General chatter - Stupid fake tans & weddings of people I don't know!

Beach Patrol
03-27-2007, 11:58 AM
Yeah, weird title, eh? :D

Last Saturday, my Hubby & I had to attend a wedding. YES - HAD TO ATTEND. It was the wedding of his boss's son. The bossman got said son a job at the company when he first got out of hi-school, & Hubby was son's supervisor. You see how this works. :o

So anyway... it's the FIRST truly WONDERFUL weekend of the beach season! My BEST BEST BEST BEST BESTEST FRIEND in the whole wide world was here for the weekend. We beached Friday afternoon, a good part of Saturday, & all day Sunday. The wedding was Saturday evening.

I didn't WANT to go to this wedding at all.... but I had to stand by my man. I like to look good for my man... I didn't WANT to be all pasty white for this wedding. So I went to get one of those spray on tans that I've seen & heard so much about. I was already a little tiny bit red from being on the beach Friday afternoon. So Friday night, I got the "Mystic-Tan" spray -on.

OH FOR THE LOVE OF GOD. I tried & tried & tried to scrub it off... used lemon juice, Goo Gone, dandruff shampoo, nail polish remover... you name it! I tried it! - but NONE of it worked at all.... I was SPOTTY alllllll over. I looked like a hippy-drugged dalmatian! Tan in some places, DIRTY LOOKING in some places, PASTY WHITE in some places, & SUNBURNED PINK in some places. I swear I looked like a cross between a Picasso & a Monet! ... with all my different spotty skin colors & my pretty pastel paisley flowing skirt... oh brother....

Now... this wedding wasn't your every day ordinary sweet wedding. It was a SEVEN groomsmen & bridesmaids, a matron AND a maid of honor, two flowergirls & two ringbearers. A TRUMPET PLAYING BAND played at the wedding. 70's band played at the reception. Oh, did I mention the reception was at THE FREAK'N YACHT CLUB?!?!?!?!?!?!?! Hubby & I were seated at a table with 80 year old couples... and the CEO of the local hospital (Oh yes, we had tons in common! talked all evening! yeah right....) The spread of food was magnificent; open (free!) bar, etc. I'm telling you, the fruit platter alone cost more than my own wedding!

So there ya have it. I left my beloved beach & best friend early to go a wedding I didn't know the people & a reception where I've NEVER felt so out of place IN MY LIFE.... and I was the "horse" of many different colors. :dizzy:

THE MORAL OF THE STORY? Just don't try the spray on tan if you plan to GO anywhere... especially someplace where there are OTHER PEOPLE! :rofl:

03-27-2007, 12:07 PM
Well one thing I read about before my own wedding was not to dye your hair the day before the wedding or to do a drastic hair cut or anything and its true. You start getting crazy ideas and it is best to hold off. Before any big event, don't try something brand new :)

03-27-2007, 01:31 PM
Oh your entry made me laugh out loud, co-workers are looking at me strangely!! LOL! Poor you, what a disaster!! I have had one of those, and it worked out for fine, but I am going to weary in the future! Nothing worse than weddings where you feel uncomfortable.

03-27-2007, 02:06 PM
I have the coworkers looking at me too, I think I snorted.....

..Side note...Bath & Body Works used to sell something that helps remove a fake tan in their True Blue Spa line--not sure if it a seasonal thing ar has been discontinued...

Is that really me
03-27-2007, 02:21 PM
:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: OMG!!!! I have cramps in my stomach from laughing so freakin' hard!!!! Too, too funny!!!!!!!! Thanks for posting this little tidbit!!!! :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:


03-27-2007, 03:04 PM
OMG! :lol: Not meaning to laugh but you made me think of my sister years ago when they had that lotion stuff. Can't remember what it was called (she would try anything), she put it on and had orange spots everywhere. The stuff wouldn't go on even, lol. Then she tried make-up (foundation) on her legs, :lol: Anyway...thanks for the heads up. I wondered if those really worked or not. I was tempted because I don't want to go to a tanning booth and look orange, and I don't really have anywhere to lay-out here.

03-27-2007, 03:05 PM
I'm lucky I work alone so I can laugh out loud all I want. I'm not laughing AT you, just the way you so wonderfully described the experience OMG. Didya look on the plus side? You were at a table of 80 year olds so chances are, between their blue/white hair, bad toupees and poor eyesight, they probably didn't notice the disparities in your skin color. (just kidding of course, I don't want to offend any healthy and hip 80 year olds here ;) )

This reminded me of that episode of Friends where Ross went for the spray tan but couldn't follow the directions about when to turn around. :lol:

03-27-2007, 11:12 PM
hehhe.I was thinking of the Friends episode too.
Another plus with sitting with the 80 year olds..nobody noticed their age spots. LMAO

So glad that I am not the only person who goes through life putting on a vaudeville act for anyone who is watching.

03-27-2007, 11:44 PM
but I got an invitation in the mail the other day....
and I jumped for joy !:dance:
DD21's first boyfriend, who I loved dearly as a person and never minded his presence at my table, is getting married. I was so excited !
He's not marrying my daughter.:carrot:
Despite getting along with me- he made my daughter miserable. His Mom was her first boss ever when she was just a kid working the front counter at the local DQ.
In small tiny town's like ours that's a marriage made in heaven.They were the sweethearts of the Dairy Queen.
He even tried to come back a couple months after the break up.
So I will be there in something new- size 14-16 instead of size 22. No fake tan-a real one- the farmer's tan that we all have here on the prairegrass jungle.
He's given me a reason to dance at his wedding as he's now off the market, for now !

03-28-2007, 12:14 AM
:hug: and:D That was a great story! Thanks for sharing!

Now my dilema is getting through the summer with minimal tan lines for a wedding in Sept. :dizzy: I'm the matron of honor!

Beach Patrol
03-28-2007, 11:14 AM
This reminded me of that episode of Friends where Ross went for the spray tan but couldn't follow the directions about when to turn around. :lol:

I thought about that episode of Friends, too... and just laughed even harder at myself! - then of course, thinking of THAT episode led me to remember another couple of Rossisms.... the leather pants incident... the really white-bright teeth... LOL!!! :dizzy:

I'm glad you all had good laughs from my story; that's why I told it... cause it was funny! :D