I just want to say hi. seems like this is the place to vent and express emotions . I am 16 . I am so depressed. I weight 184 , have no friends, no social life, nothing . I dont feel like i have anything . I cant will myself to stay on a diet because I dont have anything to be motivated twords. I have no self esteeme. I know the only thing that really depresses me is the boyfriend thing. I want more than anything a meaningful releationship or any relationship at all. I feel so lame cause I have never even kissed a guy. I promote the image of quiet, content with being alone, and I try to be social and it never seems to workout. BY the end of the day I am not talking i am so done with the world. I dont see anythign good about myself. I cry on a daily basis cause I feel like i will be alone for the rest of my pathetic life and thats where I eat the ice cream and think , whats it matter ? I have no one to be thin for. I see everyday this girl in my 1st period , she is like 2 times the size of me , wears clothes for a girl 4 times smaller than me or 6 times smaller than her , and yet she has a boyfriend, I dont understand it! I feel stuck in a shell. I dont sit with anyone at lunch cause I am new to my school since august and just dont have anyone to sit with. My old best friends at my other school totally changed. Ones anerexic, the others a drug addict ya know? its just unbearable. I would never commit suicide cant say I have never seriously thought of it , but I know i will never go that far. I stress myself so much about college and stuff cause I think somehow if I leave here i will have this better adult life but I may be just as lonely then.
I have joined clubs , participated , I just dont know what to do . Im sick of everything , Ive always been told, you dont like something about your life , change it , but this I feel I cannot change and never will.
01-26-2007, 06:52 PM
First, I love your Avatar! Was that for a special occasion?
Second, it sounds like you are doing a lot of great things. It is good that you have joined clubs and activities (and I hope you are still in them). It is good you have your eyes on college. It is good that you see how the behaviors of your other friends have changed.
As for guys~~sigh. Hate to generalize but most high school guys are after one thing. Well, not all, you know, but look at some of the guys in your clubs and activities for possible date material, but also realize this is high school, not the INDY500. There is no rush for a boy or a kiss. It will happen.
It appears that you are a beautiful, smart girl with good values and your eye on the prize. Give yourself some credit, and a big hug! And post often!
01-26-2007, 07:22 PM
vogue--we've been wondering where you've been--kindof dropped out of our little Floozie group. We want you back. I know, we're not your age and all, but I think we all get along.
As for 16 and never been kissed--that's my daughter as well. You are not alone. And I know exactly how you feel--crying on a daily basis. I did that as well in junior and senior high. Trust me, things do get better.
You need to start with some small steps. It's hard, but if you don't have something to strive for, it makes it hard to go on. Make yourself some easy, small goals and start working on those. Sometimes the weight loss goals are so big and so far off that we lose sight of the little goals.
Here's the challenge: make a goal for each and every day next week. They don't have to be big goals. Examples: I will not drink soda on Monday, I will exercise for 30 minutes and really work up a sweat on Tuesday. You get the idea? Then check back with us on Friday and tell us how it went. (But you can check in with us daily if you want motivation!!!)
Glad you're still here!
01-26-2007, 07:41 PM
I am 16 . I am so depressed. I weight 184 , have no friends, no social life, nothing . I dont feel like i have anything .
*sigh* Welcome to being 16.
I promise you it DOES get better. And, just think, at 16 you have no wrinkles, your skin bounces back and your metabolism is high. It gets harder as you get older.
As for the boyfriend thing. Oh man, sometimes I wonder if they are worth the trouble. Maybe all the guys around you are just jerks and the universe is doing you a favor by saving you the heartache. (kidding)
I KNOW you won't be alone for the rest of your life. You will find someone. EVERYBODY finds someone. Beign in a new school SUCKS, especially high school. You will have to take the initiative and be brave and just start talking to someone you feel kind of safe with -- invite them out for coffee or a movie or whatever 16 year olds do now. Also, joining something OUTSIDE of school is good sometimes too.
PS - Listen to some Tori Amos. She always makes me feel better ;-)
01-26-2007, 07:43 PM
Ive always been told, you dont like something about your life , change it , but this I feel I cannot change and never will.
You can change your dress. You can change your shoes.
