100 lb. Club - Bob Greene asks: Why are you over weight?




Charbar
02-22-2007, 10:11 PM
Today on Oprah Bob Greene asked "why are you overweight?" I have such a hard time with that question. Because I have a hard time.. does that mean I won't loose the weight?

This is seriously driving me nuts. I know that my relationship with my mother was never great.

(warning: this is about my life. I'm not trying to judge you and your family)


I always thought my Mother was selfish. When I was about 11 my Mom went back to school and back to work (up till then she was a stay at home mom) She put herself first in everything. She still does today. My Dad always comes last.
I'm very much the opposite in my life. God first, then husband, then children.
My mom recently lost about 80 lbs. Up until recently I would call her about 20 times compared to the one time she called me (she lives in Canada) I also have 2 sisters that are the same way. They never call me. Since the beginning of January I haven't called them - and they still haven't called me. Yes, this angers me.. and hurts me a lot. I don't consider them to have loyalty at all. Could this have anything to do with my weight issues?

Anyhow.. now I realize I'm rambling. Sorry.

Did anyone watch Oprah today?

Dana


GirlyGirlSebas
02-22-2007, 10:34 PM
Hi Dana,

No, I didnt see Oprah, but this is a subject I think about a lot. Just yesterday, I was remembering an instance of being touched inappropriately when I just a little 9 year old. It was around that time that I began gaining weight. I often wonder if that had a lot to do with starting the cycle of using food to feel better. Also, my Mom was overweight and I learned how to attempt to satisfy my emotions with food from her. Today, I believe my weight problems are largely due to feeding my emotions for years. Depression has been a problem in my adult years and food...and formerly cigarettes.... has often been my coping mechanism.

It is a constant struggle to learn healthy ways of coping with stress, loneliness, boredom and depression. I have noticed that eating right has helped to level my emotional rollercoaster. I seem to be much more content with life in general and much less susceptible to the stresses of life. When I exercise, I notice that the good changes are magnified tremendously!

Good question. I'm glad you asked as its always good to reflect on the reasons why I'm making these lifesyle changes. And, No, I dont really think that not knowing the exact reason why you are overweight will keep you from being successful in taking the weight off. Typically, there may be many reasons why we gained the weight. Don't let not knowing right now keep you from moving forward to a healthy life. It may take going through this journey to find those answers.

Cheryl14
02-22-2007, 11:39 PM
Hi Dana and Rhonda!

I caught the last twenty minutes of Oprah when Bob was doing the assessments of the participants. I'm reading his book, so I understood where he was coming from by the question, YET, I think the answer that a person gives IS WHAT IT IS...an ANSWER! Yes, maybe it wasn't THE answer or an answer that showed that the person had somehow reached understanding, but GEE! I was getting angry that he was putting MORE stress on the poor girls by asking them a question and being only accepting of answers he thought were the BEST answers!

As I read over the six journals I have filled since I began my weight loss journey, I realize I have come to different understandings and different "truths" at different times. To me, all of my answers were the "right" ones AT THE TIME!

I guess I am too much of a rebel to have someone tell me that I gave the wrong answer! I've been out of school for enough years to find that OFFENSIVE!

Rant over!

Cheryl


rockinrobin
02-23-2007, 08:14 AM
I will tell you that thanks to Oprah and her flunkys I put off my weightloss journey trying to figure out that question. Not only has she and her gurus said you have to know why, but you then also have to DEAL with it. I finally said, I'm doing it anyway, I'll take my chances. Shhh, don't tell Oprah and Bob Greene. Did you see how they badgered a few of those people yesterday? Gets me sooo angry. So, yes I saw the show. I used to enjoy the show, especially those on weightloss, I can barely tolerate it now. Of course that doesn't change the fact that I still want to BE on the show when I get to goal ;) .

Girlygirl I had a similar experience as you did, I was 10. I also became very curvy as a teenager and had a lot of male attention at a young age, it just BOOM came on. One day I was a little girl, the next day men were making rude and disgusting gestures at me. I believe this was one of the reasons for my weight gain. And then there's what Dana said. My mom was basically home and then took on a big career when I was about 12. A lot of resentment there and other things I think she should have been more aware of. Like the incident I had at 10 and all the unwanted attention I received. but whatever. She was oblivious. She just didnt' SEE things. So yes, I guess these ALL played factors in my weight. But have I dealt with it? No, I never confronted my mother and I never confronted my molestor. And I never will.

I am older now and I just don't believe you have to have it all figured out as to the why and hows that we let ourselves get so heavy. I may never know for sure why I let this happen to myself And it's really not all that important. What is important is that I no longer find it acceptable to live my life being morbidly obese. So to me, the much more important question to ask oneself is "Are you willing to make the changes necessary to lose the weight, permanently?"

Charbar
02-23-2007, 09:18 AM
Another thing that amazed me about yesterday show: all 6 people seemed shocked to find out that they weren't overweight.. but obese. Duh! Where have they been hiding. I also found it a bit shocking that Oprah didn't really understand BMI.

Thanks for your replies. Oprah has really stressed dealing with "your issue" and I don't think everyone has a major issue. Maybe the issues with my Mom started things... but I have allowed it to continue. I'm no going to play the blame game on this.

phantastica
02-23-2007, 09:34 AM
Dana, I'm sorry to hear about your family. It's their loss, really. I'm somewhat of the "black sheep" in my family too, but to a lesser degree. I am usually the last one called about family news, my only sister has always been more 'acceptable' than me, etc. It bothers me, and I've tried to change it, to no avail. After some therapy, I've come to realize that I have to accept and nurture myself in spite of what they think of me. I'm mostly good with things now, but it still creeps up every once in a while.

Have you ever asked any of your sisters what the deal is, why they have this "us against them" attitude? Oh, and do they communicate regularly among each other and with your mother?

Obsidianbbw
02-23-2007, 09:48 AM
I haven't gotten far in my journey, but as I go on I know the why for me was just not putting my first. Not putting enough time in to thinking about what was going in my mouth. I am not really an emotional eater and I was never a binger and/or a purger.

I made changes that dealt with my problem before I worried about what the problem was and it worked for me. I do think there are people who continually try and lose weight and make all the right changes, but get derailed by other issues then they went over their calorie count and didn't work out enough.

Overeater Anonymous, Chicks in Control I think are some of the groups on here that say some people need to work on the why and the how.

Mrs Quadcrew
02-23-2007, 10:28 AM
I may never know for sure why I let this happen to myself And it's really not all that important. What is important is that I no longer find it acceptable to live my life being morbidly obese. So to me, the much more important question to ask oneself is "Are you willing to make the changes necessary to lose the weight, permanently?"

Robin you never cease to amaze me with your insight. I copy and save all of the statements here that hit home with me - If I feel like I am having a bad day, they are there for me to read and pick myself up. (although I really don't have that many bad days anymore!!)

