General chatter - Can you say "tacky"?




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alinnell
06-13-2007, 05:31 PM
A few of you heard my rant a few weeks ago after a wedding.....in short, the invitation said the wedding was at 6 PM. Not one to be late, we show up at 5:45 PM--to an empty wedding/reception hall. We search out and find the wedding planner who tells us the wedding is scheduled for 7:30. Wait, what? 7:30?!?! We go find a bar to occupy us (we drove to another state for the wedding and just drove 45 minutes from our hotel to get there on time). A few phone calls later and we find out that the invitations were done like this ON PURPOSE because some of the groom's friends were habitually late so they made the time early (but didn't inform those of us who are punctual).

So. What's your story? What has happened to you that you feel is the epitome of tackiness?


cbmare
06-13-2007, 05:37 PM
Yes! They are TACKY. In fact, I don't even think I'd accept invitations from those people ever again without some distinct clarification.

OK.

Went to a party thrown by the boss. This was one of my late husband's bosses. There was a wicker tray on the counter. Everyone was supposed to put in $10 for themselves and each guest. INCLUDING CHILDREN! This guy was a millionaire. Guess that is how he got that way. Oh! And it was BYOB and anything else you wanted to drink. He provided hamburgers and hot dogs.

Glory87
06-13-2007, 05:43 PM
Allison - I would have been completely livid. I am a very punctual person and would hate killing an unncessary 1.5 hours in my fancy dress up clothes. Not to mention, I plan when I eat pretty carefully and that would have seriously messed me up.


lizziness
06-13-2007, 11:01 PM
i would have left when I found out, and would have sent them a letter too. That is just not okay to do to people.

I can't think of anything too horrible - unless you count my mother in law who on multiple (read: most) occasions would be anywhere from 30 minutes to 2 hours late meeting me and then casually saying "Well, I'm on time for IMPORTANT things"
GRRRR!

Holdensmom
06-13-2007, 11:16 PM
That's awful!!! I've never heard of anyone doing that before! They should have printed them separate invitations!

NotTheCheat
06-13-2007, 11:25 PM
I don't have wedding etiquette story, but have you ever read through some of the things at http://www.etiquettehell.com/?

My favorite tacky story was about a co-worker who I will call L. L was the most singularly cheap person I have ever met. L didn't have a car and bought a desk a Crate & Barrel. She didn't want to pay to have it shipped, so she asked M, another co-worker who had a minivan, to help her pick it up. M agreed, assuming that L was asking for a ride over to the store. Not so - L was asking M to go pick up the desk for her and deliver it to her house. M was a mother of two who was extremely busy and didn't even live nearby. Of course M declined to be a delivery person for L, and L didn't forgive M for months for "being selfish".

lilybelle
06-14-2007, 01:36 PM
That is aweful. I am a very punctual person and lateness drives me nuts.

As for tacky, I went to a wedding recently. The couple was registered with stores and had very expensive gifts listed. So, most everyone at the wedding had given pricey gifts. Then to top it off, the groomsmen sent around a shoe at the reception asking all the guests to donate money to pay for the honeymoon. (This may be expected some places, but I've definitely never seen it done before).

This same bride is now having a baby. The list of items she wants are all very expensive and color-coordinated. I was told that we are expected to get her the stroller that is over $200.00. (she is from the DH's family,BTW). I told DH that I'm not buying it and will glady pick up a nice baby outfit for the baby. Just plain tacky, IMHO. To top it all off, we didnt' receive an invitation to the baby shower.

djs06
06-14-2007, 01:40 PM
WOW!! That's definitely one I've never heard. Tacky is right!

Umm, I think the epitome of tacky is that dollar dance thing. I've never actually seen it at a wedding but I've known a few people who have done it.

phantastica
06-14-2007, 01:47 PM
Oh! Those are terrible wedding-etiquette stories.

Tacky is ... a sibling who complains about "all the damn gifts" they received for their wedding. It was at that time I decided to make a donation in their name to OxFam for their wedding present.

Tacky is ... friends who find ways to pawn off their errands and other less desirable to-do's onto unsuspecting friends. Or giving someone a retro piece of furniture as a gift for helping them move, but then suggesting that they might want that back someday. ??

WaterRat
06-14-2007, 01:56 PM
Hmmm, Lily, I think if you're not invited to the shower, you don't "owe" them a gift either - maybe something small when the baby is actually born. :)

settie
06-14-2007, 02:02 PM
People are amazing!

I was at a funeral a couple of months back and 20 or so minutes into it someone's cell phone went off. I thought, gee that person probably feels awful - I'm glad it wasn't me and I quickly checked mine even though I was sure I had turned it off. Now for the tacky part - FOUR other cell phones went off befor the funeral was over!

Sherry
06-14-2007, 02:14 PM
Yep...All the ones mentioned are tacky!! Some people!!???

