Low Carb Archive - Please tell me I am not the only one who does STUPID THINGS!

((((sigh)))))

Would you chicks please tell me that I am not the only one who does STUPID THINGS? It would relieve my stress levels to no end to know that I am not the only one.:dizzy:

Remember the time I had those nifty (yet for me completely useless) acrylic nails and set my thumb nail on fire lighting a gas burner. I thought that was the low in stupid things.

But, alas...I go lower! Yesterday dh and I were out fixing the lights, yet again. I was replacing the dud bulbs with new ones. Unfortunately, for a couple of years now I have gotten into the habit of taking a tissue and sticking it in the waist band of my pants. (I have turned into my mother!) So, my hands were full and I stuck a dud bulb in my waist band. DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME! So, life goes on and I find it is time to wait outside for the little guy's bus. I sit on the front porch and wait. A friend pulls up to say hello. I bend over gracefully to stand up to greet her. POP! That's right, right in my large butt, I broke the bulb. OUCH! HO HO HO!

NOW can you see how stress eating is creeping into my life???? This I need? :rolleyes:

Please, let me know I am not the only one to do stupid things!

hugs and all that good stuff!
peach

OH Peach!!! LOL That is a good one!!! I set my stove on fire :D And it is electric!!!! I was boiling a pot of ham and cabbage and it over boiled and the fat went under the stove top and voila!!!

let me think i can come up with a few more too!!

This is fun!! (Love both of yours)

Well how about the time i droped a 5 lb jar of honey?

or the time I stoped my bike and forgot to put my feet down and just sortof in slow motion fell over and did nothing to stop me till it was to late!!!

or the time i set some sausage in the /toaster oven/broiler and then went out side the flames were reaching the cealing on that one.

OMG peach this is fun.

there was the time i bought about 6 lbs of coldcuts for a family party and then could not find them. i searched for a week, and had to go out and buy more. It turnes out that when i came inside my DD was sleeping and brought her inside and laid it on her bed and then threw the coat on top of it. on the foot of the bed. (with 2 small kids and working full time the brain did not function well and the coat stayed there)

How about the time i made soup for the family and put a pork hock (frozen when i put it in) in the soup, well what i did not know waas that the pork hock was bad and the soup was to I did not know it as i did not try the soup. now when i say the family i mean the WHOLE FAMILY In Laws included!!! it was not till every one was not eating the soup, (and i served my self last) that i tried it UGH!!!!

Oh peach i am sure there are more! I have to get the kids to school or i woould find more. HOLD ON!!

Hey, I am the oldest and have done more stupid things than the whole Coop. Put it this way, if you never do anything, you never do anything stupid! Life happens when you do stuff.

I stepped off the ladder into a gallon pail of paint and managed to spill the tray of paint over my stovetop.

Put my watch in my bra so I would not forget it in the bathroom and went back to my meeting. It went off during the meeting and I had to grope for it.

Left my wallet on the back bumper of my car in a parking lot - gone when I went back, of course.

Took two pans of squares out of the oven and dumped them out of the pan. Then read the instructions to "cool in pan" as I watched the squares turn into crumbs.

These are all recent!

Also - got married twice! LOL!

I could go on and on but won't.

OK now you all know that you can call me the firebug--I almost lit my house on fire from putting what I thought was cold ash in a cardboard box on my back step. Big burnt out hole there now and when everybody sees it they ask ME what happened!

Just this morning Sue I lit my electric stove on fire when I put the kettle on--grease under the burner!

Let's just say my friends call me Smokey!

I could go on and on but the humiliation and sadness of it all just overwhelms me!:lol: :lol: :lol:

I FEEL SO MUCH BETTER!!!!!!!

you know, come to think of it...I don't think I have EVER cleaned under my burners :eek:

peach

Hi Jenny, I snuck this in right before you....reminds me of the one or two or three or so times I got myself in the shower with my socks on!!!-

Well I had a wopper yesterday. I normally go to work at 6:30 and dh gets the boys off to school. Well yesterday he had an early meeting so we switched schedules. That must have been my problem, my schedule was off. I was wearing a pair of black slacks and a nice Christmas sweater. It was not until I got in my office that I noticed I was wearing my bright green house slippers. :o

I also catch myself trying to unlock my front door with my automatic car door opener :D

And I am not even blond, used to be!

jenny :smug:

... and then there was the time that I went to work in my black sweater and black half slip!