I think a lot of us have more in common than what is on the surface, after reading this. Sure makes me think about the things we dealt with as children ~ and how that has affected us in our adult lives. We're the lucky ones, we have chosen to leave it in the past and move forward with our lives. I think that is pretty spectacular myself. Hugs to all of us.:hug:

Charbar
02-23-2007, 10:29 AM
Dana, I'm sorry to hear about your family. It's their loss, really. I'm somewhat of the "black sheep" in my family too, but to a lesser degree. I am usually the last one called about family news, my only sister has always been more 'acceptable' than me, etc. It bothers me, and I've tried to change it, to no avail. After some therapy, I've come to realize that I have to accept and nurture myself in spite of what they think of me. I'm mostly good with things now, but it still creeps up every once in a while.

Have you ever asked any of your sisters what the deal is, why they have this "us against them" attitude? Oh, and do they communicate regularly among each other and with your mother?

What did you do that was so bad? hehe ;) Families can be hard.

My family lives all over. I have a sister in Texas (who has never met my husband - been married 8 years next month), a sister back in Canada (who has met my husband once), and my Mom and Dad in Canada. (who have come to visit me at my home a few times)

No one talks to anyone much. I was the "caller" - but I've stopped. It only hurt me. Sure - they would talk to me. But they always said they were too busy to call me and felt bad about it. Well.. that's not a good enough excuse. It's a choice - and I've finally woke up to realize what their choice has been all along. I was in denial. My sister's deal is that their life is too busy to include me. Sad... but true. We have very different priorites in life.

Casey4
02-23-2007, 10:58 AM
I know something different for me now is that I have stopped trying to analyze why I have lost and gained so many times. It gets exhausting at times and I really don't think there is one simple answer. I do know that there is a simple answer to getting healthy and that is staying on plan. I don't think my hurts and issues will go away because I have lost weight but I have stopped using them as an excuse to stay unhealthy. I am obese because I haven't treated my body properly for whatever reason. If I wait to figure out all the whys and wherefores I may be in an oversized casket with some extra pallbearers! :o

They may think that making people squirm and cry makes great TV, but I don't find that helpful to me and my journey!

Kathy

phantastica
02-23-2007, 12:20 PM
What did you do that was so bad? hehe ;) Families can be hard.

Well, I was the tall/fat/big daughter, the other daughter is a petite blonde, and 'the baby'. Yeah, it's messed up, but my family places most value on size and how feminine you are, not on normal things like intelligence, morals, or kindness.

I also was the one who was the communicator, wanting to plan things and such. And of course, my sister is the one who scoffed at the whole family thing.

I guess 'family' is what we make it, huh? I find a small group of very close friends is a very rewarding and trustworthy substitute.

LakeGirl
02-23-2007, 12:53 PM
Dana,

I have the show taped and plan to watch it this afternoon, but anyway...

Yes, I do think your relationship with your family can have something to do with what you weigh and how you view yourself. Now, I'm not putting down anyone who doesn't feel that the "Why" question is important, because what works for one person may not for another one. In my case, the fact that I was molested as a child and nearly raped as a teen had EVERYTHING to do with my not being able to stick to weight loss because as soon as I lost enough weight to start getting male attention, I sabatoged my efforts every time. I have been working through this and making some headway and for me, that was a must.

I don't think that working through your issues with you family necessarily means that you have to better your relationship with them (especially if you are not at fault) as that would be a very personal thing that only you can decide. What I think you may need to do is to work out how you relate to yourself in light of the family issues. (just as an example, do you think that they don't find you worthy or valuable so you are viewing yourself the same way? Again, just pulling that possibility out of my rear end!).

The "why" may not be important for you or for other people. For me, it was essential.

Just my buck twenty five!

djs06
02-23-2007, 01:16 PM
I, too, think this is a very important question. Blogging (and journaling in my personal notebook for things I don't want to share with the world/fear of being judged, etc) has helped me immensely in this way. We all have unique experiences and deal with them in different ways. What robin wrote really resonated: "Are you willing to make the changes necessary to lose the weight, permanently?" In the past, I have focused on the PAST. Why I am fat, why I let myself get this way... and of course that matters, it's part of my history and part of who I am. But no matter who hurts me, what challenges I might face, and how I might react to things that challenge me- I can't lose sight of what I need.

Dana, sometimes family life can be teh most hurtful. It's true that we can't choose our families, and we can't make them change. Truly, it is their loss, and I am sure you have learned from their mistakes and it shows through your relationships and parenting. :) We take our relationships and experiences with others into account when we form new(er) ones.

Rhonda and Robin, sometimes there are no words. I am sorry for your experiences, but I am so proud of both of you for being determined!

I know the reasons I gained all the weight... there were lots of them, from my childhood on. And eventually it became the fact that food was the only activity I enjoyed. It was the only thing to look forward to. Antidepressants didn't help... they just made me not give a :censored: if I was gaining weight or not.

I've always known this but it hasn't really helped me. So I can see what Oprah is getting at, but I agree with robin: the focus might not be where it should be.

Charbar
02-23-2007, 02:15 PM
Thanks all for sharing your stories with us. I feel honored that you were willing to share.
I'm very happy with my husband and my 3 kids (my step son John moved in with us last summer) My mother in law is a wonderful person. Very honest - tells it like it is. I'm so not used to the games. If we think we are "full of it" we tell each other - nicely.
I guess it's just hard to accept that my own siblings just don't care. It's a hard pill to swallow.
I pray that my kids have a life long relationship... and with their sibling's spouses too.

Sandi
02-23-2007, 02:26 PM
Dana..."I'm very much the opposite in my life. God first, then husband, then children." Where do you fall in that equation?

Charbar
02-23-2007, 02:45 PM
Dana..."I'm very much the opposite in my life. God first, then husband, then children." Where do you fall in that equation?

busted! I don't know. I do know that it's somewhere after God. I know that it should be above my children... The kids have been sucking the life out of me lately.

oh.. I'm going to have to think about this.

Sandi - where are you? How do you all balance everything and still have time for yourself?

tolose85
02-23-2007, 03:03 PM
I honestly cannot think of one thing in my life history that would have caused me to get this way aside from every day stress. I had a good childhood, haven't been emotionally wronged in any way and I'm still fat. I can honestly say that I've lived a pretty happy life--oohhh maybe its the happpiness making me not care about me anymore.....lol... I personally think that I'm fat because I love to eat food and all the wrong kinds! (Not to mention I don't have any time for ME lately!)

Great topic.

Luminous
02-23-2007, 03:56 PM
Just yesterday, I was remembering an instance of being touched inappropriately when I just a little 9 year old. It was around that time that I began gaining weight. I often wonder if that had a lot to do with starting the cycle of using food to feel better. Also, my Mom was overweight and I learned how to attempt to satisfy my emotions with food from her. Today, I believe my weight problems are largely due to feeding my emotions for years.

