Does anyone else have a husband that seems to just NOT care. He won't make changes for me so I have to buy 2 of everything at the store. I buy his milk and my milk. (And my 15 month old's milk.) I buy his bread and my bread. I buy his snacks and my snacks. You get the pictures. It gets to be so expensive.
I know he would love for me to look better even though he tells me I'm beautiful all the time and that he loves me just the way I am. I NEED him to help me. I know I am doing this for me but it's so hard with all this crap in the house. And right now, I'm snowed in and all that's left is the crap. I buy less of my stuff since I'm the only one that eats it so it goes first. My kids love fruit and they would live on carrots and stuff but he just won't budge. He actually calls all the good stuff I eat "contraband". I know he means well but it's so hard.
I know everyone says to get rid of all the bad stuff in the house but I can't. He won't allow it. What can I do to give myself more self control knowing it's always going to be there and it's just not for me?
Are you tired of me complaining and whining yet? I am so sorry. I just take everything you people tell me to heart. I need someone who knows what I'm going through. Not someone who is a tall skinny rail with the fastest metabolism in town.
03-03-2007, 11:35 AM
I am so sorry hon. It's really hard when you don't have the support you need. Can you talk to him, tell him the things you've told us? Honestly, why should YOU have to suffer because he won't support you? Doesn't he want his wife to be healthy so you can live a long life together?
Personally, I just wouldn't do it. If I'm the one going to the supermarket, then I'm NOT buying the crap. He wants "his" snacks, he can go and get them and he can have a cupboard section all to himself. If he refuses to support you, then you should show him how serious you are about this, by refusing to buy double of everything.
That's what I would do. I don't know how your relationship is with him of course and I don't mean to make it sound so simple if it's NOT in your personality to do this. You have to take a stand though. You are married, he's your PARTNER, he really, really needs to support you.
Good luck and let us know what happens.
03-03-2007, 11:50 AM
Ugh.. I know what your going through, my husband is the same way. When we go to the grocery store. It like he changes into a big kid. I want... I want...
As for me. Just don't give up. My husband starting to see, that I not going to change so, he starting to comprise with me on certain foods.
03-03-2007, 12:01 PM
My dad had to buy the contraband on his own time while he was at work if that's what he wanted. He was like a little kid sneaking a candy bar every now and then. He owned his own shop so he would close the shop, walk to the store, buy his candybar, and then go back to work. He didn't do that very often.
If you do the grocery shopping, you control what you purchase, not your husband. If he wants something else, he'll have to go to the store and buy it himself.
Hope you didn't mind taking advice from someone who isn't married. It worked for my mom.
03-03-2007, 12:02 PM
YEP mine does not agree with my dieting or weight loss changes you see mines into body building and they're diet is much different then mine Im doing it realisticly (sp?) he's doing it for muscle mass so there for i dont even discuss my diet with him cause if i do it ends up in a fight, BUT he does notice my body shrinking soooo in my head im laughing and think yeah thats right im loosing wieght ;)
03-03-2007, 12:16 PM
That's just it. I try to just get the good stuff. I will buy his milk and his bread because I like mine better anyway but when I don't want to go or can't get there and send him...he just gets what HE will eat. It just plain sucks. I try my best to please everyone but he thinks I can just eat whatever every now and then and it won't hurt me. But it will. I will try the different cupboard thing and just stay out. If I can't maybe I'll have to make him lock it up somewhere. It's pretty extreme but I have a thing for sweets.
The WORST thing is coke. I LOVE coke. Regular old full flavor coke. He was buying it and I was telling him how mean it was. He took it as a joke. he said, "Shaylen and I like it so why should we go without JUST because YOU can't have it." He realized it was no joke and switched to Mt Dew. Which I HATE so I know I won't be tempted by it. I wish I could open his eyes to a few more things. I guess it will just take time. (I hope!)
03-03-2007, 12:25 PM
Keep talking to him about it and really stand your ground. I know it puts you in a real tough position, but this is obviously very important to you so you have to do what you have to do!