Speaking of tacky: How about giving a $45.00 picture frame for a wedding gift and then see it in their yard sale for $2.00 6 months later UNUSED!!! :lol: That's what happened to a friend of mine! (BTW: The frame WAS on their gift register).

shelby897
06-14-2007, 02:19 PM
Okay, so I got a wedding present -- a beatiful frame -- but the card INSIDE was from the giver's wedding -- to _________ from Aunt _____________ !!! I'm not totally against regifting, just be careful!!!

The dollar dance -- hate it!! I used to see it done when I was little, not so much any more -- you got to the wedding, shower, etc. give a gift and then they want you to fill their bag with cash!!!

chevyjnova
06-14-2007, 05:30 PM
My cousin told me all about her wedding and wedding shower but I wasn't invited to either. Instead inviting a mutual friend of ours and her entire family, when she's always complaining about this friend and her family to me. Now she expects me to help her move this weekend but the other friend is nowhere in sight. As a present, I got her some Diet soda and got rid of a couch for her. It struck me as funny that when I looked at the items on the gift registry they were all things she'd never buy for herself, not because she didn't want them but because she couldn't afford them. I guess though, I'm the type of person who asks for practical things rather than $200 decorations that do nothing for me or a $300 set of dishes when well, they're just dishes and they are all glass or ceramic which isn't practical when you have a 2yo and another baby on the way. I'd love to have some that match someday but until then, as long as I have some that work, I'm happy.

My aunt on my dad's side made a comment to my aunt on my mom's side (her own sister, not an in-law) about how my mom was a bad parent and was being ridiculous in asking for more child support from her brother. She said this all at my graduation party, at my mom's house. I know that's how that side of the family is but the location and who she said it to was pretty bad, it pretty much ruined my day, not to mention my mom's.

As far as the time thing goes, that is a little ridiculous. I've done that with little things like graduations and confirmations but never more than a half hour and usually I just say something to my mom about the start time being an hour earlier so she'll show up on time. But if they're going to put the start time on there as that far in advance, they should at least tell the people they aren't worried about or probably just print separate invitations like mentioned above.

phantastica
06-14-2007, 05:49 PM
Now she expects me to help her move this weekend but the other friend is nowhere in sight (of course I'm not going, I have plans).

How are you not close enough to be invited to the wedding, but you are close enough to help her move? I'd re-evaluate and set that relationship aside. That's really bold of her. I'd only ask my very closest friends for help moving (actually, at this point in my life I'd probably hire a mover).

nelie
06-14-2007, 05:56 PM
This same bride is now having a baby. The list of items she wants are all very expensive and color-coordinated. I was told that we are expected to get her the stroller that is over $200.00. (she is from the DH's family,BTW). I told DH that I'm not buying it and will glady pick up a nice baby outfit for the baby. Just plain tacky, IMHO. To top it all off, we didnt' receive an invitation to the baby shower.

I got a bit annoyed at a mother-to-be who registered somewhere and everything on the registry was mostly unnecessary (expensive) stuff. It is ok to ask for unnecessary stuff when you already have everything else but the mother was strapped for cash and really needed the necessities, not the niceties.

Now here is something tacky... it didn't happen to me but my relative did this to some of my other relatives... you ask your family to help you move but on moving day you don't even have anything packed and then you sit and watch as your relatives pack stuff for you.

lizziness
06-15-2007, 12:09 AM
how about asking a family member for help cleaning the overwhelming amount of clutter from you home- only to not help them clean up your mess, fight them all the way on the things that needed to be purged (like expired canned goods that had no label) - only to turn around and pull everything out of the garbage and donation bins and put them back where they started the moment said helpful family member leaves. ooh, i was mad.

sfj
06-15-2007, 11:59 AM
I've got one for you.

My moms side of the family is big, so at Christmas we draw names so we dont have to buy for everyone. The limit is about 20 bucks.

Nothing wrong there right? Practical and makes sense.

Here is the tacky part.

My then dh was picked by my cousin and my uncle was picked by this same cousins wife.

Christmas came around and no gift. New years came around and no gift. Valentines day came around, no gift. Then at the end of February my mom gets a package in the mail. Inside is a shoe box for my uncle and a shoe box for my then dh.

Inside these shoe boxes? Armor All for your car, tube socks, cough drops, and a package of pens that were broken.

UH???

I later found at these were all leftovers from her mission trip to china!

The next year, same family, I drew my other cousins name and his wife drew mine. We all kinda go around and see who gets our names. I spent a month looking for a c.d. my cousin loves. It ended up costing more then the 20 dollar limit. What did I get from them? A ceramic santa potpourri thing from the dollar store.

Needless to say we no longer do this.

lizziness
06-15-2007, 12:23 PM
i always get ripped off on the draw a name w/ my in-laws too. :(

Glory87
06-15-2007, 01:50 PM
how about asking a family member for help cleaning the overwhelming amount of clutter from you home- only to not help them clean up your mess, fight them all the way on the things that needed to be purged (like expired canned goods that had no label) - only to turn around and pull everything out of the garbage and donation bins and put them back where they started the moment said helpful family member leaves. ooh, i was mad.