I also became very curvy as a teenager and had a lot of male attention at a young age, it just BOOM came on. One day I was a little girl, the next day men were making rude and disgusting gestures at me.

I am older now and I just don't believe you have to have it all figured out as to the why and hows that we let ourselves get so heavy. I may never know for sure why I let this happen to myself And it's really not all that important. What is important is that I no longer find it acceptable to live my life being morbidly obese. So to me, the much more important question to ask oneself is "Are you willing to make the changes necessary to lose the weight, permanently?"
Word. I know I developed a little early and I didn't know how to cope with the male attention - and discovering that the world is full of dirty old men! I was also very emotionally immature and completely crumbled under some friend-dumping and bullying. Eating was the only thing that quieted and calmed.

However, like Robin says, it doesn't matter one bit how I got this way. It's "nice" to be able to identify past feelings and behaviors, but the nicer part is realizing that I'm a big girl now; even if I'm still immature :lol:, at least I have a strong enough ego now that someone being rude to me doesn't make me think I must be a horrible piece of dirt. I think I've said this before elsewhere, so sorry for repeating, but it was the clincher: it's a coping behavior for problems I don't have anymore...so there's no reason to continue it.

LisaMarie71
02-23-2007, 06:13 PM
This is a great thread with lots of insight. I think it's great to figure out the "whys" of things, but I think we can also use it to put off making good choices or making changes. I'm guilty of doing that in the past. You always hear "you have to wait until you're ready to lose weight" and that's so true, but you also can't wait around forever. Something does have to click in your head, but I don't know if that always means you have to have figured everything out when you start. God knows I haven't. I can think of reasons I'm overweight, sure. My father was an alcoholic and my childhood wasn't the greatest in some ways (though in other ways it was wonderful -- I do have the most amazing mother on the planet). I sometimes think I inherited my dad's addictive personality, but then I also think it stems from my mother desperately trying to make up for what we were missing because he was an absent, neglectful father. When he was there, he was causing us LOTS of stress. So she fed us whatever we wanted, when she could afford to (there were times we didn't HAVE food, really, but when we did we sure ate it up). She tried so hard to give us good experiences, and part of that was with food. I don't blame her -- she did the best she could in HORRIBLE circumstances, and she's by far the best mother and the best person I've ever known.

Anyway, after all this rambling...sure, I could think about why I'm overweight, but I'm too busy fixing it. Whatever caused it doesn't matter at this point, really. I broke my ankle once, but I didn't sit around wondering why I fell. I had my husband call 911 so we could go to the hospital and get it fixed! Weird analogy, maybe, but it makes sense to me. :lol:

Glory87
02-23-2007, 07:12 PM
I definitely attribute my habit of "boredom" eating to being a latchkey kid as a child. My brother and I were supposed to come straight home from school and we weren't allowed outside until my parents got home. During the summer, we were forbidden to leave the house during the day. What else was there to do but watch TV, read or eat?

When I was heavy and losing/gaining, losing/gaining, I used to tell myself there were all kinds of reasons I couldn't lose weight. I was big boned, my dad was heavy, I had a slow metabolism, I just couldn't lose weight and keep it off. I wanted to diet for a short time and then eat like a "normal person" which for me was big muffins for breakfast, venti lattes with whipped cream, pizza and all the way nachos.

After 20 years of personal self-delusion, I finally figured out why I was overweight - I ate too much bad foods and I didn't exercise at all. Once I figured out that my "normal" way of eating was the only thing responsible for my weight issues, I changed how I ate. Now that I eat better and work out, I have had no issues at all maintaining my weight loss for 2 years.

I did have to compensate for my bad habit of snacking in the afternoons (hello, latchkey childhood me!) by carefully planning to have healthy snacks on hand in the afternoon but it didn't impede my progress. It was a factor, not the cause. The cause was the fact I was consuming more than 3000 calories of mostly junk food, everyday. Now that I eat around 1800 calories of whole foods a day, I am no longer heavy.

phantastica
02-23-2007, 08:26 PM
Glory - I think my weight has several roots, but I know that I have an element of 'boredom eating' in there, too. I used to sit at my dad's house with nothing to do on "visitation weekends", just waiting for the next thing to look forward to, which was often food. It was only every other weekend at Dad's, so it's not the only root, but it's an interesting memory I'd forgotten about.

Jen
02-23-2007, 09:12 PM
Dana - I'm kind of with Sandi with this one. When I read your first post and I didn't see yourself in that list I thought the same thing Sandi posted. I can see where you would think your mom is selfish putting herself first but sometimes that's where we have to put ourselves or we don't get anything accomplished. It is hard to balance everything that is important in our lives and sometimes things get put behind, sadly for a lot of us it is our health but in the long run if we don't have our health we won't have anything. We can't be loving mothers and wives because we are so obese we can't enjoy simple things with our families. It kills me that I find it almost impossible to play outside with my son because of my weight.

beautifulone
02-23-2007, 10:38 PM
Dana... I too wondered where you were in that list. I don't know very much about having a family or raising kids, so maybe I am off my rocker here... but how can we take care of others and be the best moms/wives/sisters/friends/daughters/etc. we can be if we don't take good care of ourselves? Someone once told me, the more you take in, the more you're able to put out. There's a part about this in a book by Dr Phil that you reminded me of, I hope you don't mind me sharing.. I wonder what you all think?:

"I can tell you that the most important person in my life is Phil McGraw. I do not apologize for that, nor do I believe that it is selfish. I am the only husband and father that my wife and children have. If I take care of myself, then I have something to give in those two important roles. If I choose, instead, to be a martyr - if I constantly self-sacrifice and do not take care of myself, then I may not be there, physically or emotionally, when they need me. If I do not make deposits to the "Phil account" along the way, I may find myself emotionally and physically bankrupt at some point in the future, when the people I love are most in need of me." - Life Strategies, p. 170-71.

LakeGirl
02-23-2007, 10:46 PM
You always hear "you have to wait until you're ready to lose weight" and that's so true, but you also can't wait around forever. Something does have to click in your head, but I don't know if that always means you have to have figured everything out when you start

I totally agree that you don't have to have all your mental baggage figured out before you start losing weight. I'm trying to do both things at the same time, but it has made me realize that I need a game plan.

I can't allow myself to fall into the old pattern: lose weight, feel good about myself, gain male attention, feel afraid, eat. Despite being forty now and married, I still fear unwanted or unsolicited male attention of any kind. There are just too many overwhelming flashbacks that go with that territory for me. So, now that I've realized that at least in part, weight has been a safety net for me, I've been giving myself options, such as working out making me physically stronger, and the possibilty of taking on a martial arts class once I reach a more comfortable weight. I guess to some people it may sound silly to still feel afraid of men at forty years old, but the experiences I've had have made negative, lasting impressions on me and I think that knowing I can take care of myself if need be will make me feel safer when I don't have the weight as my safety.

pantry raider
02-23-2007, 11:02 PM
Oprah Sucks....

