Nice, I was wondering about something, and this may be just the right forum to post it in!
I'm curious about that point. Does this 'body image/perception of being fat' change with the amount of weight one had to lose? Is it somehow 'easier' for a person who had, say, 150 lbs. to shed to 'convince' herself that "no, I am NOT fat, and it's easy to see when I look at myself now" (I mean compared to someone who had to lose 'only' 30 or 40 lbs.)?
Or is it roughly the same kind of perception for everyone -- because we evidently don't lose the weight overnight, and therefore can't see a big, sudden difference from one day to the next day? (So maybe we see ourselves getting trimmer and trimmer, but sort of 'forget' along the way our exact starting appearance, and are just convinced that we ARE fat all the time no matter what?)
I hope this question isn't offending anyone, because it's certainly not my intention. I just have the feeling that those issues are plaguing so to say *everyone* who's lost weight and kept it off, but I don't know for sure if it's true or if it's just my perception of it because of posts read here, etc.
I can't speak for anyone who lost 100 pounds or so (although I hope some of them will get in here, because they're awesome!), but I know that when I lost 40 pounds a few years back I absolutely could not find a connection between my real body and the one I saw in the mirror. Every time I passed a mirror I would be in awe-- like, "No way that's me!" because I still felt 200 pounds. I think it's partly due to this disjointing that I gained back 20 pounds.
I had been through the weight loss journey before, and went from 230 pounds to 150 pounds. At 230, when I told people what I weighed they never believed me. Everyone usually said I looked like I weighed maybe 180. I actually DID carry my weight well. But for the longest time my weight always hovered around 185. I couldn't believe it when I went up to 230, and was depressed and extremely unhappy with myself.
After having lost the weight, I sometimes did find it hard to look in the mirror and accept that I was "average" sized. I sometimes did see myself as being fat. But whenever I went to the store and bought I size 8 or a size 10, THEN I felt thin, like I had accomplished such a huge goal!
Unfortunately, I let myself gain back most of the weight (some due to medication, the rest due to me not caring because of the medication) and am half-way back to my goal now. This time is different. I appreciate every single pound that I lose. It is so much harder the second time around, but this time I know there is no way I will let myself gain weight again. Now, I see what I am in the mirror and I am PROUD of it.
I was in such denial about my weight that I always felt like I was OK as long as I didn't go over about 205 lbs. I am tall and my hips are slimmer than my upper body and I wore a 16 at 205. I convinced myself that no one could guess my true weight. It was when I hit the 230's and needed a size 20 that I started to realize that I was really BIG and would be over 250 lbs. soon if I didn't change my life. I also told myself that I'm "big-boned", which I now find isn't really true. I always thought that I just looked Bigger in pictures. LOL, nope I was BIG. I always thought the reason that I was wearing size 2X shirts was because my boobs were big. LOL, I didn't want to admit that my 47 inch waist was the bigger problem.
I still struggle with feeling fat sometimes. I am up 5 lbs. right now and I feel like I've gained it all back. This morning I woke up and saw my flat tummy and my prominent hip bones while lying down. I felt thin. But, when I stood up and looked in the mirror, well I saw FAT. I got dressed in a pr. of size 5 (Jr.) jeans and a medium shirt. Again, I felt thin. It is so strange and something that I think I'll struggle with for a long time.
I'm constantly fascinated AND frustrated by this phenomenon. I lost the "big" weight in 2002 - about 54 lbs. For a long time, I was a roller coaster kind of a maintainer. I would feel "fat" whenever I was outside of my maintenance range and then I would feel "thin" once I lost the extra vacation or holiday pounds.
I've finally gotten a handle on maintenance and my weight has been pretty stable now since last fall. But, now that I've been within my range for several months, I'm feeling "fat!" I'm finding myself wishing to lose another 10 pounds just so I can feel "thin" again.
I don't know what to make of it. I battle my head issues constantly when it comes to weight management and this is a HUGE deal for me. I'm guessing it's just something I'm always gonna have to deal with.
Thanks Meg for starting a new thread! I wasn't sure it was warranting one when I posted at first, but I guess it was indeed a pretty good idea. And thank you all for your answers, too. It is all very interesting.
(Incidentally, I was at the bookstore this afternoon, and found a book called "Do I look fat in that?" by Jessica Weiner. I don't know if it's a good book, I've only browsed through it quickly and haven't started reading it yet, but the title kind of rang a bell.)
