General chatter - boyfriend advice...




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Indychick829
02-11-2007, 10:22 AM
ok, quick rundown...i've been dating my boyfriend for 5 months. he's great - we spend allll our time together - i honestly spend like 6 nights a week at his place - he's ALWAYS asking me to come over - he always makes me dinner - pays for everything - is a real gentleman when it comes to everything - knows a few of my friends - i know his friends. does anything and everything i ask of him - and yes, we DO have our own time apart too...(not a lot, but enough to keep us both sane...lol). Also - he only JUST started calling me his "girlfriend" about a month ago...before that - he didn't like the word and would only call me "the girl i'm dating"...

ok. So. friday night - i took HIM out for an early valentine's day dinner and movie - i paid for dinner (Bucca Di Beppo's - his fave italian place downtown) and he paid for the movie before I had a chance to pull my $$ out...lol.

LAST night i was supposed to go out dancing with my best girlfriend. I ended up bailing on her last minute (around 9) because i'm sick again...hacking, coughing, sneezing, etc...yesterday, when i left, he asked me if i was gonna go back to his place or mine after we were done dancing (assuming at that time i was still going) and i told him, "i'd like to come back here, but you do live on the northeast side of town and she and i both live on the west side...since i'm driving - there's no point of me driving back up here at 3 in the morning..." and he was cool with that...ok fine. whatever - "i'll see you tomorrow night"

so i called him around 4 p.m. yesterday telling him that my coughing had gotten worse and i was running a mild fever. and he suggested i take a nap before i go out and see if that helps...so i slept and around 9 p.m. i wake up getting texts from both him and her. both asking me how i was feeling...well, i told my girlfriend that i didn't feel like going - i wouldn't BE any fun nor HAVE any fun. so she was cool with that. and I told my boyfriend, "not better, i think i'm gonna stay in tonight" then i sent a second one saying, "hey, if you wanna, come over tonight, i've got the place to myself, since i'm not going anywhere" (meaning the roommate was gone) and he replied, "nah, I'm doing laundry"...ok - so i told him, "ok, no prob. i'll see you tomorrow night"

that was the end of that...then - at 4 this morning i get a call from my best girlfriend - and knowing it was her ringtone i answered...first off, she's NOT the kind to start any drama - she would NEVER start any thing like that or make anything up. she'd have no reason to at all. well, she called and said, "hey, i saw your boyfriend at the danceclub...i was dancing all up on this really hot guy and he came up to me and said, 'hey dana! where's keri-ann?'"

um what? ummm...huh? why would he have gone to the dance club after he KNEW i was staying home? and please, don't be all pessimests and say he's cheating on me...cuz if he was - first off, he wouldn't have gone up TO my girlfriend and asked me where i was and plus she said that when she saw him after that he was by himself drinking a beer...and second - i DO trust him with all my heart. and this was around 2 when the dance club closes at 3.

but my very first thought actually was..."was he checking up on me?" making sure i really WAS sick and didn't go out? he shouldn't have ANY reason WHATsoever NOT to trust me! plus, as valentine's day is 3 days away...HE'S the one who keeps telling me about all these plans he has for me - or wanted to do for me...and i have a feeling it's gonna be VERY good! :-P

and yes, i'm GOING to ask him about this when i go over there tonight - but HOW should i go about it? just be blunt and ask him..."soooo - dana called me at 4 this morning and said you were at the vogue...what's up?" or should i NOT say anything?

it just makes absolutely NO sense to me whatsoever as to why he was there looking for me. any advice???


Ashley103
02-11-2007, 10:41 AM
I agree with your first instinct that he is checking up on you. We all do something stupid sometimes, and then regret it later, and this may be his stupid moment. Sounds like you need to have a heart-to-heart discussion with him about trust. IMHO, it's better to bring it up calmly than sit around stewing about it.

shelby897
02-11-2007, 10:43 AM
I would agree that you should casually bring it up -- but don't read too much into it -- maybe he just felt like going out anyway and when he saw your friend, wanted to chat. I wouldn't let him know she called you right away, but jst that she mentioned she saw him.


Michelle
02-11-2007, 12:26 PM
I agree with the other two posters, but I don't know why he would be out checking up on you if you had first invited him to come over to your place in the first place since you told him you were staying home because you were sick. He could have come over and known you were really staying home, instead of saying he was staying home to do dirty laundry. Did he not think your friend would say something to you at all?? I don't really know, but hope that everything ends up find.:dizzy:

aphil
02-11-2007, 01:11 PM
:) I live near Indy...and have been to The Vogue, although it was years ago, when it was still a more alternative type of club.

Hmmm...I honestly believe he probably originally meant to stay home and do laundry when he found out you were staying home...he then probably got bored, and decided to go out. Not a big deal. I have done the same exact thing before.

He probably saw your friend, and then thought maybe you also decided to go out on a whim, instead of staying home...so he asked her if you were around.

We all have the tendency to think "negative" first, don't we? :)

EZMONEY
02-11-2007, 02:14 PM
I say wait and say nothing about it...ask him how laundry went....he may tell you exactly what he did last night and have a good reason for doing what he did. Or, he may cut his own throat?

SmartButt
02-11-2007, 06:55 PM
My gut instinct would be to agree with EZMoney (gasp) and pretend like your friend didn't call, then just ask how laundry was. Let HIM bring it up.