EnglishMuffin
02-24-2007, 08:13 AM
Hi,

I was so interested to read your posts.

Dana I had the same thought as Sandi when reading your post - it is quite striking that you come last in your 'who is most important to consider' list. It's also really striking that a lot of us have felt invisible and unheard although we've all had very different experiences. Dramatically increasing in size is difficult to ignore and was maybe uncomfortable for our families to have to face - as they might have had to ask the question 'why'I think part. However, the sad thing is the why usually remained invisible and unheard. I think this is why it's a difficult question for many of us to answer.

I've thought a lot about this question and have spent time in therapy with an eating disorders specialist considering it formally. I had a mother with progressive MS who became ill when I was around 10 and I grew up caring for her as my father/ sister couldn't handle it. I think a lot of my overeating was because I was so busy looking after everyone else and putting them first I didn't get to think about myself and what I wanted - the only thing I thought I wanted was food.

But I have also had similar experiences to some of you about gaining weight to feel safe and perhaps to keep men away from me - or sexually aggressive men anyway. I'm fortunate enough never to have experienced some of the awful abuses some of you have described but I certainly remember feeling very vulnerable when I got lots of unwanted attention. Even now in my early thirties I feel completely freaked out now that men are starting to pay attention to me again - it's something I've never been comfortable with and I think this is probably the major psychological hurdle to me losing the rest of my weight.

I think another issue is that I have never really been slim - well apart from a very brief period in my teens - and I think a huge part of my identity is tied up with being fat. When I did lose weight in my teens I didn't feel like me and was really angry with people who suddenly treated me like I'd become a worth while person overnight - I was the SAME person!

I think for me being very fat is the ultimate test of do you REALLY like me.

It's also a form of rebellion and of sticking your fingers up at the world and refusing to conform. I know that sometimes I eat when I'm angry and it is almost in this defiant childlike state.

I could go on - think it's a very complex issue and think there is so in the past that has contributed to this problem. I suppose for some it is useful to consider this in detail - it is for me - I have binged and dieted all my life and just want an end to it now and I think for me I will just keep being locked in this cycle if I don't address this question in detail.

EM

Trazey34
02-24-2007, 10:36 AM
hi guys! i haven't been on in a while, been crazy busy :) But I've been good! yay!

I wish I could think of a brilliant answer - i've thought about this so many times! There's 3 kids in our family, the oldest being my sister -- she's thin and an exercise nut. She loves food too but just simply would not allow herself to be fat (she even said once if she got fat she's sure her husband would leave her :o ), middle kid is a boy -- big and tall and bit overweight, but typical "dude" if he quits drinking beer over the summer he'd be thin as in high school LOL, and then there's the BABY of the family..... me :) We all had the same childhood experiences (hilarious parents, good times, lots of talking and fun, always encouraged to be independent thinkers!) so I thank my parents for giving me a good foundation of self-esteem and a backbone.... so where'd all this FAT come from???? My best guess is that i'm SPOILED and LAZY to the point of "hey I'm fabulous...I should be the ONE exception to the rule that says if you eat high fat/high sugar/high everything, yer gonna be tubby" LOL

sigh...and that my mom is an absolutely ridiculously yummy cook and passed along her talents to me ;( Why does food have to be so GOOOOD??

GirlyGirlSebas
02-24-2007, 01:49 PM
...sure, I could think about why I'm overweight, but I'm too busy fixing it. Whatever caused it doesn't matter at this point, really. I broke my ankle once, but I didn't sit around wondering why I fell. I had my husband call 911 so we could go to the hospital and get it fixed! Weird analogy, maybe, but it makes sense to me. :lol:

Lisa,

I love this analogy! We can sit around psychoanalyzing ourselves forever...or we can choose to stand up and get going. The choice is ultimately ours.

My husband came from a very disfunctional family. He was raised by a single Mom who had no support from his father...his father was out of the picture until he turned 16. She worked up to three jobs at a time and they lived in the "projects." They lived on government cheese, potatoes, etc. Christmas came from Toys For Tots. And...she is bipolar. My SIL was raised by a Dad who absolutely never spoke to her and was zero percent involved in her life. Her family had no friends and no one was ever allowed to come to their house. Her oldest sister is as close to a psycho as I have ever met. She has hurt my SIL and the middle sister physically and tortured them almost daily during their childhood.

Both my husband and my SIL have turned out to be marvelous people. They are well adjusted, productive spouses, parents and employees. What made them turn out so differently from others who have had difficult childhoods?

I believe it all comes down to choice. We can wallow in self pity and think the world owes us...or we can choose to be overcomers. I choose to be an overcomer.

LakeGirl
02-24-2007, 02:04 PM
We can wallow in self pity and think the world owes us...or we can choose to be overcomers.

I respectively don't care for that particular way of putting it :) . I think that for a lot of people, it has nothing to do with feeling sorry for themselves. I don't wallow in self pity over what happened to me in the past and I have resolved most of my issues with it (general distrust of men as I finally got married and though he had to help me work through many things early in our relationship, we are finally just fine). The last issue for me to work through is my weight and why losing it has not been a priority until now. The ankle analogy is a good one, but what if a year later you fell again and then again six months after that? At that point, you may want to find out what is causing you to lose your balance so often. ;)

For ME, that's what it has been like. I have lost major weight several times before but until now, have never put two and two together to realize that everytime I lost weight, a man would make me feel uncomfortable or threatened. I get that now and maybe I should have gotten it a long time ago, but for whatever reason, I didn't.

Many, many things can make one person who has been through something terrible deal with it differently or better than someone else. We all think differently, we all cope differently, we are all individuals. I'm not using what happened to me as a cop out for not losing weight before, but it is SO important to ME to understand that going forward. And I don't think that places me on any pity party wagon.

lizziness
02-24-2007, 03:54 PM
I'm not entirely convinced that knowing WHY you put the weight on will help you take it off. I suppose it all just depends on what the why is... i suppose if it's entirely emotional eating then you would need to deal with that before you can successfully lose the weight.

Why did I gain the weight? It started with not wanting attention from guys... then turned into depression... which turned into medications... then smoking pot... then giving up completely. It was an accumulation of years, experiences and pounds.

Knowing these things does not help me take the weight off, in my opinion. Because all that I am lacking is the true motivation and desire to do something about it. I don't know if I'll get that by thinking about the bad men that were in my past or all the reefer that I stupidly let pass my lips... or the munchies that came after it.

LakeGirl
02-24-2007, 08:49 PM
In my situation, I agree...I don't need to know why to start losing weight. But, for me, I needed to understand why to keep it off this time instead of yo-yoing like I've done for years.