As you can see from my tickers, i'm not at goal yet, but I find this all so very weird. Some of you mentioned being in denial, thinking we have 'big bones', etc. Yes, it's weird and somewhat fascinating too at the same time. There are days when I think it's... well, it's like there are two people inside me. A deslusional one who thinks it's okay, I'm big-boned, I can "maintain" at 160 lbs. if needed, I don't have to worry, it's my genetics, blah-de-blah. (Yeah I know it doesn't seem that much, but on a short girl it is. )And another one that kicks in as well and suddenly says, "Wow, I have collarbones. And I can feel a bone there in my hip. And look at that, your wrists and fingers are so thin, isn't that a *bone* in there as well? It's so tiny! You *can't* be big-boned, this was all a lie! So you can do it!"
Denial, yuck. Now that you've mentioned it, it's part of what sent me gaining on weight again after I had first reached something like 62 kgs in college (I was 72-73 in high school). "I'll never let myself reach 70 kgs again." Then 65, 67, 68, but "it's all right, it's still not 70". Then bam, 75. Doh. Denial.
So, yeah, all right, it doesn't seem to get easier with time nor with the weight one has to lose. I guess that means... better gear myself to include that in the new lifestyle and not moan about how 'unfair' it is? (Much like the rest, hehe.)
I think that as your self-confidence grows and you become more comfortable in your own skin, your body image improves. I believe that noone thinks their bodies are completely perfect. Not even those skinny b's in hollywood!
Until my 40's when I was on a medicine that put 50 pounds on my tiny frame, I was never more then 10 pounds overweight at any time and usually at my 'normal' weight of 105-110 lbs.
BUT, because of the media and because there's always someone who's smaller than me and because I've always hated my large thighs, I've ALWAYS felt FAT.
Then when I actually got FAT, I was in such denial of how overweight I'd gotten that I didn't feel FAT. Isn't that messed up?
Now I'm back to what is my 'normal' weight and I don't feel FAT - thank goodness and I don't feel skinny. I just for once feel NORMAL.
My plan to stay this way is to
Eat healthy + Exercise = Weight Maintenance + Good Body Image
karnylee, you described me to a tee. I feel like a "rollercoaster" maintainer. Any time I go above my maintenance range , I feel fat. (Like NOW), but I do feel so much thinner when I get back in my range. I am now trying hard to take off this 5 extra lbs. that is making me feel SO FAT. I don't even care if it's Water or Fat, I FEEL FAT and I want back in my range. BTW, my DH thinks I'm crazy for worrying over 5 lbs. and says "you don't look like you've gained any weight". He's never had a wt. problem and will NEVER understand. I guess my biggest fear is that even a 5 lb. gain per yr. for 5 yrs. would put me back firmly in the world of being over-weight again. I just CAN'T go there again.
I'm curious about that point. Does this 'body image/perception of being fat' change with the amount of weight one had to lose? Is it somehow 'easier' for a person who had, say, 150 lbs. to shed to 'convince' herself that "no, I am NOT fat, and it's easy to see when I look at myself now" (I mean compared to someone who had to lose 'only' 30 or 40 lbs.)?
Actually, I think that it is MORE difficult for someone who has lost 150lbs or whatever to "see" a thin person in the mirror. It takes our minds just as if not longer to catch up with our bodies.
I still feel "fat" whatever that is. But, like Meg, I look at old photos and don't associate what I look like now with what I looked like then. I am a totally different person......literally half the woman I used to be.
But, we all get our fat-head days, no matter how much or little we weigh. We are human beings.
I don't recognize myself in old photos- literally. I aksed a friend who the woman standing next to her in a photo taken about 8 years ago was and she looked at me like I'd lost my mind. It was me. A few evenings ago, I went deep into my clothes closet and cleaned out more space. I found a few blazers and pants from the one other time I'd lost some weight. I had lost about 15 pounds and was wearing a tight size 12. I'm short and carry ALL my weight on my stomach and chest. I remember feeling really good about myself then and thinking those clothes looked great on me. When I tried them on a few nights a go, they were HUGE! Who knew that my arms were really shorter and my shoulders not as broad! I can't fathom being the the person who fit into those clothes. I guess that's true denial.
But...I still look in the mirror and see the fat on my stomach and kidney area, and the little at the tops of my thighs. Intellectually, I know that I have to have some body fat, but I still have mental fat days and would like to be about 12% bodyfat. Not realistic and I'm NOT trying to do it, but I think it's the flip side of the denial coin...the refusal to see the reality in front of my eyes.
But...I still look in the mirror and see the fat on my stomach and kidney area, and the little at the tops of my thighs. Intellectually, I know that I have to have some body fat, but I still have mental fat days and would like to be about 12% bodyfat. Not realistic and I'm NOT trying to do it, but I think it's the flip side of the denial coin...the refusal to see the reality in front of my eyes.
)And another one that kicks in as well and suddenly says, "Wow, I have collarbones. And I can feel a bone there in my hip. And look at that, your wrists and fingers are so thin, isn't that a *bone* in there as well? It's so tiny! You *can't* be big-boned, this was all a lie! So you can do it!"
