This is one of my first posts here, so for those who haven't seen my "intro", I've been on diets before, but with the wrong attitude - I've just started again, but this time I think my way of thinking is much better. There is one thing that worries me though, as it has often been the reason why my diets have failed in the past:
Right now, I'm 124 kilos/175 centimeters - which, for those of you who don't know, means that I am very large. I have a very long way to go, and at the same time, I have a very hard time losing weight even when I'm being a "good girl". It can take forever before there is even the smallest change on the scale, and not only that - but because I have so much to lose, it just feels like a drop in a huge ocean. I've seen people who started their diets when they were smaller than me, and it didn't take that long for them before they started to note the difference. I'm sure there are differences for me, too, but they're just not very noticeable when you're still XXXL.
What has often been a problem for me is when I've really made myself feel good about what I've achieved, and appreciate that even though I'm still wearing the large sizes, my pants are actually more loose than they used to be - and then I go out, and someone makes fun of me because of my weight. It always makes me feel, "what's the point, then" - even though I know there is an end result somewhere on the other side of a very long tunnel that I would like to get to. It always makes me want to go home and eat - not just for comfort, but because it's my only way of getting my "revenge" - "ha ha, yes, I'm fat, and I'll eat as much as I want to, no matter what you say!". Which in the end only hurts myself, but I keep doing it anyway.
I'm sure I'm not the only one who's been through this, and I'm sure it's possible to lose the weight anyway, but what do you do to keep the motivation - when the improvement is slow and almost invisible, and when people STILL bully you when you've tried so hard to build up your confidence?
03-08-2007, 05:51 PM
Poltergeist: Well, I had to find the conversion factor for kilos to pounds because it freaked me out seeing "124" on this website! If I did it right, you are a little under my weight, but you are taller (if I did that conversion right!). Anyway, I can't speak on how to maintain weight loss, because I haven't done well. I'm hoping I can do better this time. What I do know is how I have lost motivation in the past. I've never had that great of a support at home or at work. If I've had a friend who was trying to lose weight, they were always much smaller than me, so it was a little frustrating. I also know that there were times that I was losing weight for all the wrong reasons. It wasn't that important because I was young, had lots of time to work on it, and no medical problems.
Here's my motivation now (maybe it will help you, too): I'm not as young now. I'm not old by any means (a very young 43!). How much more time will I waste before I take control of this issue? How much longer do I want to feel bad about how I look, depressed shopping for new clothes, unable to feel really good doing any physical activity? Also, although I'm not at medical risk now, how long before it catches up to me? How much fun can it be to have the issues that can come from being fat: diabetes, heart attack, arthritis, etc? Not much fun, I'm thinking.
How do you work on the lack of support issue? Well, I'm thinking that I might have found it here at 3FC. Start reading these threads. Read the inspirational stories as well as the ones filled with heartache. WE ARE ALL IN THE SAME BOAT!!! You can find the support you need here. Post your questions, post your feelings, post whatever you want. There will be people who have an answer, who can share in your grief, or can be there to offer a shoulder to cry on! Soon, YOU can be the one offering your support. YOU can be the inspiration to someone else.
You've already made the first step. You've asked for help.:hug:
03-08-2007, 10:11 PM
Don't rely on motivation, which waxes and wanes. Rely on commitment. Make a commitment to yourself that you'll eat right just this one day (week, month, hour, whatever), and that you'll exercise. Renew that commitment every day by keeping healthy foods in your house, positive affirmations on your mirror, and your exercise clothes in your gym bag next to the door.
If you make a commitment to yourself and your life, then what people say won't matter at all because YOU know that you're committed to yourself and that's all that matters. Yup, it will hurt, but you'll have the advantage of knowing that you are changing your weight--they'll always be idiots.