Wanna be a loser
02-24-2007, 08:55 PM
I don't know why I started to gain weight other than 4 years ago, in my late thirty's I became inactive but super busy so I started to drive everywhere instead of walking. I realized I just needed to start moving again.
I liked your analogy LisaMarie.

GirlyGirlSebas
02-24-2007, 09:00 PM
I believe it all comes down to choice. We can wallow in self pity and think the world owes us...or we can choose to be overcomers. I choose to be an overcomer.

Kimberly, I apologize that I offended you. For years, I have chosen to wallow because I felt that life and my body had let me down. I was having a major lengthy pity party. My intention was not to imply that you are also wallowing. It sounds like you have taken a different route and it works for you. I'm happy for you.

beautifulone
02-24-2007, 10:05 PM
Interesting conversations we're having.

When I was little, I began to eat out of boredom and loneliness. I had somewhat of a barren childhood and I just didn't DO much. you know. So lack of physical exercise. The food at home was all right, but could have been less fattening. We didn't have junk food in the house - which technically was a good thing, but I guess I was never taught to savor food and appreciate the taste - instead, when we had junk food, I think it was generally eaten quickly. I learned to devour junk food and no one really said anything. Whatever was said however, the messages that I received about my weight were not health-oriented but more appearance and worth oriented. So enter middle school and high school, I developed what I think was an eating disorder, I cycled between different eating and not eating habits, and the two things that were constant were that my weight was never stable and that I obsessed about my body, the food I ate, and how it all related to my self-worth or lack thereof. It was mental torture. I moved out from home to attend school, still with serious body-image issues... and my weight ballooned up from 215 to 262 overtime. I lost a little at first (got down to 215) but then over 3 years it went up to the 262. While on my own, I binged tons. But I also learned to eat, not devour, junk food - that sounds odd now that I write it. I don't know.. I felt depressed and insecure for years during HS and until recently.. so that contributed to it.

I had a hard time sticking to an exercise routine - first and foremost because I felt so self-conscious actually attending a gym or evidently exercising in public. I devalued my body so much that I just didn't see exercise as that big a thing - I wasn't health oriented: growing up in my family, I didn't learn to treat my body well or value health as far as prevention and health promotion goes. Being healthy was a passive thing for me - like, oh thank goodness I'm healthy - but not doing anything to PROMOTE it.

I didn't feel alive... it felt like there was a sheath between me and the world and real life seemed so far away, the real world... Now I am working hard to JUMP INTO LIFE.. feel alive, be alive, and THRIVE! to have energy, to be part of this dynamic world and to feel physically grounded in my body. I realized some of this before starting this time, and I'm realizing more as I continue. I think it's important that people check in with themselves to see if their habits are related to anything deeper - but for sure, as much as possible, jump in, get your feet wet, and get started ;)

lilybelle
02-25-2007, 04:13 AM
I think I figured out my reasons.

1. sexually molested by a friend of my dad's when I was 9
2. unwanted attention from men as a teen,raped at gunpoint at age 15
3. death of my grandmother when I was 12
4. death of my dad when I was 13
5. death of one of my brothers when I was 17
6. death of one of my sisters when I was 20
7. split up with fiance' when I was 25 and was 9 months pregnant
8. married a stupid jerk when I was 27, got a divorce 5 yrs. later
9. married my second husband that turned out to be an alcoholic and I think he was gay.(caught him leaving a motel with his arms around a man) marriage lasted 3 months and 6 days.
10. stress of raising 2 children alone and my mother dying of liver failure and living with me during her sickest time .
11. death of my mother when I was 35
12. married my current DH 9 yrs. ago and most the time is good, but we've definitely had our issues, Royal B of an XW and 4 step-daughters.
13. Becoming sick with liver disease and being put on high dose prednisone for 3 yrs. (gained 50 lbs. during this time) Can't really totally blame the medicine, it does make you hungry but I was the one stuffing my face.
14. worked 20 yrs. as an RN in intensive care, emergency room, surgery and recovery room and labor and delivery. Saw the very old die , the young children, teens, 30-50 somethings and held some preemie newborns that were "too young to try to save" as they took their last breath. Helped some women to cope with the loss of a full-term baby that was stillborn.
15. comforted my DH who is a state trooper and has seen more deaths from crashes than anyone should ever have to see in a lifetime
16. worked nearby the scene of the Oklahoma City bombing helping to coordinate and tag the victims to send them to the morgue
17. made it through my own DD having open heart surgery when she was 8 yrs. old

These are all that I can think of and I have never before sat down and tried to list the reasons before of "WHY" I became Obese. Startling to actuallys see it written. I really thought the reason was I just liked to eat too much and move to little. Come to think of it, that is my last reason.

Now that I know my reasons, I don't see how it helps one Iota. I'm at my goal now for going on soon to be 9 months. Would this have helped to list them prior to starting my wt. loss journey, I don't think it would have made any difference. It may have actually hindered my progress. I could easily have thought "damn, I've had a stressful life, no wonder I'm fat, I deserve to be."

EnglishMuffin
02-25-2007, 08:15 AM
I am incredibly offended at some of the responses that have been posted. I find them very dismissive of people's experiences. Just because it's not the way you have experienced things why dismiss others accounts? It's like you're not allowed to explore why you overeat here of all places, which I find completely bizarre. I don't think it's 'wallowing in self pity' to examine these issues. And who would CHOOSE to have difficult life experiences that contribute to overeating or choose to 'wallow' in it. What a ridiculous statement! And to liken it to a broken leg or whatever and not needing to analyse that I find weird - surely eating for some people is a complex psychological problem and does require more thought than the former scenario. I'm so pleased for you if you don't have complex issues to explore - I wouldn't wish it on anyone - but I would seriously question that it's because you have 'chosen' to make things simple for yourself. I don't think I'll be posting again.

rockinrobin
02-25-2007, 08:30 AM
EnglishMuffin I am so sorry that you feel so offended by what some have said. And I understand it 100%. You are entitled to your opinion as we all are here, whether we like them, dislike them, agree or disagree with them. I think this topic probably brought about more emotions then any of us could have imagined. Please I urge you to rethink your decision not to post. You are a valuable member of this team and are needed!!! And I guess I would like to think that you need us as well.

rockinrobin
02-25-2007, 08:53 AM
Lily, I just don't know what to say to you. Words just seems so insufficient. I'd much rather give you a big hug. But obviously I can't. My goodness what you have had to endure. I know you have such health issues that were only made worse by your obesity, but my G-d, thank goodness all you turned to was food. And of course I don't take that lightly when I say "all". You never cease to amaze me. What a strong, strong women you are.

