Weight Loss Support - Do your dating standards go up as weight comes down?




finn
04-19-2007, 09:26 AM
Its something that I've been thinking about for the past week -

You know how research/studies say that people are attracted to others that are a similar level on attractiveness scale to themselves...well as you lose weight I believe that how you rate your own attractiveness goes up, so do you find that the men you are interested in/think attractive changes? Do you rate more handsome men as more obtainable now that you weigh less? Do you discount overweight men now because it comes across as not caring about themselves when you have invested the time in yourself?


nelie
04-19-2007, 09:34 AM
Honestly,
My standards have always been the same. If I was attracted to someone and they weren't attracted to me doesn't mean I'd go and date guys that I wasn't necessarily attracted to but they were attracted to me. I also am really attracted to brainy guys so it has to be a mix of looks and brains for me :) If they are gorgeous but aren't very smart, they aren't attractive to me.

I've never dated an overweight guy and I would say in general I'm not attracted to overweight men. I don't know what would happen if I had met a nice, smart overweight man at some point in my life.

Bikini Dreader
04-19-2007, 09:53 AM
I think part of the reason I gained weight and binge ate was because I was avoiding getting into another relationship. I basically hid behind food and wouldn't go out and meet people like I used to. I think I got discouraged after a bad break up and then a long time of looking and finding people that I didnt think were quality enough. So I started eating as a past time/soother, whatever.

In that sense, I guess I felt like I wasn't going to attract anyone I was attracted to - like I didnt' deserve someone that was up to my previous standards? I lost my confidence and that is something that I am starting to regain finally. My friends used to always comment on how confident I was - it was just an assumption I made that I was great and only some people were worthy of being with me. Over time, I sort of lost it. But I'm feeling it again and I will have it completely back soon. I can't wait!


ladybugnessa
04-19-2007, 09:56 AM
see and i'm the opposite... my current husband is a big huge guy and is very overweight... and i like him that way! as i get thinner we fit better and better and i'm still thrilled he's the way he is.

so i gotta say over the years i've been thin i've been fat and i've been in-between and it never altered what I liked about a partner.

aphil
04-19-2007, 10:12 AM
Not for me. I like dorky guys-not Abercrombe-surfer-GQ type of guys-no matter what my weight. I go for the guy in the camo cargo shorts, Star Wars shirt, and Converse All Stars instead. ;)

I also prefer dark hair and dark eyes over blonde and blue...I have never, ever been attracted to blonde, blue eyed men. Ever.

I don't ever go for the COOL guys-because honestly, I would rather watch Star Wars or Harry Potter than some big box office smash. I would rather sit and home with a glass of wine and play a nerdy trivia board game, instead of dressing up and going to a hot nightclub. I would rather sit and have an espresso and talk, or go to a nerdy convention than go to some cool hang out.

I also like men who worship me, rather than the type who are macho, or are players, etc. so I tend to go for the dorky side, yet AGAIN. :lol:

I married a dork, and we are blissfully happy. He has 2 college degrees, is a great and HILARIOUS dad, he worships me completely, lets me pretty much do whatever I want when I want, and we have very similar interests. We share a love for gourmet coffee, nerdy stuff, we both collect toys, and do other nerdy things together. It's great! I wouldn't change it for anything.

Even if I looked like a supermodel, I wouldn't change from dorks to cooler/hotter guys. No way. I've got it made. I try to tell friends who have had bad luck with men to stop going for the macho/cool type-and to get themselves a nerd, but alas, they won't listen....

:lol:

