Weight Loss Support - Boys, Men, Their Influence on Your Body Image




MicheleKC
02-13-2007, 09:30 PM
One thread on here had us discussing memories from our youth about food. It seems like a lot of people look to their mothers as the source or start of their food issues since she was probably the one purchasing and preparing and presenting the food.

I'm curious what your experiences have been with boys and men and how they have influenced your body image.

When I was 19, my college boyfriend told me I had a "flat butt" and that he usually dated girls with big butts. Well, he knew me a year. I wore a size 3. We dated a year and I didn't gain weight. I broke up with him. Even though I'm now 37 and no one else in nearly 20 years has told me I have a flat butt, I still think that of myself.

Does anyone else have any memories of seemingly small incidents or comments delivered by the boys or men in your life that really hurt your self-image?

Are boys and men influenced by the media even more today to have an unrealistic image of girls and women?


Nikaia
02-13-2007, 09:40 PM
My big one, as I mentioned in the childhood memories thread, was my dad. Every time I went to eat ANYTHING more than what HE thought I *should* be eating, he'd poke my stomach - mind you, this was when I was 10 and still had little-kid pudge, fer cryin out loud! - and say sneeringly "Do you really NEED that?" He kept it up all through my teen years, even when I was barely 10 or 15 lbs overweight and didn't have hardly any belly for him to poke.

As far as romantic interests or non-family males...oddly, I've always been around guys who thought I was gorgeous. Once I blossomed, anyway - until about age 15, I was the most awkward adolescent ever! But guys I dated after that always told me I was hot and stuff. When I was with this one guy, when I was sixteen, I told him I wanted to lose some weight. Just that extra 10 vanity pounds, you know? And he said "Well, if you want to, okay. But I think you're skinny enough already. I'm already scared I'm gonna break your ribs if I hug you too tight." :thanks:

My current SO (long-distance long-term relationship, just passed three years) is and always has been the skinniest, scrawniest guy I've ever known, except for maybe one other friend from high school. He's just got that really tall, thin, wiry body type. And he can eat whatever the **** he wants, it doesn't show. I've flat-out told him I hate him for that. ;) But he, too, has been very encouraging of my efforts. Even now, with 50 lbs to lose instead of 10, he tells me I'm beautiful anyway and if it'll make me more comfortable with my body, great, but he wouldn't care one way or another.

So I guess I've just been extraordinarily lucky with the guys in my life - except for my dad.

Tara D
02-13-2007, 09:53 PM
I've never really been in a relationship, and in some ways, I think that helped myself esteem. I never worried about what some part of my body looked like to someone else. The only person I worried about impressing was myself. I dress nicely so that I feel good. I work out so that I feel good. The first time I heard someone call me beautiful was when I was about 23. I never had any expectations for anyone to call me that, but I never thought I wasn't beautiful either. I just never relied on other people to tell me so. I never expected my parents to say it...it just wasn't something that we did. I guess I must be aging gracefully because I hear it more often these days. Hee, hee!

Once when I was on a working out and eating healthy kick, a friend of mine tried to encourage me to eat a bunch of unhealthy food because it was ok because, "Guys like all kinds of bodies." I was like, ummm...it never even occurred to me to do this because of a guy! I didn't really understand why she drew that connection. I just wanted to be healthy for ME!


Nikaia
02-13-2007, 09:55 PM
Once when I was on a working out and eating healthy kick, a friend of mine tried to encourage me to eat a bunch of unhealthy food because it was ok because, "Guys like all kinds of bodies." I was like, ummm...it never even occurred to me to do this because of a guy! I didn't really understand why she drew that connection. I just wanted to be healthy for ME!

It's kinda sad that she immediately drew that connection. I have a BF, but I'm not doing this for him by any stretch of the imagination. I'm just sick of being uncomfortable in my own skin.

