General chatter - Rant Rant Rant




View Full Version : Rant Rant Rant


ennay
02-05-2007, 12:26 AM
Original Rant removed by me!

A combination of my yoga class tonight and reading about my friends new twin boys has given me a rare sense of peace and forgiveness and perspective and so I thought I would remove some negativity while the feeling lasted


tikanique
02-05-2007, 01:31 AM
OMIGOSH!! I'm so sorry you had such a rotten night. You should have checked him at the first sign that he was going to treat you like hired help. I would think long and hard before I allowed him to come over by himself with the kids. That's totally unacceptable.

Tiki

lizziness
02-05-2007, 02:31 AM
Wow, what a turd. We recently had a similar problem, only for me the problem was not telling me they were bringing the kid with them... our house is not prepared for children, and honestly I have to be mentally and emotionally prepared to handle this particular child. I ended up baby-sitting for 4 or 5 hours while they fiddled with computer stuff.
I really think that men are just totally oblivious to these things...

I hope you get a chance to relax and that you get a little help with the clean up. And I agree with tiki - think about whether or not you want to play hostess to the wild little monkeys in the future...


ennay
02-05-2007, 10:58 AM
oh believe me, if I had known mom wasnt coming I would have made alternate plans. Probably left dh to deal with it

aphil
02-05-2007, 11:05 AM
Wow...my husband is GREAT with the kids-he changes diapers, makes their plates...he would never do that at someone else's home!

Advice from my point of view? If my husband did this at a friend of mine's home, I WOULD WANT TO KNOW. (This is just me, of course.)

If you could call, or email the wife, I would-and explain what happened. Explain to her that YOU also wanted to watch the game, and that her husband left you with the children while he watched the game and ignored their needs.

lilybelle
02-05-2007, 11:34 AM
OMG, I would have been furious. I get in these type of situations a lot with my SD. It's her that's the problem not her DH. She comes over with 2 kids ages 2 1/2 and 8 months and the minute she walks in the door, she puts the kids on auto-pilot. If one of them has a dirty diaper, she'll ask my 14 yr.old to change it. I've told her no on this, "change your own kid's Diaper". She'll also have my DD give food to the kids while they're up moving around and food gets smeared everywhere. I've told her now, the kids aren't allowed any food unless they are in their high chairs. Every single time she leaves, my house has been destroyed. I want to tell her to stay and clean up the toys and junk, but by the time they leave, I'm so happy there gone that cleaning up the toys and such is a breeze compared to having them stay a few extra min's for clean up. My biggest pet peeve is everytime she is loading her kids up to leave, she lets my dog out the front door, then I have to chase the dog down and get it back in the house. GRRRRRRRRR. I've griped a million times to my DH about his DD. He is no help. When she is here with kids in tow, he hides in here and plays party poker on the computer and ignores everything. My DD has got to where when they are here, she hides in her room to keep from being dumped on. Speaking of the SD, she's here right now. She spent the night here with the kids. I gotta go, the 2 yr. old is up getting into stuff while the Mother of the Year is asleep on my couch. GRRRRRRRRRRR.

marbleflys
02-05-2007, 12:57 PM
You have every right to be pissed....If these people consider themselves *good friends*, who needs enemys? The father's behavior was RUDE, no man can be THAT clueless these days, it's inexcusable. I certainly wouldn't keep my mouth shut, Mom needs to know that you spent the entire evening as a babysitter and you are owed gratuity and a sincere apology.

I hope they take you out to dinner (without kids) and make it up to you.

sharonrr
02-05-2007, 01:14 PM
You have every right to be pissed....If these people consider themselves *good friends*, who needs enemys? The father's behavior was RUDE, no man can be THAT clueless these days, it's inexcusable. I certainly wouldn't keep my mouth shut, Mom needs to know that you spent the entire evening as a babysitter and you are owed gratuity and a sincere apology.

I hope they take you out to dinner (without kids) and make it up to you.