You did jog my memory though of some reasons that I could have gotten obese. I totally forgot about my grandparents. We were sooo close. I used to sleep over there house every single Friday night. I was their "favorite" grandchild and they never stopped letting me know it. My entire world was turned upside down when they died. Grandfather when I was 11, grandmother when I was 13. Our whole family structure changed then. My mother stopped speaking to her siblings (over her being the only care taker for them and then money, although there was sooo little of it, I'm not sure what all the arguing was about) and therefore I lost my aunts, uncles and cousins. We were all so very close. Holidays drastically changed. Weekends drastically changed. My mother drastically changed - everything changed. Wow. What an eye opener.

But again. It doesn't help me one tiny bit to know this. In fact I am so sad right now. Good thing this came up AFTER I changed my lifestyle. Thinking about it before would have for sure made me turn to food.

I still think the most important question is - Are you ready to make the changes necessary to lose the weight - permanently? Problems or no problems. Issues or no issues. In fact there are always going to be issues and problems, ALWAYS. Old ones, new ones, current ones, future ones. Therfore it's VITAL, absolutely vital to work on our coping mechanisims. That's what it all boils down to. IMO.

TempleBody
02-25-2007, 09:03 AM
Why am I over weight?

Because I never learned to cope with life's stresses. Now, I've always been overweight since I was 6 years old. I had a mother that did not know how to cope with life (Of course I still love her, and would give my right arm for her happiness). She was very depressed & idle most of the time. I learned horrible habits. We were very poor & there wasn't much more we could afford aside from food. That's what my mom did. She loved us with food. For treats, she'd take us to Burger King (breakfast croissants!!), McDonalds (they don't call it a Happy Meal for nothing), Dairy Queen. When I'd come home from school, we'd often have a coke and a candy bar. My mom was over 300lbs at times and I did alot of what she did.

Now, I can't blame her for giving me these habits early in life. She did the best she could. I'm not eight years old anymore and it is up to me to change. My weight is in part from the environment I had growing up AND my failure to learn how to cope with life.

beautifulone
02-25-2007, 10:57 AM
Lily, I just don't know what to say to you. Words just seems so insufficient. I'd much rather give you a big hug. But obviously I can't. My goodness what you have had to endure. I know you have such health issues that were only made worse by your obesity, but my G-d, thank goodness all you turned to was food. And of course I don't take that lightly when I say "all". You never cease to amaze me. What a strong, strong women you are.

Lily, Robin has put it so very well (how you do that amazes me Robin!). I'm speechless and really not sure what to say except that I am in total awe that you are still standing and standing so strongly. You are an inspiration. Thank you for sharing your story with us.

Charbar
02-25-2007, 12:25 PM
English Muffin... I too am sorry you found some posts upsetting. I have been at this form for a long time and it really has always been a very understanding, supportive and encouraging place. My intention starting this was not to upset anyone but for me to get help understand the "why" when I wasn't sure that there was one for me. We all are in this together... but for different reasons.. with different goals.

LisaMarie71
02-25-2007, 12:30 PM
And who would CHOOSE to have difficult life experiences that contribute to overeating or choose to 'wallow' in it. What a ridiculous statement! And to liken it to a broken leg or whatever and not needing to analyse that I find weird - surely eating for some people is a complex psychological problem and does require more thought than the former scenario. I'm so pleased for you if you don't have complex issues to explore

I wrote a long response to this and then got disconnected and lost it, but that's probably good because I was a bit angry. I'm disappointed that you believe my broken ankle analogy means I think it's the SAME as issues with your weight, and if you don't believe I have had complex issues in my life, you clearly didn't read my entire post. The point some of us are making is that we can get stuck exploring issues and never do anything about our weight, or we can take action. I'm proud of myself for finally doing something about my weight, and I want to help other people by letting them know you CAN fix it even if it seems impossible. If you think we don't have good intentions in saying this, quite frankly I don't know what else to say. I'm sorry you're offended, and I'm sorry you believe you shouldn't post here anymore because of this one thread. That would be a shame. But if you believe my life has been easy because I made a little analogy about a broken ankle, you should probably go back and read my whole post. I could share more with you about the issues I've had to explore, but I don't think that's necessary at this point.

lilybelle, I second what robin said about you. I always knew you were amazing, and I've drawn so much inspiration from you, but your post really made me see how lucky we are to have you here. You prove the point about how no matter what issues we've dealt with, we can still make the choice to fix what's wrong with our bodies. Being overweight or obese is a physical problem -- of course, it's almost always related to emotional or psychological issues -- but it's a physical problem that we can choose to fix. I want other people to feel as good as I do after losing all this weight, and I don't want them to find reasons NOT to get started. I'm disappointed that someone would take that as offensive, but we can't control other people's reactions.

lilybelle
02-25-2007, 02:48 PM
Thanks for the support ladies. I thought about this a lot when I went to bed last night. I think exploring all these reasons for being obese did help in one tiny matter. I learned that I used food as my primary coping mechanism. Sure, I had a very stressful life. I don't feel sorry for myself at all. There are many others out there that Have had it worse than me and are still standing, functioning members of our society. Such as the parent who loses a child, the parent with a child with cancer, the child who comes home from school to see his parent passed out from drugs or alcohol everyday,the parent of a severely mentally or physically challenged child, the young mom who loses her DH to sudden trauma, the wife who loses her spouse in war,etc. I'm not proud to say that my vice was food, but I'm glad that I never got involved with drugs or became alcoholic. I did learn through all of this, that I'm a heck of a lot stronger person than I ever thought I was. I'm not WEAK, even though I let food soothe my emotions for many years. None of us are. I truly believe we all do the best we CAN at the TIME given the situation we're faced with. As long as we never give up on this struggle we call Life, we'll be OK. Time truly does lessen the pain of a broken heart.

As far as "wallowing in self pity" I think I did just that a few years ago. My health was horrible. I had been hospitalized for 6 1/2 weeks with double pneumonia. My immune system was so poor that I couldn't fight the infection. The Dr.s asked my DH to make me a DNR and he wouldn't do it. They had a physical therapist start working with me. I eventually got released to go home, but my Dr. told my DH that I wouldn't "make it". I came home and immediately stopped the pain med. Waited for my head fog to clear. Started trying to just do simple sitting exercises, eventually toe touches and side bends, gradually moved on to being able to go out and get the mail, then started just planting flower beds outside while sitting. Eventually was able to use the riding mower. What I'm getting as is that I decided that I wanted to LIVE. I could have just came home, stayed on the powerful pain med's and slept til I was gone. My illness had caused a severe depression and it really took some soul-searching for me to realize that giving up was not the answer. I started my true weight loss effort about 6 months later. I think that exploring all this has been healthy for me. What I did learn is that I'm no quitter. I set out to lose the weight and I wasn't stopping short of my goal no matter how long it took. My bad life experiences have made me a stronger person. I think that most anyone given the same choice of restore your health as much as possible or DIE would choose to do the same thing as I did.