We all want it off quickly, but in the end does that really matter? I wanted to shed 100 lbs. in a year. Haven't hit 100 yet, and it took a lot longer than one year to get to 94 lbs. lost, but I did it, and I have the satisfaction of knowing that I persisted. Don't worry about how long or how much--just commit to eating and exercising and taking all the steps that will get you to where you want to go. And. . .forgive yourself when you screw up. We all do. Sometimes it's two steps forward and one back, but that's okay because you're committed to getting to where you want to go. :hug:
03-08-2007, 10:24 PM
Amen to commitment. That works much more often for me than motivation!
03-08-2007, 10:37 PM
Along with the committment, you need a good strong dose of determination. As committed as I am to my new lifestyle, there are days and sometimes, weeks even, when I just can NOT find the desire to work out. I know WHY I should. I just don't always choose to do so. For me, I have to search deep deep DEEP down and find that drive I started with. That overwhelming urge to give myself, and by extension my family a better life. Frankly, life is ALOT more fun when I'm not dragging those extra 50 lbs around. I may not be at goal yet, but I love as if I was. We DO things more, even if it's a game of ball in the yard, it's not something I would have done a year ago. We do more things as a family, walks usually, or strolls through the mountains, considering my kids ages. I do make it easier on myself for those lazy days, when a drive through seems to beckon because life knocked and my time is very limited. I make it easy by keeping only healthy food in the house. Sure, I splurge on occasion with my calories, but I have to LEAVE my house and go get it, it's not here waiting. Tonight, I was about 130 calories short for my daily min goal, so I splurged on a fatfree frenchvanilla coffee, again, having to get up, get dressed<in my jammies as it's past bedtime for the kidlets>, and drive to get it.
For alot of us, I think it was a whole bunch of little things that finally pushed us into reaching deep down, and finding our more healthy selves. Sure, we could stay fat and whine about slow metabolisms and all our ailments<alot of which are directly related to obesity> and do nothing to change it, but as we're here and you are too, I can safely assume we were tired of who we WERE and we wanted to become better. You can only succeed at this when you decide it's only YOU who can lose weight for you, there is no magical fat fairy who can come whoosh it all away for you with no effort on your part. There is no elf/leprechaun/other magical and friendly being who can GIVE you the tools to do this AND make it happen for you. Successful weight loss and maintance is a lifelong journey, something we constantly work at, tweaking it as we age, get pregnant, nurse our spitballs, change activity levels etc. It's a forever kind of thing, and the effects last longer than any "comfort/revenge at others" a Snickers bar could EVER give me.
If you want this, you'll do it. We can't tell you how, or when, or why you should do this, I'm sure you know all the health risks with being overweight and like most of us, everyone from your family to complete strangers on the street have told you the horrors of being fat. What we can and WILL give you is an unlimited supply of understanding from people who have been there, who ARE there and who ARE working their plans and making themselves happier and healthier.
03-08-2007, 11:41 PM
There are two weight loss dudes I pay a good bit of attention to, Dr. Oz and Bob Greene and though I don't follow either of their plans completely (I use their guidelines to create my own more healthy reality) I think it was Bob who said not to wait on motivation. Remain committed and determined, as the chicks here have already said, and with weight loss will come the motivation.
If people poke fun at you, see them for what they are: insecure individuals who feel better about themselves by making other people feel bad. You can't change what they say, but you can change your reaction to what they say. Don't let them make you feel bad because they don't have that right!
My eleven year old son was upset one day because the other kids in the neighborhood were playing basketball and he didn't want to play. When pressed about why he didn't want to play, he admitted that Mikey, one of the other boys, had told him that he sucked at basketball. I asked my son why Mikey was suddenly the authority on his life and what he could do.
The same goes to you. These jerks who say nasty things, they have nothing to do with you. Is their opinion really worth sacrificing something you really want? Should their words prevent you from living a happy and healthy life? Of course not! So don't let them take that away from you! You need to have enough self worth to keep on gettin' on. Let's face it, these people can say mean things about your weight, but you WILL lose weight and look fantastic and they will still be mean, senseless jerks ;) (Sorry, I have next to no patience for people who say things just to hurt other people.).
Commit to yourself and everything else will follow.