Exercise! - Would you say to someone at the gym?




carolva77
04-20-2007, 08:27 AM
" HEY Looks like you GAIN A TON of weight"
I did gain some weight!!! I used to go to this kickboxing class and a woman there saw me after a few months and she was like "YOU GAIN SO MUCH WEIGHT!!!" Iwas like :( :( :( :( :( :( Geez I know....
I am taking ZUMBA now and she goes there too.... I just hope she does not recognize me....:( :(
But what would you say back to her ???


carolva77
04-20-2007, 08:53 AM
bump

Kery
04-20-2007, 08:56 AM
"And you've lost so many neurons!"? :D


ladybugnessa
04-20-2007, 08:57 AM
you could look at her and say "gee thanks, i'm feeling much better now after my near death experience"

she's just rude and inconsiderate or maybe she's like me with ADHD and she just has no internal monolouge controls. however if you did gain weight, it' merely a statment of fact/observation not a judgement.

i'm sorry if she hurt your feelings.

carolva77
04-20-2007, 08:57 AM
:( I hope she does not talked to me ever again, cause believe it or not I do know I have gain some weight

carolva77
04-20-2007, 08:58 AM
well lol not my feelings but I dont need the constant reminder...I know I have gain weight....I just find such an observation rude.

FitMomEB
04-20-2007, 10:26 AM
Snide "Aww, aren't you the sweetest?" or "Yes, and I'm so glad you are here to make me feel better about it!"

In-your-face "Yes, on the other hand I still have all my brain cells - how unfortunate you sweated them out!"

Get away "I know, it's stress-related - kickboxing really helps! Though it would help more if I could actually kick some really rude annoying people... you know what I mean?" (delivered with a smile)

what mood to choose, that's the question! :devil: :smug:

Of course you could also go the adult way:

Open and honest "I did, but to be honest I find it quite insensitive and rude on your part to make this kind of observation - it's not helpful at all."

but again, that depends on the mood ;)

Diva
04-20-2007, 10:29 AM
I find it incredibly rude when someone say's things like that to you. Good God, if they can't find something nice to say, they need to not say anything at all. I know for myself, when someone so rudely reminds me of my weight, it makes me feel worse than I already do and I eat that much more.

A few yrs ago, upon meeting my BF's father, he was so gracious to let me know that I am a big girl. I've hated him every since. Since this past Sept, I have been under an extremem amount of stress, and beings that I am a stress eater, I've gained back 10 + of the weight I had lost. When the BF announced that dear Daddy was coming down for a visit, I told him he needs to pull his Dad aside and let him know NOT say say a freaking word to me about unless he wants things to get REAL ugly.

LisaMarie71
04-20-2007, 10:30 AM
If I saw someone after a long period of time and she had gained 800 pounds and had to ride one of those motor scooter things because of it, I STILL wouldn't mention it. It's just rude. If the person wants to talk about it, she'll bring it up. Otherwise, you just DON'T SAY ANYTHING. People who make comments like that are complete idiots.

carolva77
04-20-2007, 10:54 AM
If I saw someone after a long period of time and she had gained 800 pounds and had to ride one of those motor scooter things because of it, I STILL wouldn't mention it. It's just rude. If the person wants to talk about it, she'll bring it up. Otherwise, you just DON'T SAY ANYTHING. People who make comments like that are complete idiots.


:D :D :D :D :D

ladybugnessa
04-20-2007, 11:07 AM
OK but can i ask a question of you all?

do you say anything to the same person when you notice they've lost a lot of weight? and if so why or why not?

carolva77
04-20-2007, 11:10 AM
OK but can i ask a question of you all?

do you say anything to the same person when you notice they've lost a lot of weight? and if so why or why not?

If I know the person maybe yes... If they have gained weight NOT

Diva
04-20-2007, 11:11 AM
Because usually, it is a compliment to someone who has been trying to lose and they have, I know I like the recognition, don't you? I know for myself, I do not need to be reminded that I have gained weight from anyone. I have to live with myself and see myself in the mirror everyday. IMO, it's just plain rude, unless of course it's your Trainer and it's weigh-in day.

ladybugnessa
04-20-2007, 11:15 AM
If I know the person maybe yes... If they have gained weight NOT

but why is it different.

why is gaining so negative and losing so positive?

i ask because i've lost 50 pounds and it's noticable. but i have folks afraid to say anything to me (not at the gym... at the gym everyone ignores me)... but they think "OMG what if she's sick"

I just think that we set ourselves up for problems if we give negative and positive connotations to weight.

