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05-08-2007, 06:09 AM
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#1
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Intuituve Eater
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: NY/NJ
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Ending Bad relationships-Bit of a Rant/Vent
Well last night i had a talk with the guy I was dating and his Other girlfriend and for an hour and a half they tried to convince me we should all "get along" and couldn't seem to accept it when I told them I was dating someone who only wanted me. I was ok with hanging out because I don't hate my ex, but for all that time they just couldn't see why I couldn't just be ok with having half a person. He feels he is going to Iraq and should be able to have whatever is going to make him happy before he goes. I just wanted to be his friend until he leaves apparent silly me.
We have been arguing about this for 4 months and me in tears for alot of that. Well Last night was the straw...the epiphany that maybe you can't change some people. He called me while they were in bed so I could talk to them while they had "fun", and no this had never happened before. Funny this time I didn't cry, no mopping, just finally ok....I can let it go know.
There is never going to be a friendship, because they won't realize I'm not interested in sharing on any level. This was the person I planned to marry.
So just curious what was the thing that made you finally realize that a bad relationship wasn't going to work?
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05-08-2007, 06:12 AM
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#2
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Wild Angels
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Kentucky
Posts: 573
Height: 5'2
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Forgive me, but I'm a tad bit confused. You just broke off a relationship with a man who also had another girlfriend, but you were planning on marrying him anyway?
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05-08-2007, 06:51 AM
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#3
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Just Yr Everyday Chick
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Florida
Posts: 10,852
S/C/G: Lost 50 lbs, regained some
Height: 5'3"
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Obsidianbbw, that is really screwed up, in my opinion! But hey--whatevah! At least you know it's not for you. Good for you for finding that out! I love the part about he's going to Iraq and thinks he should have whatever makes him happy. Oh great, so war is a good excuse to drop all ethics and morality...  Don't go along with the "friendship" bit. These people are nuts. Who would call someone else on the phone while they are in bed??? Makes no sense to me. Sounds aggressive, frankly--like they were trying to make you feel bad.
I guess if I choose from my vast relationship experience--when I was young, I was living with someone for 4 years who decided to "help" a coworker whose marriage was going bad by having her move in with us. Let's just say my partner's real interest was beyond being a helping friend, even though this was denied for awhile. Didn't take long for me to see that one was done.
So I guess there comes a time when it's so much "in your face" that you just have to see it!
Jay
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05-08-2007, 08:22 AM
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#4
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No description available.
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Bat Country
Posts: 6,915
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You can do way better.
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05-08-2007, 09:13 AM
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#5
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Intuituve Eater
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2006
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4 months ago we were dating and planning to get married we broke up and in the last 4 months he has being trying to convince me to be ok with him and his Other girlfriend.
Quote:
Originally Posted by NemesisClaws
Forgive me, but I'm a tad bit confused. You just broke off a relationship with a man who also had another girlfriend, but you were planning on marrying him anyway?
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05-08-2007, 09:26 AM
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#6
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Heather 2.0
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Middle of Nowhere
Posts: 1,472
S/C/G: 290/281/139
Height: 5'8"
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"So just curious what was the thing that made you finally realize that a bad relationship wasn't going to work?"
I'm still trying to convince both of us that this one can work...
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05-08-2007, 09:28 AM
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#7
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Just Yr Everyday Chick
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Florida
Posts: 10,852
S/C/G: Lost 50 lbs, regained some
Height: 5'3"
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Sigh... You will find that a certain type of guy--or gal for that matter--is really in a rush to make sure the "ex" is their friend after the breakup. That way they don't have to feel bad or guilty about leaving. And he's the one who left, isn't he? (Gosh, I must be psychic. )
He wants to have his cake and eat it too. Say goodbye. Don't take the calls. Lose his number, etc.
Jay
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05-08-2007, 11:10 AM
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#8
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Intuituve Eater
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: NY/NJ
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Height: 5'7
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For us it wasn't what we were doing for each other for the good of our friendship it was what could I do for him and screw what I needed him to do for me and who didn't matter if it hurt me to do it. It was all one sided and at least in this situation. we weren't working toward the same thing....we wanted different things.
Quote:
Originally Posted by HeatherAngel
"So just curious what was the thing that made you finally realize that a bad relationship wasn't going to work?"
I'm still trying to convince both of us that this one can work...
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05-08-2007, 11:18 AM
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#9
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Senior Member
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: ontario, canada
Posts: 2,358
S/C/G: 220/197/160
Height: 5'-3"
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Get some new "true friends". Walk away when it is over & from experience
I know people do not change - Good luck.
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05-08-2007, 01:38 PM
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#10
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lilybelle
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: rural Oklahoma
Posts: 6,619
S/C/G: 234/142/145
Height: 5'7
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Obie, you definitely deserve better than that and I'm glad you realized it.
As for knowing when my previous marriage was over, it was when at the end of my long work day, I was actually pi@@ed to see his car in the driveway. I had gotten to where he couldn't even Breathe right as far as I was concerned. It wasn't fair to either of us. He quickly remarried and has been married for 15 yrs. and I waited a few yrs. and have now been remarried for 10 yrs. We're both much happier now.
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05-08-2007, 09:41 PM
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#11
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Pending Email Confirmation
Join Date: Apr 2003
Posts: 1,711
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for me, at some point, i just realized that two unhappy people will never ever make a happy couple... lucky for me, i moved so I didn't have to really break up, just drift away.
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05-08-2007, 11:03 PM
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#12
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I'M A YOGA WIDOWER!
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Southern California
Posts: 21,844
S/C/G: 201/186/180
Height: 6'
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Obsidianbbw
I'm not interested in sharing on any level. This was the person I planned to marry.
THIS IS CERTAINLY A PAINFUL BLESSING!
So just curious what was the thing that made you finally realize that a bad relationship wasn't going to work?
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I'm a little slow...and clueless! But my brother knew when his girlfriend showed up at our door with a new date one night!  That was a real kick in his you know whats! Anyway, his ex and the other BRIDE have been together for almost 11 years now! True story!!
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05-09-2007, 12:46 AM
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#13
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Senior Member
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Wausau, WI
Posts: 13,383
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Height: 5'6"
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Sounds like he's trying to live out the classic "threesome" fantasy. The "other" girlfriend is obviously ok with the scenario, but puleese! time for them to give it a rest. The only thing I would say is that an hour an a half conversation was WAY to long! They may have interpreted it as a "maybe" instead of the emphatic no you want to express. It's definitely time for ending any attempts at communication with a "what part of no, don't you understand?" statement, or even better screening your calls.
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05-10-2007, 04:20 PM
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#14
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Intuituve Eater
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: NY/NJ
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Height: 5'7
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Funny I have been turning off the ringers on my phones and checking when I ready. If I hear it ring I know I'll pick up. I know it is wacky, but it is working.
Quote:
Originally Posted by kaplods
Sounds like he's trying to live out the classic "threesome" fantasy. The "other" girlfriend is obviously ok with the scenario, but puleese! time for them to give it a rest. The only thing I would say is that an hour an a half conversation was WAY to long! They may have interpreted it as a "maybe" instead of the emphatic no you want to express. It's definitely time for ending any attempts at communication with a "what part of no, don't you understand?" statement, or even better screening your calls.
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