Sounds like this person has serious issues with a hoarding compulsion :(

junebug41
06-15-2007, 02:13 PM
Not being invited to the wedding or reception or shower, but to the "post-wedding BBQ where we can collect presents from everyone we didn't invite to the wedding"....

nelie
06-15-2007, 11:26 PM
SFJ - That happened to me too! We drew names and I didn't get a gift for christmas and neither did someone else. Happened to be a relative and his wife, neither of them bought gifts for anyone but they happily collected the gifts. They never should've drew names if they didn't want to give a gift. I don't do name draws with my family any more.

lilybelle
06-16-2007, 12:09 AM
Nelie, we had that same moving situation. We were asked to help move DH's aunt and his GM from Iowa to Oklahoma. We used our own vehicles, trailer, gas, paid for our own meals.(To top it off, it was in January and we were freezing our butts off and trying to avoid the ice on the highways). When we got to Iowa, nothing had been packed. We were told ahead of time that it was a small 2 bedroom duplex that we would be moving and that everything was ready. It turned out to be a 2 story house which there was no way the stuff would fit on the trailer. The GM was mormon and had a humongous room full of stored canned food that would have taken up the whole trailer. DH was pretty furious since this trip also costed him his vacation days at work. The GM and Aunt also brought back 2 old clunker cars, (one of which I had to drive since the GM no longer had a license to drive). The car I was driving blew the transmission on the way and costed her over $1200.00 to fix which was more than the car was worth. Needless to say, a second trip to get the rest of the junk was required. We didn't offer to go the second time, DH's mother and his sister went back and got their stuff. With the cost we were out, the car problems, the second trip and such, it would have been WAY less expensive for them to have used a moving company. My DH still refers to it as the Trip to **** and gets pi@@ed when he thinks about it.

melekalikimaka
06-16-2007, 12:12 AM
I'm from a big family and we do the name drawing thing at Christmas too. One year my sister got my name, she followed me shopping while I admired a blouse. She got me that blouse as a gift. I later returned to the store and bought that blouse for myself, not knowing she had drawn my name. When she found out that i had already bought the same thing, she kept the blouse for herself but never bothered to get me anything else. Whenever we draw names now, we leave her out.

Oh, I have another tacky story. I don't know if this is a common practice where you are, but I got invited to two different baby showers (for the same individual) where there were also a concurrent candle party and a cosmetic presentation--where the consultants for each were saying if we guests didn't want to buy anything, could still buy for the guest of honor. I didn't like being blindsided by these people at all. I'm sorry, but I don't feel like candles or make-up are a suitable gift for a mother to be, I'd rather buy something for the baby.

ennay
06-16-2007, 12:16 AM
OK, I have to admit, I HATE the dollar dance too, but dh's family always does it and despite my instructions to the contrary, there it was at mine. I guess it is a midwest thing

phantastica
06-16-2007, 12:28 AM
Oh, I have another tacky story. I don't know if this is a common practice where you are, but I got invited to two different baby showers (for the same individual) where there were also a concurrent candle party and a cosmetic presentation--where the consultants for each were saying if we guests didn't want to buy anything, could still buy for the guest of honor. I didn't like being blindsided by these people at all.

I agree completely. I don't like the entire concept of home parties. The last thing I want to do is invite my friends into my home and then have things there for them to buy. Entertaining should be about giving and making people feel comfortable.

melekalikimaka
06-16-2007, 01:15 AM
The dollar dance was also done at my wedding (I always thought it had hispanic roots?) and my aunt was the first to actually pin money on my veil--I was pissed! :lol: It disrupts the married couples 'first dance' and even though we had the emcee ask people not to go up to the dance floor until the 1st dance was over, they did it anyway :rolleyes:

lizziness
06-16-2007, 01:49 AM
glory - yes there is definately a hoarding problem w/ her. and it is one of her lesser problems. *LOL*

my best friend did the dollar dance at her wedding. i agree it's kinda .. well.. it felt kinda country to me. plus i was also obliged as maid of honor to dance with the groom and stuff money into his shirt - well where the **** is a maid of honor supposed to stash cash? in her shoe? it was awkward.

djs06
06-16-2007, 12:07 PM
Not being invited to the wedding or reception or shower, but to the "post-wedding BBQ where we can collect presents from everyone we didn't invite to the wedding"....



OMG yes, i agree, that might be really one of the tackiest practices ever. If I'm ever invited to one of those, there's no WAY I'd go.

About the name drawing thing- WOW. Some stories! I've only seen that done once, the first time I met part of my girlfriend's extended family, and it seemed like a really nice idea... because they all got something nice. But I can only imagine how terrible it must be, going the other way.

Regifting- HA! these stories are great.. i don't know how I'd be able to keep my big mouth shut!


