100 lb. Club - Let me ask you guys something....




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mandy27613
04-04-2007, 11:46 PM
Do some of you ladies ever seem to notice that sometimes women who say they are supporting each other in their weight loss really use it as a way to make themselves feel better about themselves. I have noticed that woman often are very competitive under the shroud of being supportive. Isn't it hard enough that we hear it from the media all day every day that we are not enough, skinny enough, fit enough, pretty enough, etc. WOMEN LETS REALLY SUPPORT EACH OTHER. NO MORE PHONY!! ONLY REAL ENCOURAGEMENT THAT IS MOTIVATED FROM THE HEART WITHOUT THE ULTERIOR MOTIVES!! I hope that you all are doing well and being successful in what you are trying to do. Lots of love!!


cantforgetthis
04-05-2007, 04:29 AM
Fortunately, I can say that I have never experienced this, either with my "normal" sized friends or my plus sized friends. I'm sorry if you have, but you are in the right place! I'm sure you won't experience that here.

kaplods
04-05-2007, 12:29 PM
I've seen a little of what you're talking about, but I have a little different take on it. Human emotions are very complicated and messy, and very few, if any of us have the purest of intentions 100% of the time.

Haven't you ever been really happy for, yet really jealous of someone you love who has gotten something you've always wanted? Maybe they've lost a lot of weight, are getting married, having a baby, buying a gorgeous house, are going on a wonderful vacation that you can't afford, have won a cool prize....?"

I know I have, so I try not to think too much about another person's motives when they are being nice or encouraging, even if it's obviously kind of forced. Can't say I'm always successful, and it tends to bother me the most if the "fake happy face" is coming from someone really close to me, but I try to realize that sometimes I'm the one with the "fake happy face," and if it's all I can muster, and not very convincing, it is at least far better than "real nastiness" I'm temporarily feeling.

So I say heck, take the compliment or the encouragement, and don't worry about the motive.


becoming wisdom
04-05-2007, 04:20 PM
I really agree with kaplods, and I'd also like to reinforce the idea of being as supportive as possible.


Haven't you ever been really happy for, yet really jealous of someone you love who has gotten something you've always wanted? ...I know I have, so I try not to think too much about another person's motives when they are being nice or encouraging, even if it's obviously kind of forced. ...So I say heck, take the compliment or the encouragement, and don't worry about the motive.

Sometimes, being as supportive as possible IS to muster yourself to be civil, or wear that "fake smile" also mentioned by kaplods. The self-honesty about motives - well, that takes at least as much insight as commitment to honesty. It's really tough, (at least for me) even after decades of effort. Speaking for myself, in my early fifties, I'd hoped by now to have faced up to and eradicated most of my own blind spots. And it's not just that everyone tries to be civil and not too personal, (and I do appreciate that!) making it harder to catch myself in the act. Also, my self-awareness flaws are common to most everybody in my culture!

Okay, I can get jealous, and know it, too - even while congratulating somebody. But I also support them, and even when my smile is forced, I get the impression the congratulated person hears that support first, and can forgive the jealousy! And at the same time, their success and my jealousy work nicely together to inspire me to my own success.

So, the green-eyed congrats aren't necessarily a bad thing. On this forum, each person's success helps raise a standard for everyone else, and a little jealousy may be a sign that I am, or another person is, feeling personally challenged, and we know it's our own problem because the achiever did not point their finger at us. It's not a bad way to motivate a whole community!

And sure, Mandy, I agree that if we're always feeling jealous and the support is fake, that does need to change. Or if we're being competitive cutthroats in a female arena, where we wouldn't be in front of the guys, that's unbalanced. And we don't need to echo to each other the cultural standard that we are only worthwhile if we are attractive. That's criminally demeaning!

Now I don't see any of this generally happening on this forum. But if anyone personally feels this happening inside them, I think it's good to face it, and to be a part of everybody else's solution, instead of part of the problem. And I'm sure anybody who can admit it, and is working on that kind of internal beauty, gets all our support!

GirlyGirlSebas
04-05-2007, 05:48 PM
I have noticed that people in my immediate life who are dieting at the same time as I am, seem to become a bit competitive...they want to lose faster or think their plan is superior, etc. But, I havent sensed any of that here on the 100lb club threads. Everyone seems to be encouraging and want to see each other succeed. When one of us succeeds, it brings hope for everyone else that we can lose a tremendous amount of weight and turn our lives around, too. I really think you're gonna love it here.

mandy27613
04-05-2007, 10:46 PM
You guys are awesome! I have not seen this at all on this website, only in my real life I have seen women act like that. Everyone I have seen here seems to really be encouraging and I really appreciate it so much. You guys inspire me so much. I love you all!

jennylou
04-06-2007, 12:22 AM
I try to offer encouragment and congratulations to anyone who is losing weight! No matter if they are ahead of me or behind me. My SIL is also losing weight, she started after me, so is naturally behind me in terms of total pounds lost. But, it's not a competition - this is about us getting as healthy as we can so that we can be around for a long time for our kids. So, when she has a bad week, I encourage her to get back OP.

And, I don't really see it around here either.

Now, the green eyed monster? Yeah, but at least this is something that I have a little control over. When I was battling infertility or when I was grieving the loss of my son, well those were things that I could not control, so it was harder not to feel downright jealous.

pinupdreams
04-06-2007, 04:57 AM
Do some of you ladies ever seem to notice that sometimes women who say they are supporting each other in their weight loss really use it as a way to make themselves feel better about themselves. I have noticed that woman often are very competitive under the shroud of being supportive. Isn't it hard enough that we hear it from the media all day every day that we are not enough, skinny enough, fit enough, pretty enough, etc. WOMEN LETS REALLY SUPPORT EACH OTHER. NO MORE PHONY!! ONLY REAL ENCOURAGEMENT THAT IS MOTIVATED FROM THE HEART WITHOUT THE ULTERIOR MOTIVES!! I hope that you all are doing well and being successful in what you are trying to do. Lots of love!!

truer words were never spoken. i agree.