....and the time my BIL noticed I had my car keys in hand as we got onto an airplane. He asked if I was driving.

....and the time I grabbed a colleague's crotch when he bent over the water fountain but you chicks are too innocent to hear that one. It really was a mistake! :o

This could go on forever! :lol:

ROTFLMAO I can not stop!!!

I love the slippers that is my nightmare!!!
And so is the slip!
OMG! Thanks for the great thread Peach!!!
The groping in the BRA!!! LOL

Pooky you made me feel better with that one!!!

I just spit coffee all over my keyboard because I'm laughing so hard!

Oh, by the way, Peach, yep, you are the only one ever in the history of the world to do stupid things!:devil:

Just last night I was trying to switch channels, getting mad at the remote, only to look down and see I had the phone in my hand!

Last week when I was finishing the kitchen cabinets I forgot that I had left the paint tray on the table, only for the cat to jump in it. As I was following the white footsteps on the hardwood floor (cleaning as I went) I looked behind me to see that I had paint on my foot too and was making my own trail as I was cleaning the cat's.

Peach, I hope you don't have shards in your bum! Ouch!
Sue, hopefully all the preservatives in the coldcuts kept them from smelling too bad!
Jenny, I'm sure all of your colleagues thought they were a part of your holiday ensemble...yeah that's it! I wore my red slippers to the post office the other day on purpose - just lazy!
And, I'm not even going to touch (so to speak) the crotch grab maneuver!

Chickadee

LMAO---ROLLING AROUND IN MY OFFICE CHAIR ABOUT READY TO PMP !!! BELIEVE ME--iI CAN OFFER MUCH--BUT LAFFING TOOOOOOOO MUCH RIGHT NOW !!! I'LL BE BACK! AND I THOUGHT THESE THINGS ONLY HAPPENED TO ME !!!!

Well, there was the time I had to GO really bad! I ran into the bathroom, pulled down my panties, sat down and peed all over the toilet seat cover!:o

How about giving a man a lecture for walking into the ladies room at a movie theatre only to turn around and see the urinals...

Lara

Once I had the entire fire department over for Christmas Dinner, as I was baking sweet potatoes with marshmallows on top (IN THE ELECTRIC OVEN). Little sis called before I had time to put a lid on the dish, and by the time all the guys got there, the "fire" was smoldering on my front porch!

Then, there's the time I grabbed my husband's hand and dragged him away from the video games at the store, only to look up and find. . . . NOT my husband!

My favorite is when my daughter was first learning to talk, and we were in the grocery store. She wanted to be picked up, and she screams "HELP ME! HELP ME!" over and over, people were looking at me like I was kidnapping her!

I laughed so hard over this I e-mailed it to a few girls I know, because they will get a double kick out of it!

You guys are killing me!!!!! This is hysterical, what is scary is that I have done many of these things!!!!

Oh, I have one more to add--how about putting your arms around your friend's dh and nuzzling his neck thinking it was your dh from behind? Did it and boy was that ever embarrassing!

You know, I love you guys for a lot of reasons.....but I think these are the best reasons of all! :D YOU GUYS CRACK ME UP!!!!

peach

Ok, Peach, I'm probably the only person around who hasn't done anything particularly embarrassing -- Well, if you don't count this Thanksgiving...

We were playing spoons. If you've never played it -- I'll explain just a bit. It's a card game where you pass cards trying to get 4 of a kind. There is a circle of spoons in the middle of the table, always one less in number than there are card players. When a person gets 4 of a kind, they take a spoon -- and at that point, all the other players try to grab a spoon -- because if you don't get one, you're out. Needless to say, after a couple of hands, cards are flying, spoons are flying -- and things began to get a little outrageously out of control. Not that I'm competitive or anything -- but I DO LIKE TO WIN.