And all these moving stories.. my goodness... what is wrong with people?? :?:

ennay
06-16-2007, 01:24 PM
Wow I started this post last night and got pulled away by the kids

tacky - yup we've done the "go to help move" and NOTHING is packed.

tackier - not only was nothing packed, they had asked dh to "pick up beer on the way" which we assumed meant "because we are busy packing will you pick up the beer that we need to buy and we will reimburse you when you get here" NO.

tackiest - not ONLY did they not reimburse us for the beer, they took the leftover beer and hid it and when they ordered pizza for the group who helped them move they took up a collection to pay for it. And kept those leftovers too.

tacky gift - receiving a used deck of playing cards for a wedding gift.

tacky baby shower. A coworker who had older kids spent most of her pregnancy bemoaning how she hadnt planned on a third so she had gotten rid of all her baby stuff. So we threw her an elaborate shower as did her church and her friends ...3 showers. She had registered at BRU and target and people were going in together for some big ticket stuff - cribs, etc. Only to find out later that she hadn't gotten rid of any of her baby stuff until AFTER the showers were planned, and then she started e-baying her old stuff. And she returned the crib because she still had one and it didnt sell on ebay.

Coffee Luver
06-16-2007, 01:31 PM
A few of you heard my rant a few weeks ago after a wedding.....in short, the invitation said the wedding was at 6 PM. Not one to be late, we show up at 5:45 PM--to an empty wedding/reception hall. We search out and find the wedding planner who tells us the wedding is scheduled for 7:30. Wait, what? 7:30?!?! We go find a bar to occupy us (we drove to another state for the wedding and just drove 45 minutes from our hotel to get there on time). A few phone calls later and we find out that the invitations were done like this ON PURPOSE because some of the groom's friends were habitually late so they made the time early (but didn't inform those of us who are punctual).

So. What's your story? What has happened to you that you feel is the epitome of tackiness?

I would have been so ticked!!!!:mad: I probably would have kept the gift. :devil:


We have also done the whole "help them move" when NOTHING is packed. After we loaded up the large furniture items I left and told her to call me when her crap was packed.

lilybelle
06-16-2007, 01:47 PM
My own sister also has a way with tackiness. She usually insists that the whole family come to her house for Thanksgiving and Christmas dinner. Then she takes each of the wives aside and tells us how much the food costed and how much we Owe according to how many family members we each brought. Since she is a couple hrs. away and gas costs are enormous, I told her that next time me, DH and our kids would just plan our own holiday meal at home. BTW, she doesn't ask for money in front of her DH as he would be horrified.

Coffee Luver
06-16-2007, 02:13 PM
My own sister also has a way with tackiness. She usually insists that the whole family come to her house for Thanksgiving and Christmas dinner. Then she takes each of the wives aside and tells us how much the food costed and how much we Owe according to how many family members we each brought. Since she is a couple hrs. away and gas costs are enormous, I told her that next time me, DH and our kids would just plan our own holiday meal at home. BTW, she doesn't ask for money in front of her DH as he would be horrified.


I cannot believe that she insisted that you come to her house for a holiday and THEN wanted to CHARGE you for it?!?!?!?? I would never go back there again. Invite people to your place this year - be sure to put on the invite "NO CHARGE".
What ever happend to bringing a dish or a bottle of wine?

lizziness
06-16-2007, 06:51 PM
tacky funeral behavior? My grandfather died and his first wife's sisters came in, sat in the front right behind me, and started asking me if I'd gone through all of his stuff yet and who was getting what. Not only did I completely ignore them, but I haven't seen or spoken to them since and intend to keep it that way.

These are the same people who packed up all of greant grandma's house - knowing my parents were moving into it - and too EVERYthing... including the toilet paper off the roll!!

sfj
06-16-2007, 07:46 PM
Oh I have another one.

My soon to be hubby was married before. Whenever her family came to town he was all but ignored.

It was Thanksgiving, they hosted. When it was time to sit down and eat, my fiance noticed his moms name not at the table. All her family was at the table as was him. His mom? Out on the back porch with friends of the family!

junebug41
06-16-2007, 08:57 PM
I think the dollar dance is tacky as well. I think any public display of giving money (and also pinning it on a woman in a very expensive dress!!!) is just not up my alley. You may as well set up a tip jar at the bride and groom's table.

As for tacky funeral beahvior- I'm sorry, but it kinda freaks me out when I see people walking around with camcorders at funerals. Is this wrong?

EZMONEY
06-16-2007, 09:21 PM
Wow I started this post last night and got pulled away by the kids

How are my adopted GRANDkids doing by the way?

tacky - yup we've done the "go to help move" and NOTHING is packed.

OH! So you DO know my sister and brother in law! We are really family now! ;)

tackier - not only was nothing packed, they had asked dh to "pick up beer on the way" which we assumed meant "because we are busy packing will you pick up the beer that we need to buy and we will reimburse you when you get here" NO.

tackiest - not ONLY did they not reimburse us for the beer, they took the leftover beer....

