Weight Loss Support - I am a failure :(




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carolva77
04-26-2007, 08:38 AM
I am trying but.... not doing good.
Last nite I took a step class and another lady who is friends with the mean lady asked me (Again!!!!!) is this your first class??????????? I was like :mad:
It was my 2nd class but still WTF (speak my french) I am going to exercise!!! Not to be measure against some standard. It adds too much to it.... :(
Maybe I am so fat I look awful exercising.... :(


carolva77
04-26-2007, 08:39 AM
And after dinner I ate some lc icecream and went above my cals for the day :(
It must be pms

midwife
04-26-2007, 08:41 AM
I don't know who the mean lady is, but maybe the woman who was talking to you was just trying to be friendly? I guess it is all in how she asked....

Why would someone asking you a question make you a failure?

Keep going to the class if you like it, but if it stresses you out, there are about 972 different ways to exercise (listing them all would be another thread!).


carolva77
04-26-2007, 08:46 AM
I gained a lot of weight due to therapy (both hormonal and mental) I am a former anorexic. SO when I started the gym I was lighter and then I gained weight. But it does add a lot to it, because I dont talk to people at the gym, I consider that rude. The remark was made in te context "You are not doing it right". The mean lady was the friend of this one who asked me loudly "GEEZ YOU GAIN SO MUCH WEIGHT!!!!" and I was so ashamed. I mean I am not perfect but I just dont like to be harrased ... it is very hard.

LLV
04-26-2007, 08:49 AM
You're not a failure. You're TRYING, right? How does that equal failure?

There's something to be said for effort ;)

carolva77
04-26-2007, 08:56 AM
I dont know maybe my gym is too cheap and you get what you pay for, it is kind of cheap... open for all kind of people.

JayEll
04-26-2007, 08:59 AM
Hey carolva77,

You can't let the comments of other people rule how you feel about yourself! I know, easy to say--but they are just blowing in the wind! Get to class early so you can get as far away from those women as possible. You don't have to listen to anyone but the instructor.

Also--and I could be wrong here--but I don't think it was PMS that sent you to the ice cream, I think it was because you felt bad. We all know that way of soothing ourselves, but it's one habit we have to move beyond. "That way lies disaster" ;)

Be strong, woman! Don't give up! Keep going! :)

Jay

carolva77
04-26-2007, 09:06 AM
I will continue with my workouts but I am seriously thinking to get another gym (and honestly the one I am thinking is more expensive and I hope better, I have the theory that You get what you are paying for

Janie Canuck
04-26-2007, 09:24 AM
You're not a failure - you're out there trying, aren't you? Failing would be letting these women get to you. Any gym I've been in, there are always people of all sizes - from the extremely buff to the significantly overweight. And I say as long as you're out there working on it, more power to you.

Maybe an embarrassing story or 2 will put it in perspective for you. A couple of years back, I was out power-walking, doing my thing, trying to be healthy. I weighed about 145 I think, but at any weight, I am a bit "bootylicious". This teenaged kid leaned out the window of a passing car and yelled at me (I was the only one around) "He thinks you have a fat ***". I was a bit miffed - after all, my *** isn't hurting him, and I was obviously out there exercising. Now I just laugh though - I can lose some of my big butt, but he'll likely be an idiot for the rest of his life.

Another one - the other day, an acquaintance had to drop something off at my house - I haven't seen her since last Sept. She hopped out of her car, her jaw dropped open, and she said (in a voice of utter shock) "Whoa - you look ROUGH!!! Have you been feeling OK?" Now, I've been feeling perfectly fine, was having a good hair day and everything. My neighbour had actually told me how nice I looked, a few hours earlier.

My point is, the world is full of idiots. Don't let them drag you down. Consider the source of these comments, keep your chin up, and do this for YOU, not for them (though revenge will be sweet when they see you looking all hot!)

suechef
04-26-2007, 09:28 AM
You're not a failure, you're just a person who gained some weight. It doesn't define who you are. And neither can a stranger who may have been rude or may have been trying to be helpful. Sometimes if we're feeling bad about ourselves we can be a little sensitive and misinterpret things people say. But even if it was just plain rudeness - why let a rude stranger define how you feel about yourself? They don't know you, don't know your circumstances, and it's not their business.