I've already told my DF "absolutely NO chocolate bars in this house!" and he just buys them when he wants them and doesn't eat them around me. I don't know why it has to be so hard for someone to accept... certainly your man wants you healthy and happy!
And you CAN do it, just put your mind to it. Think of the "bad" stuff as poison and if you ingest it you could die. I know it sounds extreme, but if you don't get your health under control you are at risk for so many things that can literally end your life sooner than you want.
03-03-2007, 12:31 PM
Yesterday my day started out that way. He was mad because I was planning on making eggs for myself and didn't cook for HIM. haha but he changed his tune and brought home lots of good foods from our restraunt deli. (low fat dressings and salad and chicken breast etc...) But on the other hand...he does like to eat junk in front of me. Like last night we were watching a movie and he wanted popcorn. I used to be able to eat a whole bag of it by myself. He ate the bag of it and I had none...
You know the temptation for me isn't so bad when the junk is out of my system. If you are not eating sugar anymore you probably wouldn't even like the taste of Coke anymore. But as long as I eat often and eat the right stuff I don't crave the junk at all...that's me but..
Hey my hubbys family all came from South Dakota. His uncle lives in Sioux Falls and his cousin lives in Fargo North Dakota and his dad lives near Rapid City. :)
03-03-2007, 12:54 PM
I understand your frustration. My husband needs to lose weight as much as I do, and I try to influence what he eats, but it doesn't work very well. He and I have very different opinions on what we should be eating. Compromise hasn't worked out very well, because I want to eliminate all of the junk, aiming at a whole foods diet, with fewer carbs (He is diabetic, and I am insulin resistant, so I feel it is the "best" diet for both of us). He on the other hand is a "carb-junkie," loves his processed foods and is not a big fan of most fruits and vegetables. He is open to reducing his carb and calorie intake to a degree, but doesn't want to make drastic changes. He still eats a lot of junk, it's now usually reduced calorie crap, and he'll eat two medium bowls of cereal a day instead of three large ones.
We're finally learning to "fend for ourselves," to a larger degree. I will make a healthy meal for two, and if he doesn't want to eat it, he'll make a frozen dinner, and I'll have the leftovers the next day. When we go shopping, he puts stuff in the cart that I "shouldn't be eating," and I buy things he won't eat, I have to make a conscious effort to avoid falling into his habits.
I can't really say he isn't being supportive (at least not any less than I would be if I expected him to eat the way I would like us to), but in a lot of ways it was much easier when I was dieting and he was refusing to (before he was diagnosed with diabetes he insisted that he was in perfect health despite his weight. He justified eating anything he wanted by 3 hours in the gym a couple times a week and a very strenuous job).
03-03-2007, 12:57 PM
Gosh, it is so doggone HARD when someone else is getting to eat foods we can't!!! Grrrrr!!! :mad:
But WE went on the program, THEY did not.
My roommate has been normal weight all her life, and she likes to snack in the evenings. She wants to support me, so she does try to avoid things that would tempt me, which is nice. But you know, this situation is going to come up again and again while I'm on my program. Other people are going to be eating the pizza, drinking the Coke, having the ice cream... and I just have to learn how not to do it just because they are. This is my challenge! :drill:
I don't envy you being snowed in, though. Man, that would be tough!
03-03-2007, 01:01 PM
My husband is gradualy comming around He doesnt want to live without his junk so I'v been switching him (like you switching the coke with the mountain dew) to things I know I wont want. i love chocolate but i hate ohenry bars so he has A whole case of them in the cupboard and it doesnt bother me.im lucky he's not fussy. If he wants chips he gets nacho doritos (yuck) It works for me. its taken years but hes starting to care more now about his own health.Instead of telling him I cant eat that b/c i want to lose wieght i tell him why its unhealthy Just b/c he is skinny Dosnt mean these things are good for him either. This work better for me than " i need to lose wieght"
Its been a strugle but he's comming around.
