone takes a quick glance whenever someone walks by or in a room. I don't want someone to think I'm too lazy to care (even though I am most of the time :D) and with two kids, I don't want the impression people have of my kid's to be a reflection from me.

I have like 4 men's t-shirts from Old Navy!!! haha You are right, no matter how much I think I am "invisible," I am being glanced at and some of those people are thinking that I am too lazy to care about myself, which feeds into the stereotype that fat people are lazy, which I hate.

cagesorwings...first, I love your display name, it's awesome! And I love the story. I want to be one of the women on the dance floor.

You know a big problem that I have with looking feminine is that it's hard to find clothing that fits. Most "plus sized" clothing is either too expensive or ugly/frumpy. I mentioned Target earlier, they used to have okay plus sized clothing but they have downscaled it...they are pushing us out! I've seen it grouped with "maternity" wear...how insulting is that? You are so fat that you look like you are pregnant! Ah.

Well...even at my highest weight, i always wore makeup, fixed my hair and tried to dress nice. I know I see alot of overweight people out there when i go shopping. What impresses me the most are the ones who try to make themselves look good. Just because you are overweight, does not mean you are not beautiful or worth making yourself look beautiful. I have seen many beautiful overweight women out there. But you do have to make an effort. Just because you wear sweats and no makeup does not mean you are invisible. It really gives off the wrong impression. If you don't know how to apply makeup and want to learn, you can always set up an appointment at one of those day spa places and have a woman there teach you about what colors are the best for your complection and how to apply it. Dont' let yourself think or feel like you don't desearve to put your best foot forward in all that you do.

For awhile, I didn't care how I looked, because I thought, "Well ****, I'm FAT anyway, so why bother? No one thinks fat people are hot..."

The sad thing is, I cared SO much before I put on weight. I looked nice EVERY DAY - I styled my hair, did my make-up, put on nice looking clothes, even if I was going NOWHERE and just chillin' in my own house! It just meant a lot to me for me to look good. Plus, I was undeniably hot - if I ever felt ugly, all I had to do was walk outside to get hollered at and hit on.

Once my "hot" body started becoming less and less "hot", I became unable to fit all my cute clothes. I got depressed. I started wearing baggy clothes and sometimes even men's clothes (mostly the pants) because they were loose and comfortable. I stopped being "hot". I once turned heads everywhere I walked, but once I put on weight, no one bothered to look at me. I realized that a big part of my being "ugly" was just my self perception; of COURSE I wasn't going to turn heads if my hair looked a mess, I wasn't wearing any make up at all, AND was wearing baggy pajamas!

Losing weight does wonders for your self esteem. I'm not quite the super "hot" chick that I once was, but I'm turning heads again now that I'm losing weight AND caring about my appearance! It's amazing how much of an impact confidence has on how much attention you get and how people perceive you.

Also:
Since my weight gain, I played a MAN character in a production of Les Miserables. All the girls were skinny AND short (5'4" and under, and I'm almost 5'7"), so I got to be a dude. I looked surprisingly good! Haha!

I was down to size 8-10 after working out hard 1-1/2 years ago, I gained a lot back sitting around depressed this winter, divorce stuff mostly. Anyways when I was down to more my ideal weight I was dressing nice, doing my hair, makeup. When I gained the weight back I quit making the effort. I didn't fit into my clothes anymore, bought some fat clothes and I've been feeling frumpy. It really is like night and day I suppose. The other day I went to starbucks and the skinny you know what girls I think were whispering at me, my hair was a mess I'll admit, I threw on a tshirt, I was tired and I really did feel frumy and invisable. After I lost weight before I obsessively bought fashion books on how to dress better, colors that flattered me, bought new makeup (I love Bobbi Brown), I cleaned out my wardrobe - I felt so good about myself, had more energy, didn't feel invisable.

I looked around at the beach yesterday just like someone said they looked at a dance - and the overweight women acted "different" then the ones that were in shape. You could see the unhappiness on their faces, and maybe without meaning to they were even to me more invisable then the women out enjoying themselves. But sometimes overweight women are clueless about dress and flattering clothes for their shape. The most overweight woman was in a rediculous polka dotted pink tankini with everything hanging out. But yes healthy thinner women were having more fun... however some overweight women knew how to dress right for their figure and were out enjoying themselves rather then moping. Isn't life too short to dislike oneself no matter what size?

