General chatter - Now I Need Advice!

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03-29-2007, 03:33 PM
My husband and I are having issues with my MIL. We've been married 18 months, and the entire time, she has asked if we're fighting, if we're getting divorced, etc. We have had some pretty major ups and downs, but we've never discussed our issues with our family members because we feel that it should only be between us, and not put our family in the middle of it. So, as far as she knows, there shouldn't be any reason to suspect we're getting divorced. I have pretty much learned to ignore that aspect of it.

But now, she's been calling my mom and asking my mom if we're fighting, or if we're getting a divorce. When she calls my mom, she tells my mom if we get divorced, she's going to disown her son. Then, on the flip side, she turns around and tells DH that if we got divorced, she'd never want to see me or acknowledge me again. She's also telling my mom one thing, and then turning around and telling us something completely different.

They live 8 hours away, versus the 1 hour away my parents live. We're extremely close to my parents, whereas he's never had a great relationship with his mom. I believe most of what she's doing is out of jealousy, but it's self-inflicted because she makes absolutely no effort to be involved with DH. In fact, until we got married, he'd only hear from her maybe once every couple months. My DH tries not to let it bother him, but it really does.

We've asked that she not discuss our relationship with anyone else, and we've asked that she come to us with her concerns rather than go to my mom. My mom has begun telling her that she's not going to discuss our relationship, and to talk to us about it. I've tried everything but be blunt with her, and I'm afraid that's what it's going to come to. I'd rather not put any more of a strain on their relationship if possible. Any ideas how to tactfully handle it, without hurting her feelings?

Janie Canuck
03-29-2007, 03:57 PM
My sympathies... my situation is a bit different, but basically my MIL is a witch with a "b", and doesn't like me. DH needs to stand up to her, but after a lifetime of just trying to stay under the radar, and claiming nothing bothers him, he simply doesn't have the gonads. We had a big issue over her interfering a few years ago... we're OK now, but the best I can do is to have as little to do with her as possible. That's not so hard as she lives a few hours away.

Anyway, sorry I can't offer any better advice, but I feel for you.