General chatter - General Poll:




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Perspective
04-09-2007, 09:52 PM
Question # 1

Why do you think married men (women) cheat?

Question #2
What do you think of the other woman (man)?

Got into a heated debate at work ... wanted to see what others thought.


BlueToBlue
04-09-2007, 10:10 PM
1. For all sorts of reasons. I know some people that cheat because that's just the way they are; they just don't seem to take fidelity very seriously or they just like the excitement. In other cases, it's because there is something seriously wrong with their marriage or because they have issues that they haven't dealt with.

2. Personally, I always blame the cheater and not the person they cheated with. I think the person they cheated with is also a victim. Let's say A and B are married and B cheats with C. I don't think it is C's responsibility to keep B faithful. It is B's responsibility to stay faithful. So I don't blame C. But in the end, I think that C hurts him/herself by being with someone who isn't faithful. That relationship is doomed. Even if B leaves A to be with C, C will will never be able trust B. C would be much healthier to forget about B and find someone that isn't a cheater.

GreatBigMonsterMomma
04-09-2007, 10:46 PM
Question # 1
Why do you think married men (women) cheat? Fundamentally, I believe it is a humongous sense of self-entitlement. They feel they're not getting what they "should" from their relationship, perhaps, so they're justified in going elsewhere for what they "deserve". Or they just want an outside conquest maybe. But it all comes down to self-entitlement.

Question #2
What do you think of the other woman (man)? Depends. If they didn't realize the other person was taken, I merely feel bad for them. If they did know, then I have as little use for them as the cheater. Though it's ultimately the fault of the person who actually broke the vows, a willingness to get involved with a married person doesn't speak very highly of you, IMO.


NemesisClaws
04-10-2007, 12:17 AM
Question # 1
Why do you think married men (women) cheat?
Too many issues in their current marriage....didn't really love each other to begin with, or they just can't settle for one. I do know of a few women who purposely cheat with married men just so they won't get into the whole committment issue, and for the whole sneaking around bit.

Question #2
What do you think of the other woman (man)?
In general, if the other person was not aware of her current partner's marriage, then I consider them a victim as well. However, if they were aware of it, then I consider them as much to blame as the cheating spouse. That doesn't mean I would personally focus all of my blame and attention on the other person, as seems to be the norm, but would instead get a divorce and move on. Once you lose that trust in a relationship, there's no getting it back.

ennay
04-10-2007, 01:01 AM
I think there are a huge spectrum of reasons. Sometimes its entitlement, sometimes its lack of self esteem, have to continuously prove they are desireable, sometimes its to escape the marriage. There are probably as many reasons as there are affairs.

The other person. Depends. Depends what they know and what their intention is. Personally - I dont have much respect for someone who hangs on with marrieds, but if it were my relationship I wouldnt give a crap about HER. The only person who can keep your spouse faithful is HIM - and I dont buy seduction crap. If it wasnt skank A it would be skank B.

trekkiegirl
04-10-2007, 01:07 AM
Question # 1
Why do you think married men (women) cheat?
All sorts of reasons. If somebody does it chronically, then I think it's more to do with it being the way they are, liking the variety, excitement, part of the ego trip, etc. On the flip side, I think there are people who feel they are lacking something, either in themselves or in their marriages, and look for it elsewhere. I think these people like how the other person makes them feel, it takes them out of their perhaps mundane reality or a situation that may not be all that happy and makes them feel good about themselves and not necessarily just sexually speaking.

Question #2
What do you think of the other woman (man)?
I think if they don't know about the marriage, they are a victim as well. If they do know about it, they are not blameless but the married one is more blameworthy because they are the one who made the commitment. If the 3rd person is a friend, so much the worse for their behavior.

I think it's hard to lump every situation into one category or judgement...I mean you can have a different reaction to, let's say, a married woman cheating with a younger man because he makes her feel desirable vs. cheating because she likes variety vs. a woman who's married to a real s.o.b. who makes her feel like crap so she's miserable and has no self-esteem. My boss has a sister who, while she hasn't cheated (that anybody is aware of), is married to, by accounts, a terrible person, domineering, nasty, etc. It would be easy for me to understand how someone like that could stray. Heck, her family would probably be thrilled if it meant she would get away from her loser husband.

lizziness
04-10-2007, 01:35 AM
the saddest part is, a woman like that would never cheat because she has no self esteem because her husband took it away from her.

