It's been awhile since I came onto this group. I was going to try OA but, there are none in my area. That was a bit of a disappointment. Things have been escalating and I am binging more than ever before. I feel like there are 2 voices, one telling me to stop and the other to stuff my face. My fiance has been commenting so much about my weight and instead of really dieting to prove him wrong, I am eating more than ever. I hate it. I hate that he makes me feel like less of a person. "you blow your diet more than you blow me" "just look at the size of you" "You'll probably die soon, You'll be easy to replace".
I feel like I am at a point of no return and there is no bottom. I saw myself in those mirrors in the dressing room, the ones that you see every side of yourself and just thought, maybe he's right. I am disgusting. Why should he stay with me? I have gained over 60lbs in the almost 8 yrs (and 2 kids later) that we have been together. I just need to stop eating
You need to do this for YOU!! I have a husband who used to make similar comments -- 12 years and two kids later, I made it stop. He is not helping you with his comments, only making you more down on yourself. Do what's right for you and please ignore his remarks. Let him know they are hurtful to you. As I told my husband, I don't chose to be overweight, it just crept up on me and now I'm getting rid of it. I've been "trying" for 10 years which is why he thinks he's "entitled" to make his comments but this is the time it's going to work, because I'm putting myself first.
I'm glad that you found your way back to us. I'm with you in prayer and as a fellow compulsive eater.
Do you have any of the OA literature? Reading the OA 12 steps and traditions, if you haven't already, could really help.
I've learned through the OA program that the excess weight is only a symptom of the real problem. My real problem is food addiction. I turn to food to soothe me, comfort me, love me, and be my friend. Once I could admit my powerlessness over food, I could be open to help. Help came in the form of abstinence, working the steps, and turning my food and my life over to God.
God (whomever that is to you) loves you right where you are-- just as you are. You don't have to change a thing to be loved by God. God's intention is for you to be happy, joyous, and free. You can't live a life that's happy, joyous, and free when you are obsessed by a substance like food. God is ready and waiting to help you through abstinence. God can easily carry your worries, shame, guilt, and anger so that you no longer need shoulder them. With that, your need to stuff yourself with food will decrease.
There is a lot of love in OA. I hope that you find it.
I'm sorry he's being so hurtful. Next time he makes a comment about you needing to lose weight... think to yourself (or tell HIM) "the only excess weight I could do with losing is YOU if you don't quit it!". Before you do anything, it sounds like you need to make it clear that his comments are having the opposite effect than intended - instead of supporting you on a healthier lifestyle, they are just making you feel bad and turn to food for comfort!
If you want to lose 60lbs, that is definately do-able but hon, please do it for you. Do it because you want to be healthier and take back control from food, but don't do it for him. He should love you no matter what and if he's too much of a jerk to see that, he doesn't deserve you.
Honestly, hon, a man who says things like that to you is not someone you need to have in your life. I'm not talking about, "He should love me no matter how much I weigh." I'm talking about a man who is verbally abusive and belittling is not someone who has any respect or care for you as a person. That is not someone who loves you, that is someone who is selfish and controlling and deliberately cruel. If you lost the weight, then there would be other ways in which you don't measure up to his standard and that you'd hear about in equally pejorative ways. The FIRST time my SO said something like, "You'll probably die soon, You'll be easy to replace," my response would have been, "well good luck with that," and I would have been out the door.
Is that the environment you want your kids to grow up in? Is that how you want them to learn to interact with other people, and with women in particular? Is that really how you want to live your life? Get out while you can, please.
P.S. Please Google "signs of an abuser" read a few of those top links. You may find additional information that is informative and helpful to you.
Thanks to everyone. I will be having a talk soon, I just need some time alone. I am going to check online meetings, thanx to a very nice member who suggested it I need to get things into perspective.
You know what.. that comment " you blow your diet more than you blow me" really made my jaw hit the floor...and " you'll probably die soon" I could never imagine someone saying something like that too me without picking themselves up off the floor.
You know what.. lose weight for you, and definitely ditch him. Gah.. he makes me sick. Im sorry I know its your SO, but I could NEVER imagine someone who "loves" me saying something like that. grrrrrrr
I took everyone's advice and sat down with the fiance. I told him this had to stop-the comments, the putdowns, etc. I think it didn't hit home to him until I let him know that I asked my daughter how she would feel if mommy and daddy lived in different houses and she only saw Daddy sometimes. I let him know I was gonna walk if this doesn't end. He has been respectful towards me lately, so hopefully it will stick. Otherwise, I will have to pick up leave. My health and the well being of my children depend on it.
point of no return
I need to get things into perspective.
