100 lb. Club - Forgiveness




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Charbar
02-17-2007, 12:10 AM
This is huge for me. I know that I can't be perfect. I know that there are great days, amazing days, and okay days and well... crappy days. Today I was stressed. I felt it. And I used it.... to eat.
I have keyed my food into fitday every day for over a month - if it was good or bad.. it was written down. Today I didn't. Now what? Normally at this point I slowly just quit. (Ask Sandi - she has seen me at this point many times over many years) Well... I'm pausing my life.. right here. I want to feel this.. get beyond this.. grow from this. I don't want to quit. I need to learn to forgive myself for crappy days... because this is life.. and this won't be the last time.
On Oprah today I heard a wonderful quote:

Unforgiveness is a form of self abuse

In the past I've quit if I'm not perfect. I don't forgive myself. I don't allow myself to fail once in a while. Well ... that is self abuse.

Thanks for letting myself vent. Tomorrow is a new day. I choose to get back on the wagon. I deserve it!

Dana


lottie63
02-17-2007, 01:29 AM
Good job! I know that feeling too. It's so easy to get bogged down in the whole feeling of 'failure'. But you are right, no one is perfect, bad days are going to happen, what determines your success is how willing you are to start over! :D

rockinrobin
02-17-2007, 04:41 AM
THERE IS NO QUITTING ALLOWED!!!!!!

This journey that we're on is a difficult one. So very worth it, but difficult nonetheless. BUt if it's truly a lifestyle change and we're in it for the long haul there are BOUND to be bad days along the way. I kind of see it as PART of the plan. As if it's to be expected, so therefore when they occur it's not failure, just a little detour. The road to our goals is not a straight and narrow path, there are many twists, turns and bumps along the way. Little obstacles we must overcome. And overcome we will. Because we deserve it.


Doughnut
02-17-2007, 05:19 AM
I hope you don't mind me putting in my 2 cents worth even though this isn't a forum I frequent. You can't gain back all that weight you've lost in one bad day. Well done for getting back on the wagon and you DO deserve it. This has been my biggest issue in all (too many wasted years to count) the diets i've been on - giving up after a bad day and thinking it's over. It's not. This site is teaching me that. :)

Rockinrobin - can I just say that I've read a lot of your posts over this site and you are truly :cool: and inspiring.

sharonrr
02-17-2007, 05:55 AM
Rockinrobin - can I just say that I've read a lot of your posts over this site and you are truly :cool: and inspiring.

Dana listen to Robin. I totally agree with this post she is an inspiration. Let what she writes inspire you. We are not perfect, we are human.

Sandi
02-17-2007, 08:25 AM
Boy Dana...you sure hit something here. What would happen if we all paused when we hit "that spot". You know the spot when you go off plan after doing so well. When as you put every bite in your mouth, you know better...when it all goes to ****. What would happen if we paused and actually turned it around??

That's awesome Dana!! I hope you have an awesome day today and that you write everything down in fitday!!! :hug: You go girl!

rockinrobin
02-17-2007, 08:29 AM
Thank you so much doughnut, that makes me very happy that you feel that way. And thank you too Sharon. The funny thing is when I went back to bed after I wrote that post, I actually thought that I should have added one more sentence - but you took care of it - We are not perfect beings - we are human beings. And therefore we don't HAVE to be perfect. It's not necessary to be perfect.

Katheryne
02-17-2007, 08:38 AM
Having one bad day was always my downfall, too. I would be perfect for a week, sometimes as long as a month, and then I'd make a mistake. After eating something I knew I wasn't supposed to, I'd just completely give up and fall back into my old eating habits. In those attempts and failures I'd made sure that no one knew I was trying to lose weight, and as such there was no one to hold me accountable except myself, which didn't go well.

I'm still worried that something like that will happen this time, because I haven't really been put to the test yet. But I am determined, and now there are people to hold me accountable besides myself.

I'd never really thought of unforgiveness like that, but it really is true, it's self abuse just like my old eating habits and lack of exercise were self abuse. It's time to learn to treat ourselves properly, which means a healthly lifestyle and forgiving ourselves for little slip ups.

beautifulone
02-17-2007, 09:44 AM
Dana, you do deserve it! - way to go :D

People have already written such great things, I just want to say that that quote gave me something to think about and that your attitude is fantastic, you should be totally proud of yourself :)

shollis125
02-17-2007, 09:49 AM
Hang in there and know that you Girl are not alone.......

Luminous
02-17-2007, 10:18 AM
We attach too much morality to eating. Do we beat ourselves up and get depressed if we return a library book two days late? Do we obsess over having misread the Mapquest directions and made a right turn instead of a left? Do we think we're rotten terrible people if we accidentally throw a red shirt in with the white load of laundry?