03-03-2007, 01:19 PM
I am only 30 miles from Sioux Falls. It's a small world!
Thanks girls. I know I have to be hard on myself at first so the bad things don't tempt me. It's just SO hard right now!
03-03-2007, 03:01 PM
Gotta agree with kaplods and JayEll. I don't find it unsupportive if they don't choose to eat the way we eat. It might be hard for us, but thinking they should give up what they like for us would be rather selfish. My husband doesn't need to lose weight, if anything he needs to gain it. I WISH he'd do away with a lot of what he eats, as well as the cigarettes, for his health, but I can wish in one hand and well...you get the picture.
I buy whole milk for him and the baby, skim for me. White bread for him, wheat for me and the baby. I DO have the baby eat what I eat. I want him to grow up healthy. I buy him donuts when he wants them. I get his Mtn. Dew (and luckily I can't stomach that stuff) and my water and keep them on separate shelves in the fridge. I think if anything your husband was trying to be supportive in changing the type of soda he drinks.
I've been sick right now, so he just did the shopping earlier. He WILL buy my stuff as long as I am specific in writing about what to look for. Maybe you could try that with your husband. He came back with his chocolate ice cream which I also fed the baby to ease his throat, and my sugar free/fat free Blue Bunny bars. I don't usually get them, but right now my throat is thanking me for them. ;)
We do the, his stuff in one shelf and mine in another routine, so I don't have to look through the fattening foods to get to the healthy ones. I keep fruit in a bowl on the table, and I keep donuts in the cabinet. And then separate our foods in the fridge and freezer. Keep his stuff out of your sight so it doesn't get to you and yet it's still there for him.
03-03-2007, 03:14 PM
My DH is supportive about me getting healthy; but, he used walk around with a bag of chippies, until I "sweetly" ask him if he could eat them in the den, where he watches TV, videos, etc. We then progressed to him hiding all his junkies in there as well. He knows I won't buy them for him, cuz l told him (very nicely) that HE could go ahead and buy them, if he wants them.
BUT, an interesting thing has occurred over time ... now he hardly brings them home anymore. I also focused on the "healthy" thing and now he's more concerned about his health as well. It may all be a matter of how it is approached; confrontation brings confrontation (if you know what I mean).
Also, in the beginning, when I was tempted, I would go for a walk, or go play on my PC (now I come here), or find something else to do to distract myself. I try to make sure I have "healthy" snacks available (by stocking up ahead in the freezer or pantry, like frozen red grapes, canned or dried fruits or nuts, and so forth). I hope this is helpful to you in some small way ~ a fellow encourager ... Rosebud. :hug:
03-03-2007, 11:23 PM
Just keep talking. However, I agree, we cant expect everyone in our house to eat how we eat. I do however believe in laying down the law in regards to the kids. There's no reaosn a kid needs to be drinking soda, regularly, if at all. My kids eat healthy or they just don't eat :D Matt however, is free to eat whatever he likes. I also lay down the law about him eating crap food in front of the kids, since they ask for it, he either has to share or tell them "mom says you cant eat crap food". <yes, he told my 3 yr old this *sigh*> We did sit down, we had each made a list, his list was food he really loved and didnt want to give up, mine was my trigger foods. Chocolate can NOT be in this house. Ever. Period. Dr pepper, can NOT be in this house. He did not want to give up white rice, so I started making one white, and 3 brown<me n 2 kids>, since I do the bulk of the cooking, he does the bulk of the clean up, and he got really tired of doing double the amount of pots and pans, really fast, so he switched over to my way of eating. It's all about compromise for us. If he wants a chili burger with chili cheese fries, well he would go to Tommy's<when we lived in Los Angeles> and get one, he wouldnt bring it home. If I wanted to try a new recipe/dish I would go out with a friend and eat it before I would try it at home<mainly so we didnt have to eat a horrible meal that only sounded good>. I have to say, overall, he leaves the bulk of the food decisions up to me, so its not that big a deal. I do the shopping, I ask if he wants anything, at most, he asks for cheese, on occasion he wants doritos and cottage cheese<together> BLECH!!!! He is considerate enough to get one of the bigger grab bags of chips and a huge things of cottage cheese, then he finishes the chips and I still have cottage cheese. If your hubby wants the crap food, buy him the smaller sizes so you dont have opened bags of chips/donuts/junk calling to you. And being snowed in would seriously suck with nothing but junk in the house.
