100 lb. Club - My new friend 'CUPID' is trying to set me up... any thoughts anyone???




Kae
03-13-2007, 01:07 PM
Hey all--

So I made a new friend last week when I started going to my local gym in the PM. I must have made the mistake of mentioning that I haven't dated in a while... though I don't actually remember saying anything about how I was looking to do so.

Her friends call her "CUPID" because she's always trying to set people up. Well, I guess she wants to set me up with one of her friends. Her description of him was something like: He is 31 (FYI-- I'm 23).. He is divorced with a daughter, age 13... he smokes... he's really nice... not a partier or anything crazy.. he likes to go see live bands... he's looking for someone not too prissy so that they can do "guy stuff".. (fishing, etc, etc).. and he's 'descent looking'.. 6'3" blonde hair, blue eyes, and so on.

I guess she told him I was: her height (5'3").. brown hair.. beautiful eyes.. Thick like her... but more "top heavy".. gentle personality.. not too crazy.. responsible.. work 2 jobs... her new gym partner... and so on.

I don't know. I told her I would think about it. We would likely do a group outing with her friends this weekend if we did anything.. keep it extremely casual. But even still... I wasn't really looking to date anyone. I haven't dated in a while really.. and the last few guys have left something to be desired personality-wise. The big red flags for me are the smoking and the kid. I hate smoking and I'm not looking for the whole kid thing at all.

I'm sure it would be fine. We can always just hang out and I can expand my teeny tiny circle of friends a bit. And.. haha.. according to her he may bring some cute friends that I may like more. It sounds like she wants to test drive me around her circle of friends... hahaha. It's crazy.

Any thoughts? I don't know what to think. When she came in the gym with, "Guess what, I have good news!" I wasn't expecting it to have been about her fixing me up. Thoughts?!?! :dizzy:


Slashnl
03-13-2007, 02:49 PM
My first thought was, "Sure, why not give it a try?" But then, I asked myself if I would be up for that. Ok, I've been married for 20 years, so I might not be able to relate at all, but I wouldn't be jumping into that situation. I'm with you on the smoking. I just couldn't deal with it. That would probably be the deal breaker for me right there. But having the daughter adds a whole new twist.
I have a 12 year old daughter. Although I know that each child is different, I also know that with my daughter, it is either black or white, hot or cold. There isn't a lot in between. It is a very difficult time for them and without knowing how long he's been divorced, etc, it is tough to know how she would react. Stepping into a relationship that includes a child is tough.

Well, having just read my last paragraph, I'm going to have to waffle a little bit. It's not like you're committing to a marriage, it's just an evening out. You don't have to make it work with this guy. Maybe he would just be a good friend or aquaintance. Maybe if it wasn't a "set up" date, it would be better. Just everyone getting together for a fun evening would sound much less threatening!!

I'm sure that helped you a lot. Maybe I need to think it through PRIOR to typing. :dunno:

shelby897
03-13-2007, 03:02 PM
Just my little opinion. If it is with a bunch of people, let her know you are just interested in hanging out with everyone -- not the whole date thing especially with everyone else knowing about it might be uncomfortable. Also, my sister was in your shoes -- she was 24 when she met her now husband, he had two kids -- 9 and 6 -- they are wonderful kids (until they moved last year with their mom) but it's a lot to deal with. They lived with them for 10 years. I would definitely go, but check out all the friends!!


Sandi
03-13-2007, 04:09 PM
Ok, Honestly..the kid thing. Jacob is my whole life and if I were divorced and dating, the person would have to embrace me as well as him. And he knows you know he has a kid, so he will assume that you are OK with it because you knew.

That being said, the whole kid thing may come from not knowing any better. The kid thing may seem like a hassle and then when things start working you'll wonder why you thought it might be a problem.

So go...why the **** not? Life is to short to sit at the sidelines!!

Penney
03-13-2007, 05:23 PM
I say go for it.... it gives you the opportunity to meet people - start getting your feet wet.

When I met my husband - he had two children from a prior marriage - but, honestly - I did not meet them until we knew this was it - but that was my choice - I did not want to get attached or have any potential issues to deal with until I knew for sure. But - it has worked out great!

But, unless you are planning on diving into a relationship - I would not even worry about the child issue....

The smoking issue is something else - if he gets too close - shoot him with some breath freshner!! :eek: :nono:

jennylou
03-13-2007, 07:28 PM
I also say go for it.You might make a new friend. Plus, if it's been awhile since you've dated it'll be good practice.

Goddess Jessica
03-13-2007, 07:35 PM
Why the heck not?

I dated everything and everything that came along. Bad dates made for good stories and I got to meet a lot of fun people.

If this isn't Mr. Right, then just think of it as polishing your skills for the date with Mr. Right. And what happens if he could introduce you to Mr. Right?