Great idea. Bill them. Find out what the going rate is for child care and let them know.

jtammy
02-05-2007, 02:29 PM
It's too late now but I would have turned that t.v off to get his attention and told him he needs to do something with his children.

I can understand if the mom wasn't feeling well but she should have kept her kids home with her if she wasn't going to show up.

You have every right to be pissed and I definitely would let her know!

Why should she have kept them at home with her? He's their parent also. Maybe he should have stayed home if he couldn't take care of them without her. He was the one who shirked his duty. Either way, I know it wasn't ennay's responsibility to care for them.

I will agree that turning off the TV would have gotten his attention. I think that would have been a great solution.

FrouFrou
02-05-2007, 02:40 PM
Yeppers...they are his kids too, but any woman knows that when a man is watching a football game he is not going to be watching his kids. If she had shown up who would have been watching the kids? Not him. JMHO

cbmare
02-05-2007, 02:42 PM
I think I would contact her and ask if he does this at home all the time. I'll bet he's the type of father who thinks it's a woman's job to take care of kids.

I'm serious about asking her if he just dumps all the care for them on her. If she says he does nothing at home, then you have your answer. If she says he's a "hands on dad", then ask her why he thought it was OK to dump care for them on you when they came over.

It may sound nasty, but I'd tell her that the kids won't be allowed back without parental control.

What did your DH do and/or say about this? He should have stepped up and said something as well.

Also, what is up with that kid not being potty trained? A kid that is around 3 should be potty trained.

L144S
02-05-2007, 03:07 PM
I agree wit CB, If he is not an involved dad well you can blame him, he should have never come WITH the kids, but he may not know how, his job ended as soon as the kids were safely in the house. I might be a little upset with my DH for not saying anything, but I also agree that you need to set ground rules with this friend. if you don't you will be upset everytime you get together.

marbleflys
02-05-2007, 03:30 PM
not to beat the man more....but what kind of PARENT knowingly lets their kid run around with a poopie diaper??? did he expect you to do that too?

If I may ask, what age bracket are the parents? (physically, mentally they sound a bit immature)....

and BTW, my child is grown, (replaced by cats) but my BF balks at scooping the litterbox.

aphil
02-05-2007, 03:54 PM
I can understand if the mom wasn't feeling well but she should have kept her kids home with her if she wasn't going to show up.


Yeppers...they are his kids too, but any woman knows that when a man is watching a football game he is not going to be watching his kids. If she had shown up who would have been watching the kids? Not him. JMHO

I disagree with both of these comments. If I am ill, my husband does not leave the kids at home with me while he does whatever. He takes them with him, but he WATCHES them and takes care of their needs. This is what the father should have been doing.

Secondly, not all men ignore their children while football is on. My husband doesn't. Men will only do what the women around them LET them do...if they pretend not to hear the kids while they are watching the game, and the wife or whoever takes care of their needs instead-then they get exactly what they wanted. The key is, not to let hem get away with it.
I would have stood in front of the father, and demanded that the diaper be changed, that he get the banana for himself, and to watch his children-or he can leave, and leave NOW. :lol:

I have had to put my foot down many times with DH's friends...

I think I may need to start a husband boot camp.

I bet I'd make a fortune.

Mami
02-05-2007, 04:25 PM
I'm getting heated just reading this outrageous story! Men just have some nerve, though based on Lilly's post, it seems women can also be this lazy and rude. I agree with aphil that men get away with what we let them get away with. For example, taking out the garbage is DH's job. But I have to ASK HIM every damn time the trash can is full to empty it. Of course then you get into a battle with them to do it now, and they dont want to, and your now the nagging woman. So now, instead of begging DH to do his own job, I just start a small plastic bag hanging from the door to put the trash in when the can is full. DH doesnt know there's a bag to add additional trash, so when he finally needs to throw something out, he will finally empty the can (probably after stuffing more into the can a few times to avoid emptying it). DH is a good father though and would never knowingly let our baby stay in poopie diapers. The utter gall!!!!!!!!!!!

ennay
02-05-2007, 08:05 PM
I'm not mad at the mom for not coming - she had a migraine, watching two toddlers with a full blown migraine is **** (the nausea and light too, not "just a headache") Besides, their kids are my dd's best friends, so they should have had fun playing together.

