So, the stress of preparing my thesis drove me to a point of insanity where I thought it would be a good idea to step on the scale. In my mind, I thought it would be LOWER than last time I looked because I've battled the stomach flu for five weeks.
I hopped on and I am a full 15 lbs heavier than I was five weeks ago. FIFTEEN pounds... and I'm devastated.
I haven't seen 280 on the scale in at least 7 years. At one point I was even down to 199 via Weight Watchers.
I need to be grounded. I need some support. I literally feel on edge right now because this just isn't something I wanted to deal with now... I wanted to wait until after graduation.
However, seeing 280 even... it broke me. It's something that needs attention NOW. Please offer me some direction. Despite 28 years of experience being a fat chick, I have little experience with dieting. I've tried Weight Watchers and that's it... it worked well but stopped working in about 2004.
I've since been told I was insulin resistant and needed to see a nutritionist and fertility specialist for PCOS. Of course, I'm an idiot and I didnt' do any of that... I keep thinking I can wait...
So, here I am... no thesis and fat to boot. Any/all suggestions are welcomed and encouraged.
Genuinely... thank you... thanks for letting me vent. I didn't know what else to do so I did a web search for "fat" and "message board" and came upon this site. I want to change starting tomorrow but it seems like such an overwhelming task.
Thanks again and be well.
02-27-2007, 03:58 AM
PS, I know it sounds really silly to say I was shocked at the scale. I knew my clothes were tighter in some places but I thought it was just bloating from the medicines.
I honestly had no idea...especially since I've given up soda, pizza, and most food over the last five weeks to make sure I kicked this virus and the upper resp/ear/sinus infections. (it all hit me at once)
Thanks again for listening, I just needed an ear. I never have been able to tell my friends/family how my weight affects me.
02-27-2007, 07:05 AM
:D So glad you're here! Your panic is probably your "defining moment" in your journey to change. My guess is that everyone here has one. You've found a group of very supportive girls who have already felt exactly what you're feeling now. When you look at the tickers you'll see that many have already lost a ton of weight and whatever they're doing seems to be working! There are so many weight loss plans. My suggestion is that you pick what you think will fit best in your lifestyle. When I got on the scale at my Drs office about 5 weeks ago I was also shocked at how fat I was. Shocked by the number, I mean, not the fat. I had put off going to the Dr because I was scared I was going to find out I was diabetic or something. I'm not...but that was my moment. I've chosen to start eating like I am diabetic, anyway. I've cut out almost all processed sugar and white products. I eat (mostly) whole foods but I don't beat myself up about a slip up every now and then. In those 5 weeks I've dropped 14 lbs....so it can be done! The way I look at it is, even if it's slow it's permanent this time so I'm going to quit fretting about it and just enjoy the downward ride. Hop on!
02-27-2007, 07:14 AM
First take a deep breath. Ahhh, good. This is not impossible to conquer. You've lost weight before you can do it again. You said that WW stopped working. Does that mean that you stopped the plan? I think you need to look at this a lifestyle change - forever and ever and ever. There can be no stopping. Just starting ........ and continuing .... forever and ever. That is really key here. Once you've got that down pat, you need to decide on a plan that you can indeed live with forever. For me it's calorie counting. Eating highly nutritional foods in healthy portions and exercising. Allowing myself the occasional indulgences every now and then. It is also key for me to eat very tasty and delicious foods. I eat 3 meals and at least 2 snacks a day, eating every 2 -3 hours so I am never hungry.
You've got to sit down and decide what you think would work best for you. Some people like to take baby steps, changing a few things at a time, others tackle everything at once. I'm glad you've found 3FC and the 100 lb club. as this is a great place for advice, encouragement and support. Good luck in your venture. Post often so that we get to know you and can help you in anyway that we can.
02-27-2007, 07:40 AM
Welcome. :wave: I had that same feeling of shock when I started. I had no idea of my actual weight and it was a shock to see the number register on the doctor's scales. But that was my turning point, and it can be yours too.
There are lots of food plans that will help you lose weight. If you are insulin resistant, you will probably be advised to stay away from sugar, white flours, high fructose corn syrup. I'm sure a nutritionist would give you valuable advice about what foods are best for you.
If you're anxious to start today, maybe you could start entering your food into a website like fitday.com, to see how many calories you are eating. When I was your weight, I was easily able to eat between 1800 - 2000 calories and lose. Let us know how we can help you. There are great people here to provide support. You CAN do this!
02-27-2007, 07:45 AM
Stepping on the scales and not seeing what you expected can be very upsetting. But, use this as your springboard to living the rest of your life with a healthy lifestyle. You can do this! If you havent already done so, I can recommend reading through the Goals and Mini-Goals threads. Also, the NSV thread here on the 100lb club can be very encouraging.
Regarding your diagnosis of insulin resistance and PCOS, many women with these diagnosis have had positive results with following the Southbeach diet or any diet that helps you wean yourself off of sugar and "white" foods such as white bread, rice and pasta and replace these with whole grain alternatives. And, all of us can benefit from switching to lean meats and plenty of fresh vegetables.
Looking forward to getting to know you.
02-27-2007, 08:42 AM
Welcome, welcome, welcome!!
First, I wanted to say that we've all been where you are and really get that feeling. :hug:
Second, are you really sure you gained 15 pounds? Did you weigh on the same scale, same conditions, same time of day? If you did gain 15 pounds, do you really think that's all fat? I'm thinking that's unlikely... 3500 non-burned calories is one pound. You'd have to have consumed 52,500 EXTRA calories to gain 15 pounds of fat. Is it possible some of that is water retention?