ellabella
04-19-2007, 10:32 AM
It's too bad your friends don't want to listen to you, Aphil. My FIRST husband was one of those *cool, macho-types*. I got him through college -even got him a master's degree by doing all his assignments for him; he could scarcely read much past a sixth-grade level. He, of course, had no trouble with oral exams - he was "Mr. Personality", and could talk unceasingly on just about any subject at all. Surprisingly, it took awhile before you realized he didn't have a CLUE what he was talking about. He's now a middle school principal. What does THAT tell you about our public school systems????
Suffice it to say that my marriage to him consisted of ME trying my best to maintain HIS image. And the WORST thing about him was that he had no sense of humor, whatsoever. I can't EVER remember him laughing about anything. I was actually skinny all the time we were married, because he was very critical of how I looked.
NOW I am married to a "nerd". He's an attractive nerd, to be sure, but he designs software for a living (You know how those "techies" are...) and after hours is an artist and writer. (A REAL intellectual as opposed to one of the faux persuasion.) He unabashedly loves ME, laughs with me, and makes ME feel good about myself. I sometimes have to pinch myself to remind myself that this isn't all a dream.
Of course I became SO comfortable with him that I gained weight (he loves to eat, darn it) but that's the only downside, and now that I've found 3FC, I'm taking care of that problem.
So, do our standards in men change as we lose weight and feel that we are becoming more attractive? I TRULY HOPE NOT. I truly hope that each and every woman here on 3FC who isn't married and would like to be at some point, WILL take your advice, Aphil. It will save her a lot of unneccessary anguish, don't you think?

Have a lovely day, all!

Ella :D

nelie
04-19-2007, 10:34 AM
Not for me. I like dorky guys-not Abercrombe-surfer-GQ type of guys-no matter what my weight. I go for the guy in the camo cargo shorts, Star Wars shirt, and Converse All Stars instead. ;)

I also prefer dark hair and dark eyes over blonde and blue...I have never, ever been attracted to blonde, blue eyed men. Ever.


I wouldn't call DH dorky.... I call him super freaky geeky :) Although he says the same thing about me. I was always attracted to the slim, tall geek with dark eyes and dark hair. DH was actually the only blonde man I ever dated but he had the tall slim geek thing going so I was in love :)

junebug41
04-19-2007, 10:51 AM
Actually, no. I've always fallen for the "nice guy" and that's who I'm with now. I met him the day I hit my goal weight and my friends always tell me I would've picked him no matter what my weight- in other words, he's just my kind of guy :)

aphil
04-19-2007, 11:42 AM
Ella-my nerd is an attractive one, too-but not because he *tried* to be. Sprucing up for him is using men's shower gel instead of soap. :rofl: He isn't like one of those guys who goes and gets his hair highlighted and goes to the tanning bed. ;)

I kinda have a thing about that...I won't date/marry a guy who takes longer to get ready than I do...and I can't be with a guy who is "prettier" than me-as in the highlights/tanning/teeth whitening thing. Yes, a man shoudl take care of himself, but when he has as many hair products as a woman does...it is a little much for ME. :lol:

finn
04-19-2007, 11:42 AM
I can understand that for people already in a relationship then their views will be pretty much I liked them then, I like them now, I'm happy. I'm wondering though about the single gals out there...is it different?

I know personally that I find now that I get attention from a wider group of males now and maybe people that I would have discounted before I lost weight now enter into my mind...whether that is because of confidence, perceived attractivness or whatever. Just wondering if its a common thing...

BackPorchPoet
04-19-2007, 11:46 AM
I'm married, so it's kind of hard to say. I do notice that I'm a little more critical of the way he eats now. I don't make comments or anything because he's just not ready the way I am to make a profound change in his lifestyle.

My husband is just barely overweight; he's never been 'fat' like me. But I would have to say that I would love him regardless of his weight -- he's always loved me, no matter how heavy I was/am.

Ready2ShedLBS
04-19-2007, 11:49 AM
NOW I am married to a "nerd". He's an attractive nerd, to be sure, but he designs software for a living (You know how those "techies" are...) and after hours is an artist and writer. (A REAL intellectual as opposed to one of the faux persuasion.) He unabashedly loves ME, laughs with me, and makes ME feel good about myself. I sometimes have to pinch myself to remind myself that this isn't all a dream.

Its funny because this is my fiancee hehe :) To a tee.

I think that my standards did change when I lost weight.. I didnt meet him until I lost the weight

I used to go for the *hot* blue collared -bad boy types.. you know the ones that treat you like less because they are so self absorbed. Well yeah..

Once I started to love myself more I realized that I deserved better so... I was single forever because I swore off the losers, then I met Kevin.