MicheleKC
02-13-2007, 10:05 PM
Thanks for your replies. I was in a relationship with a very fit and attractive man in October. (I haven't had a "real" date since October 31, 2006, when I broke up with him.) One of the last things I remember him saying to me was, "You have skinny legs." He didn't mean it as a compliment. Well, that was it for me!! I ended things with him because he hit a nerve. Maybe it's immature, but what am I supposed to do about having skinny legs? I know that I'm not a very strong person. I started on my goal to get stronger and leaner through my waist and hips.

sweet_talker
02-13-2007, 10:13 PM
I posted this in another thread today (very strange) but once, when I was 16, and about 130lbs, my bf of the time told me I looked pregnant. I was wearing an empire waisted shirt, and they do puff out a bit...but not to that extent!! I was devastated. I'm always very conscious of shirts like that now.

sweet_talker
02-13-2007, 10:15 PM
what am I supposed to do about having skinny legs?

You're supposed to love 'em and ignore his ingorance!!

And think of how many gals would love 'em too ;)

trekkiegirl
02-13-2007, 10:18 PM
I've always been pretty curvy no matter what my weight was...I've got boobs and a butt. I was getting followed around and hit on by grown men when I was a teenager. And I've always been a fairly conservative/casual dresser. I'm your jeans, sweater, jacket type. But I seem to have attracted quite a few weirdos in my life (including stalkers) and I'm somewhat amazed at the fact that nothing terrible ever happened to me as a result. But it definitely affected my body image in the sense that it made me loathe to wear anything that shows too much skin, as though by doing so, I'm gonna get gawked at or followed around by a perv again. I don't wear anything really low cut, or tank tops, skin-tight pants, midriff-baring clothes and basically anything that looks like you'd have to peel it off.
So...essentially, because of this kind of attention from males, my message to myself over the years has been the less you show, the more the weirdos will leave you alone.

Oh, as far as the question of whether guys have an unrealistic view of women because of what's hyped in the media and all, a guy could probably best answer that. But my own interpretation or opinion is that I don't think they go around expecting the women in their lives to look like centerfolds. I may be totally off base, and if I am I'm sure the guys will come out and tell me, but I think they kind of compartmentalize women. I think in their minds there's basically two categories of women...one category that contains the centerfolds, the strippers, the porn stars, the flashy, promiscuous celebs, some hot girls that they know, etc., and the other category is all the other women...the wives, girlfriends, the friends, the co-workers, women they see around just in daily life. I don't think men compare the two types against each other because I think they think the two types of women serve different purposes.

If anything, I think the media depiction of women over the years has been far more influential and damaging on women's psyches than men's. Second only to what a girl's father's attitude is about females. And that's a whole other talk show.

JayEll
02-13-2007, 10:21 PM
If one ever needed proof that some men see women as objects, the comment "You have skinny legs" would do. As though you're a table that he thinks is OK, works like a table, except...

Jay

MariaMaria
02-13-2007, 10:30 PM
That isn't all men, though. It's one man who was trying to hurt her feelings.

Nikaia
02-14-2007, 12:05 AM
Jay did say SOME men, Maria. Not all are like that, and that's not being argued. But there is a significant portion of men who do see women that way.

Don't get me started on my rant about society's role for women...:blah:

srmb60
02-14-2007, 12:32 AM
For some reason it bothers me more when my 25 y o son says I look awful than when my husband gives me that 'is that what you're wearing' look.

JayEll
02-14-2007, 07:19 AM
SusanB, why would anyone's son SAY that to her?? :?:

Jay

srmb60
02-14-2007, 08:01 AM
My son (bless his little heart) is the biggest critic of my extremely lacking wardrobe. He's proud of my weightloss, proud of my new fitness level, wishes some women he works with would consult with me about all that. But when it come to clothing ... "Just go to a store and buy pants that fit ... no sweat pants!"

lilybelle
02-14-2007, 08:31 AM
I have had men in my life who had both a positive and negative influence on me concerning my weight. My earliest negative experience was my 2 older brothers making fun of me and calling me fat when I was about 13 yrs. old and starting to bloom. I had boobs and very muscular thighs and a round butt and was about 115 lbs. and 5'5. I immediately started exercising like crazy and using the Ayd's diet candies (does anyone remember those). Later , I started taking Dexatrim and starving myself. I was in no way overweight but they made me feel like I was.

