My husband thinks this is another diet that I'll stop sooner or later. I have told him eating and buying healthy foods is not going to stop. He seems to thing it will. He asks me to go out for Mexican and I tell him I would be glad to join him and sip on some tea or water but I will not eat any of that greasy food. He says you still need to go out once in a while. I say I will but I am picky what I eat and it will stay that way. I'm not going to eat junk for anyone including him. If it is not whole good for me food it will not go in my mouth.
Maybe once he sees more pounds come off he will get that it is a lifestyle change and not a fad diet.
Does anyone else have a man like this?
03-04-2007, 01:24 PM
My DH was kind of skeptical at first, but it's been 6 weeks of consistent behavior, and I think he knows that this is for real. I don't buy any unhealthy groceries. If he or our son wants chips, soda, etc., then they know they need to go to the store and get it themselves. I haven't had too many complaints. He's even starting to exercise and watch his diet.
03-04-2007, 01:39 PM
No, my husband knows I mean SERIOUS business. I don't think he's seen me be more commited to anything other then our children in the 20 plus years he's known me. When I first started out he was really good with keeping the bad stuff out of the house. Unfortuantely he has started buying some "bad" and tempting food, figuring that now I can "handle" it, and I can. I'm disappointed for myself having to deal with the temptation, for him that he's begun to eat some garbage again and for my kids as well.
Give him some time Sharon. He'll figure out that you are indeed in this for the long haul. Though it may not change him one iota. I haven't met another human being (other then here at 3FC of course) who is into this lifestyle as much as me. I really feel all alone. But that's okay. Because I alone am enjoying this so much.
03-04-2007, 01:48 PM
Fortunately, my hubby is doing this with me this time so I am getting the support I've always wanted. If you've always started and stopped diets, you really can't blame your husband for thinking this is another one of your "diets." Just hang in there. When he sees how committed you are and how good you're looking, he'll get the message. I bet he'll be 100% behind you then.
03-04-2007, 02:05 PM
Thanks everyone, You are right Rhonda after 20+ years I have always stopped and started things. It is funny our son knows I mean business he is my e-mail buddy. My husband may join me yet. We both need to teach our children good eating habits.
03-04-2007, 02:48 PM
My husband was a bit threatened when I started on my journey. He had a lot to lose too, but didn't want to this with me. I didn't want to go out anywhere to eat and was very obsessive.
Since then, he joined me on the weight loss journey, which helps a lot. And I started figuring out how I could go out more often. Mexican is not a regular of ours, because of the fat and calories, but when I have been, I've done something like have a single taco or enchilada, replace the beans and rice with a salad and keep my fingers out of the chips and salsa.
I do want to do this for life, and for me it was important to figure out how to have some of these kinds of foods from time to time. Though I will say that how I eat at home and restaurants really has changed significantly.
03-04-2007, 03:44 PM
I've actually never really tried dieting before so, this is a new thing for both my husband and I.
We have two little girls at home so, I always had healthy foods and unhealthy snacks (chips, cookies, etc.) in the house. It has been a pretty easy transition for us as not much has changed except for what "I" am putting in my mouth.
The rules for my daughters have stayed the same. They can have one "unhealthy" snack a day like a cookie or two for dessert. But, other than that if they are hungry inbetween meals then they have to eat some fruit, veggie or yogurt. But, it has always been like that for them so, they aren't missing anything.
Dinners are the same. We always had decently healthy dinners, I was just putting too much meat on my plate and not enough veggies. All that is different is the portions that I am taking.
My husband, lucky for me, has been very supportive so far. He has told me that he was proud of me even if I only lost 5 pounds. If he goes grocery shopping without me then he thinks about me when shopping. He will bring home diet caffeine free soda or fat free salt free potato chips for me to have as a snack. I don't even ask him to do these things and he does.
He even listens to me complain and ramble on about how lucky he is that he can eat anything (and I do mean anything) and he never gains a pound. He has never said a word about any weight I have gained. He says he loves me no matter if I was 500 pounds or 100 pounds.