Hes educated, good looking, tall, and hes a big dork who is into computers and thats what he does for a living.. on the other hand hes a singer/songwriter and he has tattoos and piercings ( which is a major turn on for me) Basically hes a nice guy that just looks like a bad boy. Hes like Aphils husband.. he worships me, I have anything and everything I could ever need and want.. he makes me laugh, and our conversations are endless and intellectual. No wonder why I am going to marry him :) YaY! :carrot:


Edited to say: Does anyone know where I can find a t-shirt that says.. " I <3 Nerds" lol.. I told him I was going to get one just for him.. haha.. I figured since alot of us have nerdy men someone is bound to either have.. or know where to find these. I have seen people with them, but Ive never seen them in the store.

finn
04-19-2007, 11:54 AM
hes a big dork who is into computers and thats what he does for a living..

NOW I am married to a "nerd". He's an attractive nerd, to be sure, but he designs software for a living (You know how those "techies" are...)

Hey! Thats what I do too....hmm maybe I'm a dork too :o

nelie
04-19-2007, 11:55 AM
I can understand that for people already in a relationship then their views will be pretty much I liked them then, I like them now, I'm happy. I'm wondering though about the single gals out there...is it different?

I know personally that I find now that I get attention from a wider group of males now and maybe people that I would have discounted before I lost weight now enter into my mind...whether that is because of confidence, perceived attractivness or whatever. Just wondering if its a common thing...

Well I'm not at my goal weight but when I was dating, my weight ranged from 260 (lows when I dieted in high school and college) to 360. I was always attracted to the good looking, slim, tall, geeky guys. I never was disinterested in someone because I thought they wouldn't be interested in me. Even if the guys I was interested in weren't interested in me, it wasn't like I'd "settle" for someone who was different than my standards. I was much happier not dating at all than dating someone who didn't live up to my standards. I even had a friend tell me once I was too picky.

I don't know if that makes sense?

nelie
04-19-2007, 12:02 PM
Edited to say: Does anyone know where I can find a t-shirt that says.. " I <3 Nerds" lol.. I told him I was going to get one just for him.. haha.. I figured since alot of us have nerdy men someone is bound to either have.. or know where to find these. I have seen people with them, but Ive never seen them in the store.

Here are a few... (not nerd but geek)
http://www.thinkgeek.com/tshirts/ladies/5c8a/
http://www.thinkgeek.com/tshirts/ladies/5981/

They also used to have panties that said the same thing but I can't find them.

LisaMarie71
04-19-2007, 12:10 PM
That makes perfect sense, nelie!

It's interesting that so many of us go for tall and geeky! :lol: I'm the same way, sort of. My husband is pretty much considered hot by most everyone, but he ACTS kind of like a geek. He's kind of an anomaly, because he's athletic but intellectual, cool but geeky. He's not a "manly man," thank God, who's into cars and watching sports and drinking beer all day. He'll PLAY sports, certainly, but he doesn't just sit around on his behind watching them. He was very thin when we met, but muscular, and now he's still lean but extremely fit, which has sometimes been slightly intimidating as I've struggled with my weight. He would never EVER say anything to me about it, and he loved me and was attracted to me (somehow) even at my highest weight. I love the fact that he's gorgeous but geeky. He's a ridiculously fast runner and he looks like a model, but he also still plays Dungeons and Dragons with his friends. :lol: Oh, I've always been into dark hair too -- in fact, my husband is mixed (black, white, and American Indian), and I'm white. He doesn't have dark eyes, though -- they're green, which makes him even prettier!

If I were single (and I got married at 21, so I don't even remember what that's like), I imagine I would probably believe my options would be better as I lose more weight. But my taste probably wouldn't change. Hard to say, I guess.

ellabella
04-19-2007, 12:21 PM
Hey! Thats what I do too....hmm maybe I'm a dork too :o


Finn, repeat after me: "I am a dork and I am PROUD of my dorkiness". Does anyone know where we can get Finn a T-shirt that says "I Love Dorks!"?????

Just kidding, Finn, you're too cute to be a dork. You might be a nerd, tho, and nerds are *kewl*. :D

PS...what's a dork, anyway?

