100 lb. Club - How could I have let this happen? How?




rockinrobin
01-15-2007, 07:33 AM
Today is I suppose a happy one for me, yet I am feeling suddenly blue. Hopped on the scale today, I'm down to 206 lbs. Which means I've lost 81 pounds so far, exactly half way to my goal of 125. So although I'm thrilled to have lost the 81, which for the first time to me is a substantial number, I still have a substantial number to lose, another 81. I knew this was going to be a tough and long fight, that's not the problem.

Here's the problem, luckily something I don't dwell on too much, but for some reason today I am - How in the world did I allow myself to get into this situation? How did I allow myself to get to 287 lbs at a mere 5 feet tall? Why did I think it was okay? Sure I was home raising the kids, boredom, frustration, lonliness, probably some real depression issues,mommy mode - kids first, mommy last, just plain old bad habits, yada, yada, yada. I know all that. All legitimate reasons I suppose, but quite frankly not valid enough. Weren't there enough clues along the way to wake me up? The horrible inactivity, the horrible clothing situation, the out of breath from practically nothing, the seat belt situation and so on and so on. My horrendous body!!! What kind of example was I setting for my children? I am their number one role model. What the heck was I thinking?

And why now does it seem so crystral clear as to this was TOTALLY UNACCEPTABLE? Sure you get older and wiser, and finally get fed up enough, but my gosh, one would have thought that I would have woken up a bit sooner. I've always thought myself to be a fairly intelligent person (don't know if others would agree), so why did I blow it soooo big time on this one MAJOR issue? I mean is there anything in the world more important then one's own health?

Well, I guess I've rambled and vented enough, sorry to bore you. And yes, I am most thankful that I finally DID wake up and decide to take some ACTION and try to repair the horrible damage that I've done to myself.

I suppose I will never have an answer to the question as to how I could have let this happen. It just could be the #1 rhetorical question of all time.


BarrieMomof2
01-15-2007, 08:57 AM
Hi Robin,

I've been feeling the same way for a long time. I am at my highest weight ever, minus the 3-4 lbs I have just started to lose. I don't know how it got this bad. I mean, I do know, the eating when I'm bored, or upset. Eating the wrong things, sitting on the couch, not doing any exercise. But somehow its like it just crept up on me and then one day you realize how heavy you really are.
Its like I ignored the symptoms or signs every time. Every time I wanted to get on the floor and play with my oldest son (he's 2), and I have trouble getting up, or I'm out of breath from playing outside with him. Or even the times I just don't feel up to it and sit and watch him because deep down I know I will be out of breath if I get up and do it.
I agree, I don't know if we will ever have the answer. We just have to accept that we are doing something about it and that we can't change what we did before, we can only change it now. So many
times I've said to myself that I am so disgusted with how I have let this get out of hand for so long. Most of the time, I feel that way and I get depressed about it, and I do what I have always done, I turn to food. The complete opposite of what I know I should do, but somehow it still happens anyway.
I know for me, I just have to take it day by day and try to make myself as important as everyone else in my life.
No real point to this, just to say I know exactly where you are coming from!

Oh, and congrats, you have already done so much to improve your health! I hope one day I can be as successful as you!

Anne

GirlyGirlSebas
01-15-2007, 08:57 AM
Hi, Robin. First things first.....Half way there!! What an awesome accomplishment. Congratulations! :congrat:

I understand where you're coming from in the weight gain through the years. I'm not sure why we let this happen. I know that eating satisfied some of my needs...not well, but it worked for me for the time. But, I would have thought I would have woken up a lot sooner than this. I'm just glad I did wake up and got started. The diet and weight loss market is huge. Every other commercial on TV is for a diet or a diet tool. It looks like we are in good company....most of America has let if go for a long time, too


howie6267
01-15-2007, 09:08 AM
That is a hard question. The blame does lie at our own feet but it is a hard pill to swallow. The only thing I can say is we can not live in the past. We are all doing the right thing now and that is what matters. We can't change the past but we can change the future.

EnglishMuffin
01-15-2007, 09:17 AM
Hi Robin,

I can totally empathise with how you are feeling. I had the exact same low feeling when I hit the 100lb lost mark. Although it was a huge feeling of wow I've achieved that - it is so demoralising to know that you have a significant amount of weight left to lose - in my case 75lbs - ish. I think if someone overeats there's a lot of hiding going on/ not wanting to face up to what you're doing to yourself or to life or whatever. Maybe that's just my experience but I suspect not. Think the great thing about feeling the way you do is that you are conscious about your body NOW and maybe regret what you did in the past. But you are putting it right. It may not have been possible for you to live any other way previously - or maybe you needed support and you didn't get it. Point is you are doing it and you'll get to a healthy weight eventually. Keep on going and CONGRATULATIONS for getting to your half way point. You KNOW you can lose the rest now so go for it!

EM

rockinrobin
01-15-2007, 09:21 AM
Girlygirl, you bring up a good point - that eating must of been filling some kind of need. I suppose that is true. Certainly not the best way to deal with things, but I suppose we do what we know and when we KNOW better, we DO better.