I guess I am really blessed to have such a great hubby. But, of course I understand that it must be hard on the hubbies that ate out a lot before and now their wives are saying NO. In that case, I guess you have to find other places to dine out where you can choose a healthy meal like a salad or vegetable dish.
I wish you luck and I hope your husband comes to the realization that you are trying to make healthy choices. Of course, I think all of us would like to dine out at a yummy mexican restaurant...but, realistically it is not that healthy. Like I said, maybe you guys can come to some sort of compromise and find a healthier place to have a treat at every month or so?
Good luck Sharon...he'll come around to the idea sooner or later! ;)
03-04-2007, 07:21 PM
Just wanted to let you know that I used to be in your shoes.
After five years, I have tried multiple diets, gyms, programs, etc. He has been supportive through it all.
We have had the discussion that he used to see me try all of these different things and nothing worked. He was supportive when I wanted to have surgery, even though he didn't really want me to do it. He is extremely happy about what I am doing now. This is the longest that I have ever stuck with any program and he is excited. He is extremely happy that I have found something that works and haven't given up.
He is very supportive about exercise too. We like to go hiking in the woods (up and down hills)! If I'm not up to it, he'll pester me until I go (Goes both ways)!
Hope he helps you by giving you some support at home.
If not, you will get plenty of support here!!:hug:
03-04-2007, 07:25 PM
I think Matt realised I was serious this time when we were watching tv the other night. Keep in mind we're both smokers<outside, never in house or car>, but I've told him I was going to stop smoking once I'm under 200 pounds, so we're watching tv, and an ad came on. It's for the new Commit lozenges, the first words out of my mouth were, "I wonder how many calories are in those things". He bursts out laughing at me.
03-04-2007, 07:38 PM
One of my biggest concerns when I started in my goal of "lightness" was that I would loose connection with my new fiance. I was a little afraid that he would pull away - when I no longer wanted to participate in eating "junk food" with him in the evenings.
He says he loves me at my size and will at any size (he weights 170) And yet, until a month ago, he would sabbotage me with giving me 1/2 of every sugary thing he bought for himself!
Well it's been a couple of months of me being focused on eating nutrientially dense foods now... and much to my surprise - we are closer. He says he is inspired by me - and I am very happy he is no longer offering me 1/2 of what ever junk food he buys and brings home.
Kinda reminds me of the saying "Be the change you wish to see" by Ghandi.
Just by me modelling healthy behaviour - he finally gets it! Although, it did take him a couple of months to begin to trust in the fact that I am serious and inspired to make this a new way of life.
It's kinda fun to see him eating healthier too. If I had only known that I needed to get the ball rolling - and it would feel this easy...... I would have pushed the darn thing months and months ago.
03-04-2007, 09:28 PM
I think my DH, kids, step-kids, in-laws, and any other family members of mine all thought this was just a "fad diet" that I'd give up on. Happy to say, I proved em all wrong. Many of them even said "you've tried to lose weight so many times and it didn't work so what makes you think it will work this time". Now, this was one of my first true wt. loss attempts with this DH so once he saw I was actually doing it, he kept his mouth shut.
03-05-2007, 03:56 AM
He asks me to go out for Mexican and I tell him I would be glad to join him and sip on some tea or water but I will not eat any of that greasy food.
Hey Sharon, I would have PMed you (because the response isn't really related to your topic) but you have PMs disabled! I still love Mexican food and still go out to Mexican restaurants - I normally get the black bean soup (No cheese) and a side of pico de gallo. If they have whole wheat tortillas, I wrap my own little black bean/pico/salsa/lettuce burritos. I just make sure I keep the chip basket far far away!
03-05-2007, 07:09 AM
Thanks Glory that is a great suggestion.
03-05-2007, 09:00 AM
I think part of the reason our loved ones don't SEEM supportive is that they are trying to show us they love us no matter what. If they seemed really eager about our attempts to lose weight then we'd start questioning that. I think they're cautiously optimistic. They want our health to improve without seeming like they don't like us the way we are now and are so relieved we're finally trying to change! I'm only thinking this because this is how I am with my husband, too. He didn't join my bandwagon and so I try not to act like I'm wanting him to lose weight (even though for health reasons he needs to, also.). When he exercises and stuff I make a point to "under-react". Maybe that's what your husband is doing, too? Maybe I shouldn't be doing that. hahah Who knows!