It is, horsey... that's why I avoid the beach... :lol:

for me at my biggest it was just to exhausting to hold my arms that high long enough to do my face and hair.

I did get up today and put on makeup and put products in my hair (which is "doing" my hair), and I put on clothes that aren't frumpy. I feel better already. BUT...I've went through this before, about 3 months ago, I went to Sephora and bought some new makeup and some good cleansing products and I used all this for about a week until I got really stressed from school and decided that it was too much effort so I quit doing it. Hopefully this time, I can keep it up because I really do feel better and like I fit in better.

NightengaleShane...I know what you mean, I was always very pretty but when I got fat, it was such an ego deflator (which maybe I needed :D ) and that was what made it so bad to run into a guy from my old job who had SEEN me when I was "hot." I looked SO bad when I saw him (in my self-induced uniform of old sweats and t-shirt and messy hair), I know he was gossiping about me to his friends that know me. That experience should be enough to get me to take care of my physical appearance; maybe I just need to remember how crappy I felt after that happened.

Horsey...you know, I live about 25 mins from the beach and the last time I was in a bathingsuit enjoying myself there was about 2 years ago. It's a shame because it's so beautiful there. I do go walking there sometimes in my jeans and t-shirts.

Haha, I TOTALLY needed an ego deflation - I thought I was THE SHIZ! Now, I'm very humble about my appearance, and even when I lose weight, I'm not going to be nearly as overly confident as I once was - I consider that a step in maturity and personal growth, really. Plus, I relied on my looks WAY too much when I was thin. Now, life is just a little tougher and even when I hit my GW, I doubt I'll ever rely on my looks to get me by again.

That's crap that you had to run into a guy from your old job... you should have turned the other way and pretended not to look at him, to save yourself from the humiliation! I know I'd be ducking and covering!

Get the Bobbi Brown books on natural beauty or find her website. I don't know how old you are but nearing 40 I really appreciate her ideas. Very simple, natural colors for your daily routine. I'm not a girlie girl to begin with but like everyone we want to look "put together" and not feel like a slob. I think Bobbi is right, there are too many products out there and most "looks" in magazines are for the very young if that. You can find your simple day to day look that's faily effortless.

As for clothes I really thought the book Frumpy to Foxy was good. It has simple ideas on how to get dressed and take care of yourself without a lot of effort. Also I like Trinny and Suzanna from England and their books on dressing for your figure, plus What Not to Wear books. There's other books out there - and the shows if you have the stations on fashion. I used to watch the shows as a hobby, they'd pick overweight people and people with figure flaws on purpose to show what a huge difference the right clothes make. For example I'm top heavy so I wear darker colors on top and lighter on the bottom. After reading so much I have it down to a science, I used to buy things that don't fit - and even somewhat overweight I know what clothes work best for me, like 3/4 sleeve semi fitted shirts, and what colors (speaking of colors, I bet your library has the book on colors, find out which ones work for you - that's a start on clothes and makeup both).

It might be that you give up because you don't have the knowledge to put together and simple and functional wardrobe - and same with makeup. You might be making it too difficult on yourself if you are a low maintenance person - heavy or not. I don't think it's really much effort to put on makeup, have a simple haircut and a wardrobe that works with few quality clothes that mix and match.

I was reading and thinking about something else that was a first for me. I've always worn what I termed as "granny panties". Hanes Her Way or Fruit of the Loom big white briefs to fit my big wide butt...and still succeed in holding it all in. And I wore cheap Wal*Mart white bras, also designed to hold it all in. My boulder holders.

But I now wear VS lacy boy shorts with matching bras. I've also got some wild matching sets I picked up at Marshall's. Now its nothing anyone but me (and hubby) will see. But I FEEL good in them. I know that underneath I feel right now, like I can wear lace and be proud of it.

I now take care of my nails, hair, skin, the works. And I wear sexier clothing. But the underwear part? No one sees that. And STILL I feel better wearing the nice stuff underneath and shedding the drab white cotton size 10s for my lacy 5s. And I dunno, but maybe the way I FEEL comes across in how I hold my head up, how I walk with more confidence, which people DO see.

I'll wear makeup sometimes. It DOES make me feel better about myself.. until I see the rest of me in a mirror.

*sigh*

I used to be a SIZE SEVEN. I just want to be able to have the energy to care again.