NEVER! NEVER! leave any leftover beer! call a cab if you have too!

and hid it and when they ordered pizza for the group who helped them move they took up a collection to pay for it. And kept those leftovers too.

tacky gift - receiving a used deck of playing cards for a wedding gift.

But...were they strip poker cards?

tacky baby shower. A coworker who had older kids spent most of her pregnancy bemoaning how she hadnt planned on a third so she had gotten rid of all her baby stuff. So we threw her an elaborate shower as did her church and her friends ...3 showers. She had registered at BRU and target and people were going in together for some big ticket stuff - cribs, etc. Only to find out later that she hadn't gotten rid of any of her baby stuff until AFTER the showers were planned, and then she started e-baying her old stuff. And she returned the crib because she still had one and it didnt sell on ebay.

Around here we have a name for people like that.. :witch2: or something like that anyway.

I have to say that I have been to quite a few weddings in the last 10 years. My own kids in the last year, their friends weddings (Angie and I are the cool parents...oh yeah...so we get invited to those) and several of Angie's teacher friend's weddings. A couple of those teacher friends Twice ;) Although their "second" marraiges were more of the BBQ type and No presents involved.

So....being an expert on some of these matters I want to share my take on them. I don't wish to offend anyone.

#1 ~ My wedding to my first wife was her and I only in Vegas for a long week-end. We had lived :o together for four years and I didn't feel it was right to marry in a church at that time...my views and morals have certainly changed in the almost 30 years now, actually they changed many years ago. Anyway, we did not want or need gifts. We had a big party at the VFW hall for about 100 people with a very popular and local live band, we had pizza, sandwiches (I owned a sandwich shop at the time), fried chicken and of course an open bar. It was a freakin' BLAST!! That was US! We paid for the entire thing which was over a grand...in '79 that was a lot of money for a PAR-TAY! :carrot: for simple folks.

Angie and I were married in our church by our Pastor...with...our kids, my sister and nieces...Angie's mom and brother were there. We just told family the day before, anyone wants to come and has the day off come, we will take you to lunch. That was US

My daughter and her :p husband :p did not want to have a $$$ MONEY $$$ dance :dance: at their wedding....That was THEM

My son and :love: daughter in law :love: had a $$$ MONEY $$$ dance :carrot: That was THEM She had a little purse...no pins involved.

JUNEBUG ~ The dance can be done in good taste. I will be doing my fly-by Friday...Pretty sure my goddaughter will have a $$$ dance ;) ...the couple is NAVY and broke!

I would say about half of the weddings I have been to have the $$$ dance...I think it is FINE either way! It ain't about ME!

I don't :dance: well...but I pay pretty good ;) at least $10 for every time I step on glass slipper :D

As far as a BBQ for the "B" list. Personally I don't see any problem with that. Although I do see how people's feelings can be hurt :( . All I will say is that with my son and daughter both getting married in 6 months recently...we have been through this. They both paid a big chunk of their own wedding costs, Angie and I and their mom gave a generous gift to each of them towards it and the other families paid substantial too...but they were quite expensive for sure. The food tab at my daughter's was over $7,000 alone. Anyway, each wedding had 150 guests. Now I would have thought that would be enough to include everyone we would like to have there...:lol3: :lol3: :rofl: :rofl: :lol: :rofl: :rofl: :lol3: :lol3: Not even close...just our immediate family (what we consider immediate) is over 50 alone! This does not include any of the kids high school ~ college ~ sports ~ work ~ church friends or the parents friends we might liked to have included. Folks there is only so much $$$ that can be afforded...at least we all ended up wedding debt free after them!! All paid for in cash. Anyway, although they didn't have one due to the honeymoons and work...the kids did discuss having a party for the "B" list...but with NO presents! Now keep in mind, the people on their "B" list may actually be closer to them than the A list...family from out of town etc. Any how, many of the "B" listers gave presents anyway because they HAVE BEEN THERE with their own wedding costs.

As far as "showers" go...As long as the shower "theme" is NOTED on the announcement, I see nothing wrong with having a "candle/avon/whatever" party" One is not obligated to buy from the hostess, but if you like what they are selling why not? Why give to Wally World or another box joint. And NO I do not know anyone that sells things but Angie does have friends that need to earn money that way. Again, as long as it isn't a secret :sssh: before you get there.

As far as the registry goes...why not click on expensive items...some people DO have money and want to buy expensive stuff. The kids I talk to don't really think they will get all the stuff...they have been to weddings, they see that most of the gifts (at the weddings we go to weddings anyway) are around $25-$50) I know that there were couples that went together on gifts for my kids. As for me...they all get the same thing...everytime...$100 to Home Depot if it is a young couple just starting out or $50 for friend already playing house. That is for the first wedding....a hug for the second! ;) If they are family or close friends I find other ways to help out financially...but they all get the same gift...makes it easy on Angie and I.

