You know those days.. I burst into tears in a changing room because things just weren't fitting well or fitting at all and the more I looked at myself the worse I was convinced I looked, so that by the end I felt like I was physically hopeless, unattractive, and would never be able to go to certain places because I couldn't look at certain way :cry:.
I felt so tired and sad... I always try to figure out whether I'm up for being around clothes before I go shopping, I guess I misjudged this day... *sigh* I should use this as motivation and work hard at my weight loss so I have fewer and fewer of those experiences or none. It's still hard though :(
02-21-2007, 10:15 PM
I think one of my worst experiences on this journey came when I was just about the weight you are now (and I'm 5'5" too). I had lost 70-75 pounds and was just about out of clothes in my closet. I was so excited to go to the mall, because at my high weight I couldn't even fit into much of anything at plus size stores.
So, yeah, I'd lost all this weight and was devastated because I still could only buy clothes at plus size stores and felt that nothing fit and looked good. It really deflated me.
But you know what I just learned? You can have those days at any weight. I'm fitting into some size 12s now and the last week went to a store, all excited to try on new clothes. Maybe it was the clothes I picked, but it all looked like crap on me. Luckily, I went back to the mall a couple of days later and really scored!
So, I guess my only advice is to say, hang in there! You've lost 40 pounds and that's just FANTASTIC!!!!
02-21-2007, 10:41 PM
Don't fret hon. If you hadn't even started trying to make a difference, that would be sad. But you have come so far already, that's wonderful! You should be happy you have done such a great thing! I am 46 years old, and I didn't figure this thing out until about 6 years ago. It's all sooo much harder at my age than what I assume yours must be, being a student. And as far as being in certain places, and looking a certain way? I love rock music, and I love to go to concerts. Always have. You know how it feels to be not only the oldest person in the crowd, but fat too??!! But then the music starts, and that is all that counts. So don't avoid places and situations, because you don't feel like you look right. Just keep making progress, and enjoying the good things as they come. And for heaven's sake, don't look at magazines full of "perfect" girls in "perfect" outfits!!!
02-21-2007, 10:46 PM
Have courage! :hug: You'll make it. Don't beat yourself up, I think no matter what size we are, everyone has those kind of days.
Not the same thing at all but when I was 24 I gained about 20 (or so) lbs out of nowhere and was in serious denial. I put on my favorite dress, a really beautiful silk dress from Ann Taylor and it didn't come close to zipping up and I was so devastated that I just ripped it up, screaming and crying. Eesh, I had issues. Still wish I had that dress though...I wish I knew then what I know now...
You've come a long way and you'll have better clothes days no doubt. and then this will be you -->:carrot:
02-21-2007, 10:53 PM
"beautifulone" -- awesome screen name and it fits you -- it fits all of us -- unfortunately many people relate beauty to what the outward appearance is, which is just not the person inside. I have the same problems clothes shopping -- everything I would love to wear just looks horrible by the time it hits a size 18. But, you've lost 40 lbs -- please try to think back to the beginning of your efforts -- how often did you clothes shop? I know I have two pairs of jeans from Wal-Mart that fit and that's it. Every time I try clothes on at a store I leave crying. You must be down a size or two, right? I'm sure there are probably more options for you now than there were at your highest weight, and every size you lose opens more possibilities to look very hot :dizzy: !!! I'm sorry today didn't go well for clothes shopping -- regroup and keep working toward your goal, you will get there!!
02-21-2007, 10:54 PM
I'm sorry. I have days like that, today in fact. I've lost SO much weight, but not enough from my lower belly, being so close to a 50 pound loss, I pulled out some of last summers shorts, thinking they would be loose. Nope, they still fit, great. I'm blaming them being the stretchy jean camp style shorts, but I know part of it is because even though my lower meat apron is getting smaller, most of my loss has been back, arms, thighs, hips and butt.
You'll get there, as will I. We just have to keep going, one meal at a time, with making healthy choices.
02-21-2007, 11:58 PM
I had a day like that just the other day. It doesn't have to be overweight causing it either. It could be TOM or having too much sodium the day before. Mine, a combo of both, made me feel bloated. I didn't like anything I tried on that morning before leaving the house. Clothes I normally wear seemed to not fit right. The next day though, the same clothes felt fine. I didn't "feel" the belly bulge.
02-22-2007, 01:38 AM
beautifulone, I don't have any particular words of wisdom to offer you, but I want to congratulate you on having lost so much weight!!! It is amazing that you have come as far as you have, and one bad day at the mall should not make you feel depressed and discouraged. You've done fantastically well so far! I suggest going shopping for clothes after the gym and after a satisfying and tremendously healthy lunch. I find that my self-esteem is more buoyant after a productive and healthy morning.
