100 lb. Club - Sabotaging myself as I get closer to mini-goal
02-03-2007, 07:27 PM
Do you ever sabotage yourself the closer you get to a milestone?
I am 9 pounds away from weighing 215. I haven't weighed less than 215 in just over three years so it is an important state/number for me. Then after that, the next goal will be 200, and then (the amazing) onederland, followed by a whole series of other milestones. I don't know why this is making me anxious. I've been losing weight faster than I've wanted to (about 2 lbs/wk- which I know is still healthy but I prefer 1 lb per week). And this hadn't really bothered me until now when, at this rate, I will reach 215 in 4-5 weeks! I should be thrilled and excited, but instead I feel uncertain - so I've been sabotaging myself. Part of it is that I am trying to slow down my weight loss to that 1 lb (I know, it probably sounds absolutely nuts to some people). But I don't quite understand why I feel anxious about getting down to that number? It will signify to me being much smaller and healthier than my 262 starting frame, so I should be ecstatic yet I feel nervous. Has anyone else experienced this?
02-03-2007, 07:43 PM
I have experienced this, all of the time. In the past, everytime I have experienced success, I just stopped. I don't know why, and it still frightens me that I'll just come to a halt soon and go back to my old ways. And when I do, I end up bigger than I started. But this time, I'm not letting my past failures dominate my thinking. I've been going strong for almost 2 weeks and I DO NOT WANT TO GO BACKWARDS!
02-03-2007, 08:02 PM
I can totally understand wehre you're coming from. I have been doing that to myself too, for the past 2 weeks. In high school I weighed 150-153 and as I keep getting closer I see myself sabotaging that. Ughhh if someone knows the secret, please do tell
02-03-2007, 10:07 PM
oh yeah, been there, done that.
It might help to ask yourself why you do it, tho I don't know as I came up with any great answers when I tried it for me.
I did try to identify the sabotaging behaviors and ask myself: Do you really want this <insert food item here> or is something else going on. It may take time to figure it out.
Ultimately, if you want to lose more, you have to get yourself back to a place where making healthier choices is more important than not doing so.
Yet another reason why weight loss is such a mental game...
In re-reading this, I don't know that any of it is useful, except to let you know you aren't alone!
02-03-2007, 10:22 PM
I do it. I have a past history of severe sexual/physical abuse, starting when I was 8, and through various people/relationships whatever. I have an insane fear of being "smaller" than my parter. I've identified it, he and I have discussed it, he understands my fears. Even though I *KNOW* why I have this fear, I still find subtle and small ways to sabatoge myself, and then I rationalize it. I've started carrying around a small notebook, just something I can jot in when the urge to buy/eat/binge is there. Matt has also written in it, every few pages I find something he's written for me, about how proud he is of me, that I am in fact safe with him, that he loves me and doesn't want to hurt me. I know relying on outside forces isn't always the best, but for me, it's no different than using someones compliment on our weight loss to help spur us on, yanno? Amazingly, this notebook has become my lifeline. I use it CONSTANTLY, the closer I get to that 199 mark, the more often I find myself using it. Some days, its non-stop scribbling, some days, like today, I didn't need it at all. I think once I hit the ONEderland numbers, and nothing "bad" happens, I'll be ok, but this last 25 pounds is more of a mental struggle than anything else.
02-03-2007, 11:40 PM
Thanks everyone.. I'm thinking about it, trying to figure out what it is I am nervous about exactly. It's not like getting to 215 will mean anything tremendous like being at goal or even looking a certain way which may spur changes in other areas of my life, if that makes sense. I just don't know. It's all happening so fast, and normally I thrive on change but for some reason, I'm pulling back with this.
Angi, thank you for sharing your story. I can understand what having your notebook with you may mean. I have journaled for years and during times when I was having a really hard time emotionally/mentally, I would carry my journal with me and I would write in it whenever I could and felt I needed to. And that was unbelievably relieving... some days it was what kept me together. I'm glad you have someone who sounds like he is supportive of you and cares about you :) Take good care of yourself - you can do it ;)
02-04-2007, 12:58 AM
beautifulone -- I know what you mean about it all happening so fast. That kind of happened to me too, at first. I started at almost 300 pounds and lost a couple pounds a week for a long while. I never knew what size clothing I wore!
I had a bit of a hiccup around 199, and have a mental roadblock, it seems, about going further now. I have been between 180 and 177 for over 3 months now. I was sabotaging myself. I finally decided to just focus on maintaining the weight I'm at and getting myself used to a body that is not obese for the first time in my adult life. At some point if I'm mentally ready, I'll actively try to lose weight again.
I'm not suggesting you do that right now, especially as it sounds like you aren't quite where you want to be, but just showing some alternatives.
02-04-2007, 02:04 AM
in all honesty this place has really helped me resist cravings. i get myself a big glass of ice water and read these forums. the stories from all these people make me realize that i CAN and i WILL do this. i get emotional every night cuz i can FEEL this is it. i have found i can resist foods if i come here and read, that is my secret.
02-04-2007, 07:09 AM
Beautiful alone - yes I have the same problem!! I too feel like I need time to adjust to all the major changes that losing weight brings and I have chosen to lose weight very slowly - have lost over 100lbs over two years or so which is pretty slow and still have a way to go. But along the way I have had big maintenance periods. While I'm glad that I didn't sabotage myself to the extent that I would gain this weight back - I do sabotage myself in a sense because I almost halt my own progress because I am afraid of entering unknown territory! However I did breakthrough to a weight that I have never weighed as an adult (223lbs) a few months before Christmas - but low and behold I gained 10lbs over Christmas so I'm now trying to get back there again. It's hard to feel stuck - but I've felt stuck at different weights and it seems you do have to work through it psychologically deal with all the things that are coming up for you and why you're afraid and then move on with the weightloss when you feel ready. It seems that others seem to lose weight without this problem but I really know what you're talking about. You can lose weight slowly and you'll probably keep it off for good if you take the time to think about the issues that come up for you at different stages.
02-04-2007, 08:15 AM
I'm happy to say that I haven't found myself sabatoging myself as I get closer to a mini-goal. But I do notice that everytime I hit a mini goal I getta kind of sad and a bit reflective. The 50 pound loss mark brought on a lot of emotion for me and then weighing less then my DH (215) brought upon a lot of refelction for me and then just again when I hit 199. On one hand I was absolutely thrilled to hit those numbers, but then I would get kind of sad that I had to hit those numbers. I really only let it get to me for a day or two and then I get try to get myself psyched for the next mini goal, which for me is 187 lbs. (100 lbs lost). This weightloss stuff is absolutely a process, and an odd one at that. It brings along so many changes, so very rapidly. All I can say to you is it try to ENJOY it. Delight in the fact that your body is actually allowing you to make the changes. Keep in mind that you are working towards a healthier, happier, longer and more active life. Remember that you are worth the effort and that you deserve to have the chance at the best possible life there is for YOU. No settling for second best. You are worthy and you DESERVE this. And all the struggles and sacrifices are most definitely worth it. :hug:
02-04-2007, 07:00 PM
I find myself doing this, too. I'm six pounds away from my first mini-goal, and I've been out of control all week. My official weigh-in day is tomorrow, but this moring I was up 2 pounds. <sigh> I don't really know why I do this, but I'll poke around my psyche a bit and see what I can do.