100 lb. Club - Significant other -- supportive or not??




shelby897
02-10-2007, 10:54 PM
Just curious where everyone else is on this --

My husband was supportive probably my first two feeble attempts at weight loss but I think he's hit his limit and is rather critical of it and sometimes a bit nasty.

So, where are you on this -- I hope everyone is supportive of your efforts.


Angihas2
02-11-2007, 12:10 AM
Matt is very supportive. When we first met, online I weighed 127, very underweight for my height/frame. 4 kids later, I'm at the other end of the spectrum. Thankfully, he loved me skinny and now he's loved me fat. Somewhere in between will make me happy and healthier. Thats his focus, I think he's worried with my family history, that if I don't lose weight, he'll be raising the kidlets by himself, lol. He's very very supportive, he does the dvd's with me, jogs the driveway with me and is on board with the change in dietary habits. Thank stars, otherwise, I would have given up along time ago. He's my cheerleader.

lilybelle
02-11-2007, 12:36 AM
My DH is supportive of my wt. loss and maintenance efforts. But, in no way does it keep him from getting whatever junk food he wants to eat when away from home. He doesn't complain about the new way I cook. He does praise my efforts but constantly reminds me that he didn't have a problem with my weight when I was much heavier than I am now.


Goldana
02-11-2007, 02:52 AM
My husband seriously doesn't seem to care less either way.
When I met him, many years ago, I was chubby like I've always been. The last few years when I have really started to pack on the pounds he hasn't said anything at all.
When I have made comments like "God, I look so fat in this dress...how can I possibly go to that wedding? (insert any family function)." He will just smile and reply "Honey, stop it, you look great." Deep down I always feel like he is just saying it not to hurt my feelings of course.
I've never seriously decided to lose weight so, when I told him about my plans he nodded and said it sounds good. He really seems indifferent either way. My husband is one of those blessed people who can eat anything at all, not exercise a bit, and be healthy and slender.
Him and I eat pratically the same diet, actually I think his diet is even worse. I exercise everyday, working my little (or should I say big? LOL) behind off while he gets to sit around and enjoy the computer or what not. All his blood work and blood pressure are great and he has awesome muscles in his arms and abdomen. He is completely healthy. What gives?
If only life was fair huh? I suppose in some ways that I am lucky to have a husband who is fit and healthy and doesn't criticize me. On the other hand, he wouldn't be much of a husband if he did criticize me right? Ahhh..the old two sides to every coin :)
Take care,
Goldana

shelby897
02-11-2007, 09:12 AM
My weight gain I think makes me feel guilty towards my husband which may in turn change our relationship and I'm just blaming him for that!! He met and married a 5' 10", 150 pound woman and here we are 10 years later and I've gained another person :( !!! He gets rather upset with me and I kind of don't blame him. To me you are attracted to a certain type of person and then "poof" they are gone!! I KNOW he loves me very much and just is disappointed I let my appearance go. Funny is -- he's gained 30 pounds since we got married (he was REALLY skinny when we met) but that's okay for him. Than again, if I had stopped at 30 lbs I might be okay :dizzy: I am starting to believe it's not just about my weight -- my whole personality has definitely changed since I gained -- I'm less outgoing, tend to be more depressed and I am embarrassed of my appearance. So -- this is the year all that's going to change -- one step at a time!! Wait till he sees his skinny wife at Christmas time!!! :D

rockinrobin
02-11-2007, 09:27 AM
Shelby I feel for your situation, I honestly and truly do. When we all got married we knew it was going to be for better or for worse. Your DH knew that too. Yes, I suppose he has a right to wanting his "old" wife back. But tough, life happens. You are older and wiser and a mother now. With different needs and different wants and just plain old different. There are so many more stresses that one has to deal with now as opposed to when you guys first started out. You can't possibly be the same person as when he first married you ten years ago. Inside and out.

My husband thank G-d has loved and adored and wanted me at 135 lbs and 287 lbs. I don't think he has mentioned my weight (until recently) more then 5 times in all the years we were married (almost 21). Although quite frankly I'm not sure why.

