Weight Loss Support - How's ur social life?




View Full Version : How's ur social life?


riverhts
02-11-2007, 08:27 PM
How has your weight effected your social life?

I have been overweight since I started puberty (at 10). I am 26 years old and weigh around 270 (goes up and down). I can truly say that I have never had a boyfriend. I have been humiliated in the past by boys (that I have had a crush on). Every time I see a good looking guy, I think to myself "He wouldn't like me, I'm too fat". Valentine's being this time of year I get so down on myself.

Does anybody else feel this way?


beautifulone
02-11-2007, 09:07 PM
:hug:
Does anybody else feel this way?

Totally.

phantastica
02-11-2007, 09:07 PM
I had a totally dry social/romantic life until I was about 30. Much of it was because I spent my time at home raising a child alone, but I also had it in my head that I "wasn't the dating type", therefore I didn't date. If you want dates, try this: find a dating web site and put up a profile including a flattering photo and a positive reference alluding to the fact that you're overweight, even if you just put BBW on there.

And certainly - having attention from men helps you pay more attention to your body and to your weight loss. Nothing like feeling sexy to jump-start the diet!

Please try to change your thinking when you see a guy you'd like to date.

I'm single on Valentine's Day this year too, but I'm going to use the day as a celebration of the self-care I've done for myself this past year.


kaplods
02-11-2007, 09:31 PM
I'd say it's definitely slowed it down, but alot of it had more to do with me than with guys. I had two college boy friends, and dated one guy in college, but mostly I rejected most of the guys who flirted with me, because I assumed they were just being jerks or were crazy. Pretty much I didn't want any guy who wanted me. There was one guy in college who liked me so much, he followed me around like a puppy (he was really tall, and had orange-red, and was SUPER smart, but also SUPER geeky). I really treated him like crap because I thought I was too good for him. I still regret that, although I still can't imagine kissing him, he was SUCH a dork. Guess I'm not as evolved as I'd like to think.

Placing personal ads, I met alot of wackos and a few nice guys. I only met two in person, and the second I married. I was actually heavier when we met than I am now. The BBW ads were hard, because a lot of the guys only like fat women, and are not happy if you're trying to lose weight, so I put that in my ad straight off. I also put in my ad that I wanted to meet someone who had his own weight issues or was sympathetic to them, because I didn't care if the guys I met were overweight themselves. A friend tipped me off to including that, because apparently in the "BBW-dating scene" overweight guys get rejected alot by BBW women who don't want to date an overweight guy.

My husband and I probably would never have met in a million years without the personal ad. We also had a chance to see each others photos and get to know each other a little bit in emails and on the phone before we met (since we were in the same town, it was like a week before we met, but we were on the phone for hours each evening, so it didn't feel quite so much like a blind date).

I've encouraged my thin, pretty and very shy sister to try online dating, and she's dated more in the last year than she did all through high school and college.

You do have to be a little brave though, in the dating world (no matter how you get into it), because you have to meet a lot of people (some who won't click with you, and some you won't click with) before you find the right one.

lilybelle
02-11-2007, 11:03 PM
When I was single and overweight , I didn't date an awfully lot. Not because I didn't get asked, I just felt so uncomfortable with myself that dating was a huge hassle. I couldn't get dressed for a date without stressing out over how fat I thought I looked in my clothes. I certainly didn't feel comfortable enough for intimacy with anyone. So, yes my social life did suffer because of how I perceived myself. When I met my current DH, I realized not every man is looking for a woman with a model's skinny figure. I weighed about 210 lbs. when we got married and wore a size 18. It didn't bother him. The only thing he didn't like was if I whined and complained about my weight or got depressed over it. He has never had a bit of a weight problem and doesn't love me one ounce more or less now that I'm 142 lbs. than he did when I was up to 234 lbs. I think a lot of times, we are our own worst enemy when it comes to our weight.

