100 lb. Club - Spouse Alert!!!
03-25-2007, 03:05 PM
So when I started in march my husband was away. I got into a great routine and could control my eating my way and I started exercising. I feel ever since he came home + a visit to my mum's I can't get on track again. I just don't know how to explain it. I hate doing the changing in front of them. I guess I feel judged and they are watching every move I make and comment both good and bad. I know they want to help me I just get defiant when they comment. I would love everyone to ignore it unless I want to talk about it. Am I being to demanding? I know I should have compassion and love that they care about me. I just take care of so many people through the week that I want to take care of myself without having stress. Please let me know how you deal with spouses, partners people in your life during the journey.:?:
03-25-2007, 04:04 PM
My suggestion would be to be direct... "Honey (mom, kid) I love that you are supportive of my changes for better health. It would be more helpful to me if you would not comment on what I eat (do, exercise, try...) unless I ask for your advice. These changes are quite a challenge to me and that would really help me. Thank you for understanding!"
I think that it is important to put this in a non-critical way, and to talk about what is or is not helpful to you.
I had to have that conversation with my teen son. He thought that he was being helpful by commenting when I would eat things he thought were not diet food. Rather than finding it helpful, like you, it made me defiant. Plus annoyed!
03-26-2007, 10:53 AM
I agree completely with being upfront about it. You can even tell them that you don't know why it bothers you. I find with my DH that I have to be very specific with what I need from him. "I need you to be supportive and tell me that you love me and are proud of me. I need for you not to comment on my food choices or to be the food police." I truly think that most men are wired to want to "fix" things so his comments are aimed toward tweaking things to "work" better instead of being critical. It is hard for my DH to realize that I don't need him to handle this, I need him to cheer me on. So my avice is to be kind but firm and let him know what you need!
03-26-2007, 11:40 AM
I completely agree, altough haven't actually followed my own advice on telling my mum and friends to back off. I hate it when people comment on my weight or food choices. For example, my friend who is visiting me this week and so I'm organising with her what food we should buy in has just this second emailed me this about my choice of breakfasts:
"Bread and cheese for breakfast - how continental! All bran is full of sugar
and marmite sucks :-)"
Sarcastic and rude and inappropriate seeing as she expects to stay in my home and be fed by me for several days!
Good luck with telling them, if that is what you chose to do. I really need to do the same thing.
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