Changing you is different and probably one of the most challenging things you will do in your entire life.
Sweetie, you are 16. There's a whole great big world out there for you. Please make us a little part of it.
Personally, I'd love to read your posts and read the progress you are making. You've been given some great advice here. Please heed it.
I can't look at my 70 lb weight loss as a whole. It's too overwhelming for me. I'm constantly saying, "I need to lose 5 lbs." Maybe you can do that as well.
As for the other girls, just look at their company. While you are sitting at lunch and eating a nutritionally balanced (as balanced as you can get at school) lunch, eavesdrop on other conversations. You may find out your are not alone.
Enjoy your clubs and make your friends with individuals and groups that share your interest. You'll be surprised at what can happen in a short amount of time.
You are too pretty to let yourself be this depressed. You are better than that.
01-26-2007, 08:05 PM
Sounds like you could use a big hug! Here you go! :hug:
Sometimes the best way to start feeling better about yourself is to get involved with those who are having a tougher time than you are. How about volunteering to work in a Salvation Army soup kitchen one day a week? How about donating a pint of blood? I do both and have met some pretty spectacular people at both places! I don't know whether you are a person of faith, but there are many activities for all ages at local churches. The senior citizen centers are always looking for help, and many senior citizens are very active with grandkids your age who might be there, too.
My future daughter-in-law volunteered three summers when she was in high school at the local hospital as a Candy Striper. For the last few summers she has been volunteering in the neonatal center and nursery to rock and feed babies. She feels WONDERFUL knowing that she is helping others and has met so many wonderful people, too.
In my opinion there's nothing better to make you feel special than when you help others. Before you know it you are feeling GREAT!
Another thing is walking or doing some other exercise. I didn't believe it at first, but exercise really DOES make you feel more positive about yourself!
I hope that tomorrow will look brighter for you and that you will find things that interest you and excite you towards wanting to move forward FOR YOU!
When you feel better about yourself, the world will look brighter and you will worry less about the boyfriend thing. When you least expect it you will find your special someone who has been waiting FOR YOU!
Love, peace, joy!
01-26-2007, 09:59 PM
Okay, it's been a few years since I was 16 (I'm 36) but I remember it clearly. I actually prayed in church every week for a boyfriend, I was a lot like you I think, even the same weight!! I was very shy and self conscious. Are there any girls you might be comfortable enough with to invite over after school just to hang out? That might be a good start. I also started working part-time around 16 -- maybe one night a week or weekends if you have time, try to find where some of the other kids may be working and apply there. I know it seems overwhelming but trust me, you'll make it through all of this and end up with some really great friends. Also, I really think you should talk to someone about your emotional eating. I've done it for so long and I would really like to see you overcome it while you are young. It definitely has not enriched my life in any way. Good luck to you and take care of yourself.
01-26-2007, 10:21 PM
AHHHHHHHhhh. I just wrote like a two page letter here and the browser crashed. DAMN, I guess I'll start again.
Hi Vogue, I'm Bekka, I'm 19 and a sophomore in college right now. We've all been where you are at some point - for me it was 8th grade, starting a new school, completely ostracized by everyone, it was the year from ****. I ended up in boarding school for high school and it was the best decision I've ever made. At the time I was dealing with a lot of depression and anxiety, and honestly through that whole period Celexa saved my life, and continues to save it on a daily basis. Not even in the sense of committing suicide, but in that it helped me get out of my head and really enjoy all the thousands of little tiny pleasures that make up a life well lived - for me it makes the difference between living and just surviving. There's no shame in it - the brain is an organ, some people have bad backs or bad livers or bad hearts, I feel pretty lucky to have an issue as easily fixed as a pill every night. At any rate, it really sounds like it would be worth talking to a counselor or therapist, and maybe thinking about medication - I'm certainly no doctor, but I can attest first hand to how different it can make life.