I strongly, strongly believe that you have to make losing weight about YOU, not about HIM in order to be successful. Just kind of one of those mental things. Now of course your husband as well as your children will benefit from you being HEALTHIER and thinner and happier. But first and foremost this is for YOU, YOU and YOU. Take care of you first for you and everyone and everything else will just have to follow.

Wait til YOU see his skinny wife Christmas time.

NESunshine
02-11-2007, 09:44 AM
ok so I'm not married, and I don't technically have a 'boyfriend' but there is a man and though we aren't technically together we have been having a torrid affair for about 7 years now so we may as well be. He is my best friend, not doubt. He is very supportive of me. He has seen me through my bottomest of the barrel times and is very excited about my turn for the better. We have had this very intense mutual connection/love thing going on pretty much since the day we met which neither of us really understands, and are both scared to death of. He's never know me as thin, and weight doesn't seem that it will change how we are. He always insists that he thinks I look great, and I really think he means it. But he also knows that I'm not happy with how I look and although its great that he feels the same way about me regardless he totally understands that I'm not really doing this for him, I'm doing it for me so what he thinks doesn't really make much of a difference...I'm not gonna stay fat because my long-term affair doesn't mind it.

We chat online pretty much all day while we are at work and he always asks me how things are going with my get healthy initiative and tells me how proud of me he is, and how much he believes in me and knows I will get to my goal. We are very frank with each other. He only sees me every 2 or 3 weeks because of our schedules and living a bit of a distance from each other so he always notices the changes more than anyone else because he doesn't see me every day. I don't know, our relationship is a bit weird and twisted..but it works for us and what we are both comfortable with right now and he's been good for me getting healthy.

Obsidianbbw
02-11-2007, 10:23 AM
For lack of a better word my significant other Is very supportive. I think he didn't really get into it until I started to talk about working out and he realized I was acting and not just talking about it. He never knew me when I was small. I only found out a few weeks ago he prefers women a size 18/20. I'm a 28. I was a little nervous about losing and him not being interested in a smaller me, but he said I have to be the size I am comfortable with and he'll love me no matter what, although he'll miss the big booty, LOL.

shelby897
02-11-2007, 10:24 AM
NESunshine -- there is nothing "wierd or twisted" about your relationship!! Everyone's relationships are based on what works for them. Whatever is comfortable for both of you (and it obviously is, it's worked this long!!) is what is right. You seem very comfortable with each other, which is important.

Rockinrobin -- I think the reason it is finally working for me is I've actually left my husband out of my "equation". I'm doing this for me (and a little for my kids). I want to feel better, I want to look better, etc. It's has just been hard knowing I had someone constantly watching everything I was doing towards weight loss so.... I just don't care anymore -- sounds harsh but I'm in my own little world as far as my efforts go -- I know when I'm doing well, when my emotions are making me do bad and what I need to do to correct it. When I finally quit trying to please those around me, it actually became much easier. I don't feel like I have to have immediate results to prove to anyone I can do this. I'm SO glad everyone seems to have such supportive significant others, I guess a little part of me was hoping to find someone in the same boat as me -- but it is nice to see everyone has such support!!

avsfan2
02-11-2007, 10:45 AM
This post couldn't have come at a better time...after a long night of long conversations with my husband about this very issue. My husband loves me fat and loves me thin...that's not the issue. His issue is, that since I have been on a "quest" to be healthier, the grocery bill has gone up and, in his opinion, the quality of food has gone down. I think the quality is better but to him, healthy = flavorless. It has seriously become a huge source of tension for us. He thinks I've changed since beginning this journey and in many ways he's right but I like the new me. So, I think he's supportive of my weight loss, but not so much of all the "stuff" that comes with it...different food, grocery bills, etc. It's been hard for us to work through. Since we have a small child that we have to feed we need to comprimise because we both need to be ok with what we feed my daughter. Otherwise, we would each just do our own thing and not care.