On one particular hand, when the spoons started going, one fell into the lap of the fresh-faced young man sitting next to me. (I didn't know him -- he was a friend on my cousin's son.) Bucky, probably around 22 or 23, had the (mis)fortune of being seated between two determined, married women who were groping, digging, and clawing around in his lap for a good 15 seconds. I was too busy to notice, but my daughter, Kate, who was sitting across the table, said she saw every emotion from panic to gratitude cross his face. On one level I KNEW what I was doing, but on another, I could have cared less...I HAD TO HAVE THE SPOON!!

Until, of course, I came up w/that spoon and happened to notice the expression on the face of the nice young man's wife.

Kate has never looked at me the same way since either.

Sooner

How about adressing the aniversary cart to your DH's brother and wife (mind you this was given infront of the whole family) and address it to him and you!!!!! OMG!

A great one i hear about this morning. a friend was hanging up clothes with her child on her back in a back pack carrier, and then took of down the road on her bike and visited a new family in the area, then rode all the way home when she took her son off her back she found that some how when she stood up a piece of clothing had gotten hooked on her back pack like it was oput there on purpose. Her husbands underwear!!! jockey shorts never the less!!!

RUTH!!!! I haveta know. Did you get fired or promoted for your little crotch grab trick? ROTFLMAO

Tippy, I've had a similar bathroom disaster just last year. We were renting a holiday trailer at a lake and I got up in the night to use the bathroom. Didn't turn on the light because I was in a hurry (read desperate). Well, you know those tiny little toilet cubicles those smaller trailers have and you'll have to just imagine my big backside wedged into this narrow place . Nightgown goes up, Linda goes down, Linda lets loose just as she realizes the lid is still down on the toilet. Linda hasn't enough bladder control to stop so humiliates herself. THEN has to try to clean up the overflow in cramped quarters. Oh my, not a pleasant sight.
Have ya ever walked out of a public washroom and realized that crowds of people are pointing and snickering? Then you suddenly realize that not only are you trailing a roll of toilet paper from your shoe but you have also got your skirt stuck up into your underpants at the back? Yup, it's happened to me. Not the high point of my life.
Invited hubby's boss and his wife for an "authentic" Italian dinner and, while passing the bowl of spaghetti (mixed with sauce) to the boss had it slip out of hands and into boss's lap? Yup, it's happened to me.
There are many, many humiliating, dumb mistakes I've made in 37+ years of marriage too numerous to mention, so you are definitely not alone.

STOP IT !!! STOP IT !!! I can't breathe... LOL LOL :lol: :lol:

I never grabbed a man's crouch but I have set my stove on fire.... several times. LOL

Just recently I was walking into the restroom at Walmart. There were those wet floor orange thingys just outside the door so I knew they were cleaning. Right???.... Wrong !!!!!

I walked in and there stood two men. Since I assumed they were janitors I said "Hi... how are you today?"
They looked very surprised to see me. I just smiled one of my BIG smiles :D and and asked them if they were almost finished.
They both just stood there in shock. The one guy grabbed a paper towel and started drying his hands. The other guy grabbed his *&^% and started putting it back into his pants. :eek: He was hopping up and down trying to do it quickly.
I NEVER saw the urnials until the guy washing his hands said... "UM.. I think you want the women's bathroom." :lol:

I said.. "OH MY... I am soooo sorry!!!" I ran and sat in the womens restroom for at least 10 minutes. I was soooo embarrassed.
Thank goodness the guy using the urnal didn't turn around. LOL
Remembering it now and seeing him hopping up and down I still die laughing. :lol: I guess when I asked him if he was finished he figured he BETTER BE. :lol:

OMG, 2 cute, you're making me pee my pants!!!!!!!:lol: :lol: Can you imagine what was going on their minds when you said that??? ROFLMAOPIMP!!!!!!!! (Rolling On The Floor Peeing In My Pants!)

OMG that is hysterical!!! LOVE IT!!!

SO.....listen to what a loser I am!!!