TTFN,

Ella :dizzy:

aphil
04-19-2007, 12:27 PM
When I met DH, I was thin-obviously before I had any of my three kids, and I had to go up and down the weight ladder every time. I had dated the "cool" guys before, and they were all the same basically: full of themselves, uninteresting, etc. and I had nothing in common with them. So, it wasn't like I married a nerdy guy when I was fat, and then stayed with him because I was happy AFTER losing weight. He has seen me at all sizes-thin, fat, pregnant, etc. and he doesn't care. :)

I went from dating guys that "looked" pretty/hot, and found that the better THEY thought they looked-the less attractive they actually were-because of their personalities. DH is attractive-but he doesn't think he is/focus on that, and he doesn't try to dress or act a certain way to impress others. In fact, he has more fun embarassing himself in public than anything. :lol:

So no-for me losing weight doesn't equal seeing "better" men-as in hotter/cooler men. I have found through experience, that most of those types are just a big old headache. Because there are attractive men, and there are men who KNOW they are attractive-and those are the ones to avoid. ;)

nelie
04-19-2007, 12:27 PM
Ok here is what I was thinking of...

Geek love thongs
http://www.cafepress.com/buy/geek+love/-/c_393/fpt______________D

And just general geek love apparel
http://www.cafepress.com/buy/geek+love

Edit - Ok last one I promise

For you girls that are with C programmers...
http://www.jinx.com/scripts/details.asp?productID=522

finn
04-19-2007, 12:33 PM
:hyper: OH MY GOD I LOVE THEM!...must order now! :love:

jennylou
04-19-2007, 12:36 PM
When I met DH, I was thin-obviously before I had any of my three kids, and I had to go up and down the weight ladder every time. I had dated the "cool" guys before, and they were all the same basically: full of themselves, uninteresting, etc. and I had nothing in common with them. So, it wasn't like I married a nerdy guy when I was fat, and then stayed with him because I was happy AFTER losing weight. He has seen me at all sizes-thin, fat, pregnant, etc. and he doesn't care. :)


I agree.

I was thin when I met my husband. He's always been overweight since we've been together. But, I'd dealt with the handsome, perfectly fit guys - most of those were nothing but headaches! DH on the other hand, had a job, owned a house and had hobbies besides hanging at the bar. It wasn't like I was gaga over him from the get go. He was cute, but certainly not hot. But, as we hung out, I fell in love with him for his mind, his personality, etc. And, oh when you have that, you can morf cute into hot. ;) There's something sexy about a smart man. :cool:

LisaMarie71
04-19-2007, 12:43 PM
There's something sexy about a smart man. :cool:

Definitely. If a man's not smart, I really can't imagine being attracted to him at all no matter what he looks like. That's just a deal-breaker.

lumifan4ever
04-19-2007, 01:13 PM
i would say i have the same taste in men no matter what my size. I've been thinner in my younger dating years and i've been heavier in my dating days. My taste never vary much. I don't find myself attracted to overweight men, but i wouldn't say they have to be bean poles either. I generally as a rule am attracted to blonde hair and blue eyes. but my current boyfriend is actually half asian/half american. so he has dark hair and dark eyes. I like personality. A nice smile and laugh can attract me too. That's what i noticed first about my current boyfriend. He had a beautiful smile. then i started talking to him and i liked his personality. then he became very attractive to me. He treats me great and I REALLY like that.;) :D

twistedhoneydew
04-19-2007, 02:11 PM
I've only ever been attracted to guys who were both taller and heavier than me...when I was really skinny, I was often attracted to pretty skinny guys (just as long as they were taller than me) but as I gained weight I lost interest. I guess I need to feel small (or at least smaller) to feel feminine, and being tall has always made me feel so huge. Fortunately my fiance is 6'3" with a large frame, so he'd have to get pretty scrawny before I'd run the risk of outweighing him.

kella
04-19-2007, 03:19 PM
My standards haven't changed at all, no matter what weight I am. And I've been a lot heavier than my "starting weight" here (by about 30-40 pounds, which I think is pretty substantial). The only thing that's different now is that I feel I have a wider group of men who are interested. And I'm still fat, so I imagine that group will continue to widen as I lose more weight. It's shallow and it's terrible, but folks who aren't overweight (especially the tall, skinny, slightly nerdy art students I keep finding myself with) tend to dismiss overweight people.

Then again, some of my friends would argue that it's not your weight that impacts how people perceive you, but instead it has to do with your confidence. So if you've lost a little weight and you get a confidence boost, you'll be more attractive naturally just because of how you present yourself. Personally I think it's a bit of both.