Just keep on going and don't worry about what others think. The vast majority of the people you see at gyms will be privately cheering you on - they're thinking, "good for her, she's here and she's trying".

Also, I'm not sure why you think people talking to each other at the gym is rude - for me, it can be a social place, everyone out there trying their best & in it together. And we never know their stories - right now I can run up to 6 miles and to some of the new folks who need to lose 60 pounds that might look intimidating - but they never saw me when *I* was the one needing to lose 60 pounds!!

cheers,
Sue

srmb60
04-26-2007, 09:43 AM
There's rude people all over the world unfortunately. We have to live with'em.
Laugh and say "Nope, I'm just a clod."

You're not a failure. Don't say it, don't think it. How can you be a failure with us holding you up ;)

AllyCat30
04-26-2007, 09:49 AM
This lady is a jerk. Pay her no mind. Keep doing your thing. For every one jerk in the world there are probably a dozen people in your life- and at that gym- whom you inspire with your actions. ;)

This is a big reason why I work out at home. I have my treadmill and a library of various DVDs. I also have my dogs to walk. I feel like I am on display at the gym.

Janny O
04-26-2007, 09:59 AM
Another blithering idiot-running amuck. Roll your eyes and pity the fool!!!!

Eves
04-26-2007, 10:01 AM
Next time she asks if this is your first class answer that it is your first class today.

Honestly, don´t let her get to you. Turn it around on her by having a good time while working out.

I currently take an aerobics class where I am the fattest person there by about 50 pounds. I sweat like a pig, I trip over the step, I get off beat, they turn around one way and I turn around another. You know what I do about it? I laugh.

It is sort of funny, anyway. I mean, if aliens were watching us do aerobics they might seriously consider conquering another less ridiculous planet.

Yesterday the instructor (my arch nemesis) tried out this fancy new step that I didn`t get, so I jut danced along to the music until I could get on beat again. With the biggest smile on my face.

Show them that you can do this.

Show them that their comments only illustrate their weaknesses and frustrations.

Show them that you are stronger than they are.

And have fun with it. Why flap your arms offbeat for work when you can do it for entertainment.

AmberD
04-26-2007, 10:03 AM
I dont know maybe my gym is too cheap and you get what you pay for, it is kind of cheap... open for all kind of people.


Rude people exist in more expensive gyms just as they exist in cheaper gyms.

KylieH
04-26-2007, 10:11 AM
I will continue with my workouts but I am seriously thinking to get another gym (and honestly the one I am thinking is more expensive and I hope better, I have the theory that You get what you are paying for


I'm not sure about more expensive is better, but I know that how you feel is critical to your success. My DH and I had a gym membership to a place that I thought was "OK" then it became "All right" and finally I just hated it. So, we spent a Saturday touring the town's options and found one (like Goldielocks) that was just right. I love it and it encourages me to work out. In this case, it was more expensive, but it's worth it!

carolva77
04-26-2007, 10:16 AM
I love my workouts it is just I think this place is to small for me, and it is a lot like competitive meat market place.
My workouts have been a very important part of my recovery and I am not willing to let them go, however, there is alot of it when the membership is so unexpensive (let's say Bally's) it is very open.
I believe that if the membership is more expensive people would go there TO WORKOUT instead to flirt ( I hate that) to critize other peoples bodies, (I mean COME ON) , but that is what I believe, we'll see....

spark329
04-26-2007, 10:37 AM
man oh man, archy, you just described my gym style to a tee. i'm not the most coordinated of people on my best days, and when i'm sweating like a pig...let's just say it gets even worse. yesterday on the treadmill i caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror, and i looked pretty ridiculous. i am definitely inspired by your "laugh-it-off" attitude, though! always best not to take one's self seriously.

