Weight Loss Surgery - Food and Punishment

next week I'm 9 months Postop. I've been doing pretty well incorporating sensible eating some slips some triumphs. The last 2 months have been Mega stressful $ has been tight work has been wacko and even moreso since monday
I haven't had the extra cash to get My anti-depressants.
On Tuesday we were told we have this Insane project that when I asked when it was due Yesterday was the answer. Monday I stopped at the grocery and got a few things to make a quick dinner and some Kier friendly meals for the week.
I got these gourmet burgers from Kings (for those of you in the garden state they have a Killer spinach and onion turkey burgeR) I also got white buns.
yeah me and white bread go way back to when I was little and would ball up a piece of Pepperidge farm family size and shove it in my mouth instead of saying I had a bad day. So I made dinner for me and DH Bacon cheddar burgers (thorougly unsatisfying btw) had my crappy sesame bun then proceed to inhale 2 more buns over the course of the night.. .Balled up and shoved in my gob delightful
the next night I made the aforementioned turkey burgers had my bun had the top of another and threw the rest out. (sorry about this becoming a novel)
Aside from the bread I feel like even with all my preparation I've had the self control of the cookie monster
Yesterday DH was sick I found out i didn't get a job i applied for we had a goodbye party for a colleague and CAKE. not only did I eat that when I went back to Kings to get DH some chicken soup a 3 musketeers bar followed me home. I had that thing clenched in my fist as I scooted home and I was inhaling it Mind you I checked the label 40 grams of sugar. I wasn't enjoying it I wasnt tasting it. I was Depressed, Angry & out of control I was eating to punish myself. I was actually eating to make myself feel bad. This realization mid-scoot led me to throw my candy on the ground.
After I pay bills I'm going to get my meds and I want to find a therapist b/c I really need to redefine my relationship with food. or at least get some books on the subject.
I'm allowed to have a bad day and express it! I just have to remember this!
Sorry about the rant My DH doesn't understand this stuff at all.

KO

When you realiazed you were eating to punish yourself. You had (what Oprah calls-your AHA moment). You saw why you were over eating. That is a milestone toward getting into healthy eating mode.

If you have a chance to read Dr Phil's book The ultimate Weight Solution--he has a lot of good pointers in there. I dont agree with everything he says, but he helps to point you in the direction to find the problems.

I over ate because of the way my mother treated me as a kid. I learned (on my own) what my problem was. Took me a long time to overcome the over eating. But, at age 50, I began to battle my demons and in two years dropped 80 pounds, have maintained it for 5 years.

I still have food cravings and when things get bad, I want to put my head in the refridgerator, but I usually back off. It is not easy, it is one day at a time.

So, dont beat your self up. Just dust your self off and get back on track

Chris

KO, stay strong. And I don't think you need to see a therapist. You just need to discover your inner self through other means. Give yourself some "me time" by taking a relaxing vacation or visiting family. And the self control will soon follow.

Good luck.

After I pay bills I'm going to get my meds and I want to find a therapist b/c I really need to redefine my relationship with food. or at least get some books on the subject.
I'm allowed to have a bad day and express it! I just have to remember this!
Sorry about the rant My DH doesn't understand this stuff at all.

I think your plan to buy meds and find a therapist is great and I truly hope you follow through with this. You know that your DH doesn't understand and are looking to find others who can support you and that is very healthy. :hug:

Wow, Kier..... I'm really worried about you. I wish I had read this sooner. You are taking the backseat in your own life. Maybe you don't need a therapist. Maybe you do, I don't know since I'm not there. But you've already said you will get your psychotropes AFTER you pay your bills, IF you have some spare cash left. There is a nifty little saying in the Navy, "Pay yourself first!!!". How much easier would handling your bills and dealing with Darwin Award candidates at work be if you were able to get your meds first? By what you've said, you know for a fact that you need/should be on meds. I don't want to preach to the choir, but sister, if you don't put a screeching halt to making yourself the last priority in your own day, you will suddenly find that all your time will now be devoted strictly to yourself and emotional damage control. (Insert image of me standing with my hands on my hips, tapping one foot and a worry vrease in my forehead.) I'm guessing you don't have insurance through work. Or maybe the co-pays are a bit much right now. I highly recommend checking into drug programs offered by your city, county, stae, the pharmaceutical companies themselves. Ask your pharmacist about options. Not taking certain meds when you really do need them can make the rebounding issues worse. Pleasepleasepleaseplease think of yourself first. No one else is going to do it for you, and you deserve a nice, soft place to land when you're feeling bad. And as far as financial strain goes, don't be afraid to ask for help (especially about meds, vitamins, protein), even where you least expect it. It's just another opportunity to pay it forward someday.