I don't usually wear a lot of make-up or do my hair. I stink at doing my own hair, and usually just forget to put on make-up. I've gotten better at remembering to put on mascara though.

In the case of clothes, sticking only to sweats and "bumming around" clothes is a serious sign that I'm falling into a depression, especially if I wear them outside the house (other than to exercise). I really try to make sure I look put-together clothes and accessories-wise (why it doesn't translate into hair/makeup, I haven't the foggiest.).

I was reading and thinking about something else that was a first for me. I've always worn what I termed as "granny panties". Hanes Her Way or Fruit of the Loom big white briefs to fit my big wide butt...and still succeed in holding it all in. And I wore cheap Wal*Mart white bras, also designed to hold it all in. My boulder holders.
True, this also fits the category, I guess! I so hate those things. Even at my highest (at least I could still find such underwear at that size) I would wear G-strings and the likes, because I couldn't fathom the idea, big but or nott, to get into 'granny panties'. The only problem remained the bras; I had to rely on sports bras quite often, if only because walking a very young and dynamic dog three times a day when your boobs are bouncing all around isn't very pleasant. Now that they have deflated a little, finding nice bras is easier, at least. Yeah, I'm a lazy bum in terms of make-up, but I have sexy underwear. :D

On side note, though... why is it that we can only be deemed "pretty" when we put on make-up?? :?: So if I walk around in nice clothes, smiling and all, I am still an ugly bum just because there's no mascara and lipstick on my face nor stuff in my hair? We really DO live in a rotten society...

I only rarely wear makeup, and just because I want to give my eyes a boost. This has been true all my life, thin or fat. And I've noticed that where I live, at least, women don't seem to wear a lot of makeup these days. So perhaps it depends on locality.

Jay

Yeah, Jay, I'm the same way - I just wear eye make-up. Most of the time, I have good skin and coloring, so I don't feel the need to wear any more. Plus, I'm very skin-anal, and make-up (no matter HOW high quality) isn't the best thing for your skin.

Natural is awesome.

i've sorta been in the same boat. Well, not sort of...definatelly. When i'm at a weight i feel good at, hair, makeup and nails are always done. Clothing is perfect. When i got bigger, i just stopped caring, i guess. Nothing in my closet fit and i refused to buy bigger clothes, so i've been living in sweats and oversized tshirts, hair pulled back in a ponytail, no makeup. i'm working on changing it, though.

Wow. No matter how much I weigh, I always do my best to look my best. Maybe it's because I'm so vain. Or maybe it's because I never want to be viewed as "she doesn't care how she looks!" - or maybe it's both.

All I know is that MY WEIGHT DOES NOT DEFINE ME. Skinny or fat! - My weight does not define me! And I'm a "best foot forward" kinda gal. :D

I've been overweight since I was a child and I've never really put much effort into makeup or clothes. I do think it mostly has to do with my weight - a very 'why bother?' attitude. I often find myself thinking, maybe when I'm thin I'll try makeup again.

My husband of a year about a month a go said I looked "raggy", and believe me although that sounds not nice he is not critical of me. That particular day I wore shorts with a rip in the butt, stained white sneakers, a tank top, with this dumb looking hoodie thing that has short sleeves, (I don't know what I was thinking when I bought that, oh I know its long), well I spent that day in tears. In some ways its good, because I have been more motivated lately. Part of the problem is, I don't have a lot of clothes that fit well, or tons of money to go shopping, but I do manage to do my hair, makeup everyday, had my teeth cleaned, got a manicure and pedicure, and some how doing these things leads to weight loss. It is a sure sign of a depression when I start looking "raggy", and I won't leave the house like that again.

I clean houses too and I was wearing men's tee shirts. I refuse to wear shirts like those anymore.

Men are just more logical then us and don't realize how sensitive we are about our looks, however your husband wasn't being "nice" when he said this to you. I suppose we all relax a bit once married and part of marriage if we like it or not, is staying attractive to our spouse. My husband on the other hand had a serious mean streak, he knew I wasn't confident about my looks and he poked fun at me on purpose, even when I really wasn't that overweight. He liked to bring me down, now isn't that sad? Since I left him I'm had to work at building my self esteem and nutrition/exercise/weight training helps me feel stronger and better. If you are cleaning houses you certainly don't need to put huge bucks into a work wardrobe especially if you are losing weight. But you can throw out your ripped up clothes that make you feel "bad." And be more cautious about what you buy, make sure every single item makes you feel really good - even if it's work clothes. Items that fit your shape and size that are as slimming as possible. If you are a little overweight you don't need to draw more attention to it by wearing ripped up tight clothes. I'd think there's some nice 3/4 sleeve shirts out there even on a budget, some longer shorts, even jean shorts that aren't all ripped up, stretch jeans that are mid cut, darker wash so they are more slimming, etc.