healthytoad
04-26-2007, 10:37 AM
:dance: Everytime I go to a class like that I picture everyone looking like the dancing pinguins in Happy Feet. Frankly, unless you are in a master dance class, no one is looking particularly graceful.. you are just there to work out. Next time she says something tell her she reminds you of Lovelace. Don't explain it...let her figure it out :P

HeatherAngel
04-26-2007, 11:03 AM
Carolva -

I'd be VERY careful about changing gyms. If you want something different, then by all means, shop around until you feel comfortable. But if you are changing because you want a more 'elite' gym with a 'better quality' clientèle (and it sounds like that's what you are after), honey, BE VERY CAREFUL. Talk to that voice in your head - that's the one, the same one that said 'This woman is SO rude!' [maybe she actually wanted to tell you about how stupid and clumsy she felt at HER first class... or maybe she's just a biatch - who knows for sure? Nobody.] - and remind yourself that rude is rude, no matter what you pay for.

Now, I am going to tell you right now - I paid a FORTUNE for a gym membership to 'get away' from the local YMCA-type place I was going to. Oh, it was gorgeous - elite, clean, friendly... everything I could dream of. Know what happened? (I still cringe thinking of it) The people there were VERY competitive, and rather snooty. I always felt like maybe *I* was the 'lower class' that THEY had paid to get away from! I made NO friends, and eventually stopped going. I was VERY intimidated by what I saw as the 'perfect bodies' of the leisure class. I was CERTAINLY, without doubt, the fattest woman there.

Now - AND HERE'S THE IMPORTANT BIT!!! - I can see now that I could NOT have been happy anywhere. At that point in my life, *I* felt like failure, and I hated myself. No one could say ANYTHING to me, because it was ALWAYS 'rude' or at the least, unnecessary, and I'd end up feeling awful and hating myself more. BUT I COULDN'T SEE IT AT THE TIME. Seriously - if someone walked by me on the street, and glanced at me, they were STARING at me because I was fat, and how dare they?! If someone walked by me on the street and DIDN'T glance at me - well, they were IGNORING me, because I was fat and ugly, and how dare they?!

I'm just telling you my experience, hon, because you say you are going through a lot, and are clearly feeling badly about yourself and like a failure - which you are NOT.

But do be careful about your reasons for changing gyms - if the 'new' one is WORSE, will you still go? Lose the money? Change again? Think carefully.

And we are ALL behind you here - you CAN do this!! There's been lots of good advice already - good luck and choose wisely! :)

Thinking of you -
Heather :hug:

carolva77
04-26-2007, 11:08 AM
Oh thanks!!!I dont know what to do, I feel so intimidated in the one I am right now!!! I feel awful :(
:( Maybe I will just workout at home.... because I just dont want to go back to this particular gym.... :(

AmberD
04-26-2007, 11:14 AM
Carolva,
Do what you have to do to keep yourself going. If that means working out at home, work out at home, if that means switching gyms, switch gyms. Heather had some great advice. I've totally been there and felt completely intimidated in a gym. For me, I needed to stick it out and show those skinny fro-fro aerobic girls that I could do it too! That may not be the best solution for you. Only you know what is.

But the important part is that you keep moving, keep doing your thing and remember YOU ARE NOT A FAILURE. Trying is never failing.

Best of luck! We're all here for you.

carolva77
04-26-2007, 12:05 PM
I have to keep myself for going back to FAT girl even if that means switching gyms. I will let you guys know!