Sorry, in this day and age if you cant have the dad watch the kids for a few hours he needs his a$$ kicked. They both work full time anyway. I am a SAHM and I would never tolerate dh being that incompetent with his children. He is a PARENT not a paycheck.

Seriously, I've known this guy for about 11 years and I think he has some kind of attention disorder. We'll be playing cards and if the tv is on in the background, even some stupid kids show he'll be totally mesmerized and wont hear us talking to him. I used to work with him and sometimes he would be in his cubical working and it would take physically contacting him to get his attention. He would just be so "in the zone" he wouldnt notice the world around him. We used to store a squishy ball by his cubicle entrance to hit him with to talk to him.

I did MAKE him take care of his own kids after the initial "Hey why the **** am I doing this" hit, but it pissed me off that I had to keep saying "HEY your kids are spreading chocolate on my walls" and "HEY your kid has a poopy diaper that I can see from across the room because it is all over her back. " He just didnt NOTICE.

(I do take exception to the statement that "an almost 3 year old should be potty trained". Kids train at different rates and pushing them when they are not ready is the worst thing you can do. 2 1/2 -3 1/2 is normal. Her wearing diapers is not an issue, him ignoring it is. )

And I could have turned off the TV every 10 minutes, but then I would have missed the game too. That would have annoyed me even more. It still would have resulted in the same issue as soon as it came back on, because its an attention problem, not an attitude problem

I honestly truly do not believe this was a case of "the woman will watch the kids" I think that when he is home alone with his kids this is about the level of attention they receive. He ignores them until screaming penetrates his brain and they are generally left to their own devices.

It is telling that the minute they walked in the house they started asking ME for permission, asking ME for things. They know I am much stricter with discipline and expect more from them than he does.

4myloves
02-06-2007, 10:05 AM
Yea for Yoga!!

Glad you're feeling better!

marbleflys
02-06-2007, 11:09 AM
nice comment regarding your husband...I liked that, he's a parent not a paycheck, (in contrast to another opinion that reminded me of the year 1962).

but did you kick his A$$? or did his wife do it?

Mami
02-06-2007, 01:10 PM
I dont think this attention deficit thing is an excuse for this man's ridiculous behavior. He knows he has a problem with concentrating too much on one thing and he should fix that, with medication, therapy or whatever. I should start using that one as an excuse when my baby is crying and poop is coming out of her diaper. That way DH will just handle it every time. NOT!

Ruthxxx
02-06-2007, 02:07 PM
1962 comment! :rofl: Good old Doctor Spock!

ennay
02-06-2007, 02:16 PM
I dont think this attention deficit thing is an excuse for this man's ridiculous behavior. He knows he has a problem with concentrating too much on one thing and he should fix that, with medication, therapy or whatever. I should start using that one as an excuse when my baby is crying and poop is coming out of her diaper. That way DH will just handle it every time. NOT!

Oh no Mami, I dont think it is a good excuse, I think he does have a serious problem. Frankly, his wife should be scared to leave him home alone with the kids. Really, this event was very eye opening in terms of how his kids behave normally. If normal life requires creating an earthquake to get noticed, guess what level they will run at.

I guess its a matter of ...If I thought he was being a deliberate *** and saying "oh a woman is here so I dont have to watch my kids"...that would be a friendship ending kind of thing. A deliberate Neanderthal action. If I thought his behavior and parenting was worse BECAUSE he knew I was there.

It doesnt make it less annoying or dangerous or MY problem, but at least I dont believe it was INTENTIONAL. I guess is my point.