Of course I was late for church this morning, rushing around trying to get 2 children under 5 dressed, fed, teeth brushed and out the door into the curch nursery by 830 is nearly impossible...so of course I was snappy with them cause were late-(great job mom) Anyway, I race into the rest room before running into church and then I rush into the sanctuary and there is no where to sit except close to the front.......so I sit down and I feel cold wood on my butt....yes you guessed it my skirt was stuck in my panty hose. I traipsed up the center aisle of the church in front of 100 people with my skirt stuck in my pantyhose and my lovely flowered underwear and my butt beaming out to all. I absolutely wanted to crawl under the pew.... I still want to craw under something. Needless to say after church I collected my children from Sunday school and snuck out of the church........Have a lovely day all!!!! :o :o :o :eek: :eek:

You poor thing. When those things happen at Walmart at least you never have to face those people again. But at church you have to face them every week. :eek:

You would think that SOMEONE would have gallantly stood up behind you and pull it down.... BUT... they were probably all too busy...... LAUGHING !!!!! :lol: :lol: :lol:

I can hear little Johnny now.... "Hey mommy...there is that lady with the flowery underwear." :lol: And mommy saying..."Shhhh, don't talk about that". And daddy sitting there GRINNING :D ...and thinking.... "Yeah, those were pretty undies !!". :lol:

Sorry I had to rub that in... that was too funny of a story.
I guess I have a little devil in me. :devil: :lol:

Think of the bright side.... at least they all know you wear underwear now. :lol:

It could have been worse... you could have gone with only the stockings and no undies...

I will always remember seeing a woman moon all of Toronto's rush hour traffic while she flirted with a Bartender at a Bar with a huge window... she had her dress tucked up in her nylons and wasn't wearing even a thong under them as she leaned over the bar!

Lara

I keep a laugh file in my e-mail, this popped up tonight. I really needed it! Anybody have any new ones?

:yikes::yikes::yikes:


Nope, not another stupid thing has happen to me since!!
:tape: :ziplip:



:yikes: :yikes: :yikes:

What else ya got in that file Sherrie?????

Funny how things eventually come back to haunt ya! :lol:

peach

Hey, I'll admit, stupid sort of follows me around like a dark cloud! Let's see. . . . the other day I left my ATM card in the machine, despite the beeping and it begging me to take my card. The lady behind me grabbed it before the machine ate it, thank goodness she returned it to me!! See what I mean???

Psssst. . . . my secret laugh file is mostly jokes and such that were e-mailed to me from long ago, you are all safe!

ROTFLPIMP with tears rolling down my face!!! Thanks i forgot about those!!! Too much to read before bed now do you really expect me to sleep????

This popped up in my inbox so I came on over to take a look. I'd had forgotten what a bunch of wild and crazy gals you are!

I'd also completely forgotten about the time our family went to a big water slide park in Davenport.

After doing it all -- from the big bad slides to the wee ones -- my DD and I went to the dressing room to change clothes just as the park was closing. Imagine my face when I took off my bathing suit and discovered that I'd worn a HUGE hole right in the middle of the butt. The backside of my suit had just disappeared. Like Captain Kirk shot me from behind with a fabric phaser. Took my suit, but left my big rear end shining and woefully intact.

I can't think of ANY words -- no, I don't think there ARE words -- to describe all the emotions that went through me as I stood holding the tattered remains of what I had just that morning convinced myself was a bathing suit that would NOT draw attention to me.

I'd completely (and blissfully) blocked this traumatic event from my memory for at least 10 years! (Gee, thanks chicks!) But now that I think about it -- I'm pretty grateful that it WAS 10 years ago. Who knows what would be fallin' out of that big hole these days.

LOL!!!!! Thanks for the giggles, ladies!!!!! I remember this the 1st time around - so good to revisit it and read the new stuff!!!

So glad that it brought our sweetie Sooner out of Lurksville too!!!

Kel

How did I miss this the first time. It's waaaayyy too early to laugh like this, my family will think I spiked my coffee.

And Sooner........so good to see you!!

Debbie

OMG - DH thinks I've lost my mind, I've over here cackling.