This weight loss journey has definitely been one that has created some tension with us but it's not anything we can't work through. It's just taking some extra effort!

rockinrobin
02-11-2007, 11:06 AM
Shelby I like how you put it, that you're in your own little world now. It's really nice that I get to share my successes with my daughters and DH. They are truly, truly happy for me. But the truth of the matter is that hadn't a clue as to just how miserable I really was, so they can't possibly know just how happy I am now. They can't possibly delight in my pounds coming off the same way as I do. They don't know whats in my journal and my inner most thoughts. Heck they don't even know how much I weighed when I started or what I weigh now. I'm not sure if I'll ever tell them. Of course they see a change in me, and not just in the physical sense. I am so much happier and active and yeah happier, it needs to be repeated twice. This journey I'm on is really all about me, me, me. I know that might sound a tad selfish, so be it. Without a doubt one of my major factors for doing this was my kids, they need a mom. And a healthy and happy one at that. I think they also might be starting to get a bit sick of hearing about calorie counts and portions and nutrients and all that stuff I've become obsessed with. I have to try and keep it in check lately. I don't want to be the scary, boring one that's always talking about their "diet". So I've definitely been holding back lately. They just don't get as excited as I do when I find a new healthy food that I like or a new exercise or what have you. So I've got to keep a lot of this stuff bottled up inside of me. Thank G-d for 3FC!!!

But this truly has been a very personal, very emotional ride for me. I really have no one to share that with. There are really no words to describe what's going on in my head these days. The changes in my physical self have really, really brought about a change in my mental self as well. And there's just no way for me to express that to anyone else. I can't even exactly express it all to myself.

shelby897
02-11-2007, 11:57 AM
avsfan2 -- Sad that healthy food is so much more expensive than the junk, isn't it!! I have a weekly grocery budget because I pretty much stick to the same basics each week, but I do make a menu for meal planning, maybe if you and your husband sit down and each pick out a few of the meals. I admit we do have one or two a week that I don't feel health wise are the best for us right now, but it keeps the husband (and kids) happy!! I also think spouses, family, etc. just think of it as losing weight and our appearance -- but I think we change a lot of our former selves as well -- personalities change, a lot of us will become more outgoing as we become more confident in our appearance, etc. It's a lot for someone else to understand.

Rockinrobin -- So, I guess when we start we think it's all going to be positive, amazing the feelings that come up, that we just have no one to share them with. Spouses, children, etc. can be very supportive, but it's hard to go from almost invisible to so darn hot you can't stand it, isn't it? :D And the center of my life has been the foods I ate and how they made me feel, it's been tough to refocus on exercise, drinking water and eating healthy. I now find myself trying to come up with things to fill that void food used to fill (in such an unhealthy way). And, I think two people who each loss 100 pounds will still have different feelings towards it and the journey they've been on. So, in the end we can all relate to the struggles and trials of losing weight, but I think each person's journey takes a different route to get there.

Ramble, ramble, ramble, sorry!!

CyberGypsy
02-11-2007, 01:28 PM
I guess being by myself....i dont get help or problems :)

jenhai
02-11-2007, 01:31 PM
Hubby is SO Supportive. We are actually in the obesity FIGHT together. He is a madman when it comes to workouts and fitness. But, I basically fed him to overweight. So, he has last 150+ lbs before and is going again with me. He lost 25lbs in JAN alone:carrot: . I lost about 12 . . . happy about it.

But, we depend on each other for encouragement in those "low" moments. I am very thankful for that.

J

jennylou
02-11-2007, 01:48 PM
DH is supportive in some senses. He is encouraging me to keep going, telling me how great I'm looking, etc. BUT, he thinks that he should be allowed to have chips in the house, have hamburger helper, etc. I've told him in no uncertain terms that he's not to have any of that crap in my house. If he wants them, fine, keep them in his truck or at work with him. But, I'm home all day with just me and the baby and I can't have that crap in my house right now. Also, he needs to get healthy, probably more so than I do. I'm healthy, just fat. He's not as healthy (high cholesterol, high BP and type II diabetes) and needs to lose weight too! So, I've told him that I can't control what he eats when he's not at home, but when he is, he'll be eating what I make - as I don't run a restaurant. When I'm here and cook for him this works. But, when I go out (first time for more than 2 hours yesterday), I came home to a bag of sour cream and cheddar chips and hamburger helper on the stove (well, mac and cheese with hamburger mixed in). At least it was lean meat, but the five boxes of mac and cheese and the country crock he bought (I didn't even check to see if he bought whole milk into the house) is the problem. It's the quantities. If he wanted mac and cheese, he could have bought one single box. It's an issue for sure. So is going out to eat. We go out after mass every Sunday with bil/sil too. The three of us (minus DH) are doing WW. He doesn't think about us, or the fact that it has to be a place that we can find something to eat - he just wants the greasy breakfast diner.