As far as funerals go...it is a sad time for sure. We have tried in our family to get away from funerals and have memorials. Sometimes several weeks after the death. We find it gives people a chance to grieve and then come together, although sad, but happy that our loved one has gone home! My family knows WITHOUT A DOUBT that there better be a BBQ in my honor when I go!! Angie and I didn't buy this shuuffleboard court and pour over 5 grand in cement for nothing! Seriously, I even have the list of songs I want played at the memorial...if they choose to have one. Angie and I are fine to just have our bodies donated to research if needed or cremated. Then we want our family to focus on having a cool :wave: GOOD-BYE :wave: party. You see...WE KNOW where we are going...it isn't going to be a sad day for us.

Again I don't want to offend anyone at all...but if I am looking down...and my grandkids...even my adopted ones ENNAY are having a snack....hey! I am all for it! Little ones don't quite get it. I almost always have bags of fun fruits in my pocket at church, have quieted many a kid down over the years. Angie and I sit on the side with little kids ON PURPOSE! We love the activity...and I don't mean RUDE behavior either...there is a big difference...common sense PEOPLE!

My daughter had coloring books and crayons at her wedding for the little guys...wouldn't be a bad idea at a funeral either I suppose.

Pictures should be taken at weddings! But use your head PEOPLE! Don't infringe on the professional photographer that has been hired...don't be rude...if they are...do as my brother did at my daughter's...say "GET THE blankity blank OUT OF MY WAY...I WAS HERE FIRST!"...they will back down. ;) and wait to take cake pictures...everyone must be respectful of each other and know THEIR place in the "moment"!

Treighsie
06-16-2007, 10:45 PM
These are all so tacky!

I don't know if this counts, but it just happened to me yesterday.

My brother is getting married next July. He's had this girlfriend for over 5 years, they live together, I see them often.
My sister calls me yesterday and says "Pam wanted me to call you and tell you the dress and shoes she wants us to order for the wedding, and to order them today because they're from a catalog." I was like, "I'm in the wedding?" I was NEVER asked... or even TOLD... just supposed to assume, I guess. Still haven't heard from Pam...

EZMONEY
06-16-2007, 11:24 PM
Tracy...some people are just not that smart....

junebug41
06-17-2007, 02:36 AM
Hey Gary- I didn't mean to offend you and yours. I've been to so.many.weddings. that I have some definite ideas on what I want to do. But you are right- to each his own. I do have to say that the most tasteful affair I ever attended was probably the most inexpensive wedding and the most FUN I ever had at a wedding was at a VFW ;)!

I guess as far as the dollar dance goes, I just never understood the idea of pinning money on the bride as I've seen done and I think that's what turned me off to it (but I'm all about the dress).

Now this is truly tacky:
I attended a family member's wedding wayyyyyy down south a few years back and the combination of the bride wearing verrrrry exposed pink slippers and the sight of people SMOKING as she as walking down the aisle made for some interesting commentary. I think the groom may have even had a chew in....

melekalikimaka
06-17-2007, 02:50 AM
More tackiness from my distant relatives at weddings: the money dance, not only do they insist on going up to the couple, they make a game of folding the dollar bills and tucking them into places i.e. behind the bride or groom's ear, the spouse must them get the money without using their hands--like retrieving it with their teeth and then tossing it to the side to another family member waiting with a collection basket of sorts. Then each successive money giver will try to think of even more creative places to place the money--like in the brides cleavage (if she has any showing), or in the groom's waistband etc. Now that's TACKY!

Mummy_Tummy
06-17-2007, 04:36 AM
I had never even heard of the dollar dance before my first wedding. The DJ took it upon imself to announce it, having never discussed it with me first. I was pretty embarrassed but the guests all seemed to enjoy it. Noone pinned money to me but just handed it to us. I think my embarrassment faded a bit after my mom counted it! Wow, we made alot of money that way!

My new husband and I were married from a registrar's office here in England and went back home for a big reception my parents threw for us. I absolutely forbade the dollar dance! It was informal, fun, Mom, my sisters and I did all the food ourselves, Dad and his band played. I agonized over how to present the invitations because we knew it'd be too expensive to try and ship gifts back to England. I finally just settled for "no gifts, please" because I had no clue how to ask for cash donations without sounding totally tacky (even though we still received alot of cash and checks from people who wanted to give us a gift).

A month or so ago, hubby and I were invited to a wedding and it said at the bottom "As ___ and ___ have already set up housekeeping together, they respectfully ask for donations towards their honeymoon instead of gifts." I thought that was worded well. Seems very practical not to mention saving the gift giver alot of time and wasted money.

Mummy_Tummy
06-17-2007, 04:38 AM
Oh, hubby just mentioned to me that the dollar dance (he being English and never having seen it done) sounds like the Jewish tradition of pinning money in small envelopes on the bride. So it's not just greedy capitalism. At least there are traditional roots!