I thank the poster who started this thread, as I learned a lot about myself from it.

robin, I'm sorry to hear about your grandmother too. I think the passing of my grandmother and then my dad 6 months later, totally turned my world upside down. I felt then like I had no stability in life. My mom was grieving for so long that she wasn't able to focus on all of us kids. One of my sisters ran away and got married at age 17, my 14yr. old sister and 12 yr. old sister both became promiscuous and started using drugs. My oldest brother moved to Florida and got married and had a baby and subsequent divorce. My brother that was almost 18 dropped out of high school and Mom signed for him to join the Army. I don't know how I did it, but I managed to stay in high school, get good grades and go on to finish college and get my Nursing Degree. I do know that I became bigger than any of my siblings. I guess from suppressing my stressors with food. I'm now the smallest one in our family and I want to keep it this way.

LakeGirl
02-25-2007, 03:41 PM
Kimberly, I apologize that I offended you. For years, I have chosen to wallow because I felt that life and my body had let me down. I was having a major lengthy pity party. My intention was not to imply that you are also wallowing. It sounds like you have taken a different route and it works for you. I'm happy for you.

Rhonda, no worries and I'll be the first to admit that I am very sensitive about this particular issue. It took me a long time to realize my "Whys" and the only reason they are important is because I never had a problem taking weight off, but keeping it off. Now that I understand myself a little bit better, I think that will only help me in the long run. I understand that not everyone needs to know his or her "why"; I'm just not one of those people. Though I hate to quote Dr. Phil, "the best predictor of future behavior is past behavior" and "I can't change what I don't acknowledge." So, I had to acknowledge just how uncomfortable I can be around the opposite sex when I look better than I do right now, and give myself some alternatives for "safety" once I lose weight, other than unconsciously putting it back on.

I am incredibly offended at some of the responses that have been posted. I find them very dismissive of people's experiences. Just because it's not the way you have experienced things why dismiss others accounts? It's like you're not allowed to explore why you overeat here of all places, which I find completely bizarre. I don't think it's 'wallowing in self pity' to examine these issues. And who would CHOOSE to have difficult life experiences that contribute to overeating or choose to 'wallow' in it. What a ridiculous statement! And to liken it to a broken leg or whatever and not needing to analyse that I find weird - surely eating for some people is a complex psychological problem and does require more thought than the former scenario. I'm so pleased for you if you don't have complex issues to explore - I wouldn't wish it on anyone - but I would seriously question that it's because you have 'chosen' to make things simple for yourself. I don't think I'll be posting again.

Englishmuffin, I hope you change your mind. This board is incredibly supportive as we are all going through similair things. We can respectively disagree with each other, which some of us have done, but it doesn't mean that anyone needs to storm away or leave. We're all individuals and often the one thing we do have in common is a need to get healthier. Any other similarities are just a crap shoot. ;) Honestly, I don't believe that anyone here intentionally dismissed anyone else's feelings. They simply stated their own opinions. We all just need to to remember to keep an open mind in potentially sensitive conversations and I think we are all able to do that. :)

PKnowler
02-25-2007, 05:25 PM
Bob Greene asks: Why are you over weight?

That's a good question. I have been thinking about that and this is what I've come up with.

I like to be undisciplined and eat what I want and how much I want without thinking about calories.

I'm afraid to go on a diet and be hungry all the time. I've done it before and I get really cranky.

Every time I have started to diet I have gotten pregnant again. (I don't use BC a personal decision of faith) I am embarrassed to say that because if I have faith to trust God with my womb why can't I have faith to lose weight?

Oh yeah I have a major addition to sweets and carb's. I mean like a heroin addiction. I can't go ONE day without sweets. It is like a fix, I gotta have it!
It gets my blood sugar up and helps me feel better.

I'm sure I use food when bored and stressed too.

I thought of one more thing. I spend so much time looking after everyone else that I don't take the time for myself. I feel guilty if I take time away to exercise.

Thanks, Paula

Charbar
02-25-2007, 06:31 PM
I don't know how I did it, but I managed to stay in high school, get good grades and go on to finish college and get my Nursing Degree. I do know that I became bigger than any of my siblings. I guess from suppressing my stressors with food. I'm now the smallest one in our family and I want to keep it this way.

This really hit me...
how did you finish school? - you did it because you were in survivor mode. I've heard that when you have to survive it's amazing what the body can do. Food.. then fat became a blanket of survivor for you.

What I learned from your thread is that just because I'm fat today.. doesn't mean that I am still in survivor mode - I may have started off that way. Now I just have bad habits. Interesting. I may have already solved any issue as to why this started - but the fat continues not because I'm still trying to survivor but because of bad habits over time.

Hmmmm... gives me a lot to think about.

Has anyone here been on anti depressants... if you don't mind sharing... did it help, hurt or have no effect on your weight lose efforts?

LakeGirl
02-25-2007, 06:33 PM
Hi Paula!

:wave: :wel3fc:

With previous weight loss attempts, I had a lot of similair issues; hating dieting, hating exercise, loving all things sugar... This time around, I'm not dieting but making better choices. I'm not making any food off limits but I know the better my choices are, the better off I will be. More than anything, it gets me away from thinking about being on a "diet" as I don't want to diet the rest of my life! As for sugar, I, too, have an incredible sweet tooth (as I'm betting many of the folks here do!). When a craving is really bad, I'll grab a sugar free pudding or something like that to get me over the craving. I try to only use that as a last resort, but if I get to the point that I have to stop the craving or fall off the wagon in a big way, I'll go for the pudding!

I find it is also difficult to put myself ahead of my husband and kids, but when it comes to exercise, we just have to do our best to do just that! I do Curves, so right now, that is only thirty minutes three days a week and I plan to add walking once the weather warms up a bit. I actually pencil my Curves days onto my calendar so it is just one more appointment I have to keep. If I wouldn't blow off a doctor's appointment for my kids, why should I blow off an appointment for me to improve my health?

Anyway, welcome! The folks here are awesome and you'll find all sorts of support and different ideas and methods. I'm sure you'll find things that work for you!

meowee
02-25-2007, 08:11 PM
Hi gang . . . very insteresting thread going on here. I have to agree with both sides of the fence. Yes, it can be very helpful to understand the factors that may have caused you to start, or continue, or restart your journey to obesity. No, I don't think you should ever delay starting on the great downward journey by trying to first isolate the cause(s).

My story has underlying causes, too . . . not nearly as devastating as some that have already been mentioned though . . .

As a teenager, like many others, I always wanted to be a little bit thinner (i.e. 110), but my body wanted to be 125 so I was constantly 'dieting' half-heartedly. What really did me in was a combination of a few things that happened in the decade and a half of my twenties through early thirties.

