Hello all...ive been "ghosting" around the forums lately. Not much posting, however, somehow wandered into this support group..love it. Anyways, today, I went for a follow up for my cholestrol, etc etc. Just as the appointment was ending, the doctor and I were walking out the door, she turns to me and says "you have such a pretty face" I was like "how should I take that" I mean....what about the rest of me Anyone else get these kind of compliments....ive also got "you're so pretty only if....you lost weight..." blah blah. etc etc. I mean...it really brought me down...I dont know if it should have, but being super sensitive, I was majorly bummed. Butttt... on the good side, I lost 6 lbs, however, it took me nearly 2 months. Anyway. just thought Id share this...I needed to vent.
I've gotten that comment a few times before too. At first it really used to annoy me, but now I've tried to take it as a compliment. I think that most people who say that really mean it as a compliment. It's our own self esteem that makes it into something bad. Just my opinion.
For the record, from looking at your avatar, you do have a pretty face!
I feel for ya, really I do....but honestly who knows what way the doctor meant it but I'd decide to take it as a compliment anyway. Don't try to read any more into it, else it'll just make you go crazy.
On the weightloss...stick at it, its hard but you're making progress.
First of all-- welcome to the forum!! I'm glad you decided to come out of ghost-mode and post... I did that myself for a while, just reading and taking things in, but now I am hooked on posting.
Anyway in response to the "how should I take this" question.. this is hard to say, because it's like asking "how should I feel about this." Everyone will react differently, and of course we have no way of knowing what the doctor meant by what she said. But just to let you know, I once went out shopping with my mom and we saw this beautiful woman at the checkout counter. The woman could have been a model, she had such a lovely face, but she would have been a plus sized model because she was a bigger girl-- but it looked really good on her, I thought. Anyway my mom (being the outgoing woman that she is) went right up to her and said "I'm sure people tell you this all the time, but you have the most beautiful face." The woman accepted the compliment graciously, and we left.
But afterwards the thought dawned on me: what if she took this as a backhanded compliment, because she was overweight? I mentioned it to my mom, and she was totally confused. "How can telling someone they are beautiful be an insult?" she said. She just didn't understand that this could be even remotely offensive.
Soo the moral of this story is, just like my mother, the doctor probably just meant to say that you are beautiful! She probably didn't even realize that the way she said it made it seem she was criticizing your body... especially if she is thin, and never struggled with her weight. Often such things make people insensitive to what may hurt our feelings.
I have heard that expression and it also included, "you have such a pretty face if you just weren't so overweight...." or whatever, so whenever someone actually just complimented my pretty face my brain just attached the rest on its own! He probably just wanted to pay you a compliment... you really do have a pretty face!
You do have a beautiful face. Myself, I have had that comment several times in the past. I also agree with CrazyNette, it has a lot to do with our low self-esteem. We have to get passed that and see the compliment.
Congratulations on the weight loss. A small battle is better than lossing all together.
Just imagine what people will say when you loose all the weight.
I think that the you have such a pretty face is something that people who do not have a weight problem say because they are in disbelief that a pretty woman would be overweight. I think I would like to have that one instead of your not fat your just big boned!
I am reading the posts and trying to figure out how to do things. How do you see who is responding to you? I mean other than just sitting here and waiting?
Don't be offended! No no no! I've done this! Sometimes I will just be stricken by the beauty of something- scenery, a person- someone's face... and I will need to say something because it would be a shame not to. It has nothing to do with what the person has or doesn't have. ^-^ Be flattered, because I second her compliment.
You DO have an adorable face hunie! Take it as a compliment because even if it was perhaps a backhanded compliment.....I really don't think anything malicious was meant by it.
Also, nice to see you posting........talk to us more often!!!
I stumbled onto this forum and your posting was one of the first I've read. It was so familiar. Funny, how people can say the most alienating things in an attempt to be endearing. I once had a boy (who loved me very much) tell me that he was very into the way I was "thick." My breath literally caught in my throat. Over the years, I have considered why comments like that hurt so damn much. I think it is because we put the comments on top of our own silent inner-comments of self-abuse. The little comments wouldn't be so bad if we didn't already feel SO BAD about ourselves. It's like a big, layered mess of pain and loathing. You can never unhear the doctor's comment (or your inner-voice for that matter) but you can match it. I challenge you to come up with your own "accidental" compliment to match your doctor's accidental insult. Find something you adore about yourself (TRULY) and "accidentally" compliment yourself throughout the next couple of days. You are so brave for being real and trying to love and respect yourself- so few people ever do. Keep going. Remember, if we are lucky, one day, we will all be wrinkled and worn.
You are so brave for being real and trying to love and respect yourself- so few people ever do. Keep going. Remember, if we are lucky, one day, we will all be wrinkled and worn.
Letting go, that was the best quote that I've heard in a long time... and I'm a writer, so that;s saying something
Thanks everyone!! Those words were so refreshing! I have come to realize that it seems to be that I kinda blow things out of proportion, especially when it comes to my self esteem, or anything personal, in that matter. I realized that ANY compliments I receive are questioned....like this one. Kinda like questioning the "why was I born" thing. Its funny how you look at yourself and see something in a totally different perspective than what others seem to see. Again, thanks for each & every kind word, it really made me think.
Dont know how to take this...
"how should I take that" I mean....what about the rest of me
Anyone else get these kind of compliments....ive also got "you're so pretty only if....you lost weight..." blah blah. etc etc. I mean...it really brought me down...I dont know if it should have, but being super sensitive, I was majorly bummed. Butttt... on the good side, I lost 6 lbs, however, it took me nearly 2 months.
Anyway. just thought Id share this...I needed to vent.
A small battle is better than lossing all together. 
Take it as a compliment because even if it was perhaps a backhanded compliment.....I really don't think anything malicious was meant by it. 