Also, I don't know if this helps or hinders, but I'm currently a size 8, and until a couple of months ago, I was a size 6 (at my biggest, I was a size 14), and I would *still* have those days where I feel fat and ugly in everything, and completely discouraged and angry with the fashion gods. I think it is pretty much par for the course for women, regardless of weight or clothing size. So, bounce back, and take solace in the fantastic work you've done so far and look forward to outfitting your new and improved body another day.
Finally, and this is important, choose clothes that FIT YOU, rather than clothes with sizes that you think *should* fit you. Sizes are random and arbitrary and vary by designer. The important thing is to show off your body to its best advantage--regardless of what the label says.
02-22-2007, 02:31 AM
Oh hon, I feel your pain. But you have made SUCH tremendous progress! I have had to start re-framing my body. Think about who you were 40 lbs ago. Think about what you looked like, what you felt like...then imagine how fabulous the you THEN would think the you NOW looks. If you had melted all 40 lbs off instantly, and seen the changes immediately, you would have been SO amazed.
We all have days where we feel just...ugh. I've lost 115 lbs, and I still have days where I feel like I've made -no- progress. Those days suck, and I'm sorry that you had one. But take heart of all of the tremendous progress you've made, and all of the good choices you're making today that will help you get even closer to your goals. You have done an amazing job! These days will happen, but the progress you've made isn't going to go away on a bad day, or even a couple bad days. So this is temporary - saddening, irritating, but temporary...your losses will linger long after the feeling has passed.
02-22-2007, 09:23 AM
Firstly, you have taken off 40lbs - well done! thats fantastic work!
Everyone gets those days...whether its down to TOM, bloating, a big lunch or just crappy selection in the shops, so please don't worry. Here's a suggestion, I'm sure you are down a few sizes so why not go back to the shops and try on some clothes in your old size? I'm pretty sure you'll be amazed by the way they are hanging off you.
Personally speaking, there are days when I feel that the 72lbs I've lost so far haven't made the slightest bit of difference when I go shopping. I get frustrated that the skirt I tried on won't close or the shirt doesn't sit right but I just have to talk myself out of getting wound up. Its generally coz its at the end of a sale and crappy merchandise is out or I'm hungry and have no patience.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that the journey you are on is tough but so worthwhile. Chin up chick, this too shall pass.
02-22-2007, 10:49 AM
Beautifulone, you are doing so well, don't let this get you down! Have you taken a good, long look at your own stats? You are almost 1/2 way to goal, and that is an amazing accomplishment! You should be so terribly proud of yourself!
Reading through the posts, I think RockinRobin has hit the nail on the head...at least as far as what I've been going through! Yes, I've lost weight, but apparently I've lost some of my senses along the way too! I am much more critical of my own body and how clothing looks on me now than I was 66 pounds ago. Last summer it was hard to find something that fit, now I can find plenty that fits, I'm just not satisfied with much of it! So relax, put the shopping off until another day, and you just may have one of those awesome shopping days where you like everything!
02-22-2007, 01:25 PM
Congratulations on the 40 lbs lost! Don't get too discouraged - I bet your body has changed a lot and you might be a little lost as to what looks good on you now. You have to be willing to try on everything. I avoided certain things for a long time (skirts around knee length, shirts with gathers near the neck) because I thought they looked bad on me, but they really don't.
I'm not trying to say that I don't have days like you described. I certainly do! I get so mad sometimes that I'm forced into certain styles because that's all that comes in my size and it all looks terrible. Get mad at the clothes, not at yourself!
02-22-2007, 05:57 PM
There are days when my frustration ignites an eruption of molten lava down my veins in the dressing room. It's almost certain to come again. All I have to plan for a method of defense the next time is to close my eyes and wear the garment, use blind intuition to determine whether or not the wretched piece fits. No more looking in the mirror because it is my enemy in bright light. I've determined that its my mirror that gets bloated, not ME, as stubborn as that sounds...
02-22-2007, 07:40 PM
JUST what I needed to hear. Thanks for understanding and being so supportive, I appreciate it more than I can express :)
Thanks for reminding me that this happens at all weights and that 40 lbs is actually successful, I'm having a hard time believing that I should give myself credit for 40 lbs, it doesn't seem like much on some level - can you believe that??