I'm fat. It's not a negative statement. It's not an insult. I've had folks try to INSULT ME with 'your fat'. my response is "your very observant" tends to really annoy them.

Diva
04-20-2007, 11:19 AM
I can only speak for myself, but when I lose weight, and someone notices and comments on it, it's a MOST positive experience for me. ;)

Wrongway
04-20-2007, 11:48 AM
" HEY Looks like you GAIN A TON of weight"
I did gain some weight!!! I used to go to this kickboxing class and a woman there saw me after a few months and she was like "YOU GAIN SO MUCH WEIGHT!!!" Iwas like :( :( :( :( :( :( Geez I know....
I am taking ZUMBA now and she goes there too.... I just hope she does not recognize me....:( :(
But what would you say back to her ???

i would have asked her if she feels better about herself now that she's put me down... really... in my experience thats the only reason ppl put others down... its because they are insecure with themselves and need to boost themselves up a little bit. i'm sorry she hurt your feelings.. she must feel pretty bad about herself

carolva77
04-20-2007, 11:50 AM
well most people will see your efforts to loose weight as healthy specially if you are overweight, but if someone gained weight I would never say anything at all...

ladybugnessa
04-20-2007, 12:54 PM
I can only speak for myself, but when I lose weight, and someone notices and comments on it, it's a MOST positive experience for me. ;)

i think the issue is that society views fat people as negative and thin people as positive.

my ex husband had a severe heart attack in his mid 40s and almost died. he was thin but obviously not healthy. I'm fat but i'm healthy... my blood work is good, my blood pressure normal...

my current husband prefers me fat. if you said to him in a gleeful voice "your wife is losing weight" he's sob and say "isn't it horrible"

BlueToBlue
04-20-2007, 12:57 PM
but why is it different.

why is gaining so negative and losing so positive?

i ask because i've lost 50 pounds and it's noticable. but i have folks afraid to say anything to me (not at the gym... at the gym everyone ignores me)... but they think "OMG what if she's sick"

I just think that we set ourselves up for problems if we give negative and positive connotations to weight.

I'm fat. It's not a negative statement. It's not an insult. I've had folks try to INSULT ME with 'your fat'. my response is "your very observant" tends to really annoy them.

Losing weight is positive because it's something I'm trying really hard to do. I exercise every day, I count calories, I limit what I eat, I don't eat lots of foods that I would eat if I didn't care about my weight. I'm doing all of those things because I want to lose weight. So of course, it's a positive thing when I do actually lose weight. And, of course, my friends that know I am trying to lose weight are supportive and tell me so when they see that I have lost weight. And when people who do know what I am trying to do tell me that I've lost weight, I feel really good about that to. It indicates that I am succeeding at something I am working really hard at.

It's just like anything else that you work hard at...your job, your hobbies, etc. When you succeed at what you are trying to do, it is a positive thing and you feel good about it. I also work very hard at being a good public speaker. I practice on my own, I take classes, I work hard on my presentations. So when I actually do a good job with them, I appreciate it when people tell me so and I feel good about it. And when I don't do a good job, I feel bad about it.

If I were underweight and trying to gain weight, than that would be positive and losing would be negative.

Diva
04-20-2007, 01:26 PM
Losing weight is positive because it's something I'm trying really hard to do. I exercise every day, I count calories, I limit what I eat, I don't eat lots of foods that I would eat if I didn't care about my weight. I'm doing all of those things because I want to lose weight. So of course, it's a positive thing when I do actually lose weight. And, of course, my friends that know I am trying to lose weight are supportive and tell me so when they see that I have lost weight. And when people who do know what I am trying to do tell me that I've lost weight, I feel really good about that to. It indicates that I am succeeding at something I am working really hard at.

It's just like anything else that you work hard at...your job, your hobbies, etc. When you succeed at what you are trying to do, it is a positive thing and you feel good about it. I also work very hard at being a good public speaker. I practice on my own, I take classes, I work hard on my presentations. So when I actually do a good job with them, I appreciate it when people tell me so and I feel good about it. And when I don't do a good job, I feel bad about it.