Horsey, you are right about those books and that show "What Not to Wear". I have the book from Stacey London and Clinton (can't remember his last name right now). Check out the "extra curvy" section!!! I am far from my desired weight, but when I buy clothes that fit (especially in the bust) and that are feminine I can look amazing in them. My husband even took the advice for his shape in the book and starting buying clothes that were more flattering. The most girly woman I know (make-up, jewelry, really cute hairdo, bright, flattering clothes, and all 20 nails always painted) is about 150 pounds overweight. I have known her for almost 20 years and she always looks like she just stepped out of a salon. Guys hit on her too. Its her confidence in herself that comes through when you talk to her. Don't fool ourselves. There are plenty of dowdy, frumpy skinny women out there. There is a reason they want to be invisible too.

When I was really skinny in my 20s I was frumpy so my girlfriend said when I was about 26, I lived in a small town, was cool there but was clueless about fashion. She sorted through my closet with me and I was amazed, she took me to the store for makeup and viola, my boyfriend couldn't believe it... however I'll admit I could wear anything back then even a paper sack, I had that type of figure. Now it's a different story, nearing 40 one can't do "that" anymore. As one ages colors that used to work ok that weren't right really aren't right. And any clothes that don't fit my top heavy figure accentuate everything. I'm the obsessive type so I studied up and now everything I buy and wear I have to really like or it's thrown out. I don't keep dumpy or frumpy or unflattering clothes around, not even for weekends. Even with my fat stomach - that I've become an expert at hiding and accentuating my long legs - every now and then someone will compliment me about being tall and thin... I"m far from it, but if I wear the wrong clothes I look 10 lbs heavier and the right clothes and I look 10 lbs thinner. Actually I think the real experts can trim down more - perhaps someone needs to sponsor a Fat Chicks Dressing Guide, there's a book like it at the library for really overweight women - of course there's many tricks to the trade, why not learn them and then if you do you save a ton of money in buying clothes that you'll never wear or that ruin your self confidence.

Hey Horsey...thanks for the info...I'll have to check out the Bobbi Brown books. My problem doesn't lie in not knowing how to put on makeup, I was a makeup artist for a while. The more that I think about it, this could all be part of my depression that I've long suffered from. I do have problems with clothing because I just can't find stuff in my size that is stylish and reasonably priced. I'm going to try the Avenue and see how expensive there stuff is...I've seen stuff on their website that looks cute.


Get the Bobbi Brown books on natural beauty or find her website. I don't know how old you are but nearing 40 I really appreciate her ideas. Very simple, natural colors for your daily routine. I'm not a girlie girl to begin with but like everyone we want to look "put together" and not feel like a slob. I think Bobbi is right, there are too many products out there and most "looks" in magazines are for the very young if that. You can find your simple day to day look that's faily effortless.

As for clothes I really thought the book Frumpy to Foxy was good. It has simple ideas on how to get dressed and take care of yourself without a lot of effort. Also I like Trinny and Suzanna from England and their books on dressing for your figure, plus What Not to Wear books. There's other books out there - and the shows if you have the stations on fashion. I used to watch the shows as a hobby, they'd pick overweight people and people with figure flaws on purpose to show what a huge difference the right clothes make. For example I'm top heavy so I wear darker colors on top and lighter on the bottom. After reading so much I have it down to a science, I used to buy things that don't fit - and even somewhat overweight I know what clothes work best for me, like 3/4 sleeve semi fitted shirts, and what colors (speaking of colors, I bet your library has the book on colors, find out which ones work for you - that's a start on clothes and makeup both).

It might be that you give up because you don't have the knowledge to put together and simple and functional wardrobe - and same with makeup. You might be making it too difficult on yourself if you are a low maintenance person - heavy or not. I don't think it's really much effort to put on makeup, have a simple haircut and a wardrobe that works with few quality clothes that mix and match.