You're not looking to marry the guy - just date him. So don't worry about the other things. Just approach it honestly.

royalsfan1
03-13-2007, 09:01 PM
I guess I differ from most of the women on here. No, you aren't going to marry everyone you date. However, everyone you date becomes a possibility. My daughters are 14 and 9 and I tell them both that they should never date a guy that doesn't at least meet the minimum requirements for marriage. Smoking would be a definite NO in my opinion. The kid/ex thing is HUGE! I know it can work...in fact, my husband and I make it work...but we're both each other's "second". You are young and in my opinion you deserve the honor of being someone's first and only spouse! I think that's a very big deal. To me, it isn't worth going out with someone just because you haven't been on a date in a while.

Have fun with whatever decision you make!

SexyRevealed
03-13-2007, 10:47 PM
I think you should go for it as well. You're young! Get out and make some new friends!

Kae
03-14-2007, 01:13 PM
Thanks everyone for the responses. I will talk to my friend at the gym about it tonight or tomorrow. ...Everyone had some interesting points of view. I'm stilll thinkin' about it. Thanks again!

KateRN
03-15-2007, 09:10 AM
it never ever hurts to go to dinner.

some people are very particular about dating when they have kids. ive dated a number of men who have kids. most of them don't want you even meeting their kids until they are sure its going to be something more long term because they dont like bringing rotating women in and out of their kids lives.

other people have you over for "Family dinner" right off the bat....

just be cautious and open minded. a single date never hurt anyone!

carol2208
03-15-2007, 10:21 AM
Hi Kae,

I would say go for it, just go and have some fun, without worrying too much about what might come next... there is a solution to almost anything in life !:)

In my case my concern would be the effect that would have on your new healthy habits... I don´t know about you, but I´ve always been an emotional eater, and dating has proven to be a challenge to me, well not so much the dating part, but the after the date part, I have trouble controling my anxiety... After a few slips, I´m learning...

good luck !!:)

royalsfan1
03-15-2007, 10:41 AM
a single date never hurt anyone!

I think plenty of women who have been date raped might beg to differ on that one...

Kae - I still encourage caution...you just met this person who is trying to set you up...and you've NEVER met the person you're thinking of going out with. Just be careful...

Kae
03-15-2007, 11:13 AM
I am thinking as of now that I am going to go. I had said to my gym friend, "Okay, I don't mind hanging out as a group and see what happens." But then when I asked what they had in mind as an outing she said, "I dunno. Kinda wait and see what he's doing on Saturday and then we can meet him there."... then she later text me saying, "Let's reschedule. He still doesn't know what he's doing on Sat."

I'm sorry but that's lame. I'm not too keen on being set up either, but if you want to get together then you make plans for it. I work 70-80 hours a week. My freetime is very limited; I have a million things I HAVE to get done when I'm not working and a million more things that I WANT to do but never have time for. I'm not the kinda girl who is gonna wait around for some guy to decide what it is he wants to do and then tag along.

I wasn't really looking to date right now. I am trying to work on myself in what little time I have left over in the workweek. I dunno. I'm still trying to figure out who I am, what I want, deal with my emotions so I stop eating them... let alone to take on all of someone else's emotional stuff.. seems kinda risky.

I have no problem with extending my social outlook but I would rather do it with people who know when they want to be around me... make sense??? or am I crazy???

royalsfan1
03-15-2007, 11:18 AM
I am thinking as of now that I am going to go. I had said to my gym friend, "Okay, I don't mind hanging out as a group and see what happens." But then when I asked what they had in mind as an outing she said, "I dunno. Kinda wait and see what he's doing on Saturday and then we can meet him there."... then she later text me saying, "Let's reschedule. He still doesn't know what he's doing on Sat."

I'm sorry but that's lame. I'm not too keen on being set up either, but if you want to get together then you make plans for it. I work 70-80 hours a week. My freetime is very limited; I have a million things I HAVE to get done when I'm not working and a million more things that I WANT to do but never have time for. I'm not the kinda girl who is gonna wait around for some guy to decide what it is he wants to do and then tag along.

I wasn't really looking to date right now. I am trying to work on myself in what little time I have left over in the workweek. I dunno. I'm still trying to figure out who I am, what I want, deal with my emotions so I stop eating them... let alone to take on all of someone else's emotional stuff.. seems kinda risky.

I have no problem with extending my social outlook but I would rather do it with people who know when they want to be around me... make sense??? or am I crazy???

Sounds like very clear thinking to me! After my divorce I consciously took time to evaluate who I was and what I was looking for. I even wrote it down! No man is going to be everything on your list...but the one you date should at least have all the top qualities (whatever those may be for you) or you're just wasting time on someone who really isn't worth your time! I'm proud of you. Besides, someone who just waits around to see...and then shows up or tags along...just seems kind of desperate and pathetic to me. I wonder how that would appear to a man?

Still, no matter what you choose, I think it is a great thing that you are putting so much thought into it. I'm proud of you!