Kery
04-19-2007, 03:25 PM
I don't think my standards have changed, but then my weight hasn't changed that much either. I mean, my heighest weight was something like 76 kgs, but in high school I was about 72-73, and guys would still hit on me now and then, so I never really felt like I had to 'aim low' because nobody would want me otherwise. Of course, I'm a horrible dater in that I'm extremely picky and very, very seldom feels attracted to someone, lest really fall in love. :lol:

I think however that I'm also more attracted to somewhat 'geeky/nerdy' types. Because I know it's not all looks, and that we do have common grounds on which to live and talk (computers, movies, anime, literature, etc).

Mami
04-19-2007, 06:22 PM
Good looking "hot" men are not necessarily dumb, conceited or self-centered.

BooBear2071
04-19-2007, 07:27 PM
Do you rate more handsome men as more obtainable now that you weigh less? Do you discount overweight men now because it comes across as not caring about themselves when you have invested the time in yourself?

Yes but I think it has been a large mistake. I met with a large guy last year -- when I was 212 -- and although it wasn't his looks so much he was rather boring -- I remember thinking that he was seemingly really really into me at 212. And I thought maybe I am selling myself short here. Maybe I should lose some weight and see if I can get some of the guys I like better who are better looking. But so far those guys have been just as boring.

Where the real difference has happened is in others dying to get me a guy. I mean co workers I hardly talked to before have come right up and are working hard on getting me a guy. One even offered to get me an outfit before a potential date.

pinupdreams
04-19-2007, 08:07 PM
they have never changed on my behalf, i look for what i look for and thats it. being big or small doesnt change my views on dating.

GR8 2B48
04-19-2007, 08:13 PM
This is an interesting subject. I have dated overweight guys before and for me it's always been about the person as a whole, someone who I find attractive along with being intelligent and fun to be with. Only recently, since I've lost a lot of weight and am looking forward to getting the rest off and keeping it off, have I really been concerned about dating someone who is overweight and it's only because of the health concerns. I don't want to fall in love with and marry someone who is going to be incapacitated or die early due to health problems caused by obesity. I also feel that if I have made the effort to lose weight, start exercising and care about my well being, the other person can do it too.

Denise

Lyria
04-19-2007, 09:58 PM
I don't think what I am attracted to has changed much at all after losing the weight.

I have always been into dark hair, darks eyes and olive skin (funnily enough much like myself :P except mine are green-hazel). I have always loved tall men and i'll admit I do like them somewhat athletic but air-heads need not apply!

When I lost the weight what I DID notice was the sudden increase in the number of guys who'd hit on me and i'll admit I went on a little rampage...more because I became all cynical over the whole "you're all so superficial you'd never have looked twice 40 pounds ago!"

After dating a few not nice but good-looking guys I finally met my lovely current fellow :) Everything I go for...except he has blue eyes...but he's got dark hair and olive skin! And he's all into sports and the gym like me but so smart...not into himself and probably the kindest, gentle person I know and to top it all off he's 6'6...Mmmm...tall....oh yes...and gorgeous :)

You'd think i'd be over the gushing stage....*rolls eyes*

aphil
04-20-2007, 08:56 AM
Good looking "hot" men are not necessarily dumb, conceited or self-centered.


No, they are not. But what I was saying, is that there is a difference between the naturally attractive men, and the men who "know" they are attractive (conceited) or the men who focus too much on their appearance and with being hot/cool-such as the men who highlight/teeth whiten/tan/wear $120 blue jeans/drive Hummers etc. Stereotypical, yes, but there are definitely those guys out there.

My husband is absolutely good looking-he just doesn't FOCUS on it like some men do. The men who have those tendencies also tend to date women for their looks, and not their personalities as well. My brother happens to be one of those types...ladies-avoid him! (At least until he matures...which will probably be when he turns 50.)

carolva77
04-20-2007, 09:00 AM
well my dating days are over. And i did not have a standard, I dated A LOT LOL!!!
But I saw my dh soul and it was so beautiful I have to get married to him

Beach Patrol
04-20-2007, 11:37 AM
Dating standards?????