Third, regardless of your actual weight, I agree with others -- USE this moment to help change your life. Make a commitment to YOU. I've been to Thesis Stress Land and while it sounds paradoxical, taking a little time for you can actually make your work better. Taking a 10 minute walk or making yourself a cup of tea can help relax you. It also signals that YOU are important. You don't have to make all these changes at once, if you're overwhelmed.
Take a deep breath. Let it out. We're here for you!!
02-27-2007, 09:34 AM
My good buddies here have all given you WONDERFUL advice, support, and encouragement! It's like that here! :hug: You will DO THIS! You WILL!
Stepping on the scale at 275 didn't even do it for me. I needed to see myself in a picture at Christmas in 1999 with a HUGE double chin and a very round face in order to FINALLY say, "Whoa! What's happening here?!!!" I started and ended up making it to 260. I felt pretty good there and felt A LOT more fit since I had been walking regularly. I lost some more and made it to 245. I got sidetracked for a couple years with job stress and family stress and STRESS-STRESS. My clothes were getting tight again, and I found I had regained the pounds that I had lost to be up to 260 again.:(
My oldest son was getting married in a couple years and I thought I would lose weight for the wedding. I began to think that MAYBE since I had TWO YEARS to lose weight before the wedding that a GREAT GOAL might be to try to weigh at HIS wedding what I weighed at my OWN wedding. Coincidentally, that meant I would be losing ONE HUNDRED POUNDS from that point!:dizzy: It seemed do-able because of the long time frame.
I have lost 73 pounds so far with 43 to go. I AM going to do this!:) I have six months to reach my goal.
Stress can play an HORRENDOUS part in thwarting weight loss! There are even many articles about it stating that stress produces cortisol which collects in the belly area and starts running the show. Dr. Oz in the book You On A Diet talks about our "omentum" which just gets bigger and bigger and starts acting like another organ and further bossing the show. Really scary stuff! I'm sure that you didn't gain 15 lbs. overnight, but the stress and water retention and illness probably has your body out of balance.
You will be OK! Just keep coming here and posting and reading! We will help you do this because we are all in this together!:hug:
02-27-2007, 09:46 AM
It's funny I didn't even mention the scale in my first post to this thread. I will tell you this though. I hadn't stepped on the scale for close to 15 years prior to my weightloss journey. I first stepped on it AFTER I made the decision to lose the weight. I know, I'm a strange bird. The point it, I knew I was fat, real, real, real FAT. But like Cheryl, it was seeing myself that finally really opened up my eyes, well that and a bunch of other stuff. I was walking past a darkened window and I couldn't believe the reflection, there was somebody soooo incredibly wide there and of course it was me.
When I finally stepped on that scale, after having made the decision to change my life, I really didn't know what it was going to say. Honest, I hadn't a clue. I mean it had been almost a decade and a half. I was really thinking somewhere in the 300 range. I was actually thrilled that it said ONLY, haha, ONLY 287 lbs. Close enough to 300 mind you and scary enough in itself, but I wanted to finally know once and for all. You can't change what you don't acknowledge.
02-27-2007, 10:30 AM
Welcome!!!!! As you've read with every other post here, we have all been in your shoes. My time was this past holiday season when I realized I couldn't fit through the walkway in my grandmother's house (granted, it's a really old house and the hallway in question is really really narrow and cluttered to boot, but still!). Then I stepped on the scales and broke down on the spot... But... things can change. Use the feelings you had when you got on that scale as your motivation. I took very unflattering photos of myself in very tight workout clothes and posted them in my bedroom so that I can see them every day to remind myself how I don't want to look.
Most importantly, you have to do what works for YOU! No one can make you do anything, and no two programs work well for everyone. We here at 3FC are a great support system, and are good at gently keeping you accountable, but it has to be something that you are willing to put the time and effort into making a life long change.
02-27-2007, 01:11 PM
Thanks so much. I know it must sound silly because I think I used to look at people who said "I didn't know I was THAT big" and wonder what was going through their minds. Now, I'm that girl. I've been this big before...maybe even a little bigger... but this time, for whatever reason, total denial/avoidance...whatever.
The WW stuff is a wonderful program and I've recommended it to everyone I know who is trying to lose weight...but it stopped working for me. I kept up doing exactly the same things, met w/leaders, shared journals w/meetings...but I ended up on a SEVEN month plateau. It was around that time the health center told me about insulin resistance and that I needed to see a nutritionist.
I think I just gave up at that point because WW had been so easy but the idea of learning an entirely new way of eating seemed so hard. It still does seem hard... I count best w/prepackaged stuff but it's so expensive/salty, etc... I love to cook and lose weight best when I'm preparing my own meals but I'm afraid to try this time... Could I get any whinier?
I played with this site for over an hour last night just reading and making the cute little weight tracker. In 100% honesty, this is one of the most stressful times of my life but I feel like the awareness that I'm just getting bigger w/time is stressful too...
PS, about what you said about it not all being 15lbs of fat... I REALLY hope so. :) I'm literally afraid to get back on the scale this morning. I don't want to know...and in fact, I think I need to engage in a once per month scale rule. I don't even know that I want to set goals until I graduate but I do want to do like you guys suggested and start tracking my food.
So far today, one of those prepackaged wonders... Lean Cuisine Sesame Chicken... not b/c it's "diet" material but b/c I think they are super tastey.
Thank you for sharing your stories. I hope to be where you are soon. I think I'm honestly just overwhelmed... how could I let myself get like this again?? Ok, I've pinpointed the emotion... I feel like I failed. Like someone else said... I knew I was fat but it was the number... ouch.
I'll be back to read/post more over the next few days but don't see myself being fully able to engage in the process until after my thesis is completed. Thanks guys... be well.