03-05-2007, 10:50 AM
DH and I knew eachother for years before we even started dating so its kind of a different scenario. I had lost 70 lbs or so and started dating DH shortly after that. He was amazed at my weight loss but I was holding steady at my weight. Then we moved in together. I was cooking up a storm, I gained a couple lbs, he gained 5 lbs and complained. (He is a little guy so he could easily tell he was gaining). As a result of that, I started modifying our food choices, introduced steady exercise to our routine and we started losing weight. He's lost 15 lbs without really trying, just basically eating what I serve him and adding some exercise into his routine. I lost more than that but I am still going strong. He encourages me because he knows it is what I want to do and he also wants to eat healthy and be healthy so he wants it to continue.
03-05-2007, 01:21 PM
My ex was always buying me junk food (before I joined 3FC)... I had lost about 20-30 pounds and he knew I was making an effort.. and yet he kept bringing me candy and such as gifts. At first I was like, "Oh, that's.. sweet but I haven't finished the last one yet.".. and when he left I would give it away to a sibling or friend... or throw it away if they didn't want it... eventually when he continually gave me junk every week I was like, "Are you trying to keep me fat?! I can't eat all this candy!" Then he finally stopped doing it. He was literally trying to keep me fat, which we later discussed and he said he thought I would get skinny and leave him for someone better... well, I did dump his butt to the curb, but not for someone else... for my own mental and physical health.
03-05-2007, 01:53 PM
I've been on and off my weight loss quest for seven years now. I have had varied levels of dedication over those years. I think the key for me this time has been to finally care enough about myself and my own needs so that other's opinions take a back seat to the goal that I have in my sights.
For me, this weight loss journey of 74 pounds lost so far and going down five clothing sizes has been more of an emotional journey overall than it as been a physical one. For YEARS I worried so much about everyone else that I lost myself. Because I became a NON-person, what I did or said or ate just carried no significance. It makes me sad to type those words, but I know in my heart that that was the reason why I allowed myself to gain over 100 pounds in thirty years.
My husband enjoys having an eating buddy. Yours probably does, too! I had been my husband's eating buddy for over forty years since we've known one another since we were ten! The difference is that he can eat a lot more than I can without gaining weight. He also tends to eat one big meal in the evening then graze the rest of the night until he goes to bed. My eating needs are very different. I get up very early, eat a big breakfast and work out. He eats nothing until dinner. I eat a snack and then lunch, another snack and a smaller dinner. In the past I would eat what I needed throughout the day and then join him for dinner and join him for all the snacking in the evening EVEN WHEN I DIDN'T REALLY want it ! How stupid is THAT?!!!
I guess it has taken me many, many years to learn how to stand up for myself, my needs, ,my wants, and to say, "NO!" when I am asked to eat something that I KNOW I shouldn't.
My husband STILL will ask me if I want some pie or a sundae cone or some ice cream in the evening. My answer is now a stock answer of, "No thanks!" At first it was hard to be a different person, but I knew that unless I changed myself I would continue to be the NON-person that I was for so many years! I did not like the way I looked or how I felt.
I LIKE what I have become, and I am proud of my progress and how I look now. That sure does trump any night snacking just to be an eating buddy for my husband! (I found out that even if I wasn't his eating buddy, he would STILL go ahead and eat his snacks, so I was kidding myself all those years that he "needed me" as an eating buddy!) Stupid...just S-T-U-P-I-D on my part, but I have learned my lesson about NEVER being an "eating buddy" EVER AGAIN!!!
03-05-2007, 08:12 PM
My husband is the sort that thinks weight loss and eating whole foods is a good thing - BUT - he also thinks that it is "okay" to splurge every now and then. I have had difficulty getting him to understand that for me it is an all or nothing issue, or else I will go back to old habits that I am trying to break once and for all. Even though he KNOWS this is really the best way, he just cannot seem to break free from foods he loves. I am still trying to convince him....I hope he gets in the groove soon!