I can't wait for when it will get easier though, seriously I cannot wait. I may just blow up some balloons and throw myself a mini-party to celebrate when I finally fit into a size 15 :lol:
I'm keeping my fingers crossed that this will get easier :^:. Thanks again :hug: I feel much better reading all of your posts - and of course you're all right :) I'm so glad to be part of such a wonderful community. I don't know what I'd do without this place and everyone here! I have an idea though: lost a little weight, stopped my program fast, gained the weight back, started bingeing again, stopped exercising, and continued to gain upwards to I don't want to know what :?:. Instead, I have lost 43 lbs (weighed myself after 2 weeks without a scale!), I am stronger, I feel better, I look better, and my BMI has gone from a 43.6 (extremely high health risk) to 36.4 (very high health risk). And I am 9 pounds away from the "high health risk" category (last obesity class)! And I wouldn't have done it by myself. :D
02-22-2007, 09:00 PM
Congratulaitons, You have had great weight loss success. Never think that you are alone in hating clothing sizes. I went to the mall 2 weeks ago with my DD and I bought me and her 4 new shirts. They were so cute and I got mine an XL because they looked to be sized small. I got mine home and they were too tight across the bust and shoulders. I was so disappointed and it made me feel like that I still can't pick out clothes that fit, even after meeting my goal. Most of my shirts are Mediums, so the only thing I can figure is a Women's medium must be bigger than a Juniors XL. But, I'm blaming it on the store, they had crappy sizing. No reason to feel bad about myself. I ended up giving my new shirts to my DD as we both liked them and had gotten very similar ones. They fit her shoulders and her fairly flat chest just fine.
02-22-2007, 09:32 PM
I had another experience today. I thought, surely after losing 50 pounds, I would be out of 18's forever. Tried on some 16's today and left in tears. It was ALL I could do to not walk out in tears. All the way home, Matt driving, I watched my arm on the windowsill of the car, all I could see was the fat thats still there. I was completely incapable of actually seeing what I have accomplished. I was so discouraged by the clothing, that I seriously contemplated throwing in the towel. In my mind, I had worked so hard, changed my unhealthy habits into mainly healthy habits, learned portions, spent so much time walking, working out etc, and here I am, still in 18's, still fat, still unable to buy cuter, smaller clothes. When we got home I went and truly looked at all my pictures of myself from the last year, there are some SERIOUS differences in sheer size, but the fact remains, even 50 pounds lighter, I still am very pear shaped with a large lower tummy. This will take the most time and I need to resign myself to that, and it's hard. It's really really hard, when I can fit both legs into a size 18 pant leg, but I can't button a size 16 over my belly. It hurts, and it's not fair, but the only person who can change it is me. So, I started looking for those NSV's. The newer, firmer muscle tone in my legs, arms, shoulders, chest etc. All of those things that show I AM losing weight and fat and that the rest will follow, eventually. We'll get there beautiful one, we will, it's just taking time and eventually, we'll be ok with that.
02-22-2007, 10:32 PM
Most of my shirts are Mediums, so the only thing I can figure is a Women's medium must be bigger than a Juniors XL.
Oh that's a definate. I rarely shop in ladies/womens anymore. I have gravitated to juniors and misses. But I did notice that if I fit a 10 pants in ladies, it would be an 8 in misses and an 11/13 in juniors. Sometimes even that's no guarantee as each manufacturer sizes them differently.
For me, if it's larger than those 3, I don't buy it, regardless of how much I like it. It's my policy to never buy a size larger. I mean, if I do it once, I can excuse it again and again until I'm shopping in the 22/24s again. And that's just NOT gonna happen. :D I've tried on say both a 10 and a 12 in different styles before. Both will fit, but I like the size 12 style better. Yet that style is too tight in a 10. I generally end up walking out with neither.
02-23-2007, 04:53 PM
I haven't bought new clothes for almost a year because I keep hoping that I will lose a lot of weight and fit into my size 6 clothes. Sound silly, right? It's just that I don't like myself in almost anything I tried on in the store. Anyway, I decided to do something and started my weight-loss plan 3 weeks ago. I lost about 5 pounds to date. I still have a long way to go, but it's a start.
It is my first post as I just came across this forum yesterday. I feel very comfortable here because you gals are all so kind and supportive. :)
02-23-2007, 09:15 PM
Hi, I've never posted before but thought I might be of help here since I am an expert shopper :)
I, too, have lost 40#'s and it can be frustrating when clothes don't look the way I think they should. Here's the thing: You might just need to learn what looks good on you- what works with your body shape. Then when you shop take into the dressing room several items you KNOW will look good on you and also take a few that you HOPE will look good on you.
