General chatter - Friend is trying to fix me up.... thoughts???




Kae
03-13-2007, 02:10 PM
Hey all--

So I made a new friend last week when I started going to my local gym in the PM. I must have made the mistake of mentioning that I haven't dated in a while... though I don't actually remember saying anything about how I was looking to do so.

Her friends call her "CUPID" because she's always trying to set people up. Well, I guess she wants to set me up with one of her friends. Her description of him was something like: He is 31 (FYI-- I'm 23).. He is divorced with a daughter, age 13... he smokes... he's really nice... not a partier or anything crazy.. he likes to go see live bands... he's looking for someone not too prissy so that they can do "guy stuff".. (fishing, etc, etc).. and he's 'descent looking'.. 6'3" blonde hair, blue eyes, and so on.

I guess she told him I was: her height (5'3").. brown hair.. beautiful eyes.. Thick like her... but more "top heavy".. gentle personality.. not too crazy.. responsible.. work 2 jobs... her new gym partner... and so on.

I don't know. I told her I would think about it. We would likely do a group outing with her friends this weekend if we did anything.. keep it extremely casual. But even still... I wasn't really looking to date anyone. I haven't dated in a while really.. and the last few guys have left something to be desired personality-wise. The big red flags for me are the smoking and the kid. I hate smoking and I'm not looking for the whole kid thing at all.

I'm sure it would be fine. We can always just hang out and I can expand my teeny tiny circle of friends a bit. And.. haha.. according to her he may bring some cute friends that I may like more. It sounds like she wants to test drive me around her circle of friends... hahaha. It's crazy.

Any thoughts? I don't know what to think. When she came in the gym with, "Guess what, I have good news!" I wasn't expecting it to have been about her fixing me up. Thoughts?!?!
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alinnell
03-13-2007, 02:46 PM
My best friend fixed me up with someone once. Seriously, it made me wonder if she really knew me at all--the guy was the exact opposite of anyone I would have been interested in. Thankfully, the set up was just a dinner with her husband, so four of us in all. It was an okay evening but obviously he wasn't taken with me either as we didn't even bother asking for each other's numbers!

If you do this, make sure it is with a group. Then, if you don't hit it off, you have other people to talk to and the entire evening isn't ruined. There isn't any harm in trying!! Best of luck to you.

booklover
03-13-2007, 03:25 PM
The age difference would bug me. When I was in my early 20's I didn't want to date anyone over 30 -- they just seemed too much older. Then, when I turned 30-something, I dated guy in his 20's and we had nothing to talk about. Now, I try to limit the age difference to +/- 5 years.


Mom2QJandT
03-13-2007, 03:41 PM
The age difference would bug me. When I was in my early 20's I didn't want to date anyone over 30 -- they just seemed too much older. Then, when I turned 30-something, I dated guy in his 20's and we had nothing to talk about. Now, I try to limit the age difference to +/- 5 years.

Oh, I wouldn't say that...my boyfriend is 43 and I'm 31. We have a great relationship and a lot in common. I think that it has more to do with the people involved.

married2asoldier
03-13-2007, 03:48 PM
Funny thing to mention but your closer in age to his daughter then to him. Gl with it! At least in a group situation it might not be so awkward.

tikanique
03-13-2007, 03:55 PM
I dated a guy once that was 22 when I was 37. It was GREAT! He was so moldable. I told him one night that he should pay more attention to current events and he started reading the paper, watching the news, etc. He changed up the types of movies that we went to see, etc. Since I'm so silly acting, I had no problem going to shoot hoops with him or going roller skating etc. We both liked the same types of music.

Dang, where is his number??!?!?!?!?

Seriously though, go for it. In a group setting it isn't as much pressure. He may be Mr. Wrong, but then again, he could be either Mr. Right or Mr. Right for Right Now.

Tiki

cinderly
03-13-2007, 04:35 PM
Can you do the group outing thing without it being a Date? Just a bunch of people hanging out together, and if you hit it off, great. If not, no harm, no foul.

I don't know how I'd react on the kids/smoking things. Neither are deal breakers for me - but it sounds like maybe they are for you. If so, let your friend know. I'd rather lose out on someone at the excited, looking forward to meeting phase than after I've invested some emotional energy in them.

Also, an age difference is not ALWAYS a bad thing. The Other Human is eight years older than me, and it's been much less of an issue than many people have wanted it to be. (I can't count the number of times I hear, "He's HOW old?!") It hasn't been all sunshine and roses, of course, but we've managed things pretty well.

futuresurferchick
03-13-2007, 04:39 PM
I'm 23 and personally could never see myself at this age with a guy who is 31. But that is maybe a reflection of where I am in my life, still a student with no firm career plans and the idea of family still in the distant future. Maybe you're at a different place in your life. I don't know, there's no harm in going anyway. :)

msnewbooty
03-13-2007, 04:40 PM
I've been there too...and just a few bits of wisdom.

Determine what your "deal breakers" are and stick with them. Mine, too, is no children (at this point, I have no desire to search for my Mommy Gene). Yours may also include smoking, or age difference. These things are on our Deal Breaker List for a reason...you need to decide how much you want to "put up" with those things - if at all.

Also, a huge thing that I've learned recently...if you're not really in the mood to date or meet someone new - then DON'T do it. My last boyfriend, I knew I wasnt really in love with the idea of dating at the time...and I was pretty much miserable - not with him (he was okay) but that I was "stuck" in a relationship when I really wanted to be free to do as I please.