EZMONEY
06-17-2007, 10:40 AM
:o :o :o Oh my JUNEBUG :o :o :o

You DID NOT offend me in ANY way. I am so soory if you felt that! Please except my apology :^:

All I was trying to say ...... remember I ain't no english major AND I tend to ramble ;) so that confuses :?: people sometimes .....

Is that I USED to think the same about the money dance. The first one I ever saw was when I was about 28, as you know that was A LONG time ago for me :D . I totally thought it was tacky then, all the pinning and, as NOELLE mentioned, the hidden :o places. However, since that time and many more money dances, I have seen it done very nicely. I was trying to get across that each and every wedding and person are different. They do things different. Some of those weddings I have been to were on the lower end of the $$$ scale, but the couple WANTED ... even though it was at their cost ... their friends and family to SHARE in their magic day. They really needed the $$$ from the dance so they could pay for the food that we had just eaten ;)

As you mentioned VFW weddings can be fun! Ours was a blast, our friends still bring it up from time to time on how much fun it was. All it was for everyone was a huge party with tons of food, drink and dance. But if you saw that same VFW hall now ....oh my ...I won't venture near it. Honestly, there is NO WAY my kids ...especially my :p son in law :p would get married or party in one. That was then for me and my ex-wife, the guys that ran the joint for weddings were men that I bowled with in league ...got that? Bowled with! That outta tell ya somethin' :D

I bring some of what I say up because of a situation at my daughter's wedding earlier this month. The photographers they had were awesome, however, they were looking for "artistic" shots and they got a ton of them. I can't post them because the purchases have not been made and their site doesn't allow it. If you really want to see them PM me and I will share it with you ...you have to seat through about a 20 minute dvd of them though ...over 500 pictures ...but at least ENYA is playing in the background) Anyway...they WERE NOT about getting family pictures with the kids. They led my daughter to believe that this was going to work out fine....nah...didn't happen because of the situation. There was MORE than enough time for it, they chose to spend hours...or so it seemed...on my kiddos shoes! Nice pictures I will say but not family with them. Now, to be fair they did take some for us.

Here is my point ...see how I ramble ...;) ...As Angie and I drove to the reception I was so :mad: freakin' :mad: pissed off! All of a sudden I realized that I COULD NOT allow this to bother me. I still had a dance to do with my kiddo and a toast for them ...I wanted this to be perfect for her ...not about my complaining ...this day WAS NOT ABOUT ME!

Things worked out pretty darn good though. We got tons of pictures and cd's from all the folks that had their digitals. These were way better pictures than the "pros" used to take anyway.

Over the years I have learned to be less critical of these things, so many people involved with their own ideas it can get confusing. I just go to them with the attitude that it is THEIR day and I hope it turns all well for them. Oh, and if they have those little weiners and MY MGD'S ....well then ....ALL IS GOOD! ;)

lilybelle
06-17-2007, 12:09 PM
When I was helping my MIL clean up after the death of my FIL 2 yrs. ago, I noticed that a lot of her nice dishes had names on the bottom of them. So, I asked about it. Lo and Behold her DD (DH's sister) and DH's XW had already put their names on what they want to get when MIL passes away. Even antique furniture and other things in her home have their names on it. Sheesh, can you imagine. I guess they are thinking she won't be far behind him and they need to already get their hand in the pot.

angieevans2007
06-17-2007, 12:18 PM
My sister in law whom before she married my brother in law was my best friend so I thought, asked me to be her maid of honer at her wedding then come to find out I had to share this honor with some other girl whom she had only know for a short time. Now i think when you ask one person you should, not make them feel as thought they are not your best friend after you have been there for them for many years. I just thought it was really tacky of her to do this. As of for now we are not best friends anymore since she married into the family and she treats me bad most of the time. So tacky is as tacky does......

FrouFrou
06-17-2007, 02:28 PM
You know, it's one thing having snacks for little ones in church and a whole 'nuther matter having them in a funeral. Chewy treats for a kid, yeah, but chips and soda? No...don't think a child that young (3) needs to be at a funeral anyway.

Gamerchick
06-17-2007, 02:44 PM
UGH! People are horrible! I didn't know all these things happened!

Some tacky things happen my birthday, so I am never happy on that day.

When I was little I had a birthday party and my friends hung out with my older sister and ignored ME!

Another birthday we ate at a place in the mall and everyone left me to go do their own thing.

I don't celebrate my birthday anymore, and to me it's like any other day now. My parent's buy a cake for THEMSELVES, and I try to RESIST MY OWN CAKE to stay on plan! I get so mad.

Christmas is bad for me, too. I am not a girly girl at all, I don't like jewelry or anything like that. My dad buys me a pink ring and it was just the junky ones from Walmart.

The year we learned I was diabetic I got candy as a gift and shorts, even though I was very much uncomfortable wearing shorts.

Last Christmas I just got the Pirates movie, even though they know I don't like that junk.