I'm married. That put an end to my dating life a long time ago! :rofl:

Janie Canuck
04-20-2007, 12:46 PM
I'm married too, but thinking back.... I don't think my standards changed, but I think that when I was thin, I had more confidence, so I believed that a lot more guys were attainable, that they weren't "out of my league". My standard of what I find attractive has never really changed, but I think you cast your nets a little wider when you're thin. Is that simply because you're thinner, so more guys find you attractive? Or is it more because you feel better about yourself, and more confident? I'm not sure - probably a little of both.

carolva77
04-20-2007, 12:53 PM
When I was at my lowest weight I got really upset, being overweight all my life, most men never really noticed me...
then I lost a lot of weight and the attention was very hard to deal with....it was really upseting, because some guys were coming (to my standard) very strong. And it just get ufff. then I got married. Now I dont have to worry about it anymore

watchhershrink
04-20-2007, 09:06 PM
ill be completely honest with you. my standards have changed sooo much. i used to put up with terrible behavior because i somehow thought i couldnt do anything about it. now, i demand good behavior. i cant stand obnoxious nerdy banter, and i simply will not put up with it. i guess im going to be one of those tall skinny blonde girls that everybody hates, but hey... what can you do?
i want a beautiful tall man with a nice car, a big dog, his own house, and a taste for fine wine and poetry.
ive settled (in the past) for geeky indie kids with broken down hondas living in their parents basement, begging me to watch sci-fi.

big dif.
maybe that makes me shallow, or maybe i just know what i want.

nelie
04-20-2007, 10:19 PM
I believe in the independant woman, I bought my own house and nice car before I even started dating DH. One thing I loved about him is he is very frugal with himself although he has always tried to shower me with gifts. I had to actually stop him from buying me jewelry and other items because I don't need a lot of flash in my life.

Also, someone who tends to spend a lot of money also tends to be in a lot of debt even if they have a good salary. Someone who overextends themselves to try to impress others is not sexy :)

rockinrobin
04-21-2007, 10:24 AM
Chiming in a bit late. I have not read most of the responses quite honestly.

I am married and dating is not at option for me. And that's really, really okay. I don't know how I ever did it.

Anyway, I would rather be alone then tolerate bad, obnoxious behavior and being mistreated. Without a doubt. Whether I am 287 lbs, 387 lbs or 125 lbs. Weight does not change that fact.

watchhershrink
04-21-2007, 11:57 AM
I believe in the independant woman, I bought my own house and nice car before I even started dating DH. One thing I loved about him is he is very frugal with himself although he has always tried to shower me with gifts. I had to actually stop him from buying me jewelry and other items because I don't need a lot of flash in my life.

Also, someone who tends to spend a lot of money also tends to be in a lot of debt even if they have a good salary. Someone who overextends themselves to try to impress others is not sexy :)

oh hun, i think youve misunderstood me. i have my own things ie (my own nice new car, working on building credit so that in the next two years i can get into real estate.). i work harder and make more money than most 20 year olds you know (most likely). i just appreciate a man who can take care of himself, and is on my level. in the past my relationships usually ended up with me taking care of the other person. now, we are all fed this fairy tell of 'love conquers all' and all that crap, but in reality, love doesnt pay the rent. i dont want anything from a man except that he be able to take care of himself. for you to imply that i am some sort of gold-digger is offensive.

i think its incredibly sweet for you guys to be in love with your significant others, and im not judging that. so please dont judge me.

the question was posed 'do your standards go up as your weight goes down?' my answer is yes. for me, as a young independent woman starting out in life, most definitly.

nelie
04-21-2007, 12:41 PM
oh hun, i think youve misunderstood me. i have my own things ie (my own nice new car, working on building credit so that in the next two years i can get into real estate.). i work harder and make more money than most 20 year olds you know (most likely). i just appreciate a man who can take care of himself, and is on my level. in the past my relationships usually ended up with me taking care of the other person. now, we are all fed this fairy tell of 'love conquers all' and all that crap, but in reality, love doesnt pay the rent. i dont want anything from a man except that he be able to take care of himself. for you to imply that i am some sort of gold-digger is offensive.

i think its incredibly sweet for you guys to be in love with your significant others, and im not judging that. so please dont judge me.

the question was posed 'do your standards go up as your weight goes down?' my answer is yes. for me, as a young independent woman starting out in life, most definitly.

I didn't mean to come off so harsh if I did :) I've just known quite a few girls who went for the guy who had a nice house and a nice car and got burned for it. All women should know that they deserve respect. I'm with robin in saying that if the guys that are interested in you don't respect you and don't have the same goals as you, then there is no reason to even try dating them.

