100 lb. Club - Why do we want food when we are mad, sad, hurt or depressed? Grrr....




HottieInHiding
01-19-2007, 12:30 PM
I've been on-plan for 10 days now and lost over 5 lbs. I have been really good, and even been an example for my hubby. I don't have a solid "plan" down but have cut all simple carbs, fats and sugars. Added veggies and fruits.

Today I was supposed to meet my hubby for lunch and we were going to have Grilled Chicken Salads together. I was excited, esp. since I've been in this house since last Thursday with sick kids and trapped due to ice storms!

I just sent an IM to him after showering, getting beautiful and all that to ask my hubby when he wanted me to come down. (He had already left me about 3 various away messages about other things.) He said, "Oh yeah. They are doing a seafood boil here at work today. We'll go out tonight instead, ok?" I was like "?????" He says - "I forgot." Really. And this morning you didn't remember and give me a call or send me a message?

So I'm stuck at home with nothing really to eat that sounds good, and the first thing I thought of after this was "I want food."

And I need to go grocery shopping! I was going to go after lunch. So I'm going to stop and get a salad somewhere else on my way. I know I'll be good - I have to! No one can make me fall - it's my choice if I do.


shelby897
01-19-2007, 01:25 PM
I'm the same way -- I find I don't want to get into it with my husband so I head to the kitchen instead, which just makes me feel worse. I think you should let him know how much you were looking forward to lunch and how you feel -- but now you do have a nice dinner to look forward to -- I bet you will enjoy that as much. I hope you stopped and got the lunch you were looking forward to in the first place!!!

EnglishMuffin
01-19-2007, 01:29 PM
Congrats on sticking with your plan and on the 5lbs you've lost so far. You're going to have challenges like the one you experienced today - but sounds as if you're aware that certain people/ situations evoke feelings that make you think about food. Doesn't mean you will always act on the thinking and eat what you've been fantasising about - like this time you went on got salad which must have been difficult when you were feeling like that. Think your husband proably didn't mean anything by it - but obviously it made you feel forgotten about and unimportant and maybe if you explain that to him he'll try and make you feel a bit more thought about.

EM


djs06
01-19-2007, 01:33 PM
Good for you for sticking to it! It's so hard when our sig others do something that make us upset, no matter how small it may seem to other people. When you're looking forward to something like that and you're let down, it can ruin your entire day. I wish I had some advice to offer about alternative solutions.. when I get that way I try to either plaster myself to the bed/couch/chair/wherever I am and not go NEAR the kitchen; or I breathe deeply and close my eyes for a bit and think about what WOULD make this situation better, food not counted. No matter how implausible- sitting on the beach in Hawaii, I don't know, anything that doesn't involve food! I see you also have a livejournal- sometimes when I'm upset I'll just type and type and type into my blog to keep my hands occupied. :)

rockinrobin
01-19-2007, 01:47 PM
In answer to the title of your thread "Why do we want food when we are mad, sad, hurt or depressed?" all I can say is - unfortunately it's what we know. That's what our parents did to appease us, "here don't cry - have a cookie"," you got a boo -boo, here, have some ice cream", had a shot at the pediatrician "here's a lollipop". Just not sure why they couldn't have said "you got a boo-boo, let's go exercise" "don't cry - let's jump rope instead" and so on and so on. Thankfully now we know better, we can do better. But boy oh boy is it hard to retrain oneself.

I won't even get into why we even CELEBRATE with food, birthday, holidays, graduations.... the list is endless. Food, food and more food, everywhere you turn. :devil:

Sorry you're hubby disappointed you. They DO have a tendency to do that from time to time, don't they? But you have a great attitude. Hang in there. :hug:

Luminous
01-19-2007, 02:15 PM
So I'm stuck at home with nothing really to eat that sounds good, and the first thing I thought of after this was "I want food."

And I need to go grocery shopping! I was going to go after lunch. So I'm going to stop and get a salad somewhere else on my way. I know I'll be good - I have to! No one can make me fall - it's my choice if I do.
You're doing great! Congratulations, you've faced several obstacles simultaneously and had the presence of mind to stop and think:

Hubby forgetting/ditching you. Grr!
The "I need to comfort myself—food can do that!" voice.
The lack of ready food on hand or in freezer.
Which coincides with, but isn't quite the same as, needing to get groceries.

