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L144S
02-05-2007, 01:00 PM
I have a BIL that pulls all kinds of crap, he only takes the kids when his parents are in town then drops them off at my house because the grandparents should spend time with his kids. Never mind that I had other plans.

My BIL has done many things over the years that my MIL has asked my to suck up and take. One that stands out was the time he made my 7 year old cry and she stood up for my BIL I told her a few years later that I lost all respect for her that day, it did not matter if BIL was right or wrong, she as the grandmother should have stood up for her innocent grandchild not the 30 year old. All I wanted from my Bill was a back handed apology for my son, "I am sorry I made you cry", MIL said I was wrong to expect that.

The last time he dropped the kids off was the day I hit my limit, he dropped the kids off at 8:30 am, pretended he had an errand, didn't say good bye to the kids, just walked out the door. and finally called 10 hours later, did I mention he left his 10 week old puppy too? told my MIL the puppy would be fine until he got back. When he called he asked if there was anything he could pick up for us, I yelled YOUR KIDS! I spent the entire day yelling at the kids, don't hit your brother, don't spit on your brother, put that down! and the 5 year old was not toilet trained (UMM YUCK!!!!!) and my MIL was mad at me because I was mean to my Bil while she went into the other room to find a little bit of quiet!!

Since then, Bill is not allowed at our house, if the in laws want to see the kids they have to do it elsewhere, I don't know, like at HIS HOUSE? (BTW he just made a room for his kids at his house, hs girlfriends 4kids each have a room but not one for his kids, he finally put one together when after 2 years his parents wanted to see his home) I put up with my BIL for 15 years because my mother in law asked me to be nice to him. But she never puts up with him, she walks away and I have to deal with it. It has been the least stressful year of my life not having BIL around.

it is unbelievable that he can't understand why no one likes him (did I mention he olny talks about himself, gym and the great deal he gets on chicken for his low fat high protein diet) he never ask about anone else (still has no idea what I do for work) and didn't understand why he was not invited to Thanksgiving with his extended family. MY MIL tried to plead his case to me, I told her I did not want to hear it, she does not get to ask me to do anything for him any more AND if sh felt stongly enough the BIL be invited and she wasn't she should have not gone herself.

My son's bar Mitzvah is coming up, he is not invited and my MIL is pissed. UDH's grandmother will be when she finds out) my ex SIL good friend from collage and still friends) thinks that her kids will be upset to not have their dad at a "family event" I told her that there are a million other things he does not do that my son's Bar Mitzvah should be the least of her problems, BIL has never said a kind workd to me or even a hello to my kids, heuse to come into my house and not say a word to me, eat and leave, he never says thank you, and wonders why we don't want to include him. The final kicker, but not for MIL was when her brother passed away and he though it was an apprpriate time for ther to meet hi GF of 2 years (because there of coures was no better time for that) he wanted to bring her to the funeral but she had not met anyone, and I had to put down my foot and tell him that it was not an appropriate time. At the funeral (god I can't believe I am about to type this, he complained that the casket was heavy and that he was going to have to go see the chiropractor and miss a day at the gym!

I am so done with him and Mil frankly but DH is not done with her! Boy it felt good to vent that :) but I know the crap will hit the fan when the invitations go out and he is NOT invited, MIL is tryng to tell me it is a mistake I can never fix...how about the mistake she made letting her son bully a 7 year old?


Thanks for letting me vent!


FrouFrou
02-05-2007, 01:16 PM
You know, not to be taking the BIL's side but two wrongs don't make a right. I think sometimes we have to let our feelings take the back burner. I know that he made your son cry, but for him to not be invited to your sons Bar Mitzvah is only making things worse. You know he is an idiot, and a selfish, mean person but sometimes we have to overlook things and the way people are for the sake of the family. We can't change the way a person is, we just have to accept them for what and who they are and try to deal with it/them the best you can. Just my two cents.

cbmare
02-05-2007, 01:26 PM
I am so done with him and Mil frankly but DH is not done with her! Boy it felt good to vent that :) but I know the crap will hit the fan when the invitations go out and he is NOT invited, MIL is tryng to tell me it is a mistake I can never fix...how about the mistake she made letting her son bully a 7 year old?


Thanks for letting me vent!

I certainly hope you feel better! You should!

This is a mistake you can never fix? Aren't there a few issues that need to be fixed in other areas? How about an appology to you and your family?