I will also say the saying "all that glitters isn't gold" applies :) I try to use my DH as an example of someone who drives a sensible car and didn't own his own home when I started dating him. He made a lot more money than me though (although I've closed the gap a little but it is hard when he keeps getting raises...) and had a lot more savings than me.

Strive to find someone who loves you, you love and that has important qualities. Financial stability is a good quality and I wouldn't suggest otherwise but some men try to have the appearance of financial stability when they don't :)

watchhershrink
04-21-2007, 12:55 PM
youre absolutely right. all the glitters is not gold. also, none of the guys i was with ever disrespected me or abused me (first sign of it, they were out the door). i just always wanted more and didnt think i could get it. now i know (and this is more likely a self confidence thing rather than a weight thing) that i can be whatever i want, and have whatever i want. plus, i love myself now, so i think im more able to be open and outgoing. and i really dont want you guys to think im shallow. i have a soft spot for aspiring artists, poets, musicians. i love scraggly guys who sometimes forget to shave. i like a crooked nose, or pock marks, a scar. i love men who are quiet and intelligent. im not about models or bodybuilders. my definition of beauty is vastly different than most. unique is beautiful to me. evidence of life lived is beauty to me. practicality/stability is just more important than most things to me.

RoyalAthena
04-21-2007, 07:42 PM
For me the answer would be yes. I really dont think too highly of myself in the looks department. Yes, many people tell me I am "pretty" but it doesnt compute when I have a whole 'nother person to lose. I have not dated in years. I don't want to be looked at and I really don't think I could get the type of guy I like. Because I did not want to be looked at, I started projecting myself as average. Now, after losing some weight, I am trying to get my sexy back. I went and got my hair done and eyebrows done. Eventually, I will get some highlights. Dating? I dont know. I feel like I don't deserve it yet. I will date when I am a size 16. Maybe even a 14. :)

HarpoChicoGroucho
04-21-2007, 10:56 PM
I think my standards have definitely gone up not only because my weight has gone down, but for a variety of reasons. I would never date a guy who wasn't in the same place in life as I was -- meaning being financially stable, living on his own, having a stable job, being educated, mature, and responsible. A few years ago I wasn't in the same place, but now I am, so I expect the same for the person I get involved with. But if I still weighed 300 pounds, I'd probably have lower standards, just because I would think I wouldn't be able to find someone on that level who would want me. I don't know, I actually never tried dating then, because I thought I wouldn't be able to get anyone, not even low life losers who would have mistreated me. And no, I'm not insuniating that obese women can only bag losers, that is just what I thought, because of my low self esteem and confidence. It seems like there's a lot of lucky women on here that have wonderful and supportive husbands.

Mami
04-23-2007, 12:40 AM
No, they are not. But what I was saying, is that there is a difference between the naturally attractive men, and the men who "know" they are attractive (conceited) or the men who focus too much on their appearance and with being hot/cool-such as the men who highlight/teeth whiten/tan/wear $120 blue jeans/drive Hummers etc. Stereotypical, yes, but there are definitely those guys out there.

Euuuuuwww. :lol: I like natural masculine types who are over 6'2" (just an odd fetish I seem to have) and dress in adult hip hop style--slightly baggy jeans and baggyish collar shirts with sneakers or work boots. The only tan they better be sporting is from walking around or actually enjoying themselves playing around at the beach, not because they sat in some cancer-causing tanning booth or purposely beside some pool sweating their thonged butts off :lol: gross. I like the working man type. I know it sounds tacky, but I like a nice gold chain or bracelette as well. Not the 80's type or anything. But no other adornements and certainly no tight jeans.

:rofl:

I found this an interesting and provocative question. I've been with the same person since I briefly gained and am now losing my weight, so my answer is no.

KnitALisa
04-23-2007, 09:27 AM
Oo, this is a good question. I don't know how well I'll be able to answer it, because I've actually never dated or had a boyfriend before. :o

I've always been attracted to the same type of guys: super-smart, dark hair (and if it's a little curly, so much the better), dark blue or brown eyes, a sweet smile, and tall (over 6', which is silly because I'm 5'4). With a little bit of stubble. And an ability to talk Shakespeare while fixing the kitchen sink.