Ready2ShedLBS
04-26-2007, 03:13 PM
And after dinner I ate some lc icecream and went above my cals for the day :(
It must be pms

:hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: Wanna be my friend? lol.. I did the same thing today.. I accidently ( see my " im so mad at me today" post for explanation) ate 360 worth of Ice cream and now.. I have 1100 cals left in a day that was only supposed to be 1300 ( yesterday was a 1500cal day and I am zig zagging) I *know* its pms for me.. I feel wretched, even before the ice cream incident. I swear.. I am going to write a book of my trials and tribulations when I am at maintence, about all this crap.. and thats exactly what it will be titled. " The Ice Cream Incident" hahaha.. even though its not all ice creams fault, I certainly do love it :D

Anyone remember the girl that used to post here who was on TLC's " I lost it" and she attributed ALLLLLL of her weight gain to ice cream, because she just couldnt say away.. :dizzy: Im sure Meg remembers her :lol3: what was her name?


I love my workouts it is just I think this place is to small for me, and it is a lot like competitive meat market place.
My workouts have been a very important part of my recovery and I am not willing to let them go, however, there is alot of it when the membership is so unexpensive (let's say Bally's) it is very open.
I believe that if the membership is more expensive people would go there TO WORKOUT instead to flirt ( I hate that) to critize other peoples bodies, (I mean COME ON) , but that is what I believe, we'll see....


My gym definitely has girls and guys ( college age) they come in there looking all good.. turn the fans on FULL BLAST so they dont sweat which btw pisses me off to NOOOO EXTENT .. i hate gym fans.. and they annoy me too but in my gym .. if you are caught making fun of someone or making someone uncomfortable you can get your membership revoked. Its little slogan is " the judgement free zone" I :love: my gym and I hate I have to leave it

aphil
04-26-2007, 04:26 PM
Hi there. :)

I work in a gynm/athletic club, and I teach dance class. I want to tell you, that I have teeny weeny tiny small women in my classes all the way up to about a size 4X plus size. I have girls in there from about age 15 all the way up to in their 80's. Some of the women in my class are natural talents-they have rhythm, they have grace-and other women in my classes have two left feet.

I also have some very, very nice women in my classes...and a couple that are of the standoffish, or rude, or condescending sort. I have women in my class who brag about their latest trip to the Bahamas with their doctor husband...and I have women who work at a small factory in town making a small hourly wage.

What I am saying, basically, is that no matter what gym you go to, you are going to have thin people, fat people, smart people, dumb people, nice people, and rude people. The price of the gym doesn't change that. :)

My humble opinion, is that you should continue to go to your class, because it is important to you, and to your health. The only thing I can say, is that the "rude" sort of people will treat you how you LET them treat you. If a woman is rude to you, and you walk away with your head hung low, looking defeated-then she wins. If you have a decent comeback, and keep your head held high and proud-then it makes HER look like the jerk.

If she would have told me how fat I looked/how much weight I gained, I would have said "Wow-thank you for noticing!!! If you hadn't just told me-I would have swore that I was still skinny! Thanks for the heads up!" It would make her look like the jerk that she is...but then again, I am sarcastic. ;)

The woman who asked if it was my first class, I would have just smiled brightly at her, and said "No, but I'm moving-and that is what counts!" :)

Don't let anyone around you demean you, or put you down. :hug:

carolva77
04-26-2007, 08:47 PM
Thanks Aphil. I am fighitting so hard, I went to see a trainer today and I am 30# more than my lowest. I am 127#. I feel like a huge failure, but I did sign up with a trainer and I am going to see her for like 9 weeks. So that gave me a hope
I ask God every day to allow me to beat my emotional eating and get down to my weight again, or at least within to 105#... I am so sad I am so overweight (please all the people who is heavier than me please forgive me compared to before I am overweight I am only 4'11" :( )

JayEll
04-26-2007, 08:57 PM
Oh honey now don't you be so sad! That trainer will help you, and so will the gym. You can lose that weight! Don't give up. Hang with us--we'll help! :hug:

Jay

carolva77
04-26-2007, 09:01 PM
Thanks you are so nice..... I really want to lose this weight!

rockinrobin
04-27-2007, 12:01 AM
9 weeks, that's great. That will really leave you in a good postion. I'm sure when those weeks are over you will be well on your way to a fitter and happier you.

And by the way, failure is the very last word I would use to describe you. Failure is when you stop trying. You've only just begun!