03-04-2007, 04:48 AM
I can understand that we shouldn't MAKE our partners eat what we eat, but on the other hand, if *I* do the shopping and *I* do the cooking, unless DF absolutely hates something, he's going to eat what I eat. As for the kids - they eat what we eat, except breakfast (we usually all fend for ourselves) and what we eat is healthy and good for them too. That doesn't mean they are not allowed "treats" but then DF is the one who buys any junk that ends up in our house. Luckily I don't really like kids' chips/crispies so I don't eat them :)
We have a rule in our house, you can not say you don't like something if you've never tried it. Only once you've tried and you really hate it will I make exceptions to what we eat. I live with a bunch of foodies so it's usually not the case :)
03-05-2007, 06:07 PM
I'm glad this thread is here. I've posted several times about my frustration. My DH has chips and stuff in the cabinet. It doesn't bother me. If I want a chip, I'll have one. I seldom want one. We have some lovely Belgian chocolates. About once a week, we'll each pick out one. He cuts them in half and we share.
He's an evening eater. He'll pull out the bag of chips and munch on them. At first he thought it was going to bother me. I looked at him and asked why he thought that considering he's been doing it for over 20 years and I haven't said anything.
My problem is with his cooking. He just can't wrap his head around the fact that butter and heavy sauces ARE NOT on my plan. I count calories and he's getting tired of me taking all his ingredients and entering them on Fit Watch to get the calorie count. We menu plan for the week and have 1 night of "open fire". We each fix our own meal. I had shrimp louie and a shrimp cocktail on my night last week. He had lamb chops and potatoes. He's getting used to the idea. Wait till we start planning next week. I want 2 open fire nights. :D
I really like some of the ideas about keeping the food separate.
Good luck. You can do it.
03-05-2007, 06:11 PM
I was watching Dr. Rozin (YOU On A Diet) on PBS the other day. boobalah kept talking over him and calling a lot of what he was saying "hogwash" and a few other choice words.
I'd had it with 15 interruptions in less than 10 minutes. I exploded! I told him that he didn't have to listen. I recorded it on the DVR in the back room and I was watching it there. He could go to another part of the house. I told him that in case he hasn't noticed, I'm serious and his bellyaching is getting me really po'd. He wasn't particularly thrilled when I told him he could reside elsewhere if he so desired.
At least he has stopped giving me grief over the fact that I've given up eating anything that moves on 4 legs for Lent.
03-06-2007, 09:51 AM
I have SO been where you are and I have taken to calling my DH "The Pusher". When I started out in October 2004, my DH refused to give up all the horrid food that was keeping me fat. He was able to eat it without any problems but I was going up and up.
One day I woke up and realized that if I could learn to deal with and overcome his negativity then I would be successful in my quest to lose weight and stay at my goal weight. It occured to me that he was happy with me where I was weight-wise and didn't want me to change (due to his own insecurities) so I had to figure out how to deal with all of that. BUT I did not let that dissuade me from going forward. Yes, I cooked two meals a night and yes, I bought two different types of bread and cold cuts and bought 100-calorie snacks. I put myself in his place and thought about how I would feel if suddenly he decided to change my diet and realized that it wasn't fair to him. If he chose it for himself then that would be one thing but I couldn't change it for him.
I also put it in perspective and said if I can fight the temptations in my own home then the outside temptations would be nothing and I was right. You have to stay focused on your goal and realize that all those old habits are responsible for the current you so in order to be the new you, you have to change all those habits.
Good luck. You can do this. I lost 75 pounds by realizing that none of that food was worth ruining what I was working so hard for and really haven't missed it.