I must have read your mind! Today, I went to Target and got 3 pair of sexy panties and a new bra, a bra that pretty much fits and doesn't poke my underarms! I'm impressed I could find something that fits there that is actually SEXY. I do feel better in them. I can't wait to lose enough weight to fit into VS stuff...I used to love that stuff.

I was reading and thinking about something else that was a first for me. I've always worn what I termed as "granny panties". Hanes Her Way or Fruit of the Loom big white briefs to fit my big wide butt...and still succeed in holding it all in. And I wore cheap Wal*Mart white bras, also designed to hold it all in. My boulder holders.

But I now wear VS lacy boy shorts with matching bras. I've also got some wild matching sets I picked up at Marshall's. Now its nothing anyone but me (and hubby) will see. But I FEEL good in them. I know that underneath I feel right now, like I can wear lace and be proud of it.

I now take care of my nails, hair, skin, the works. And I wear sexier clothing. But the underwear part? No one sees that. And STILL I feel better wearing the nice stuff underneath and shedding the drab white cotton size 10s for my lacy 5s. And I dunno, but maybe the way I FEEL comes across in how I hold my head up, how I walk with more confidence, which people DO see.

trooworld, you've "given up" and gotten depressed, but look at you, you've already lost weight and you are on your way to a new figure. Don't give up and get depressed, just look at all of the stories on this site even, it's amazing to me how determined women here are!

Maybe you just have to get up everyday, have a quick 10 minute makeup routine, nothing fancy, just a basic natural look forgetting all the "looks" for now. Put on some clothes that make you feel as good as you can, even if you are hanging out around the house. Have some simple outfits that are functional that you know work for you, even if it's the same pants/shirt and mixing a few shirts. Forget the clothes that make you feel bad. Dump them because you'll lose so much weight you wont' need them again anyways. The books on fashion have some good ideas for plus sizes and figure flaws. There's one book about not looking fat that's at the bookstores - Does This Make Me Look Fat I think. You try to dress in darker colors, black, burgandy, and stick with similar colors top and bottom with jackets... Life is too short to be depressed and not like yourself.

In addition to the sexy panties you can always get bodysuits too - spanx is the most popular these days in the US I think. I bought some for my tummy and I do think it does wonders for the belly bulge with certain clothes.

Thanks Horsey, for the clothing advice. My first husband was very mean and very critical of me. He'd say I didn't know how to apply makeup or clean the house or dress nice. Its funny because my second husband says I'm an obsessive house cleaner. I guess you're right the "raggy" comment hurt my feelings, but hey I did look pretty sloppy. that was the first time I heard him ever say anything negative about my appearance. You are right it is important when you're married to keep up your appearance and self esteem.

I was actually thinner when I was single. Its all those darn restaurants and big meals that we eat together! I'm working on my appearance though and plan to improve. I am cooking healthier too.

Thanks, horsey. I am trying. Congrats on your weightloss! It's such a long road, especially when you have a lot to lose like me. It is so helpful to come to this site and read people's experiences and successes. I'm not giving up this time. I've really slipped up this week, but I'm not giving up. I've got that upcoming vacation to my parent's to worry about but I'm not giving up. And coming here helps me not give up.

Two days in a row now, I've put on makeup, did my hair and wore non-frumpy clothing. It feels good and it shows. Yesterday, I ran into a friend that has never seen me in makeup that I know of, and she could tell that something was different, then she noticed my makeup and she said that my whole demeanor was different. I was sort of glowing. Then, I went into this office on campus and the girl at the desk said that she liked my makeup, without me saying anything about it. It made me feel good. And you know, I went to the store last night and it was the first time in a very long time that I felt reasonably good about myself. I didn't feel like I looked homeless and unstable/crazy. lol I will see if my library has that book, I bet they do, they have everything.

Thanks you guys for sharing your advice and experiences. As I've said, it helps to read it.

trooworld, you've "given up" and gotten depressed, but look at you, you've already lost weight and you are on your way to a new figure. Don't give up and get depressed, just look at all of the stories on this site even, it's amazing to me how determined women here are!