If I were underweight and trying to gain weight, than that would be positive and losing would be negative.

Very well said Blue.

LisaMarie71
04-20-2007, 01:35 PM
but why is it different.

why is gaining so negative and losing so positive?


We all know that being fat is considered negative in our society. Is it right that people don't accept it? No. There's no way on earth, however, that I would ever make the assumption that someone is completely ok with being overweight because the reality is that most people are not ok with it. Most people view it as an insult. Whether we think it SHOULD be an insult or not is irrelevant when it comes to actually saying it to someone. Besides, people already know they've gained weight -- why point it out to them if there's even the SLIGHTEST chance it would hurt their feelings? If someone has a huge zit on his face, I would never say "Hey, what a huge zit you have!" because I know he or she is probably aware and doesn't want people to notice it. I'm not saying a big zit is the same as carrying extra weight, so please don't jump all over me for that. But if a person has something they MAY consider a flaw, whether they actually do or not, I just don't think that a nice person would point it out. It's the same with very thin people -- I would never make fun of them for being skinny because they may be sensitive about it, and many thin people are just as sensitive about their weight as overweight people are.

ladybugnessa
04-20-2007, 01:49 PM
ya know when i was younger i was taught that it was ok to tell a lady her slip was showing because she could fix it right then in there but NEVER tell her she had a run in her stockings because she couldn't fix that right away....

same thing i think applies here.

i think that the person who said it was rude and insensitve.

i also think folks need to work towards a goal of fat not being a negative word but a descriptive one.

almostheaven
04-21-2007, 01:35 AM
" HEY Looks like you GAIN A TON of weight"
I did gain some weight!!! I used to go to this kickboxing class and a woman there saw me after a few months and she was like "YOU GAIN SO MUCH WEIGHT!!!" Iwas like :( :( :( :( :( :( Geez I know....
I am taking ZUMBA now and she goes there too.... I just hope she does not recognize me....:( :(
But what would you say back to her ???
"HEY Looks like you got in a fight with Ugly. And Ugly won!"

Lydia227
04-21-2007, 09:02 AM
ya know when i was younger i was taught that it was ok to tell a lady her slip was showing because she could fix it right then in there

A SLIP!? What's that?! :devil: Just kidding. I had to pop in here though because I've been on the receiving end of both comments "You've gained and You've lost."

The gaining comment came from an adult family acquanintance who thought I was pregnant. This really stung because I was still dating my current DH and in college. Not a good day for me. :no:

The losing comment came from a fellow gym member a year and half ago. She had stated that my whole girth has changed. This was bittersweet for me. I was flattered that she recognized all of my efforts in changing my body. But, underneath that was the feeling that :censored: I should never had been that unfit in the first place. :no:

Last summer was the first time I had been at a healthy weight range for nearly fifteen years. I received a lot of weight recognition during those months. The most comfortable ones for me were "Wow, you've really changed your look." "You look very fit, wanna join our coed soccer team?" "My, you are very different." These statements left me feeling accomplished without the "aftertaste" of negativity. Perhaps I felt this way because the focus was more upon what I am doing beyond just losing weight. :dunno:

Here's my point, you knew I'd get there eventually, weight is a highly sensitive issue, over or under, gained or lost it can drive us all into a tailspin of emotions no matter where we are on the continuum. But when we recognize each other for the positive things we are doing in our lives we can't go wrong.

Carolva: I am so sorry this woman made this comment to you. Obviously what she could have said was Hi, nice to see you here, because the fact that you were there in the class doing something for yourself is a lot more important to note than the weight you may have put on in the interim.

Diva
04-21-2007, 11:42 AM
I remember back before I had my second son, I was addicted to working out and prolly spent more time @ the YMCA than any place else, a guy came up to me in the Nautilus room and asked was I a coach or was I training for something and commented on the groovy muscles I had in my legs! I was soooooo happy and excited! I am sooo working towards that again!!! Actually I was training to be a Group Exercise person but I had just got married and not too long after that found out I was pregnant and was having pregnancy issues and had to stop. Here I am years later about 70 lbs heavier and completely out of shape. O'well, such is life, and at least I am doing something about it and if someone rudely said to me what they said to the OP, I'd have to be just as rude, if not moreso right back.

luja
04-21-2007, 08:08 PM
What a rude person. I would say - "How kind of you to point it out" with a sickeningly sweet voice and great big smile. Go passive aggressive!!