Then, at age 17 I met my fiance' and he hounded me about my weight. When we started dating I was 5'7 and 135 lbs. He went to medical school and became an anesthiologist while I went to RN school. He wanted me to sign a pre-nup that I'd never weigh over 150 lbs. even while pregnant. It didn't matter to him that he was 5'10 and weighed 210. He loved to drink a lot of alcohol and eat out at fancy restaurants. I gained a lot of weight while we were together for 8 yrs. We had our son together and split up.

I'll also never forget my step-dad telling me that all the men who wanted to date me in high school wouldn't take a second glance at me now because I'm fat.

I also had a new man in my life after my divorce when I weighed 155 lbs. that asked me "why did you let yourself go and get this big?" That was the end of seeing him.

Plus, my first high school boyfriend, I ran into him when I was 9 months pregnant and he proceeded to tell me "you'll never be able to lose all that weight".

But, I have had many other men in my life that thought I looked great. That never said anything but good about my size and looks. My current DH is one of them. He doesn't care about what I weigh. He has told me I'm beautiful just as much at 234 lbs. as he does now at 143 lbs.

I think the media has affected my son regarding women and appearances. I have never seen him date anyone that I wouldn't consider "skinny". He likes the very short, petite, girls. I've also noticed that most his girlfriends aren't the sharpest crayon in the box. He is 21. He is great to compliment me on the way I look and make me feel good about myself.
t

JukieF
02-14-2007, 10:52 AM
I didn't have weight problems until my late 30s. At that time I was married to my second husband, an athletic type who rode his bicycle everywhere and had muscles like rocks. I was in great shape when we met and got married, but as our marriage started falling apart I went into a deep clinical depression and gained about 60 pounds. Although he never said it, I think he was repulsed. Our physical relationship came to an end. After I asked him for a divorce, I decided to do something for myself, so I started dieting and working out. He made a comment to the effect of "why didn't you do this when we were together..." I realized that my appearance was more important to him than anything else.

My current husband is a sweetheart. He thinks I'm beautiful and sexy no matter what my weight is, and it's gone up and down a couple of times in the 12 years we've been together. He's always attracted to me, and he loves me. I'm really lucky.

Nikaia
02-14-2007, 11:41 AM
He wanted me to sign a pre-nup that I'd never weigh over 150 lbs. even while pregnant.

I'm in shock. I'm seriously in shock. How can you put something like that in a prenup? Particularly the "even while pregnant" part! What about the HEALTH of mom and baby? Wow. Guess that's pretty clear where his priority lies...*sigh* I'm sorry you had him treating you like that. That's SO not cool.

healthytoad
02-14-2007, 01:02 PM
what always amazes me is how these men who criticize women don't seem to own mirrors so they can see themselves. All those Fred Flintstones thinking they are Greek gods... yeeesh.

You could have added to the prenup - and he never goes bald or gets a wrinkly butt or grey hair or has impotence issues. Do people not listen to the marriage vows?? that for better or worse part..that is not optional...

phantastica
02-14-2007, 01:20 PM
As a child, I got the message from dad, brothers, and mother that skinny and petite is the way to go, anything else is unacceptable. My height alone threw me from that camp! After I had a baby, I stayed fat until I learned that I wanted to do this for me, regardless of what the men in my family had to say about it.

I still expect most men to make negative comments and to not want to date me based on my size. I know on a logical level that this is not the case, but those early messages sank in so deep that it takes a while to reprogram.

veggielover
02-14-2007, 01:22 PM
He wanted me to sign a pre-nup that I'd never weigh over 150 lbs. even while pregnant.