But then the more logical part of me kicks in, and I wonder if that wouldn't be really dishonest to lie and pretend she hadn't called you. If you want to go the honest route, when you see him, you could say "Hey, my friend says she ran into you at the club last night." and end your sentence there. I would guess he would say "Oh yeah, blah blahblah" and explain why he was there.

Doesn't sound like he would be cheating on you - because he'd win Idiot of the Year award, going to the club he knew your friend would be at, then walking right up to her. Worst case scenario was he didn't believe you and was testing you. Which I don't think is a big deal, this early-on in a relationship.

EZMONEY
02-12-2007, 12:27 AM
My gut instinct would be to agree with EZMoney (gasp) .......

:love: :love: :love: :love: :love: :love: :love: :love: :love: :love: :love: :love:

Ya know SMARTBUTT...I kinda like your style!

nelie
02-12-2007, 10:33 AM
I'd ask him about him mostly because he probably knows your friend would've told you about it. I'm not sure if he was checking up on you or not because he could've went over to visit you and see that you were really sick and weren't out. It is a little odd but I'd just talk to him about it.

marbleflys
02-12-2007, 01:09 PM
you said it all in your first paragraph....you trust him.....he trusts you.

Let him tell you he saw your friend. I doubt he was checking on you, he most likely got bored with his laundry and wanted a little social time. He wasn't hiding anything, he knew once your GF saw him he was being *tracked*

don't try to read into it, just listen to what he says.

Dan2112
02-12-2007, 01:28 PM
Guy perspective here.. mostly because I might have done the same thing..

1. He approached your friend because he didn't want her to see him first and then say something to you about seeing him there, thus making you suspicious about him being there..

2. He asked where you were, because he wanted her to think that he kind of expected you to be there. Thus removing suspicion that he went out on his own because he knew you weren't going to. (The cat's away to the mice will play analogy)...

As for motive about going out.. It could just be that he didn't feel like staying home.

Hope that made some sense..

marbleflys
02-12-2007, 01:33 PM
You are a wise man, Dan.....

Rosario
02-12-2007, 01:39 PM
2. He asked where you were, because he wanted her to think that he kind of expected you to be there. Thus removing suspicion that he went out on his own because he knew you weren't going to. (The cat's away to the mice will play analogy)...



That's what I was thinking!!

Wildfyre
02-12-2007, 03:51 PM
I'd play nice first.

Ask him how his night went, what he did, etc. If he comes out and says "I got bored so I went out, hope you don't mind", I'd let it go. If he says "Oh, I just stayed home and did laundry", I'd nail him to the wall.

Gladdy
02-12-2007, 04:39 PM
What is probably botheirng you is that if he were bored after doing laundry, why didn't he just come over? (I can't tell what the distance is from his house to yours.) Perhaps he just thought he'd let you get some much needed sleep.

I don't think he is cheating on you. I do think that he is temporarily creating a little distance. He just recently called you his "girlfriend" and Valentine's Day is coming...a day invested with way too much meaning and expectation. Maybe he just needed some time to himself.

Just tell him in a slightly playful tone of voice that your heard he was at the club. Pause. Let him explain why he went. Do not offer him any reasons, such as, "What, did you get bored after doing laundry?" Let him fill in the info. Keep your mouth shut and your eyes and ears open. You will be able to tell by his demeanor what is going on.

And don't let on that it bothers you! Try to not sound accusatory, which will be difficult, but you have to act like it doesn't bother you. Otherwise, he will be reacting to your tone, not your message.

SmartButt
02-12-2007, 08:03 PM
You people are so smart. I wish I had had a group of you following me around in my early 20s when i was a fool about dating problems.

Dan2112
02-13-2007, 02:58 PM
You are a wise man, Dan.....

Aww.. Shucks... :o

Ashley103
02-13-2007, 08:08 PM
Now I wish we'd hear how it went!!!!

Indychick829
02-16-2007, 06:32 PM
Guy perspective here.. mostly because I might have done the same thing..

1. He approached your friend because he didn't want her to see him first and then say something to you about seeing him there, thus making you suspicious about him being there..

2. He asked where you were, because he wanted her to think that he kind of expected you to be there. Thus removing suspicion that he went out on his own because he knew you weren't going to. (The cat's away to the mice will play analogy)...

As for motive about going out.. It could just be that he didn't feel like staying home.

Hope that made some sense..

Well, Dan - first off, love the name - it's the bf's name! hahaha.


but yeah....he actually brought it up sunday night before i even had a chance to say anything! :-P that's why i love him and this relationship...it's funny - in the past - any guy i'd have dated would have TOTALLY lied about it...nah - he brought it up casually..."so - i saw dana last night" and i was like, "yeah, i know - she called me at 4 a.m. to tell me!" so we laughed about it. he said he was just bored and decided to go out for a bit and ended up not doing that much when he got there.

but yeah...i don't know - it's just weird for me, i guess...even after 5 months of us being together - i DO trust him and even though he hasn't said it yet - i KNOW he loves me...but this is also my first REAL relationship where i've not felt as if everything he does is suspicious and i DO trust him...and i'm not used to that. i'm GETTING there - i'm realllly danm close - but - like nights like saturday...i still turn back in to the girl that doesn't completely 100% trust.