Here's one from today. We took DSS to get a haircut and the lady cutting his hair said "Aren't you lucky, mom and dad are both here with you." DSS says "She ain't my mom, She married my dad, but they used to just live together." And then went into more detail... Made me out to be a real homewrecker. He's only 6, so I hope it's just his way of telling the story that screwed it up, caused that's not the way it happened.

YOU GIRLS GOT ME IN TROUBLE!!! I was reading this at work, and there's a big plate glas window between mine and the Boss's (big bad ole Alvin) He saw me in here laughing so hard he called me on the carpet for not working!!!

OMG..... I read this thread last night when we got home at 11pm - I laughed so hard I almost wet my (fabric!) chair, tears were rolling down my face, I could hardly breathe, and dh came upstairs to see what the heck was so damn funny! I must admit, I let him read some of it - being a man, he just couldn't let me think that HE thought it was as funny as I did, but he surely did chuckle hardy!!!


Chickies, especially you, Peachie, for starting it ..... thanks so much - I REALLY needed that laugh!

Cord from hand held mixer drops into cake batter. Without thinking and two bright eyed little angels watching me, I take the cord out of the batter and into my mouth to lick off the goo. Little angels are all agape as Mom's eyes bulge and her hair stands on end from electric current from the cord which is still plugged into the wall on the other end. :eek: After finally detatching my tongue from plug and regaining my equilibrium I say "Now, girls, that's something YOU must never do. It's very dangerous".

A batch of berries to be made into jam. I decide Mom's old meat grinder would be a good way to mash the berries but it doesn't work. Decide to use blender instead. Transfer berries to blender, not realizing that a bolt from the now disassembled meat grinder has gotten mixed up with the berries. Turn on blender. Clang, CLANG!!! and something bursts through the glass wall of the blender and across the room and buries itself an inch into the drywall. Berries and broken glass all over counter, floor and me but I'm just so grateful that bolt didn't go flying right into my belly instead of across the room.

There's more but I'm embarrassed enough with that.

okay..........I'll add one.

I put on a fry-pan with bacon grease in it on the stove to warm up, I was going to fry an egg.

Walked out of the kitchen, saw my neighbor outside, went out to talk to her.

The next thing I know my smoke detector is going off, the one downstairs than as the smoke gets upstairs the one up stairs is going off. Our security system has smoke detection as part of the system. Our security system starts going off, which inclides a siren in the roof of our house.

I walk into the kitchen to see flames coming from the pan..........black smoke billowing around the ceiling.

I run over grab the pan by the handle........God was looking out for me......that handle was not hot. I take the burning fry pan out to the deck, put in on the deck which burns a black mark in my cedar deck.

Because the security alarm has gone off, the alarm company is calling to see what is going on. The lady on the phone wants to know if she should send the fire department. Two smoke dectctors and a siren in the roof are still blasting while I talk to her.......finally get her off the phone and my other neighbor calls to see if everything is okay........in the meantime I'm fanning the one smoke alarm to get the smoke away from it.

Finally get everything somewhat under control and realize the kitchen cabinets my husband has just put a fresh coat of white paint on are black. I clean them the best I can......but they are just not coming clean.

I KNOW..............the left over paint is in the basement. Get the paint, but no paint brush. Being the smart woman I am :D I use the only thing I can find to paint my kitchen cabinets............a pastry brush!!!!!!!!!!

OMG - Deb, you were lucky!!!!

Here's ONE of mine from a looooong time ago:
I'm very early 20's working in an office. 10 office people (workers and supervisors, male & female) are huddled around talking about the new office cubicles to be installed. Everyone is talking 10 by 12, 18 feet, 6 by 8, etc. I decide to join in the conversation by saying that I've never been good with measurements. I say that when I invision 18 feet I think about laying three 6 foot men...... dead silence around me then everyone cracks up before I get to explain that I mean, like, have three 6 foot men lay down on the floor head to foot! OMG, I was soooo embarrassed I turned 8 shades of red and wanted the floor to open up and swallow me.


Kel

just love this thread!! thanks girls!