The second part of it is about the social aspect, making friends. Frankly, high school sucks, and most high schoolers suck towards each other. They're self absorbed, thoroughly freaked out all the time, and trying desperately to hide it - its easy to get lost in the crowd. I strongly strongly second cheryl's rec to get into volunteer work - not just for the positive personal benefits and being able to help others, but because the kinds of teenagers you meet volunteering tend to be so much more grounded, confident, friendly. Find an organization with a lot of kids your age- a tutoring or mentoring program, or a habitat for humanity group, or whatever applies in your area - and just GO. None of these people know you, make the effort and smile at random people, introduce yourself - if you're too scared to make the first move, chances are they are too. As for boys... look. I'm stunningly beautiful, devastatingly intelligent, charming, and witty (at least that's what my mom tells me), and I've still been single for three years now. Its all about who you meet and when you meet them. Don't focus too much on the relationship part of it, it'll come. You don't want to date most 16 year old boys anyway, and the ones who you WOULD want to date (my brother, for instance), end up so turned off by the stupid insecure head games a lot of teenage girls play that they're just biding their time until everyone grows up a little. Don't stress about it :) You're beautiful, and you're always welcome here - feel free to PM me anytime if you want to chat.
01-26-2007, 10:52 PM
Also, I don't know if you're not putting everything you eat into your fitday, but from a quick glance your calories are WAYYYY down - please tell me you're eating more than that :) You'll just murder your metabolism like that, and the weight will stick more than ever!
01-27-2007, 08:55 PM
Thank you everyone so much!!!
I had broken down yesterday. I cried for about 2 hours on my moms shoulder and had a superlong talk with her about everything and she has made me feel so good about myself. I was before saying things like i have no self worth , no one rreallly will ever care about me , I hated myself so much ,and my mom told me that I am stupid for thinking that and she told me that after high school i will be so surprised how men are diffrerent. She told me that they are not all self involved and that when I am in college i am going to meet alot of men. This sounds so mean but she told me that I was prettier than my sister and am beautiful the way i am .She said this cause I was worried one day i will meet someone and settle for someone not that great. She said that if I were to lose weight I would still be just as cute. She said lose weight for you not to impress some guy who only cares about football and sex. She says I love you even if you had the world record for worlds fattest woman. She said I was way too smart and had way too much to offer this world to think those things about myself. She said your 16 , you dont have to have a purpose other than school and work . And shes right , if I can learn to love me , and think I am amazing someone else when I get out of **** SCHOOL will see that , she said one day she thinks I am going to have more boyfriends than i can count on my fingers and toes and shes right I am amazing. I am damn smart and can do whatever the **** I want. I am going to be something one day , I am going to be 100 million times more sucessesful than any of those girls are. so I have a renewed confidence. I am going to be healthy not skinny but healthy.
Midwife- That was from homecoming , I went by myself , I dont even know why i went really , but I went. I know I shouldnt be in a rush but I just am tired of waiting to meet someone.
Allison- Im just working alot more now , and school ive been busy I was jus feeling so down the other day i had sometime and I knew someone here could cheer me up. I am going to start with the small goals thanks for the idea. My new philosphy is work to be healthy not to be skinny. Skinny is such a negative word . It brings to mind anerexioc celebrities . Healthy brings to mind positive vegatables and fruits and happyness.
Hotel girl - thanks to you too. Yeah I volenteer with big brothers and big sisters on thurdays , I visit a 1st grade boy named jeremy. Boyfriends sigh. yeah and the thing is I know they are jerks but some are so damn stunning I get so depressed to know I dont have a chance with them thats all.
CBmare- i know and another thing my mom said was dont change to please others cause chances are they wont care. Change your image cause that what will make you happy. shes right tho , you think if I lose 20 or 40 lbs they will want to be my friend? They dont want to be my friend now to do that I would change my look, personality me. and I like me so I dont care I wont change for anyone but me. I dont care to listen to someone talk about boys and drama , I dont like that so its good to know that too that I dont want to be friend with them anyways. Thank you for your kind words. Next year i am joining sports thats one of my goals , workout to be on the teams next year not to be thin , to be healthy and i knwo I will ,make friends on a team.
Cheryl- My mom also said that I will stumble upon love and I shouldnt be looking for it , if I look for it I will find the wrong love if I stumble upon it , I will know it is right cause i will have love without even knowning it. As I said before I volunteer with big brothers big sisters so that is a good feeling. I need small goals to make me happy. Thanks for the hugs. I do excerise just need to do it a little more.