Maybe you just have to get up everyday, have a quick 10 minute makeup routine, nothing fancy, just a basic natural look forgetting all the "looks" for now. Put on some clothes that make you feel as good as you can, even if you are hanging out around the house. Have some simple outfits that are functional that you know work for you, even if it's the same pants/shirt and mixing a few shirts. Forget the clothes that make you feel bad. Dump them because you'll lose so much weight you wont' need them again anyways. The books on fashion have some good ideas for plus sizes and figure flaws. There's one book about not looking fat that's at the bookstores - Does This Make Me Look Fat I think. You try to dress in darker colors, black, burgandy, and stick with similar colors top and bottom with jackets... Life is too short to be depressed and not like yourself.

I used to feel that those girls really into makeup and clothes were shallow, I didn't need to do all of that. But isn't it amazing, a day when you feel "put together" and when you don't? I guess I was semi slobby for some years but now I try harder. I run a business at home and usually even on days I don't really go anywhere I make myself put in makeup and an outfit that isn't slobby, even if it's a cute nike outfit. If I feel good about myself I work better, if I'm dressed slobby I act slobby. I used to do the Sephora thing too, constantly buying makeup I didn't wear, not even having a clue how to put those looks together and looking like a clown if I tried. Sounds like you'll like the more natural look if you aren't used to a lot of makeup. You know it's all about colors that work for you, simple eyeliner, mascara, soft shadows, a nice blush (and Bobbi likes a pop of color over one blush), lip gloss and you can be out the door in less then 10 minutes. A few rollers in your hair while you blow dry and you'll have a "blow out". And a few "go to" outfits to wear when you can't think, and throw out all of the garbage. Just don't go down the road of being a slob again, don't even have those clothes around that make you feel bad. Throw them out today. You don't need anything that makes you feel worse then you already do. Ok, I have 20 lbs to lose and it seems like a lot to me because it's so much work, I'd rather sit and complain too. But this site amazes me, I mean women here have lost 100+ pounds, they KNOW MORE then any health or fitness magazine I've read and I'm addicted to those magazines.

Sounds like you'll like the more natural look if you aren't used to a lot of makeup. You know it's all about colors that work for you, simple eyeliner, mascara, soft shadows, a nice blush (and Bobbi likes a pop of color over one blush), lip gloss and you can be out the door in less then 10 minutes. A few rollers in your hair while you blow dry and you'll have a "blow out".

This is certainly an option.

OTOH, I'm not so comfortable with the idea that one MUST wear color makeup and blowdry and curl ones hair to evidence self-respect or self-love or taking care of oneself.

I see your point and I agree with you. I don't think we should base our personality on looks alone. We shouldn't wear makeup because society says we aren't pretty without it. I think beauty comes from the inside first. I've seen plenty of physically good-looking people who were just ugly to the core because of their insides. With all that said, I just FEEL better when I wear makeup. I look better to myself, and that is really who I am doing it for. Yes, I don't want to look like a crazy person...but that doesn't come so much from not wearing makeup, it mainly comes from not doing my hair and wearing shabby clothing.

This is certainly an option.

OTOH, I'm not so comfortable with the idea that one MUST wear color makeup and blowdry and curl ones hair to evidence self-respect or self-love or taking care of oneself.

I agree, I don't hardly wear makeup anymore, liner, mascara, blush, lips all in 5 min. Hair, sometimes quick blowdrys, often not, but I do have certain "go to" outfits for when I don't want to think - and I do make a point of not having any slobby clothes in my closet so I'm not even tempted to wear them. You don't "have to" wear makeup but I do think most of us feel better a little put together. It's like night and day for me in my attitudes and that's not shallow. It's the silly girls with 2 inches of makeup and those trying to relive their youth that look silly to me - I was in California this winter for a few weeks and was about to puke over older women "trying..." I think women are prettier with natural beauty that comes from inside with just a bit of makeup... but knowing what clothes work for you does save big bucks in the end, saves you from buying mistakes that you dont' wear or that make you feel bad. That's my thoughts. I'll never be a girlie girl, I think those girls especially after 40 aren't so cute.

When I was a young teenager, I spent an hour in front of the mirror every day and drove my brother nuts. I was a little overweight (5'7" and size 12-14) but at least I had a pretty face and I knew it. I also had the (mis)fortune of looking several years older than I really was, and had lots of guys hitting on me... I didn't realize it at the time, but I was defining my self worth by my image, and as I gained weight over the years (mostly because I didn't know how to lose/control it, but plus emotional eating issues). I never thought I would be one to let myself go, but after years of frustration at having to wear what fits, I gave up. I've worn makeup maybe twice in the last year - once at a formal party, and once at a job interview. I guess I feel like, if I'm going to be fat and invisible, let me be fat and invisible. Wearing makeup now would only draw extra attention to me and the fact that I've let myself go. It would take discipline to wear it every day, and I really don't have that kind of energy. When I got down to a size 12 before, all the compliments drove me crazy. I guess I feel like it's stupid to make a fuss over such superficial reasons, plus I hate acknowledging that I ever had a problem. I mean, duh, it's only obvious, but at least when I'm fat I'm invisible to myself as well.