Detra
02-11-2007, 11:15 PM
Hello girls,

I'm new just typing a hello. I love the site and I'm soooo looking forward to making some new friends who can truly understand the chubby struggle

Hugs and kisses
detra

pato
02-12-2007, 12:33 AM
my social life has been almost none in the past few months. i went out a couple of times with some friends but felt very uncomfortablle. it has happened very often since april last year when i had an anxiety attack in the middle of the street and had to ran back home. i felt like everybody was watching me, watching the fat girl in the street, and i know that i am not that fat, but couldn´t help it. so i decided not going out unless necessary, not movies, not pubs, go shopping at night, work work work so i had an excuse not to see my friends. i went to the gym a couple of times, weeks that i felt i was able to manage the going out thing.
and let´s not talk about men...never had a boyfriend, at least not the one you introduce to family and friends, but now is like if i absolutely lost interest in them. i know my problem with guys goes beyond my weight but that´s another story.
i think from time to time that it is a waste of my time to look for someone that is not going to like me at all because the way i look...hope one day to get over that kind of thinking.
best luck for you too, and don´t feel bad at valentine, it will just make you feel sadder with yourself. those guys that had made fun at to are just a bunch of idiots, a person that makes fun of someone else is not worthy.
i am trying to go our more often, one day i stay at home, the next i go to the movies or to a friend´s. it helps a bit.

riverhts
02-12-2007, 01:48 PM
Thanks everyone for the posts

AquaWarlock
02-12-2007, 01:57 PM
Actually I find myself doing less social events now that I'm losing weight, only because so many of social things I used to do involved food! Whether it's bar-hopping with friends, or movie night with pals (and all those fatty/sugary snacks) and of course, eating out at restaurants. Alas, none of them are really active people either - save for occasional spurts of tennis/b-ball games.

It's actually not that bad a thing to have more solo time, saves me calories & money and I can easily save up more for REALLY nice meals when I do want to eat out.

SwimGirl
02-12-2007, 02:08 PM
I've always been paranoid about being fat, but it's never stopped me from dating. All the guys I've met have been into a girl with a little more curve, although having a SUCESSFUL relationship was always something I strived for. I met my bf in college (we met online), and while he wasn't my "type", he was just so kind that I went for it anyways. Glad I did, he started dressing better and taking care of himself and we've been dating for 7 years. Never judge a book by the cover.

Men aren't attracted to a size 2 body as much as we think they are, they are attracted to confidence, and if you don't feel you have any? Fake it.

But on the subject of a social life? I definitely have nearly none - I'm so caught up in the world of weight loss that I don't dare go out to dinner or to the bar. My friends aren't into losing weight so I have no workout buddies, the only thing we can do together is go for coffee.

-Aimee

nelie
02-12-2007, 02:17 PM
I've always had "weird" relationships with guys up until a few years ago. I'm quite shy and part of that may do with my weight but I would date guys and then break up with them because they were getting too close. I had a lot of self esteem issues. Then something happened a few years ago that I decided I needed a mental change where I needed to trust someone to get closer to me. My first try was a bust but then I got over that guy, worked on my self esteem and started dating my now husband. It took a lot of years of me working on myself before I could really have a successful relationship.

Also, whenever I started dating guys in the past, they would always have to initiate because I would always seem surprised that they wanted to date me. A lot of self esteem issues but also a bit of naivity on my part. My poor hubby really had to spell it out for me that he was interested in me although we had already shared a strong bond with eachother before we even dated.

marbleflys
02-12-2007, 02:31 PM
You can't wait to be a perfect physical person.....if you want a social life, you've got to make it for yourself....(I spent 3 years hiding and making myself miserable for no good reason)---Life can be all too short sitting on the sidelines until you lose weight.

it's true, I think women put more emphasis on their size then men do....I remember looking at women who were much heavier than I in the mall or at the movies who were attached, had the BF or hubby in tow....and I would beat myself up thinking "WHAT is wrong with ME"?....

what was wrong in my case was I was sending out a *negative* image of myself, anti-social. Once I changed that outlook, it got much easier for me.

NESunshine
02-12-2007, 05:43 PM
Well I'm a social butterfly, always have been. Since I've gotten on the get healthy train though that has been on hold. A lot of my close friends are a distance away and going out around here means huge plates of nachos and getting drunk which i just can't do right now...and really don't want to do again. I think when I come out on the other end i will find friends more interested in doing things that involve not going out and running up a $200 tab on food and booze which are really my two worst enemies.
As far as men I've had my share of good and bad relationships but for now I'm not looking for anything. I'm not happy with myself and I honestly believe that you need to be happy with yourself before you can be happy with someone else...now is me time...and I can't concentrate on getting myself in a better place if I'm looking for a relationship.
As for valentines day, I boycott it. whether I've been in a relationship or not I've never actually had a good one so I'm pretty bitter towards the whole hallmark holiday all together.

almostheaven
02-12-2007, 07:31 PM
I don't worry about the male kinda social life. Hubby'd kill me if I did. :D But my regular social life has changed drastically. Though I can't really say its the weight loss, then it is more of a confidence issue. And I believe my confidence was changing BEFORE, which is what enabled me to actually find the willpower to lose the weight this time. Can't say for sure. All I do know is that I'm now more outgoing. I used to hate to greet total strangers, was shy and backwards, never joined in group things unless I had no choice really, and hated being the center of attention. Now, none of that bothers me. Also there are the small things, like how I used to hate shopping. I thought something was wrong with me since women are "supposed" to love shopping. LOL Now I do love it though. I think that one had to do with weight. Now I don't have all that extra weight to push around and hold up in long lines at the stores, I don't tire as easily shopping, or getting out with other gals to shop or just enjoy the day. Before, I stayed home, sitting, and tired all the time.