WOW. I didn't even KNOW this was possible. That wouldve been a red sign for me. :o

lilybelle
02-14-2007, 03:17 PM
Ladies, his idea of "never over 150 no matter what" is the main reason I left. Like I said, he was a jerk. Funny thing now is he is married and miserable and won't leave because she'd get half of his massive fortune. Basically, he wanted a "trophy wife". I don't think legally that he could have even put that in a pre-nup if he wanted, but I didn't stick around to find out. His current wife must not have signed a pre-nup eluding to weight cause she is now twice as big as I am. I really think he was just wanting to try to threaten me ahead of time that he'd divorce me if I gained weight and he wouldn't give me squat of his fortune. Hope is money keeps him warm at night cause him and his wife have separate bedrooms. LOL.

JukieF
02-14-2007, 03:23 PM
lilybelle, I bet he wants to kick himself when he sees you now. You look absolutely fabulous! Serves him right. :-)

ennay
02-14-2007, 03:28 PM
truthfully I wish I had listened to most of the male people in my life, we are waaaay harder on ourselves than most men would ever be.

Reddalice
02-14-2007, 03:29 PM
I think an often overlooked issue for women is the pandemic of physical and sexual abuse that we bear all over the world. When until is was in my teens I got unwanted attention from my mother's best friend's son, who had me call him Big Brother. Over year and a half I gained 50lbs, and even after he went to prison- I gained 70lbs more. Never giving it much thought, a matter of fact, none until I got in a sexual relationship as an adult- but I wanted to disappear behind my weight, and undue attention still makes me want to eat. So it is a struggle that has taken on a new twist as an adult woman trying to be healthy mentally and physically, it is a constant: "I'm doing this for myself- and no one else." and if I can't find the care to help myself, "I'm doing this for my girlfriend- and myself- No One ELSE." Tag teaming it gives me strength that I'm not on show for anyone's pleasure if I don't want to give it. ^-^

lilybelle
02-14-2007, 03:31 PM
Thanks Jukie, that is sweet. I haven't seen him since I lost the weight. Our son did spend Christmas with him. The only thing he asked was "Is your mom still fat?". LOL. My skinny son said no she wears my clothes. Ha Ha.

BTW, he looks like he's a couple months past due on delivering a baby. LOL. I normally never wish weight problems on anyone , but a tiny little bit of me is glad that he is huge.

Reddalice, I was also sexually abused as a young child. I think it had a lot to do with me becoming over-weight to shield myself from the attention of men.

veggielover
02-14-2007, 07:19 PM
I don't think legally that he could have even put that in a pre-nup if he wanted, but I didn't stick around to find out. His current wife must not have signed a pre-nup eluding to weight cause she is now twice as big as I am.

I'll say! You had me there, lilybelle. I knew you wouldnt have signed something so absurd!!!! Even if it wasn;t possible, the idea of such a thing in concept is WRONG. I'd better make sure that I don't find any A******s that do such a sort!

SOme people are absolutely ridiculous.... That thing made me think the entire evening about everything! I'm small now, but if I had a baby and gained 20-30 lbs i'd be reaching in the 150 region and I seriously still wouldnt think of myself as being "fat". the nerve of someone to suggest such a thing!! :snooty: I could never approve of such a man! Well... maybe the only thing he'd be good for is when I need to release some stress...... :club: :frypan:

trekkiegirl
02-14-2007, 07:21 PM
I've never really been in a relationship, and in some ways, I think that helped myself esteem. I never worried about what some part of my body looked like to someone else. The only person I worried about impressing was myself. I dress nicely so that I feel good. I work out so that I feel good. The first time I heard someone call me beautiful was when I was about 23. I never had any expectations for anyone to call me that, but I never thought I wasn't beautiful either. I just never relied on other people to tell me so. I never expected my parents to say it...it just wasn't something that we did.

I'm similar, Tara. I've been single, in the literal sense of the word, much more than I've been with some guy. I've eaten at restaurants by myself, travelled by myself, erected bookcases and hooked up computer, video and stereo equipment by mself...I'm used to it, it doesn't bother me, in fact I rather need it. In this aspect of life, I knew what I wanted and didn't want pretty much my whole life. I believe, generally speaking, people only have power over you that you've allowed them to have. I'm the one that has to live with myself 24/7 for my whole life so I'm the one I have to make happy first and foremost.