Shelby - The emotional eating happens when I stavre myself , get starving , depressed and give in an eat too much so thats going to stop. Ive prayed for a boyfriend too before but juding by your avy youve found love and then some . I am on a new light right now .
Improbable- I eat somewhere around 400-600 calories and burn like 300 so i acually retaina bout 300 calories a day. Im changing that to around 1200 calories a day in 5 small meals. Im confused are you saying your brother is an arrogant jock? or a sensitive adult like me ?I do volenteer for big brohters big sisters. My mom helped me alot and appreciate your help. I love everyone so much. its not that I want to commit suicide just be happy thats all.
01-27-2007, 09:09 PM
REALLY good to hear you're going to start eating a reasonable amount - 300-600 calories a day will kill you. Literally. My brother is a really, really good kid and treats girls incredibly - but has gotten so thoroughly sick of the way most teenage girls act that he's stopped dating. There ARE good guys out there, but most of them are either still way in their shell or waiting for GIRLS to grow up. It happens both ways :)
01-27-2007, 09:34 PM
Your mother sounds AMAZING!! And it sounds like you are a lot like her. Your post sounded so positive, it even cheared me up!! I know everything will go wonderful for you, because you are a great person, who does so many things for others and you deserve a great life. I think we all need to just remember we can't make good things happen, they will just come to us as rewards for the good deads we do. Have a great week and keep up the good work.
01-27-2007, 09:37 PM
vogue--you're mom is right. Please don't take the teenager approach and discredit her just because.....trust me, I'm the mother of a teen.....I know what she (and you) are going through.
Come back and join us in the Floozies--I know everyone is worried about you!
01-27-2007, 09:45 PM
First, im glad that ur mom made u feel better. Moms are amazing, though sometimes annoying, but they love you no matter wat.
Im 15, and so i kind of understand wat your going through. I have 2 older sisters and an older brother. My oldest sister is in college, she got a 4.0 all through highschool, and didnt have a single bf until college, and according to my mom, thats the way it should be. My other sister also has a 4.0. My older brother is not a 4.0 student, but rather very popular. He could brake up with his gf and have a new 1 by the end of the skool day. Not that he did, hes not a player or anything, he just had tons of girls who liked him cuz of how cool he is. My brother is more popular at my high school right now than i am, and he graduated. So, yeah, neway, i understand what its like to feel worthless.
Dont try and change urself but rather try 2 let ppl see who u r. Does that make any sense??
Well, id love to get to know u so if u want pleeze email me at: firstname.lastname@example.org
I hope things are looking up!
01-28-2007, 02:33 PM
I think I am going to get a buddah book or something and read into that , its always so positive...
I have a 3.0 cause i dont do so hot in mathematics but its all good , I have around 14 credits and I am a sophomore I should have only 9 so I work really hard and should not give that up for anyone or anyreason. Glad I could be inspiring. I think I may go for a bike ride in a little or something. Im waiting to get my first check so i can pay back my sister and then save the rest for a membership to the ymca so I can swim laps and use the tredmills and such, I really wanna take a tae kwon do class since i am addicted to tae bo. I love my new quote in my avy everyone everyday should look at them selves and say it . cause im worth it.
I love everyone so much thank you for your kind words in this difficult time.
01-28-2007, 02:57 PM
Hey! If you are looking for a good Buddhist book to read, I recommend "When Things Fall Apart" or "Start Where You Are" both by Pema Chodron. She's an ordained Buddhist nun who is a Western woman.
01-28-2007, 03:23 PM
I think you are suffering from medical depression and should consider medication and therapy.
I agree with your mom. Do not lose weight or try to look beautiful for boys...just do it because you want it! I didnt kiss or even hug a boy until I was 23 and now I am happily married with hardly any relationship problems whereas my then "slim trim pretty friends" who had kissed and slept with guys are still roaming around unhappily single/broken relationships. (nothing against people who are single/have had broken relationships)
I found someone who looked beyong my weight and face, even if I found him a bit late...thats ok but I know he loves me for my heart!