Is that really me
04-24-2007, 09:16 AM
I'm fat. It's not a negative statement. It's not an insult. I've had folks try to INSULT ME with 'your fat'. my response is "your very observant" tends to really annoy them.

Nessa, a most excellent response! :lol: Our brain trains run on the same track. :D

ya know when i was younger i was taught that it was ok to tell a lady her slip was showing because she could fix it right then in there but NEVER tell her she had a run in her stockings because she couldn't fix that right away....

same thing i think applies here.

i think that the person who said it was rude and insensitve.

i also think folks need to work towards a goal of fat not being a negative word but a descriptive one.

Well put.

"HEY Looks like you got in a fight with Ugly. And Ugly won!"

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: Nice comeback almostheaven! Here's my take on things: if someone is stupid enough to make a rude and thoughtless remark to me about anything, then they are fair game for my biting sarcasm. There is no excuse for thoughtlessness. Engage brain before opening mouth -- what don't people get about that concept?? If you think it's rude, then it is rude. Keep mouth shut and stupidity won't leak out.


Jo

NicoleNYC
04-27-2007, 05:58 PM
Carolva, I mean this as nicely as possible but you really seem fixated on this one comment. Yes, it was rude. Yes, it was mean. Yes, it would make most of us feel really awful...but you have got to let it go. I have only been poking around this site a very little while and I think this is the third of fourth post you've started refrencing this one event. That person was almost certainly trying to knock you down and make you feel bad! You are giving her exactly what she wanted!

Take a deep breath and just let this go. Avoid this person. If she makes a similar comment again, just say something very neutral like, "Hmmm, you think so...oh look, space just opened up closer to the front. I think I'll move. Bye!" And MOVE ON. Pretend you have no idea she's trying to make you feel bad ("I have put on weight, thanks for noticing, it totally does make my butt look great in this!") and get away ("I think I'll finish this over THERE where there's more room"). Once she knows that her prickly little comments roll right off you, she will quit making them.

Ignore ignore ignore, and let this go. Dwelling on it only brings you down.

carolva77
04-27-2007, 07:39 PM
dont worry. I wont mention it anymore

drake3272004
04-28-2007, 01:13 AM
dont worry. I wont mention it anymoreAfter going back and reading everything that you have posted about what's been going on at the gym, it's sounding to me like you are having some real anxiety issues here and it's holding you back. If this is the case then maybe getting it out in the open would help us in supporting you. We can come up with all kinds of advice and comebacks, but if the true root to all of this is anxiety then comebacks aren't going to help. I have had problems with stress and social anxiety disorders, quick comebacks don't work for me. If you really need support and advice about this then don't shut us out because what's been said really isn't helping you yet. This is obviously bugging you! Keep us posted on what you really need help with.
If I'm way off base with all this, then just ignore my ramblings:)

carolva77
04-28-2007, 09:00 AM
I am not shuting you guys off. I have thanked everyone who is trying to advice me. But I also read the previous poster saying just ignore the comments. That is what I am going to do. Obviously I did have issues with what happen and I now feel much better. I really appretiate your help and advice and believe I am not shutting you off. Yesterday my pc at my work got an awful virus and I have not been able to post as much as I want; it took me a long time to fix it.
However, as the previous person say, I am just trying to ignore those comments and keep going with my life; It is really traumatic for me when some one is rude or mean intentionally and when it comes to my weight it hurts a lot ; but reading the previous poster I got the feeling I better keep it to myself and understand this board needs more motivational things than sad ones. I am so sorry If my post bothered you and gave you the impression that I was not appretiating your advice. On the contraire. I have read wonderful things here and I dont want to derail any one success and I hope one moderator close the thread, I really dont want to comment on this anymore.
It is my fault. I did not realize it was bothering anyone , sorry.
But from my heart I really appretiated all the girls who gave me wonderful advice. Thanks!!!!