I recently joined the group but am not yet on a formal diet. With a life long history of weight issues and dieting, and a dabbling in the "anti-dieting" movement, I am finding my self very unhappy with my weight and body.....yet I cannot muster up the motivation to take on yet another diet. Fearing another lose/gain exerience, I'm just tired of the whole thing. I am hoping one of you might be able to offer some words of wisdom and motivation. How do I do it for the umteenth time and feel like this time it will stay off? Do I need to come from a place of total self loathing to embark on a diet? Because frankly I am feeling a bit fat, dumb and happy right now in all areas except my weight, which is 60 lbs over my modest ideal.
If anyone has any insights, I am listening.
02-21-2007, 09:46 PM
You have to remember, Motivation, is fleeting. it can get us through January, maybe even part of February, but like anger, happiness, joy, sadness, its an emotion, and emotions change. For me, I had to decide, once and for all, was it worth it to me, to stay fat, unhappy with my health, my body and the limitations the excess weight imposed upon me. I use to take my kids to the park and after 20 minutes of chasing them around, pushing them on the swings, traipsing over the equipment etc, I was frankly, winded. I was sick and tired of putting off my kids childhood because mama is to tired. I was disgusted that my kids memories of me lately had been about me being on the couch or at the computer, limiting my time with them, because I knew that sitting on the floor would be ok, but I dreaded the trip down and worse, the trip back up from the floor. I limited the trips to the park, zoo, musuems, etc because *I* was to out of shape to keep up with them. I finally decided what's more important, my health and happiness, which in turns rolls over onto my family, by being able to go out and DO things more often with them, or being able to scarf an entire pizza, by myself and be looking for something else 30 minutes later. My health and my family won out. For me, what helped was making small changes. I had to get out of the all or nothing mentality. When I changed my life 100% in 24 hours, I wanted and expected immediate results. Guess what, I didn't get them, I quit trying. When it finally clicked, I made small changes, for my health, weight loss was a wonderful side effect. If you truly want this, you can truly do this. Motivation can only carry you so far. You have to find the determination to continue on past the honeymoon stage of weight loss, into the nitty gritty of changing your way of life. You also have to expect that this is a LIFETIME change. If you go back to old habits, your old butt will return.
02-21-2007, 09:59 PM
You are not going on a diet!! You are making gradual changes to improve your life. So what if you stop drinking soda, eating candy bars, etc. during your first week -- you have to make changes you can stick to and add on to them. I agree with Angihas2, it's all about priorities -- I have a 7 year old son who is a couch potato, because his mother was for most of his seven years -- if he wanted to play baseball, I could last for about 10 minutes and that was it. I now have a 3 year old who is very active, because I have been and my 7 year old is coming along. Our weight affects us and ripples to those around us -- our mood, our energy level, etc. So, make a list of the reasons why you want to lose weight, and try to come up with a list of the reasons not to (I did have a couple for this one, nothing reasonable though). Find something you are comfortable doing and stick to it -- there will be ups and downs, but the important part is to keep trying -- one bad day won't ruin weeks of effort!! The alternative is to not try and if you are like me you will only continue to gain.
02-21-2007, 10:27 PM
It's not about "dieting"--it's about changing the relationship with food, and changing how one eats and moves. Move more, eat less! And come up with a plan that includes how you eat AFTER you lose the weight, because that's where a lot of people, myself included, have let loose and gained the weight back. It doesn't have to be sad and strict and miserable--it can include favorite foods, parties, fun--just not eating EVERY single thing EVERY time! Those of us who have been up and down several times didn't quite get that lesson, but I for one hope that I have gotten it now!
I, too, was interested in the "anti-dieting" approach along with the "fat acceptance" idea, some years ago. But when all was said and done, I realized I was not happy with my weight, I was not healthy, and it was getting worse. Something had to be done besides "fat acceptance." And so... here I am. It's taken me awhile to get on track, but I'm there now. You can be, too! This really is possible!
We're rooting for you!
02-21-2007, 10:44 PM
Hi! I don't know how much inspiration I can offer, but I can certainly identify with you. I am about 120 lbs overweight and the thought of embarking on such an incredible weight loss journey is overwhelming. I am about to start an all liquid diet through a local hospital in a few weeks. I don't know if I will be able to make it, but I've been trying to gear myself up for it for the past few months. I have gone on spur of the moment diets (Weight Watchers, etc) without having fully prepared myself mentally. The only difference here is that I have been gearing up for it for quite sometime. Maybe that's what you need to try - pick something that you think you can do and then contemplate it and prepare for it for awhile. I can't speak from experience in saying that this will work, because I won't know until I start my new diet, but it is the best suggestion I have. I wish you well and I feel your pain!