After reading the new answers in this thread, it made me think of something. Yesterday, I had my eyebrows waxed (see, I do things for myself sometimes ;)) and the esthetician said that I had a beautiful skin and was lucky because I didn't need to apply foundation and the likes. Which led me to think... it didn't use to be that 'beautiful', and it wasn't simply getting out of my teenage years that made it better-looking. All those fruits and especially vegetables I'm eating nowadays are also a way of saying "I'm taking care of myself" (stuffing myself with cookies, on the other hand, sure wasn't, in so many wrong ways :p).

Of course, it's too bad that most people won't pay attention to those little things, but since they count for me, I guess it's good? :)

Kery, I am someone who actually went through 2 rounds of accutane and numerous visits to the dermatologist, from the time I was 16 right up to 35, and you know what now I have flawless skin, not even a scar, so thankfully I don't have to worry about that in addition to the weight, I'm sure it is related to the healthier diet.

Horsey, what part of California were you in with the older woman trying...?

Oh Dear!!!

I read this thread start to finish and realize that I've been doing this very thing. Frumping out.

For one, I just HATE clothes shopping these days cuz I have to look at myself in the mirror in my underwear. Arf! And I keep saying I'll buy clothes AFTER I lose the weight--when I DESERVE them.

I usually wear my scrubs from work, or some part of them with a t-shirt when I'm out with my husband. And try to pretend I'm invisible. I DO have some decent outfits for Church, but pretty formal stuff I don't wear anywhere else.

But you have got me thinking that I should re-think this. Why do I think I look good enough for him but hope I don't see anyone else while I'm out????

Hmmmm......cuppa

I know that if I go out looking "sloppy and frumpy" I am going to run into the "ex" boyfriend and his new supermodel girlfriend. If I go out looking pretty good, I can guarantee that I will NOT run into him. That alone will keep me from going out looking sloppy and frumpy!!! It is worth the effort I put in to guarantee that I will not run into him.

I used to be that way, up until about 5 years ago. That's when I started wearing makeup every day, and not only occasionally. That was the extent of my effort to "improve my looks", so to speak. I find that lately, though, since I've lost 60 pounds, I've been dying my hair, changing hair styles, wearing cute capris and (kinda) low cut-tops. I like to carry an eye-catching handbag or wear eye-catching colors, like bright red. I guess since my confidence is up, I no longer want to be invisible. Feedback is good -- I get compliments alot. I'm still far from my goal, but I feel good about myself for the first time in my life, and I guess I want to reflect that feeling.

Ookpik :wel3fc:

And congratulations on your weight loss so far! :cheer:

Jay

Well, I'm really proud of myself...most days since I created this thread, I've worn makeup and did my hair. My clothes haven't been too bad, I haven't worn those nasty sweats haha. But I am off school right now until the end of August...we'll see if I can keep it up during school. As some of you have said, it doesn't take much effort to slap on some makeup in the morning. And it forces me to wash my face at night, even if I don't feel like it.

I have never been much of a girly girl and in to getting dressed up, but i do know that I have completely not cared about the way I look since I started gaining more weight. I use to wear eye shadow and eye liner and mascara, then I dropped the eye liner and then the eye shadow and now its even a rare thing that I will put on any mascara. I think I just feel like I have let my self go some much that there is nothing I can do for my self to feel pretty so there is no way it would even impress someone else. Its almost like I have lost myself. I guess im having a bad day!!!

Hey chica02! Sorry you were having a bad day. :( It's frustrating to try to look good when overweight--but still, you are a worthy person, a precious human being, regardless of your size.

I've never been much of a girly girl either, but I try to look "put together" when I need to--like going out to the theater, or to a nice dinner, or to a work meeting.

It does get easier as you lose--and you can do that! You're already doing it! You're accomplishing what you set out to do, and that's good!

:cheer:

Jay