There are as many reasons for cheating as there are cheaters, I suspect. If someone did it to me, I would not forgive them under any circumstance. It has less for me to do with the sex than with the lies. I just don't tolerate liars.

As for the other woman/man... it really depends on whether or not they know. If they willingly have an affair with a married person, then they are at fault in some aspect as well.

I think that humans just aren't meant to be a monogamous animal and I think that's a part of what makes marriage what it is. Commitment. Two people deciding that they want to commit to being together and making things work. Maybe that's also why so many marriages don't work out anymore...the people getting married don't really take it that seriously.

brandnewme
04-10-2007, 09:10 AM
I agree that there are many reasons a person cheats. I don't find any of them acceptable. I think once a person marries, he or she has made the commitment to his/her spouse, and that commitment should be honored no matter what. If you're unhappy in your marriage, get out of it before you pursue other options.

As far as the other woman/man.. they are responsible for their actions, but it's not their commitment to uphold. If he/she knew that so and so was married, but chose to pursue a relationship with him/her, I find it disgusting, but once again, not their commitment to uphold.

almostheaven
04-10-2007, 10:11 AM
Question # 1

Why do you think married men (women) cheat?

Depends on the circumstances. If they've been in a bad marriage for years, I don't have as strong opinion about them on the issue. But I still think that if anyone wants to "cheat", they should first end the relationship they're in. Regardless of whether the one you're with is an ogre pushing you to it or not. Push them out, then go do what you want with who you want.

Those who cheat just because they have no better common sense (like my ex), should have their balls cut off...or something else if its the woman. ;)

Question #2

What do you think of the other woman (man)?

Depends here too. Did they know? If they knew the person was with someone and cheated with them, they're scum. Sometimes people fall for one another, and that may be the case and they didn't intentionally do this. But people CAN exercise some control, and like I said, the cheater should leave the other person first. If they won't, the one cheating with them should say then you're not for me. Cause if they'll keep cheating on someone else and won't leave them, they're never going to leave them for you.

FrouFrou
04-10-2007, 02:35 PM
I agree with what everyone else has already said. I've not been in that situation but have known several people who did cheat. Their reasons varied...one couple I believe they married too young and just weren't ready. They both cheated and I think they both knew it and neither cared. Another, I believe had to do with the guilt of their 3 year-old son shooting himself with a gun that the dad left beside the bed knowing how this baby got into anything and everything. I think he didn't know how to deal with it and couldn't face his wife so turned to drinking and other women. Of course there are those that have said "It just happened" POPPYCOCK! I don't and never will believe that "it" just happens. You have a mouth and two hands to push someone away should they make a pass at you.

And I too have no respect for the person the cheater cheats with. In that case of the friend who lost his son...she knew he was married and didn't care.

I think the blame should be mostly on the cheater though especially if the other person doesn't know. Too many people blame the "other" person but if they didn't know they were married how is it their fault?

EZMONEY
04-10-2007, 07:22 PM
Question # 1

Why do you think married men (women) cheat?

Depends on the circumstances. If they've been in a bad marriage for years, I don't have as strong opinion about them on the issue. But I still think that if anyone wants to "cheat", they should first end the relationship they're in. Regardless of whether the one you're with is an ogre pushing you to it or not. Push them out, then go do what you want with who you want.

Those who cheat just because they have no better common sense (like my ex), should have their balls cut off...or something else if its the woman. ;)

Question #2

What do you think of the other woman (man)?

Depends here too. Did they know? If they knew the person was with someone and cheated with them, they're scum. Sometimes people fall for one another, and that may be the case and they didn't intentionally do this. But people CAN exercise some control, and like I said, the cheater should leave the other person first. If they won't, the one cheating with them should say then you're not for me. Cause if they'll keep cheating on someone else and won't leave them, they're never going to leave them for you.

I totally agree with you ALMOSTHEAVEN but I would word it different.

WHY DO YOU THINK MARRIED PEOPLE CHEAT? answer ~ they suck!

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE OTHER PERSON? answer ~ if they know, then they suck!

I was never cheated on (that I know of) but my mom was...by my dad...I love my dad (deceased) had a great relationship with him, I consider him a good dad...but as a husband...he sucked!