I don't think that's going to change, if I'm 1,000 or 100 pounds. I think what's going to change, I hope what's going to change, is that I'll have the confidence to pursue them. :^: Be more assertive, and start building a freakin' dating history!

finn
04-23-2007, 10:33 AM
So I think I've definitely stirred up some debate here :)

To clarify something first...from my initial post I didn't mean to insinuate that you married folks had somehow settled for less than what you wanted and sincere apologies if it sounded that way. :o

I think that some unfair generalisations have been made too - in that all handsome, tall, smart, confident guys are somehow a$$es - isn't that like saying that all 110lb, gorgeous, blond haired girls are bimbos? - which we know to be untrue!

From my own perspective - I am finding that from 'TV' appearances what I find attractive hasn't changed. BUT in reality it has...in the real world not everyone looks like your favourite filmstar/actor/musician that you go pwhoar to. From initial 'reality' appearances, I find I'm casting my net wider....in that there are men now that I'm not discounting immediately. Probably a confidence/body image thing.

aphil
04-23-2007, 10:49 AM
So I think I've definitely stirred up some debate here :)

To clarify something first...from my initial post I didn't mean to insinuate that you married folks had somehow settled for less than what you wanted and sincere apologies if it sounded that way. :o

I think that some unfair generalisations have been made too - in that all handsome, tall, smart, confident guys are somehow a$$es - isn't that like saying that all 110lb, gorgeous, blond haired girls are bimbos? - which we know to be untrue!

From my own perspective - I am finding that from 'TV' appearances what I find attractive hasn't changed. BUT in reality it has...in the real world not everyone looks like your favourite filmstar/actor/musician that you go pwhoar to. From initial 'reality' appearances, I find I'm casting my net wider....in that there are men now that I'm not discounting immediately. Probably a confidence/body image thing.


I don't see the debate. :D

I didn't take it as any of us married folks settled for less than what we wanted. I have always wanted the same thing, and have always been attracted to the same thing-thin or fat. So, even being married, my standards don't change depending on my weight.

As far as the generalizations-I, and others here, were not saying that all tall, good looking men were bad. I was saying that there was a difference between a good looking man, and a man who KNOWS he is good looking, or puts too much emphasis on his looks and/or image and the looks/image of others.

:)

cajungal328
04-24-2007, 12:38 AM
Well, I haven't read this whole thread, but I want to say that my views on men have not changed whether I was big or small.

I tend to be more attracted to dark haired, dark eyed, olive complected white men, but I have nothing against lighter haired, blue eyed, fairer skinned men. I've never really been into black guys, though I have known one or two that made me consider going there... As for looks, it doesn't matter if he's not gorgeous, as long as he's not butt ugly, and as long as he has good teeth. I like my men to be at least 5'8" tall (I am 5'3" tall, so that is just right for me) I tend to be more attracted to thinner men, though a little extra weight does not bother me. I am not attracted to an excessively overweight men. Also, I do not want a man thats years younger than me. I am 31, and I like my men at least my age, 30 - 40 a good range, maybe a little older...

Personality wise, my men have to have a strong sense of humor. I have always, since I was young, been attracted to the class clown. The sillier they are, the more I like them. I do not like obnoxious humor, but I like a guy to be genuinely hilarious, silly and sweet.... I like a man who can act like a kid at times, but is capable of being a mature adult. If he cannot make me laugh, I am not interested. I do not like serious men, dull and boring... I like a smart, educated man, though I do not discount a person who does not have a college education. After all, I don't have a college education.... Anyway, my men have to be extremely nice and friendly. And passionate... I like a man who gives me alot of attention. Above all, happiness, laughter, and attention is what I crave the most...

I don't know if my guys fall under the catagory of geek of cool guy, I am not biased either way, but if I find a geek who fits this profile, I will snap him up. A geek is less likely to stray, I don't want a player... been there, done that..

If I get male attention, I always tend to get attention from guys I am not attracted to. Seems to be the going thing with me. Why can't I get hit on by someone who I find to my liking as well? Also, lately, I have had women interested in me, and I work with one of them. She is very attractive, and I really like her, but unfortunately, I don't swing that direction... what a pity, becuase I do like her alot, just not in that way... ;)