HarpoChicoGroucho
02-12-2007, 11:01 PM
I didn't start dating until last year (when I was 23) had had my first "real" boyfriend at 23 as well. And that was after I had lost 130 pounds -- I didn't dare to before then. I have HUGE Self-esteem, confidence, self-esteem issues that right now I can't stay in relationships because of them. I went through 3 (nearly 4, but I resisted) boyfriends in the past 6 months. I've just come to the conclusion that I have to work on my issues before I have a healthy relationship. And I agree with others about the whole confidence issue -- there are many, many, many BBW who have VERY active social lives because they are confident enough to have them, and they make a choice to have them.

Nikaia
02-12-2007, 11:28 PM
As for valentines day, I boycott it. whether I've been in a relationship or not I've never actually had a good one so I'm pretty bitter towards the whole hallmark holiday all together.

Right there with you.

I have very little social life, but that's more to do with my depression than my weight.

NeonNightlight
02-13-2007, 12:27 AM
All the time. I'm anti-valentines with my friends, which is cool though. XD But I feel so lame. I mean, they've gotten farther than me.

cupcake84
02-13-2007, 07:52 AM
Before I met my hubby I had "boyfriends" before, just casual dating really, but, I was ALWAYS the fat funny friend to most guys. I have always been social and had tons of friends, just guys didnt seem to be too into me, more as a friend than anything. Now, since losing weight, I havent seen any of my friends since before christmas, sure they call me every friday night, to see if i want to go out to the bar..........i am NOT into the bar scene anymore, I cant stand the thought of eating lettuce all day long just to save enough calories to have a couple of drinks. I also have a 10 month old baby and 2 step kids that live with me. None of my friends understand my life, they all are single and still live at home with their parents, i love them, dont get me wrong, but at the same time we just arent on the same level anymore..... i basically feel like im socially handicapped now that i dont drink....i guess that i feel like i have to be drinking to socialize, its crazy
i dunno
i need some new friends who dont drink i think LoL

YP1
02-13-2007, 04:16 PM
I don't have a fantastically busy social life, but it does me nicely. Most of my socialising is running related - I go to running club twice a week, sometimes go to the bar afterwards, I go out for running club meals, and I meet up with other runners at races. It works for me because mainly the people I meet up with understand why I don't want to get so drunk that I end up missing my run the next day, or why I'm concerned about eating well.

I do meet up with some of my old friends, but they seem to understand me less and less as I've changed during this process. I have different priorities in my life now, and they don't really share them.

As for dating, that doesn't really happen and never has round here. I had a boyfriend when I was at university, but that was *ahem* quite a long time ago. I've been on about two dates since then. That doesn't bother me too much, but I don't know how much it's due to weight and self-esteem issues, and how much it's just down to me not being interested in that whole scene. Certainly if I was to date, I wouldn't feel comfortable with the sort of person I'd meed in bars and clubs, so I'm not going to go there to meet them. The way my priorities are at the moment, I've got a far better chance of meeting someone I'd like at running club anyway.

I'm not unhappy with my situation, but I do wonder sometimes whether there should be more to a Saturday night than sitting at home having some herbal tea then having an early night...

JasonsLea
02-13-2007, 04:16 PM
I really have no social life. I have a few close friends but we rarely hang out because I work all the time. I am severely shy, I have no social graces, and I have low self esteem. Like some of you have said, if any guy seemingly flirts with me, I usually think I'm imaging it. And the ones that are blatantly trying to get this are after sex or just so freaking old and gross! Everytime a decent guy has liked me (one I could like back), he never approaches me because he thinks that I will reject him! Freakin hilarious but totally true! And I never find out till some time afterwards when there is no way I can see them again! Etc. when I was in the 9th grade, I had French with this cute quarterback who was in the 11th. He was really nice, really cute and he would always sit behind me in class and mess with my hair and stuff. I didn't think anything about it, I mean COME ON, popular, cute football player and fat nobody me? Please! In the middle of the school year, we had to move and I had to transfer to another school (which totally broke my heart....I still haven't gotten over it) and about a year later, one of my best friends (who was still at the old school) called me and told me that the guy had said that he had really liked me and wanted to ask me out but was afraid I would say no!!! He actually CRIED when I left the school! No joke. I remember on my last day, when I was in the hallway cleaning out of my locker, he came out of class and said 'Goodbye Shari' with the strangest look on his face. I didn't really get it then but now I do and I kick myself everyday. I try to remind myself of this everytime I have encounters like that but I'm just too chicken and scarred to push myself. Sorry I'm so long winded. LOL