-=sighs=- I don't like Christmas day or my birthday because of these things. Hopefully I'll have a better time with holidays with my boyfriend.

lilybelle
06-17-2007, 02:54 PM
FrouFrou, I totally agree. I don't think a 3 yr. old should be sitting there eating and drinking at a funeral. I personally would never have taken a 3 yr. old to a funeral in the first place.

EZMONEY
06-17-2007, 04:24 PM
You know, it's one thing having snacks for little ones in church and a whole 'nuther matter having them in a funeral. Chewy treats for a kid, yeah, but chips and soda? No...don't think a child that young (3) needs to be at a funeral anyway.


FrouFrou, I totally agree. I don't think a 3 yr. old should be sitting there eating and drinking at a funeral. I personally would never have taken a 3 yr. old to a funeral in the first place.

I totally agree 3 yr. olds should not be there....but...maybe sometimes a sitter can't be found, since all the loved ones are at the funeral...you would think there would be someone to watch the kid...but maybe not. True, chips and soda is not appropriate in church service or funeral, I didn't mean to suggest that I thought so if I did...I guess what I was trying to say is there are a lot of folks that just are simply not that bright!

lizziness
06-17-2007, 08:13 PM
your birthday story reminded me of the LAST time i had anything to do w/ my inlaws for my bday. i was asked in advance where i wanted to go to dinner for my bday - and i told them. the day before i was told that place is too expensive - we'd rather go somewhere else. So THEY pick a different restaurant - one I'd rather not go to - i pick something crappy and cheap off the menu since they are paying and obviously money is an issue - only to at the end of the night pay for my own birthday meal!

in his family, i should mention, that it is their tradition to go out to dinner to celebrate a birthday, and of course, the birthday person's meal is on the family. i also should mention that they have no money, and when my hubby's siblings were still living at home - they'd go out and be told they have to pick the cheapest item on the menu and couldn't have anything to drink but water. I never understood this behavior - we were poor when i was a kid too. but you can bake a cake and have a potluck at home for just a few dollars and have more fun, in my opinion.

What i'm learning from this thread (and from my in-laws) is that people do things differently everywhere and there is no account for taste. *LOL*

EZMONEY
06-17-2007, 11:32 PM
OK, so my kids, nephew, :love: daughter in law :love: and :p son in law :p just left here after an awesome BBQ of carne asada. I got a new watch, DODGER towel, RAIDER night light for the game room, very cool Hawaiian shirt and a subscription to USC magazine.

Oh...the tacky part....Nephew got out his yearbook ~ my kids wanted to see it since it was their alma mater....

Now, before I go further let me say I graduated from the same high school in 1972....STOP :lol: :lol: :lol:

I remember picking my son up one day his freshman year, I saw a classroom filled with little kids. I asked him "What is this? A home-ec class on raising kids?" This was 1995. He laughs and says "DAD! These are the kids of some of the students." I am "like" "WHAAAA....:fr: :faint:"

Back to the yearbook...now these girls have their senior pictures in them with their kids....how special :p is that?

lilybelle
06-18-2007, 12:09 AM
lizziness, this brought up an old not-so-fond memory for me. I had a date once that told me to just order water with dinner. He complained that I didn't get a child's meal since I didn't eat enough off the buffett for what it costed. He put lemon juice and sugar in my water to make lemonade to keep from having to buy me a soda. I never went out with him again. LOL.

Gary, unfortunately babies in high school aren't that uncommon nowdays. Sadly one of my nieces waddled across the stage to get her diploma 9 months pregnant. The very next year Her sister pushed her baby stroller with 10 month old in it across the graduation platform.

modkittn
06-18-2007, 10:26 AM
Hey guys, I'm loving this thread! One of my parent's cousins got married about 5 years ago. They had already been living together for about 9 years and even owned a house together at that point (still do). They still registered, for both the bridal shower and the wedding when they already OBVIOUSLY had everything they needed. I thought that was kind of tacky!

EZMONEY
06-21-2007, 06:55 PM
...........
Gary, unfortunately babies in high school aren't that uncommon nowdays. Sadly one of my nieces waddled across the stage to get her diploma 9 months pregnant. The very next year Her sister pushed her baby stroller with 10 month old in it across the graduation platform.

LILYBELLE ~It just seems to keep getting worse. Hey I was no :angel: as a high school boy ...but man oh man am I ashamed of AND I sure would have been ashamed of some of the things I did if I had gotten caught. Today it seems like it's "She's got one and "it's" so cute...I want one too." As you hear on ........ fill in your own (TV TALK SHOW ) "I'll do anything for my baby." HUH? What can you do? You probably won't finish high school, go to college or have a good paying job. Your mom and dad will probaly do most of the "raising of the child". Now I know there are exceptions to the rule...but the stats pretty well prove that these "KIDS of KIDS are heading for a tough tough life!

Sorry ...NOT! if I upset anyone ;)