With my weight, I guess I've been luckier than some in that I haven't really had many people make rude comments to me so I'm not reacting to anything they say...I'm the one who feels self-conscious about it and the one who wishes she felt stronger physically. The only times weight got brought up in my family was at mealtime and not because of overeating but undereating...I'm Italian...Italians eat and they want you to eat and they tend to almost get insulted if you refuse, lol. They always think people are too skinny. :p I'm also the one who sees a fantastic outfit in a catalog and thinks, wow, I'd love to wear that if I had the body for it. Sure, it's a nice feeling when someone compliments me on how I look or what I'm wearing but I don't depend on it or expect it. When I feel like I'm hiding my body a little under certain kinds of clothes, it's more out of a sense of self-preservation than shame. I'm not crazy about the idea of it as a woman and the double standard of it, but I recognize it as a reality of the world and I keep it in mind.

It truly breaks my heart sometimes when I see or hear a woman feel so demoralized by someone else's opinion or behavior, particularly the man/men in her life, because I want to tell her she matters. :(

Aquanetrocker
02-15-2007, 04:32 AM
Like many of us, growing up my brothers and classmates always called me names and terrorized me, however the most significant memory was far less malicious:
When I was 6 or 7 my dad would walk me and my older brother to school, we would hold his hand and he would squeeze my scrawny brother's hand and say "Boney hand" and then squeeze my hand and say "Meaty hand". I don't think he ever intended any harm. My dad has never in his life given me grief about my weight, he's actually been really supportive of my new health journey, but I think it will always stick in my head that I'm "meaty"

Mami
02-15-2007, 05:17 AM
To me sometimes it seems to depend on the culture that the men are from as to how accepting they are of certain body types. Men of spanish-caribbean ethnicity (puerto rican/dominican) tend to prefer curvy types with some meat on the curves (hips, butt, thighs). In this culture being called thin is usually not a compliment. Though being flabby in the wrong places isnt good either. Most of my life I've been much smaller, but never the thin type so my ideal is to be toned but a bit curvy as I've always been and always will be. And I would say this comes from finding acceptance for my body type from those who prefer my type of shape (by way of background DH and many prior boyfriends are from the spanish-caribbean background though as you can see from the pic I'm a "blancita").

Cheryl14
02-15-2007, 08:11 AM
Wow! I'm SOOOO sorry to hear that so many of you have had such horrible experiences with boys and men regarding weight issues! It really makes me sad.:(

I guess I have been a real exception to the rule here, because I have never experienced any negative from males. (Females...well, THAT'S a whole other story!!:devil: )

Anyway, maybe it's because I tend to get along better with men and boys than I do girls and women. I played with boys when I was younger, met my future husband when I was just ten, and seemed to always have lab partners and best friends who were male. I now have two sons and live in a completely male household.

I've had LOTS of negative experiences with females regarding weight comments and directives from my mom throughout my life. The men in my life have never mentioned anything regarding weight.

Cheryl

Nikaia
02-15-2007, 12:07 PM
Ladies, his idea of "never over 150 no matter what" is the main reason I left. Like I said, he was a jerk. Funny thing now is he is married and miserable and won't leave because she'd get half of his massive fortune. Basically, he wanted a "trophy wife". I don't think legally that he could have even put that in a pre-nup if he wanted, but I didn't stick around to find out. His current wife must not have signed a pre-nup eluding to weight cause she is now twice as big as I am. I really think he was just wanting to try to threaten me ahead of time that he'd divorce me if I gained weight and he wouldn't give me squat of his fortune. Hope is money keeps him warm at night cause him and his wife have separate bedrooms. LOL.

Whoo, I'm glad to hear you didn't get stuck with that jackass. That comment about wanting a trophy wife struck me, cause I was talking to my SO on the phone last night and mentioned the prenup thing, and that was exactly his comment - "The guy just wanted a trophy wife". My SO also suggested you coulda put your own stuff in the prenup, like...must never fail to *ahem* perform on request. :devil:

Good riddance to him and I hope he's thoroughly miserable and alone. ;)

Clydegirl
02-15-2007, 12:34 PM
. I immediately started exercising like crazy and using the Ayd's diet candies (does anyone remember those).