You seem to have a wonderful mom and so you are not alone. You volunteer a lot and that makes you a good and kindhearted person that you are and be PROUD of it girl..not everybody is like that!!! I know its hard in your age group because girls or boys wont pay much attention if you dont have a near perfect face and body and will come running to you if you do have these things...but just imagine how superficial persons they may be! do you want such friends at all? or would you rather wait a bit for real good friends?
If you want to motivate yourself there is a great lil book by Richard Bach called "Jonathan Livingston Seagull". Its a small book and the more times you read, the more motivated you will get! Join groups like Curves where you may make new friends.
01-28-2007, 05:22 PM
Hey vouge(is that your real name? its neat if it is, Is it pronounced Vogue like Madonna's song?)
I am also 16! Its really hard. I used to be depressed about my weight, i cried almost every night.. it was really depressing and of course i went to food. I've never kissed a guy eaither, it's okay though because i know most of them our age are beepholes lol. You definatly won't be alone for the rest of your life! there is someone out there for everyone.. as hard as it may seem to realize right now. At the beginning of my weight loss journey, i was losing weight to get a boyfriend too but over time i realized i need this for myself, not some guys. I'm really sorry about the whole situation at school, i know how it is when your best friends become distant. If you ever need to talk to someone in the same age group, i'll be roaming around these boards lol! :hug:
01-28-2007, 07:09 PM
Hey in noticed that a few of u guys r teens and im trying to start up like a teen support/club kind of thing and so, yeah i guess im kind of advertising. lol But, go into the "Support Groups" forum and the thread is "Teens-introduction" and it would be great to get to know yall better. I want to start this cuz i think loosing weight as a teen is so differnt than as an adult. Like i have no control over when my mom goes shopping and what she buys and if i go 3 dayz and we have no veggies except frozen broccole, there's not much i can do. So, yeah, hope to see you in the teens thread, and i hope things are going better for you Vouge, u rly r worth it, everyone, should feel that way and its a great attitude to have.
01-28-2007, 07:16 PM
You remind me of myself when I was your age. Of course, I'm only 2 years older than you, so it hasn't been that long ago. You have to learn to not compare yourself to anyone else. Your worth isn't based on your clothing size, your weight, or how many boys you make out with. It's not based on the way you measure up to anyone else either. When you are constantly worn down by others around you, it's hard to see yourself as worthy or priceless, but there comes a point when you just have to put up your blinders and shut everyone else out.
Make some time for yourself. Do things you WANT to do, not things you feel like you're obligated to do. I promise you, things do get a lot better, and you CAN change this. We can all change this, and we're all here fighting together.
01-28-2007, 07:40 PM
thanks for he book recomendations, no I dont think i am clinically depressed I think that I am a hormonal 16 year old ! haha. But william I know what your saying my anerexic friend may have made out with a lot of guys and done some naughty things that i would never do at 16 but have any of those men stayed around? no!
Summernights- no , i made it cause I ahve a fashion obsession which leads to my depression of models and such which Im giving up for now,.
100 percent- yeah but my mom is understanding and will buy those things if I ask her but there is also always browines staring at me on the counter. But yeah when I live on my own I will be eating nothing but helathy saldss, and eveyrthing healthy I am even going vegitarian when i go to college.
wildfire- yeah thanks for the inspirational words.
01-28-2007, 10:44 PM
I was cruisn the site and found your cry for help, after reading all the replies, you have to know there are alot of people that are rooting for ya, me included. I am a mother of 2 girls, one is 23 the other is 18. I went through the struggles with them like your mom is going with you. Trust her, she knows. Both my girls struggle with their weight, the 18 yr old, Chantal battled it from about 13 when she had to start taking medication for depression and ended about 2 yrs later, but packed on the pounds between then. They both never dated, kissed a guy til they we both around 18 (that may sound like forever, but honey, it goes fast) and they are better persons for it. Chantal decided to take steps on her own to do something about her weight and before I knew it she had melted off 26 pounds in around 4 months!! All she did was really watched her portion sizes, and stayed away from the junk food and pop. The confidence she has now is amazing and I know you will have this too. All the advice the gals are givin you here are totally true and remember that with patience and determination you can succeed. Do you have a myspace? I have a space and so do my daughters, its a fun way to meet new people too, but you have to be careful. I would love to add you as a friend if you like, just private message me with your site or I will give you mine.....