First two are emotional, last two are simply reminders to plan. Yay! That little voice is actually not difficult to ignore at all...I always ignored it in the past and simply obeyed it! The hard part is paying attention to the voice, and that is actually a huge cornerstone of cognitive-behavioral therapy. Once we learn to actually hear that voice that is so quietly urging, "We feel bad. Eat, and we'll feel better," then we can make real progress. Which you are doing.
:cheer:

GirlyGirlSebas
01-19-2007, 03:43 PM
Hi Christy,

Great job at overcoming your feelings and sticking with your program!

I had a disagreement with hubby last week and, next thing I knew, I was in the kitchen nibbling...I didnt even realize it until afterwards. It is really hard to break these habits that we've had for years. I have read that eating starchy foods or comfort foods can release seratonin which makes us feel good...however, it is only temporary. Also, sugary foods give us a temporary rush of energy which helps relieve depressed feelings...again, its only temporary...after a sugar rush, our levels plummet and we feel even more sluggish and down than we did before. After years of using food to try to fix my emotions, I automatically reach for it now. I still havent quite figured out what to replace the food with. I'm hoping that exercise will be my comfort one day. As for now, its still quite the chore!

HottieInHiding
01-19-2007, 04:03 PM
I'm the same way -- I find I don't want to get into it with my husband so I head to the kitchen instead, which just makes me feel worse. I think you should let him know how much you were looking forward to lunch and how you feel -- but now you do have a nice dinner to look forward to -- I bet you will enjoy that as much. I hope you stopped and got the lunch you were looking forward to in the first place!!!


I was going to a scrapbooking nite tonite, which he also forgot about so it won't work to go out to dinner tonite - I left that part out!

I got a McD's grilled chix salad with balsamic. I was good :) Thanks for your support!

HottieInHiding
01-19-2007, 04:06 PM
You're doing great! Congratulations, you've faced several obstacles simultaneously and had the presence of mind to stop and think:

Hubby forgetting/ditching you. Grr!
The "I need to comfort myself—food can do that!" voice.
The lack of ready food on hand or in freezer.
Which coincides with, but isn't quite the same as, needing to get groceries.First two are emotional, last two are simply reminders to plan. Yay! That little voice is actually not difficult to ignore at all...I always ignored it in the past and simply obeyed it! The hard part is paying attention to the voice, and that is actually a huge cornerstone of cognitive-behavioral therapy. Once we learn to actually hear that voice that is so quietly urging, "We feel bad. Eat, and we'll feel better," then we can make real progress. Which you are doing.
:cheer:

It's just crazy because I knew that going grocery shopping after my planned lunch was a good idea because I'd be full and not buy anything bad. So I was planning, just not planning on having my plans changed! lol

That's interesting that I overcame all four obstacles in a really short period of time. :) Thanks for your support - it really helped to come home and read all this. Esp. since I was good while I was gone!

HottieInHiding
01-19-2007, 04:08 PM
Hi Christy,

Great job at overcoming your feelings and sticking with your program!

I had a disagreement with hubby last week and, next thing I knew, I was in the kitchen nibbling...I didnt even realize it until afterwards. It is really hard to break these habits that we've had for years. I have read that eating starchy foods or comfort foods can release seratonin which makes us feel good...however, it is only temporary. Also, sugary foods give us a temporary rush of energy which helps relieve depressed feelings...again, its only temporary...after a sugar rush, our levels plummet and we feel even more sluggish and down than we did before. After years of using food to try to fix my emotions, I automatically reach for it now. I still havent quite figured out what to replace the food with. I'm hoping that exercise will be my comfort one day. As for now, its still quite the chore!

I don't know what to fill it with either, but shopping usually works :) But that isn't any better. It's still an issue with impulse control. I don't know what to do!

I just felt that if he wasn't going to help me stay on plan by us having an enjoyable, healthy lunch together I was going to "show him" by eating bad stuff and then make my gain his fault... but I didn't do that and overcame it! Thank goodness ;) Thanks so much Rhonda!

HottieInHiding
01-19-2007, 04:11 PM
Thanks everyone - you all said great things that just made me feel good about my choices and knowing that next time I will maybe just take it in stride. I might get mad, but hopefully I will not have to involve food in my solutions!

I was doing so well, it just surprised me how fast my thoughts turned to cheese, chocolate and peanut butter sandwiches! ;) I won't let anything or anyone control me like that anymore!

(And hubby is a good guy - it was just a forgettful moment. I need to be nice to him tonight, I was kindof mean on chat earlier! We did plan it spontaneously last night, so I can understand him forgetting. I ended up getting good food and going shopping for more good food. I even went to a gourmet market I had been meaning to go to since I moved here and it was quite fun.)