It sounds like MIL let him run all over her when he was growing up!

However, have you asked your son if he wants this jerk there?


L144S
02-05-2007, 01:46 PM
My son does not want him there. I can't sit him with family, i won't sit him with my friends (they mght eat him alive for the things he has done to me) DH won't sit him with his friends and btw the 7 year old is now the bar mitzvah boy.

i would let bygones be bygones but I know the stress he causes me and frankly everyone else he knows, the temper tantrum he will have (his 6 year old is the only child sitting with a parent) because his kid is not being treated fairly. All of the other kids are 10 and 13, My kids are afraid of him, he would yell at them for not giving up a turn for his kids, he would not give my kids a treat while giving to his on kids in from of mine, he would not let them play at my nephews birthday party unless I paid for them to be there (I never did pay for my kids, nor did they go) and there ws the time my husband and i bought $150 of tenderloin to his house for dinner (it was his Bday, he had yelled at his wife that she could only serve pasta and my MIL wanted to have a nice meal in honor of his bday) so Dh and I brough the meat, he chewed my SIL out because the meat was expencive ****, she should never have spent that kind of money and besides that OMG ther was fat on it!

Frankly this is supose to be a happy day for us and i can't imagine him there or finding out how much he agrivated my other guest. i really am not kidding you that he will talk about himself only for hours.

We really did debate long and hard and ultimately my DH felt it was best. he does not care about my kids, never calls to talk to Dh unless he needs something and has not spoken a word to me in probobly 5 years....

FrouFrou
02-05-2007, 03:23 PM
You know this is a tough situation. But I think if you can deal with the fallout from not inviting him then I wouldn't. I have some family/in-laws like this. There were some things going on when we got married and so we left some people out, thinking it was the best thing to do...nope. Only made things 100 times worse. Sounds like he has a lot of growing up to do though and his mother needs to put her foot down instead of taking up for him. And if DH feels it's best then I say leave him out of it. Why ruin your sons special day because of one person. Good luck to you and lots of hugs!
:hug: :hug:

buckettgirl
02-05-2007, 03:58 PM
I have to applaud you for standing your ground and not getting walked on anymore. You must have boundaries in this situation. Your DH doesn't seem to be bothered by boundaries (but you haven't said that he cares one way or the other either). Your MIL has done nothing but enable her son to behave the way he does. He needs to grow up. You owe him nothing and I hope you don't back down.
I disagree with the other posters - just because its family doesn't mean you put up with everything no matter what.
Sounds like it is best to cut ties with BIL. If your husband wants a relationship with him, then he can do that on his own time and leave you out of it. After all that you have put up with you are not obligated to waste anymore energy on BIL.
I wouldn't even claim him as a BIL :p

fitbyforty
02-05-2007, 05:33 PM
Don't invite him,stick to your guns.You had the right idea when you banned him in the first place.Life is too short to have someone ,who causes you nothing but stress,around.

lizziness
02-06-2007, 12:40 AM
I agree it's not worth risking ruining your sons special day over this guy. I have horrid in-laws myself so I can truly relate to this situation. If there was a way to have holidays without my MIL I would do it! I think I'd rather spend my holidays alone than with them...
*hugs* to you and good luck with this. sometimes you just have to stand up and say enough is enough and be done with it.

almostheaven
02-06-2007, 02:33 PM
There are some people in this world who are advantage takers. They take and take and return nothing. I have a cousin like that. She too was banned from my house because she wouldn't keep her two spoiled children under control and I had too much broken. The last time, a lamp was broken and I thought something was weird the day they left from their visit and she wanted the vaccuum to clean up before they left. She was vaccuuming up the glass and didn't bother to tell me about the lamp. Her son also pushed our cat out the second floor window.

I'm still friends with her and will talk with her, but the ban from my home remains. Her kids are older, yet she's still not invited. If she couldn't tell me about that lamp, what else might she not tell me about when leaving my home? And...I know that if I invite her back, she'll start taking advantage again. She think that it's all water under the bridge and she can start showing up unannounced again whenever she pleases and expect me to go eat with her (because she needed two adult meals in order to get both her kids' meals free...sheesh!). It was all about what she needed/wanted. And like her, if you give your BIL the impression that the past is forgotten, he'll promptly forget it and be a jerk in your house once more.