So I guess it all comes down to knowing exactly what you want. Once you know that, it doesnt matter if your friend introduces you to someone, or if you run into them in the grocery store - it'll just happen. You're on the right track at least willing to meet someone and maybe add them to your circle of friends.

Keep us updated! ;)

EZMONEY
03-13-2007, 05:55 PM
......

and I'm not looking for the whole kid thing at all.................

Thoughts?!?!
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KAE ~ being a parent of my two kids, step-daughter and nephew...those above words say it all for me on any advice I would give you. You have received good advice from everyone but I would tell you, for the sake of the child, to just politely say no. Good luck...the qualities listed should find you your :love: :love: :love: soon!

tikanique
03-13-2007, 06:14 PM
I second that. I make it a point now to NOT date men that DON'T have kids. I have two and I'm not trying to have my heart broken cause someone I fell in love with wants to be with someone that they can start a family with.

If you stick to your no-bend rules, you have less chance of disappointment.

Tiki

techwife
03-13-2007, 06:36 PM
I agree with Gary and Tiki (and everyone else, too). I was a single mom with my daughter for a few years and was about to be fixed up on a date, but the guy found out I had a child and backed out. At first I was offended, but after I thought about it, I was glad he didn't waste MY time, either. Kids are a BIG DEAL and usually come with closely attached ex-spouses that are no fun at all. The kids can be fun, but the ex-wife is usually always angry and not fun to deal with when you're the new woman in her ex-husband's new life and you are dealing with her kids when they're with dad. Relationships are hard enough without THAT external noise.

As for you being happy being single...the days I spent single are some of the most carefree, happy days I remember (post children and hubby, that is). There's nothing like it. If you're happy that way, I see no reason to muddy the water by injecting it with a boyfriend. Besides...I always felt like an item on an auction block when being fixed up on a blind date. Like, "Here she is...whaddya think?" And likewise, with the guy. Like, nothing like getting to know someone and having an attraction build the 'natural' way. Of the, possibly, hundred or so guys I've been fixed up with, only one was a winner and he didn't last long, either. I always felt like it was too much pressure and felt like I had to behave in a way that they would like. And the guys always seemed to 'desperate' or something to me. Like, too eager to please me or too wishy-washy and too FAKE. As if you aren't really meeting the real person and you'll have to take forever to break the ice to get to the real person...instead of just meeting someone at work or school on the off chance and get to know them in their real personality, THEN decide if you like them or not.

I'm rambling...good luck on what you decide. I, for one, although I'm married...If I weren't I would NOT go on a blind date again. Bleh.

EZMONEY
03-13-2007, 08:32 PM
........... I always felt like an item on an auction block when being fixed up on a blind date. Like, "Here she is...whaddya think?" .....

:lol3: :lol3: :lol3: :lol3: :rofl: :lol3: :lol3: :lol3: :lol3: :rofl: :lol3: :lol3: :lol3: :lol3:


AW TECH ~ I would've been high bidder! ;)

Kae
03-14-2007, 01:11 PM
Thanks everyone for the responses. I will talk to my friend at the gym about it tonight or tomorrow. ...Everyone had some interesting points of view. I'm stilll thinkin' about it. Thanks again!

Kae
03-15-2007, 11:13 AM
I am thinking as of now that I am going to go. I had said to my gym friend, "Okay, I don't mind hanging out as a group and see what happens." But then when I asked what they had in mind as an outing she said, "I dunno. Kinda wait and see what he's doing on Saturday and then we can meet him there."... then she later text me saying, "Let's reschedule. He still doesn't know what he's doing on Sat."

I'm sorry but that's lame. I'm not too keen on being set up either, but if you want to get together then you make plans for it. I work 70-80 hours a week. My freetime is very limited; I have a million things I HAVE to get done when I'm not working and a million more things that I WANT to do but never have time for. I'm not the kinda girl who is gonna wait around for some guy to decide what it is he wants to do and then tag along.

I wasn't really looking to date right now. I am trying to work on myself in what little time I have left over in the workweek. I dunno. I'm still trying to figure out who I am, what I want, deal with my emotions so I stop eating them... let alone to take on all of someone else's emotional stuff.. seems kinda risky.

I have no problem with extending my social outlook but I would rather do it with people who know when they want to be around me... make sense??? or am I crazy???

techwife
03-15-2007, 11:50 AM
Not crazy at all. I'd say, "Sorry, I've lost interest..." and move on. He's already aggrevating and you haven't even met yet. Maybe some day he'll end up at the same place as you and your friend and you'll meet by chance and say, "Hey, he's really cute..." and he'll say, "Hey, wanna get outta here?" and THAT is the more natural way to meet, in my opinion. If it's meant to be, it'll be. Meanwhile, sounds like he's maybe not too terribly interesting in blind dating, either and your friend is an over-eager (although probably well-intended) cupid. Tell her to point her arrows elsewhere.

cinderly
03-15-2007, 01:01 PM
What techwife said.

It sounds to me like you know what you want and you know what is acceptable to you. You're ahead of a good chunk of the population, there. Don't feel guilty for setting priorities or limits. They keep you in charge of your time, and anyone who tries to make you feel guilty about THAT has issues I'd try to stay away from.