I just had a flashback to those things. The things we used to do :D

lilybelle
02-15-2007, 12:42 PM
LOL, clydegirl, I didn't know if anyone else used those or not. I still remember they tasted gross and I don't recall losing any weight on them. LOL.

veggielover
02-15-2007, 01:04 PM
When I was 6 or 7 my dad would walk me and my older brother to school, we would hold his hand and he would squeeze my scrawny brother's hand and say "Boney hand" and then squeeze my hand and say "Meaty hand".

Dude, my grandmother still calls my feet "meaty" or "Piggy feet" even thought their not fat! Theyre just not BONEY like hers!!

To me sometimes it seems to depend on the culture that the men are from as to how accepting they are of certain body types. Men of spanish-caribbean ethnicity (puerto rican/dominican) tend to prefer curvy types with some meat on the curves (hips, butt, thighs).

Yeah, I agree with you on that. I think ethnicity really has some sort of body-shape culture influences.

ewefluffy
02-15-2007, 01:06 PM
My husband and I been together 5 years and married 6 months. When we met 5 years ago (online by the way), I weighed about 105 lbs and was a size 3. During one of our conversations a couple of years ago, he mentioned how on our first date he loved watching me walking away from him because I had a nice butt. He also brought up how "hot" I was one night when we had gone out and I was dressed in tight jeans. Now I know he still loves me even though I have gained 45 pounds since we met but, he tells me now that I was too skinny then and look better now. But that sure isn't the feeling I got by his previous statements. And because of his past statements, I sometimes get myself down because I think there is no way he is as attracted to me since I have put on the weight because what he really wants is the size 3 me.

CurvyCutie31
02-15-2007, 01:42 PM
I never let men have an influence on my weight.... Because I never gave them the chance to. I just assumed that I was not ever going to be attractive to any man because of my weight (and other self esteem issues) So I never let myself get close to a man. I never put myself in social situations where I could potentially meet someone... someone who would criticize me... or love me. I hid from men. And because of that I was 29 before I had my first real boyfriend. And though things did not work, I know it was not because of my weight... he adored my body, its size and shape, just as it was. That was a revelation to me. For so long I let myself believe that I could only be attractive to men if I was skinny. But that is not completely true. Yes, there are men out there who want only skinny women, but there are men out there that adore a woman with curves. The man I am dating now is the same way, he loves my body, appreciates my softness and my curves. I feel beautiful and sexy with him... Something because of my weight I never thought I could feel with a man. I am now confident that my weight does not have to be an issue with men.

Lovestorun
02-15-2007, 02:48 PM
I remember this like it was yesterday-
One time when my family was visiting my grandmothers home
I was sitting crossed-legged in front of the TV, my father walked
into the room and sat on the couch directly behind me- then he
said something to me that has stuck with me to this day.
He said "wow Stacey your really starting to spread". I was about
thirteen and as you know at that age your starting to get your curves
and what not- really really hurt my feelings. :(

I however, feel even worse for my sister (whom has always been
a little heavier than myself) as my father used to say to her all
the time- "is it true fat girls sweat alot". Now that was not called
for. I know he sounds like a monster but he is/was a great father to
us both. I just think sometimes he did not think before he speaks. :dizzy:

MicheleKC
02-15-2007, 08:30 PM
The other new description that men sometimes use is "athletic" for the body type they are attracted to, as in profiles in online dating sites. Those are the online dating sites I avoid anyway. It's not enough to be thin or even curvy, we're now expected to be "athletic," which takes a lot more work. :)

I'm getting in better shape because as I age (I'm 37), I want to lift weights for my health, my bone density, my muscles that are probably shrinking due to age alone. I want to be stronger.

FreeSpirit
02-15-2007, 08:59 PM
Never.