Dana, I have been (and will be again) where you are in making this post. In fact, you're much further ahead because in the past if I "screwed up" and felt like giving up, I wouldn't even say anything! Talking about it is half the battle! And I'm still busy learning that one screwup, or one day of screwups, isn't an issue at all. I try to remind myself that what counts is remembering that it's not a moral issue, everyone has off days, and I may as well get back on track tomorrow because THAT's what feels good.

Cheryl14
02-17-2007, 10:59 AM
Hi Dana!

Don't you just love it when you discover something new about yourself?!!! See, you already have made so much progress in learning how to pause and THINK. So often we let ourselves just zone out. We remove ourselves from reality and enter some crazy place where it is OK to keep moving the food to our mouth over and over and over.

I was thinking as I read your post that I have experienced the same thing as you have - only with my scale. I would weigh myself religiously each day. Then I would have a "bad day" and not weigh myself. One "bad day" would turn into two, then three, and before I knew it I was twenty pounds heavier than I was on the first "bad day"!

I,too, used food as a helper when I was stressed. I did that to the tune of over a hundred pounds added to my frame! I since have read a lot of articles and books that talk about the emotional side of eating. Honestly, the first time I heard "emotional" and "eating" in the same sentence I was flabergasted! I saw NO connection between the two! That goes to show you how out of it I really was and why I was able to gain all that weight so "mysteriously"!!!

Good luck with your progress! You will do this! Just the fact that you are seeing what you are doing and pausing to THINK about it, truly is a HUGE breakthrough!

Weight loss is a real WAR, but it is one that we all CAN win because it is made up of many, many individual battles. Each time we win another battle (learn something new, have some victory over some food, have success with a new plan or exercise) we are adding to our "WIN" column!

Cheryl

GirlyGirlSebas
02-17-2007, 11:58 AM
Dana - I'm so very proud of you. You've already learned a lesson that I'm still struggling with right now. It is so very difficult to get re-focused. You're right...it is self abuse. I'm glad you've chosen to get back on the wagon. You do deserve it!

Charbar
02-17-2007, 01:18 PM
So after dropping my step son off at work at McDonalds and getting the family lunch I'm having my tasty :T boca burger with cucumber, onion, ketchup and the secret topping (laughing cow cheese!!)
Thanks for your replies.

I forgive myself for yesterday. No big deal at all... move on sister! Life happens.. often! Amy.. your reply was so inspiring to me. Going on a "diet plan" is NOT a moral issue. Wow! You are so right - talking about it is half the battle.

Tomorrow gives me another challenge. Potluck at church. We are talking about some of the best cooks in the midwest! I'm working the potluck - so that will help... but I still have to eat lunch. I am going to have a mini lunch before potluck - then have another mini lunch when I get home. (mini lunch = bowl cereal.. fruit.. .something like that) Keep myself busy during potluck - we feed over 150 people! I will report back how I did :)

Thanks All!

:grouphug:

Dana

Charbar
02-17-2007, 01:34 PM
Oh.. I almost forgot..
here is another great quote from yesterday's Oprah show that I thought we could use on our journey:

"trying" is failure with honor.


ie. I'll try to come to your party. - you know they're not coming.. they are just trying to say it nice.

don't stay I'll try to stay on plan tomorrow. say: I will stay on plan tomorrow!!

shelby897
02-17-2007, 10:32 PM
Dana -- not only did you save yourself by taking a "pause", I've just read your post and it saved me -- thank you :D

I logged all my fit day today and went over what I would have liked by 200 calories and my husband just bought a bunch of junk food for tomorrow so I was so tempted to hit some of it. Thank you for your post and to everyone after --- my day is not ruined -- I still ate about 2,000 calories less than I was before I started eating better, so today is not a failure, it was a learning experience. Every once in a while I need to be reminded that even a bad day has some good qualities. And a bad day now is still probably 110% better than what a "normal" day used to be.

kaplods
02-18-2007, 09:44 AM
For me, it's important to put food in it's true perspective. For many of us, food is the best thing in the world we can think of, and the worst. We give it too much importance, and base our self-worth on whether we've been "bad" or "good," when we've really been neither.

Only in compulsive and addictive behaviors - do we "give up" and go on a bender when we fail to be perfect. In other goals we can let it go, so we need to learn to with our eating and other health goals. I mean, we wouldn't stop doing the dishes or never do laundry or clean the house again, because we'd had one day when we didn't quite accomplish everything we'd intended.