[Me23]

After seeing this forum's title, I knew it was for me. To gain control in my relationship with food would make me so much happier. I have been everywhere in my short life from fat to institutionalised for anorexia...I must have the world's worst food relationship!
So hi! I'm a college student at Cambridge in the UK, and whilst everyone else is swotting single-mindedly for exams, I am swotting and obsessing. I'm half Iraqi and grew up surrounded by rich food, family and my father's love - when he died when I was eight I started fridge-raiding in earnest. So I know I associate food with love/acceptance/comfort - I just don't know what do to about it! On top of which, I'm a control freak, and when I diet I really diet. I'm not letting myself eat much right now and it's affecting my mind/revision. My happy weight is 105lbs - I've been MUCH more and MUCH less, and some sad part of me always wants to be 'my lowest ever' but I know where that leads... Right now I'm 106 and hate it, hate my belly, etc. Even though I know that logically I'm not fat. Anyways I joined here cos everyone seemed so nice and supportive. Here are my goals:

- to not let the scale control my mood
- to never do the pattern of eating hardly anything all day then stuffing face at night
- to be more comfortable eating in public
- to understand that food is just food and nothing more
- not to lay this stuff on my mother so much
- and to get a first!

Ironically I'm probably closest to the last one. Well I'd love to hear if there's anyone out there who can relate to my experiences and good luck to all xxx

[ellis]

Me23, welcome!
I'm sorry about your Dad. It sounds like you have some wonderful memories of him, though.
I'm really impressed with your goals. What an inspiring list! And they look do-able. Well, except for the mother thing, which I can relate to and am in therapy for myself.

There's lots of great support here... I hope you decide to hang out with us.
And good luck with the exams!!

[Me23]

Thank you! My mum is great at listening, but I feel bad after calling her and dumping on her...particularly as I just turned 20! Unfortunately all my friends are either effortlessly skinny or don't care about their weight...can just imagine their faces if I was sad and they said what's wrong, and I said 'I feel fat' - LOL! Anyway congrats on your good work so far x

[Bikini Dreader]

Welcome to the group! You might also want to join the 20 somethings as another great group. I can definitely relate to you and I'm very sorry to hear about your loss. That certainly must be difficult. Have you had counselling on a regular basis? I found cognitive behaviour therapy has been my saviour.

Keep posting. You'll find support here.

[Kate109]

Hi!

Just wanted to drop a few lines and say Hello....

I can relate to your struggles. And itīs so sad to hear about your fatherīs death! Itīs hard anyhow, but if you are so young...I lost my father 3 years ago, I was 23 years then.

Anyway....I am in University as well- and SHOULD BE preparing for my final exam at the moment . But I have the great talent to worry too much about food and body weight

Your list sounds great!

Stay in here, youīll find the support and encouragment you need!!

Kate

[shrinkingchica]

Welcome!

At any weight we are mostly all working on the same unhealthy type of relationship with food. Or maybe that should be a .

[Me23]

thanks guys. kate109, well, no age is a good age to lose a loved one but what can i say..time passes...we get older...(I've gotten quite a *lot* older )...and one day we realise we've made a life without that person, even though at the time it seemed impossible. shrinkingchica, I agree with you 100% - when I've been overweight and when I've been underweight I've felt the same way about food. But you've done great, you've lost loads and gotten right inside the healthy range! xx