I was just writing a post in the cyber purge thread when this thought came to me that I wanted to explore a little further in depth...
Last night, had a bit of a binge-not huge, but a binge none the less. Today, I am home sick with a recurring cold that I have had on and off for 3 months. Yuck. And then it occurs to me, not like a flash of lighting, but more like a slow, leak-that I may well be making myself sick with this cold. Hmmm...I am realizing now that these days when my cold gets worse are days after a binge-like a binge hang over, but a little different.
This is the other thing I realized that goes in conjunction with this binge/cold. I have really been making a mental effort and a partial physical effort since January to be more mindful of my food and exercise and
yet I have gained weight since then, my binging has become worse or different or something-it's like I'm sabotaging myself. Last week was good. I ate well, went to the gym twice-which I know isn't a lot, but some weeks that is all I can manage. And then last night, the cycle of BADNESS started again. Does anyone else find that this happens to them?
I was reading through a bunch of posts today and had mixed reaction to all the success people have had. I am sooo happy for people and amazed, but part of me feels like I will never get there, never get over my addictions and negative behavior. I don't know how to get out of this cycle. I am so sick of feeling this way-I want to feel better, look better, enjoy life more.
Thoughts anyone?
*sigh*