I was married, had a baby, and lost my first husband to a car accident by the time I was twenty. Too many men tend to look on a young widow as a really 'easy' mark. After a few disasterously unpleasant, but thankfully relatively brief, relationships, I started to gain weight as a kind of defense mechanism . . . i.e., my choice of men stinks so if I just make myself totally unattractive, I won't have to worry about it, because they won't be hitting on me in the first place. Put on about 50 to 60 pounds. It worked. :(

After about 5 or 6 years, guess I decided I was ready for a serious relationship again. Took of the weight -- actually got down to that 110 pounds. Got married again, had another child and never seemed to be able to take off the 30 extra pounds of baby fat. Gained a few more instead. Husband 2, showed his true colours and left me because I was too fat at 155/160. That really did me in. Back to the weight gain as defense mechanism.

So here we are 30 years later. Has it helped me to know why I gained in the first place -- not really, because knowing it did not convince me that there really where good people out there who would love me in spite of my size. Consequently food became the only thing I really trusted. And so I just ate my way up to 285. Of course, then the overeating becomes habit, too and we learn to constantly make poor food choices and every upward pound seems to create more and more desire for more and more poor eating. You know the drill. :mad:

The thing that has me trying so hard now is my health. I really don't care anymore about having a significant-other in my life, having just turned 64 (today, as a matter of fact). I would just like to enjoy life and the family I have a little more and losing weight will definitely help me control the Diabetes, Hypertension, Cholesterol, etcetera problems I've developed.

Did knowing help me start losing - NO. Will knowing help me finally get it off and keep it off - YES (at least I hope so.)

BTW . . . I credit 3FC and the marvellous support mechanism around here with helping me to stick to this long, winding, and bumpy road to better health and fitness. Hang in there gang . . . we can do it . . . especially with a little help from our many cyber friends. :carrot:

shelby897
02-25-2007, 10:39 PM
Linda ---


:bday2you:

Did you do anything exciting today? We are at different stages, exciting to me would be someone taking my kids overnight!!!

Hope you had a great day.

LakeGirl
02-25-2007, 11:53 PM
Has anyone here been on anti depressants... if you don't mind sharing... did it help, hurt or have no effect on your weight lose efforts?

Charbar,

I have been on Zoloft for about three years now. I went on it for horrendous PMS as up to a week and a half before my TOM officially hit, I could cry hysterically over nothing for hours. After about three months of this, I finally saw my doctor and the Zoloft is what she recommended.

It has definately helped the PMS, but I'm not yet sure about the weight loss part. I have heard some people say that they lost weight on Zoloft, but that did not happen for me. I doubt that was much help, but there ya go!

Linda,

Happy Birthday!

lizziness
02-26-2007, 02:57 AM
I had bad experiences with anti-depressants, namely Effexor... I've done a bit of online reading and think it, or one of the other drugs they tried out on me as a teen, is to blame for my horrible vivid nightmares ...

I also want to state that by no means do I think that exploring the WHY of overweight is not necessary. In fact it IS a major step in getting through this and being successful. For me, if I dwell on all the bad things I just can't go on... I did it for years, it stunted me in all ways... Explore, get help if it's needed, become self aware... the hardest part of that is moving past it and keeping yourself going. I think that's where people get stuck, it's where I got stuck before..
It's impossible for this subject NOT to be emotional... and I think everyone is in their own way a survivor... and with it comes our different methods of doing so.

Charbar
02-26-2007, 10:49 AM
[QUOTE=LakeGirl;1586720]Charbar,

I doubt that was much help, but there ya go!

[QUOTE]

Thanks Linda...

I guess what I'm asking is not so much was it the drug that can help with weightloss.. I wouldn't expect that. But when you are not depressed.. more happy with yourself.. did that motivate you?

Thanks,

Charbar
02-26-2007, 10:50 AM
Charbar,

I doubt that was much help, but there ya go!



Thanks Linda...

I guess what I'm asking is not so much was it the drug that can help with weightloss.. I wouldn't expect that. But when you are not depressed.. more happy with yourself.. did that motivate you?

Thanks,

Jen
02-26-2007, 11:04 AM
Dana, I just started taking a weight loss medication called Meridia about a month ago. I don't think it has helped with my weight loss YET but I think it has helped tremendously with my mood and also that I am not getting migraines anymore (a wonderful side effect!). I was having a lot of work related stresses and I changed my job at about the same time the Meridia would have started working so I'm not sure if my better mood is because of the medication or because of stress relief. This medication is not a magic pill, I still need to exercise and eat better. It is supposed to make me feel that I am full and don't need to eat anymore (easy explaination). I think though that it will help in the long run, as I've been barely taking it a month it hasn't had much time to be effective, it only starts being really effective after about 2-3 weeks. My husband takes Effexor, the lowest dose available and it has not done anything to his weight, he has not gained or lost weight but his mood is much improved. He is not clinically depressed but more like he has anger management issues and his moods swing back and forth. The Effexor mellows him out a bit and helps him cope with his moods. I think if you are feeling depressed an anti-depressant could help you cope with stress that might be causing you to overeat but that is something you'd have to talk to your family doctor about.

lilybelle
02-26-2007, 01:44 PM
Dana, after the death of my sister, I took elavil for about 6 months. Later when I had my first divorce I took Paxil and Zoloft. Back in November I had some family stress and took Cymbalta for 2 months. I didn't notice that any of these helped me to lose weight, but they did help my general mood. I'm not currently taking any of these med's but wouldn't hesitate to if I had a problem with depression again.

GirlyGirlSebas
02-26-2007, 03:36 PM
Hi Dana,

I you truly have a diagnosis of depression, yes, medication can help tremendously. I have a history of clinical depression that started when I was 28. Periodically, I need to go on medication to re-balance my chemicals when I allow myself to reach a clinical state of depression. My depression can usually be prevented through tools that my counselor taught me...such as eating right, getting exercise, getting 7-8 hours of sleep....and making lists each day of positives in my life and possible solutions to any negatives. However, I sometimes ignore the early signs of depression. If it gets out of control, I have to take the medication. At different times throughout the years, I've been on trazadone, Prozac, Zoloft and Wellbutrin. For me, Zoloft worked best, but each person's body chemistry is different. You might want to talk with your doctor and see if they think anti-depressants might be beneficial to you.

LakeGirl
02-26-2007, 06:23 PM
Dana,

I agree with what others have said about talking to your doctor. As to whether or not meds will help motivate you, well, I don't know a lot about depression personally (other the PMS induced kind) but I do have friends who have suffered with it. One friend explained it to me as wanting to hide from the world, not get out of bed at all etc. My feeling is that if you suffer from these symptoms or similair ones, then yes, I would think meds could very well help you become more motivated as they help level off your mood.

But definately, talk to your doctor about what symptoms you're having, how often etc and let him or her advise you.

Kimberly

PKnowler
02-27-2007, 12:06 AM
Hi Kimberly!

Thank you for the warm welcome. I am so inspired by all the wonderful success stories. I think I have found a new home on the web. It's nice to have someone to talk about these weight struggles with.

Thanks, Paula