So just yesterday I went to Macys and ended up with a super cool outfit but it was one of two dozen things I took into the fitting room. I WANTED the BCBG tops to flatter me but they didn't- in fact they made me look fatter, showed every roll, etc. They did fit, but did not flatter. So I moved onto the other things I brought, some were OK, some better, but the outfit I bought was PERFECT for me. The proportions were right on, the pants even made my tummy look flat.
So if you know what works on you there is always something to buy- always! Even at my highest weight I could always find something that looked good (99% of the time from Lane Bryant) because I knew how to dress my body. My advice would be to watch "What Not to Wear" on TLC as a start- look for an episode where someone has your body type (doesn't have to be your size but your type) and pick up some books about dressing for your body.
Shopping should be fun! It makes me sad that my happy place (the mall) can make others so stressed!
02-23-2007, 10:53 PM
It is my first post as I just came across this forum yesterday. I feel very comfortable here because you gals are all so kind and supportive.
:welcome: NWGal! Isn't it just great how supportive and kind people are! I mean, really.. someone else described it as their lifeline - I definitely feel the same :yes:
02-23-2007, 11:01 PM
My advice would be to watch "What Not to Wear" on TLC as a start- look for an episode where someone has your body type (doesn't have to be your size but your type) and pick up some books about dressing for your body.
Shopping should be fun! It makes me sad that my happy place (the mall) can make others so stressed!
You know, these are GREAT suggestions, thank you!! The thing is that I have a limited budget and the two stores around me that carry plus size clothing are expensive for me! So I try to find clothes in other stores, but there is such a limited selection that I start to feel desperate and that is just not good, you know. I can't wait until shopping is easier and exciting! Hopefully those days are not too far from today.
That last line, by the way, sounded like it could have come straight from the Shopaholic series (have you read them?) :lol:, which made me laugh :cool:
02-23-2007, 11:45 PM
Do you find yourself "size obsessed" instead of whether or not it looks good? I've been a size 10 to a size 20 and know that I care more about the label inside sometimes than how it looks. I recently bought a pair of pants to go out for New Years -- kept trying to squeeze into the 18's because "that's my size" until I realized the 20's made me look much better and who is going to see the tag --
On that note, I have a sister who as a teenager would take the tags out of our "skinny" sisters pants and sew them into her own, in case someone in gym class saw the label!!!
02-23-2007, 11:58 PM
On that note, I have a sister who as a teenager would take the tags out of our "skinny" sisters pants and sew them into her own, in case someone in gym class saw the label!!! Wow!!!
Shelby, I definitely like to see myself wearing smaller and smaller sizes.. but I'm much more concerned with the way clothes look than which size they are. When I went shopping I realized just how much sizes vary by manufacturers! Makes it tricky when we are losing weight! :dizzy: I mean, here I was - one store, I bought size 16 pants - almost fit into them! Other stores, the size 16s did not go over well nor did the 18s. Another store I tried on several different pairs of pants in size 18, one was too big and the other too small. So I grabbed a size 16 and a size 20!! Then the shirts - there are tons of stores where the XLs will be much too small. This one store, the XLs varied - some were just right, some were too large. A few MMs fit me (me, a medium at this weight! :lol3: yeah right!). Some L's were just fine, some too small.
Just goes to show :dizzy:
02-25-2007, 01:21 AM
You'll find its the cut of the clothes that matter. A trouser cut with a full leg I can wear a size or even two smaller than a trouser cut in a flare or straight style because I have a smaller waist and larger hips/legs.
Also "shrunken" is a trend right now so an XL in a shrunken top will not fit me when a L normally will. The whole shrunk thing works on tiny girls and on us plus sizers looks like we've outgrown our clothes.
As far as budget- what an icky word- but we all have one to stick to. You could try online but even then the qaulity clothes are spendy. I would use your limited funds to buy really nice basics- the best you can afford- becuase you'll feel better, look better and they can be altered down a size or two as you lose. Then shop the cheap shops for trendy accessories (so instead of the zebra print dress get a zebra print scarf and earrings for the same look).
Have your tried Walmart (ugh- I know) they have some decent basic tops and jackets in their George line and trendier cheap stuff in the Metro7 line.
Happy shopping! Looks like at an 18 or so you are very close to getting into the main size stores :) I am SO thrilled to be able to shop at most of the stores now (at least for tops). For great pants try Ann Taylor online- they go up to an 18 and have a few different fits for different body types.