Oh and (surprisingly) I have no problem with Valentine's. It's always just been another day for me. People tell me I'll understand when I get a man but I'm just like whatever.

JasonsLea
02-13-2007, 04:18 PM
Right there with you.

I have very little social life, but that's more to do with my depression than my weight.


ITA.

Nikaia
02-13-2007, 04:46 PM
ITA.

Translation, please? ;)

improbable
02-13-2007, 08:41 PM
Its kind of crazy, I was single the time I started gaining to just a few days ago... I know SOME of it was about weight, but I also know a lot of it is just circumstance, meeting the right guys. It makes me wonder, though, how different those years might have been. I guess you can never really know for sure.

Tara D
02-13-2007, 08:54 PM
Mine sucks, but I think it's my fault.

almostheaven
02-13-2007, 08:55 PM
ITA = I totally agree

Nikaia
02-13-2007, 10:42 PM
Ahh, thank you. Never seen that acronym before.

nelie
02-13-2007, 11:32 PM
I'm also another anti valentine's day girl :) DH and I both agree that there is no reason to celebrate it, so we don't.

shelby897
02-13-2007, 11:45 PM
I was overweight from birth to age 18ish and then thin until about age 23 -- but even thin, I still had my self-esteem issues that I carry around, so dating wasn't great -- I still felt unattractive from habit. My poor DH -- I was thin when me met and over the past 13 years (probably our first five) have put on 100 lbs. I'm sure he didn't expect that :dizzy: -- And, even married I'm not a big valentine's day fan -- think it's just another money sucking holiday. I celebrate it with my two favorite men -- my 3 and 7 year old sons -- husband and I don't do anything much. And, my friends/family don't understand why DH and I don't go out -- it seems to offend them that we have no social life. By the time we pay a babysitter and find some where we want to go, it's just not worth it to me. I don't think we've been out since my cousin got married when I was 8 months pregnant and that's fine with me!!

phantastica
02-14-2007, 11:00 AM
I'm also another anti valentine's day girl :) DH and I both agree that there is no reason to celebrate it, so we don't.

It's refreshing to see a couple who thinks it's a bogus holiday. :D

almostheaven
02-14-2007, 11:17 AM
I don't mind V Day. Don't see any reason to buy a bunch of junk for it. A single rose is more my speed. Hubby started to buy me a box of candy...he would have in the past. But he knew I wouldn't want that, so he left it at a "Happy Valentine's Day" and that was enough.

Nikaia
02-14-2007, 12:44 PM
It's refreshing to see a couple who thinks it's a bogus holiday.

That it is! Me and mine might say "Happy Vday" if we remember, but more likely not. It's a totally corporate-sponsered holiday. If he wants to express his love for me, or I want to do the same for him, why do it on a predetermined date? *shrug* I just don't see the point to all this hoopla, is all.

nelie
02-14-2007, 01:21 PM
That it is! Me and mine might say "Happy Vday" if we remember, but more likely not. It's a totally corporate-sponsered holiday. If he wants to express his love for me, or I want to do the same for him, why do it on a predetermined date? *shrug* I just don't see the point to all this hoopla, is all.

The hoopla is that businesses make money off of it :) DH and I went shopping at the mall this weekend, I wanted to look for something and I knew there were sales. I was telling him that I don't know why there were sales when I noticed some heart shaped balloons in the store and then I figured "oh yeah, Vday, I forgot". We didn't end up buying anything though.

healthytoad
02-14-2007, 01:54 PM
lot's of bah humbug around here lol any excuse to celebrate and make a little change from the regular schedule works for me. My sweetie and I are disgustingly romantic anyway..Valentine's fits right in! When we travel, we are always asked if we are on our honeymoon...we always say yes. (We've been married 7 years) Of course.. we have also been know to celebrate ice cream day...Chinese New Year...pickle day...