He has lost right along with me as I usually make him lunch (he works close by) and dinner. So, he's getting healthier, and that's why I'm fine with him eating whatever he wants at work, etc - I just don't want crap food in my house. I don't think that's unreasonable, but he does.

He was, however, enlightened, when I picked up the (half eaten) bag of chips and let him know that 11 chips was one serving. I think he'll be looking at that more often now. ;)

rockinrobin
02-11-2007, 03:22 PM
Rockinrobin -- So, I guess when we start we think it's all going to be positive, amazing the feelings that come up, that we just have no one to share them with. Spouses, children, etc. can be very supportive, but it's hard to go from almost invisible to so darn hot you can't stand it, isn't it? :D And the center of my life has been the foods I ate and how they made me feel, it's been tough to refocus on exercise, drinking water and eating healthy. I now find myself trying to come up with things to fill that void food used to fill (in such an unhealthy way). And, I think two people who each loss 100 pounds will still have different feelings towards it and the journey they've been on. So, in the end we can all relate to the struggles and trials of losing weight, but I think each person's journey takes a different route to get there.



It's just a very solo effort, the weightloss. No one can help us but ourselves. It's ours and ours alone.

Food was the center of my life before. But I gotta tell you I think, no I know I'm even MORE focused on it now. Without a doubt. I think of food constantly. The shopping, preparing, the menus, the actual cooking, clean up, the planning, the planning, the planning. When I "get" to eat again. Getting in my water. I'm also very focused on the fitness aspect. So I think I have found how to fill the void. It's still food, I just transfered it to the healthy kind instead of the enormous quantities and not giving a fig as to what I was eating kind. And then of course there's the reading up on all the fitness and the good foods and fitday and 3FC. I am totally and completely obessesed. I'm not complaining mind you, in fact I think it's kind of like a bonus. It didn't happen for me right away, I can't even pinpoint when it did become an obsession. Give it time, without a doubt the determination and commitment increases as you go along, as you have more success. I even wrote that in my signature. The motivation increases also. I'm actually enjoying this journey. You will too. Hang in there. And remember you can share with us here at 3fc. Anytime and always. We're here for you. :hug:

Cheryl14
02-11-2007, 05:39 PM
Hey there, Shelby!

My husband and I have known one another since we were ten, soooooo, he knew me before boobs, when I was a FOOT SHORTER than I am right now, AND when I wore glasses just like Mona's best friend in the movie "Beautiful"!!!:dizzy:

Weight loss to HIM ranks right up there with lip gloss, nailpolish, and tampons! Yes, TOTALLY NOT important to him! Now if I were to get a new iPod or I discovered the solution to some difficult mathematical equation, WELL, then I would have his COMPLETE interest and attention. Weight loss...no...does not compute!:nono:

I think if he wasn't thin, weight loss might be something he could relate to...maybe. Also, if he DOES ever gain a few pounds, he either goes and buys some new slacks in a bigger size OR he just doesn't eat much for a few days and the pants fit again!

In the FORTY-FIVE YEARS I have known him I can't ever remember a time that HE brought up my weight! Since we have known one another my weight has gone from eight-five pounds as a fourth grader to 275 in 1999, so that's a LOT of changes happenin' there! :?:

For him, I think the most important connections that we have are our kids, our values, and our VERY LONG history together. As long as I am there as his partner, friend, barber, and proofreader of his math exams and reports and can lug his band equipment as needed, I can be whatever weight I want to be!

This weight loss thing is for ME so that I will feel good and look good and so that I can meet my goals.