02-21-2007, 10:45 PM
When I changed my life 100% in 24 hours, I wanted and expected immediate results. Guess what, I didn't get them, I quit trying. When it finally clicked, I made small changes, for my health, weight loss was a wonderful side effect. If you truly want this, you can truly do this. Motivation can only carry you so far. You have to find the determination to continue on past the honeymoon stage of weight loss, into the nitty gritty of changing your way of life. You also have to expect that this is a LIFETIME change. If you go back to old habits, your old butt will return.
Thank you so much for those words -- I needed the motivation as well. After years of "fad" diets I have finally decided that I NEEDED to make it a lifestyle change. I spent years trying to get a quick fix and realized that I need to think about my health first and then the weight.
02-21-2007, 10:51 PM
Yup, like the other's said, lose the term "diet". I've been on diet after diet. I ate more greens than a rabbit and thought that diet pop was a diet. Everytime I went off the "diet", I'd gain back everything I lost and then some. At a certain point, I stopped dieting for good because I couldn't stand to get any bigger than I was.
But something just klinked with me one day and I decided once and for all that I needed to/wanted to lose the weight. But knowing that diets do NOT work, I wanted to figure out how to do it. I talked to a dietician and watched co-workers who exercised regularly. I realized that what I needed was to change my life and not to diet. So I started working on that.
I started with carbonated flavored waters instead of diet soda...once I realized that diet soda was NOT a diet. It's just cutting out some calories. But it can actually hamper weight loss, possibly even cause cravings. It's just not good for us. Anyway, I went from the carbonated to the plain flavored water and then to regular water....baby steps. I drink an occasional soda now, but I usually try to stick with tea and flavored water with meals whenever I tire of JUST water.
I started eating healther. I changed to whole grains, leaner meats. I stocked more fruits and veggies. Got rid of the junk. Then I added exercise. I started small, by walking. And I kept finding ways to make it interesting and to make sure I got my exercise in. I found ways to combat the excuses...to force myself to exercise.
For some, they may never grow to automatically choose to eat healthy or to enjoy exercise. For me, I dunno. I started eating right in '02 and exercising in '03. And I STILL have to occasionally get myself on track. I can EASILY get off track on eating. Exercise...I'm getting more automatic at it. Yet still, I can sometimes find myself trying to avoid it. Maybe in another 4 or 5 years I'll find it more automatic. Maybe I'll always have to kick myself in the pants. But I don't starve, I don't eat the same boring lettuce every day, and I DON'T regain the weight I've lost.
02-22-2007, 07:15 AM
I will tell you this, for me motivation increased greatly as I started and started to see results. Sometimes it pays just to make a change, one that you know you must and the motivation will follow.
I think it is vital beyond belief to look at this as a lifestyle change and not a diet. Diets have beginning and ends (not a good thing in this case) Lifestyles go on and on and on.
I also found in the beginning a simple journal was very helpful. I put in there all the reasons why I wanted to lose the weight. I wrote down my future goals and dreams and plans. I found this very motivating to read when I was feeling like I wanted to "cheat".
I also think it is important to forget about what you will be missing the high volume of unhealthy foods, and look at what you will be GAINING. A chance at the best life you can possibly have. A fit and healthy and trim and happy and more active you. Okay a good looking you also. A life full of more happiness and joy and well more life. And less worries. It is most certainly worth the extra effort.
02-22-2007, 08:28 AM
I so agree that motivation only goes so far and then it flags.
I think commitment is really important. I started this journey at age 39 1/2. One flash thought I had was "I want to be fitter when I turn 50 than I am when I turn 40." That long term goal has really helped me see this as a lifelong process I'm committing to -- being healthy and fit, not just losing weight. I also see it as a "lifestyle change" rather than diet.
As others have said, if you're overwhelmed, you can make small changes over time that really add up! I started by bringing lunch and snacks to work and watching portions. Again, commitment was important here as I had to add in more changes later.
We all understand those feelings you're having. Just take it a day at a time!
02-22-2007, 08:58 AM
Wow. I think the other girls have given great points. I am so glad when others ask questions because it helps all of us reevaluate our lives and how we are doing things. Good luck.
02-22-2007, 10:46 AM
I seem to be motivated by fear....:fr: :fr: :fr: of not fitting into my clothes....
Last year I excused myself from exercising due to some family care issues...8 months later it was Xmas and I felt awful and flabby....I couldn't believe that I was soooo dumb to quit and wondered WHY I would sabotage myself (hindsight)
I've been into the steady exercise for 8 weeks and almost lost my momentum, but I read back in my journal and now I know I can just tweak/change my options, not quit....spring is closeby and I'll be shedding the winter sweaters, I don't want to be embarrassed.
02-22-2007, 12:57 PM
I seem to be motivated by fear....:fr: :fr: :fr: of not fitting into my clothes....
I don't fear not fitting into my clothes, but I did make a pact with myself. I threw out all my "fat" clothes and I refuse to EVER buy a size larger than I wear now. Smaller...but never larger. By never doing that, I HAVE to make sure I always fit what I've got. Otherwise I'll end up in jail for public nudity. :D