All my male friends/men in my life have told me I'm beautiful/hot/sexy (just beautiful from family members).

I'm blessed to have had such wonderful men in my life.

FreeSpirit
02-15-2007, 09:04 PM
My husband and I been together 5 years and married 6 months. When we met 5 years ago (online by the way), I weighed about 105 lbs and was a size 3. During one of our conversations a couple of years ago, he mentioned how on our first date he loved watching me walking away from him because I had a nice butt. He also brought up how "hot" I was one night when we had gone out and I was dressed in tight jeans. Now I know he still loves me even though I have gained 45 pounds since we met but, he tells me now that I was too skinny then and look better now. But that sure isn't the feeling I got by his previous statements. And because of his past statements, I sometimes get myself down because I think there is no way he is as attracted to me since I have put on the weight because what he really wants is the size 3 me.

Don't look at it that way. Obviously he loves you no matter what size you are. I think by him saying those things, he's hoping to boost your confidence.. maybe so that you don't feel like you have to lose the weight to make him happy, or to let you know that he loves your body now, just as much as he loved your body then. He wants you to be happy with yourself, because he's happy with you just the way you are.

samanthaf63
02-15-2007, 10:07 PM
I didn't have a weight issue until I was 20 and came home from college. When I left high school, I wore a size 13 and weighed 125 lbs and thought I was a moose (actually, I was built like Marilyn Monroe). But I went to college and became insecure and ate my way up to 185. Over the next few years I ate my weight up over 200 (way over).

Dating at 22 sucks when you wear a size 22. Especially 20 years ago when fat was even more unacceptable. I remember at one point I'd gotten down to 150 and the guy I was dating was almost ashamed to be seen with me because I was so "fat."

There were a lot of headaches along the way from men who couldn't handle my weight and from the disastrous types who could but had serious psychological issues that prevented them from being fit companions to anyone!

I'm fortunate at the moment to have a boyfriend who loves the way I look but is supportive of my exercise (we do yoga together sometimes). I had the impetus to get smaller before we started dating and I hope I can maintain it enough to continue to my goal this time (how many times have YOU started over and swore it was the last?)

But there are times when guys just make you wanna cry and work your way through a dozen Krispy Kremes or even just the full portion of pasta al pesto and hot buttered popcorn.

kittymuse
02-16-2007, 10:37 AM
Agh... men.

My first weight-related memory is from when I was maybe 10 or so eating at McDonald's with my Dad. He told me I couldn't eat so much if I was going to keep my "girlish figure". What was he doing taking me to McDonald's anyway? Hah. Well... I've always been affected by other people's opinions of me, and the fact that I remember that says how horrified I was. I think I finished what I had ordered just to spite him.

Around the same time there were boys in school who would tease me, and I vividly remember one of them telling me I needed to go on a diet. Now, I was probably 12 or 13 at the time. I was overly self-conscious from being a tall girl and I have always had issues with my skin and my gigantic feet. I didn't need some idiotic boy telling me I was fat. (By the way, I wasn't really fat... had I stuck to that same general size, I would have grown taller and slimmed down). I suffered from self esteem issues from being different from the other kids and eating was a comfort to me. I used to eat enormous quantities of food around 4 p.m. when I got home from school.

In college when I finally got out of the small pond and into a big one, I met a guy who claimed to LOVE my body. I lost a little weight from hiking around campus all the time, but I still thought I was huge and fat. He said I looked just like the renaissance paintings of women. He loved my curvy hips and my butt (and I was horrified about my butt). I'm not with him anymore, but his attention really boosted my self esteem. It was really bad before, and now maybe it's low, but definitely better.

Now I'm with a guy who has issues with himself, and *I'm* in the supporting role telling him how attractive I think he is. Both of us have gained weight since we've known each other and we're both unhappy with our bodies. I know he's not extremely attracted to me physically, but he seems to be attracted to me on a personal and emotional level which is more important.

I'm at the point where I realize that I need to like myself and not let the men (or the women) in my life influence me negatively.