Good for you to realize that weight loss is FOR YOU!:carrot:

Cheryl

Casey4
02-12-2007, 11:17 AM
Richard is in the supportive but not changing his choices category. He always makes sure that he tells me how great I am doing and asks what he can do to help. However, he is a big junkfood addict and doesn't really see the need to change. I frequently make a different dinner for myself than the rest of the family. I am the only one who eats fish and I try to eat that 2-3 times a week now. I have increased the family's fruit and veggies intake and the kids have never been allowed to have soda etc. routinely at home. We do have junkfood and foods that are not on my plan in the house, but I have been okay with that. I don't crave them and have not had trouble staying away. I am planning to keep shifting meals to healthier versions slowly so they don't notice (complain.) I figure I need to do this somewhat drastically but they don't so I can shift things slower for them. As the spring comes I am going to get the girls walking with me as well. They swim and have gymnastics each week but I think increasing activity as a family will be a great goal!

Lifeguard
02-12-2007, 12:03 PM
My DH is very supportive. He wants me to lose weight because we both know that it would positively affect my depression & hopefully my fertility. He never comments on my weight but is happy for me when I succeed. He is trying to lose some as well, although his focus is more on fitness than weightloss & he does most of the cooking which is healthier than when I cook.

I am very lucky to have him.

GirlyGirlSebas
02-12-2007, 12:29 PM
When Paul and I met, we were both about 180. He has never made any negative comments about my weight. Over the 13 years of marriage, we have both put on quite a bit of weight. We are both doing Southbeach together and working out together. He has been a great support, but he was letting me down a bit this last couple of weeks. He hasnt seem as motivated. We've had some talks about this becoming our lifestyle and not just a diet, and I believe he's back on board with me now.

Mrs Quadcrew
02-12-2007, 12:35 PM
I am one of the lucky ones too. I've been married for 30 years to my 7th grade sweetheart. He has known me from the time I was 12 years old! He is very supportive and he never mentions my weight unless I bring it up. He knows I am not happy with myself, and that I am the one who has to do this, no one can do it FOR me. He eats what I fix without too much complaining ~ he does have some things that HE keeps in his desk drawer for snacking that I don't want to have access to. He is a a GREAT cheerleader every week when I weigh in too - he just wants me to be happy and healthy and able to enjoy life. He also is not one who is very overweight either - he could loose maybe 15 pounds. He has loved me thin and fat - and in the tough times. I am a lucky woman.

lizziness
02-12-2007, 10:49 PM
hubby and i go in phases. he either gets on the super lose weight kick and then gets upset with me if i don't work out as often or as hard as him or if i eat something he thinks is not on the plan, because he's sticking to it I have to too...
and then he'll go through a phase where he's just like -"lets go get nacho's... i want a big mac..." blah.
We are good and bad for each other, basically. :) Somewhere there must be a balance... we haven't quite found it yet. We're still working on it. He would never do or say anything intentionally to be unsupportive. But sometimes if he's in his "diet-****" attitude, I'll be honest - I just have to cheat because I'm mad at him (talk about emotional eating!)

TempleBody
02-13-2007, 12:55 AM
I'm so glad to see so many supportive couples. I'm really pleased.

My husband is supportive. When we first met I weighed 217. A year later weighed 279. I'm now back down to 248 as the ticker reads. He has never complained about my weight in seriousness or joking. He doe get very excited when I do loose weight though. That sortta makes me feel bad. I don't know why. I know he loves me just the way I am and he thinks I'm attractive. I just I dunno..

We've banned alot of the foods he loves from the house & although he'd gladly take them back in a heartbeat, he's doing it for me. He doesn't get to eat alot of his favorite foods, but at work he eats whatever. I make some of his fried, greasy, starchy foods once in awhile. Oh, and he LOVES juice, but he makes that sacrifice for me as well.

The one thing that we have trouble with is that he thinks he is healthy just because he is thin. I keep telling him he really needs to exercise and avoid fried foods, but he truly believes its okay cause he's thin.

mrstrucker
02-13-2007, 02:02 AM
My husband and I are long-haul truck drivers who drive in the same truck. My husband SAYS he is supportive but he is my biggest saboteur! He will pick up junk food for himself and since he wants to be wonderful, he will pick up a goodie or two for me also. Also, after he is finished driving, he will leave junk food on the dashboard so I have to remember to put it out of my reach (or sight) before I start driving so that I don't eat it because I keep looking at it until it drives me crazy!!

I am trying to lose weight and I would love for my husband to lose weight too (he could lose at least 75 pounds!) but he couldn't care less about losing weight and that makes it that much harder for me since we practically live together in our semi 24/7.