And Howie, like I said, thankfully, thankfully I don't dwell on this very often. It would be pointless. Thank goodness we can change our future. It is most certainly all in our hands.

Anne, thanks for the congrats and you most certainly CAN be as successful, even more so. There's nothing stopping you!!!!

srmb60
01-15-2007, 09:21 AM
I've got two thoughts on this ... one is that I do think we get wrapped up in looking after everyone else and some time later think "holy, what happened to me?"

Another is that horrible terrible responsibility thing .... like Howie mentioned .... at some point we've had to come to the realisation that it was me who did this and it's me who's got to undid this.

LondonJulz
01-15-2007, 09:21 AM
Hey Robin -

:bravo: for being half way there. I can't wait to be able to say that for myself.

I don't think that there is anyone who doesn't wonder that same thing. How on EARTH did I let myself get here? I know I do. I'm typically scarfing down a BigMac and fries when I'm pondering that question.... that is SAD, SAD irony, but it really is the truth. My excuse has always been "I'll start tomorrow"..... I remember being 190 pounds (when I was like 19 years old), and swearing to myself that I'd NEVER go above 200..... and here I am today - 240 pounds (260 at my highest the night I went in to have our youngest baby). It's cheaper to cook bad foods.... it costs money to join a gym, it takes time to walk outside..... all the excuses I'd give myself for being fat. But, it's all my fault. I have had all the opportunities in the world to change myself and stop the cycle of weight gain - but never once did I take them.
I am a "food is comforting" victim. Food has been my only friend growing up... but that "only friend" has been the reason, the ONLY reason why I gained weight, and the weight gain caused me more pain, made me become more of a hermit, which made me not talk to people even more than I already didn't, which made me turn to food.... VISCIOUS cycle.... so, now I have to learn that food is not my friend - luckily I have a supportive DH. I've only been doing this seriously for 2 weeks.... I know I have a long road. I am an instant gratification person. If I don't see results NOW, I get frustrated and quit.... but this time, I HAVE to do something different.... it's my life at stake....

So, don't concentrate on the "how did I get here".... concentrate on the "I'm getting the H-E-double hockey sticks outta here"..... you're already halfway there... I don't even know you and I'm proud of you! :hug:

rockinrobin
01-15-2007, 09:25 AM
English Muffin, you posted at the same time as me so I hadn't seen your post.

Yes, I agree. It is GOOD to have these feelings. It will keep us on our toes and hopefully keep us from repeating the previous mistakes we have made. I never, ever want to be 287 lbs again, heck I don't even wanna be the 206 that I am now.

Suan, yup, we most certainly DO get wrapped up in everyone else. But you know what - that's NOT an excuse. I take full responsibility for my actions, I've made the mess - time for me to clean it up. As if there was a choice of someone ELSE cleaning it up. I think not. ;)

rockinrobin
01-15-2007, 09:31 AM
Okay LondonJulz, now YOU posted as I was posting.

I hear you about the food as a friend aspect. But what is it they say - "With FRIENDS like that, who needs enemies?" And man oh man is it ever a vicious cycle.

I know you are just starting out, and the instant gratifacation thing is hanging over your head. But please, please stick it out - get past these first few weeks. It gets abundantly easier. You will start seeing those results. And though I am no where near goal, I promise, promise you, you don't need to get anywhere near goal to start reaping the benefits. I am already sooo much happier in every single aspect of my life. Hang in there. It is so worth it.

Suzanne 3FC
01-15-2007, 09:47 AM
Here's the problem, luckily something I don't dwell on too much, but for some reason today I am - How in the world did I allow myself to get into this situation? How did I allow myself to get to 287 lbs at a mere 5 feet tall?

I don't know if anyone else feels this way, but the way I look at it is kind of like driving somewhere. Have you ever left home and arrived at your destination, and don't really remember the drive there? I think getting fat is the same way. We remember when we were at a healthier weight, and we don't really pay attention along the way, but we sure as heck know the moment we arrive. Once we're "there" we don't always keep gaining. That's usually when we realize it's time to turn around and go back.

Congratulations on an amazing accomplishment of 81 pounds lost :bravo:

Heather
01-15-2007, 09:59 AM
Oh yes, I've had those exact same feelings. How did someone who's smart get so fat??!!

In fact, when people congratulate me on losing over 100 pounds, I keep thinking "Yes, but I got to the point where I had to LOSE over 100 pounds just to become overweight".

I try not to dwell on it often, and instead USE it. While I may well struggle with my weight for the rest of my life, I don't need to ever go back there (295) again.

Meg
01-15-2007, 10:08 AM
Never underestimate the power of denial. It's what got us to our high weights and it's always going to be lurking there, ready to sabotage our weight loss efforts. :devil:

When I was 257 pounds, I'd occasionally weigh myself and say: 'oh, that can't possbily be right. My scales must be broken' and merrily keep on eating. Or I'd tell myself that I 'carried my weight well' and no one could ever guess my real weight. Or I'd simply refuse to look in the mirror below my neck. On one level - buried deep - I knew what was going on but I absolutely couldn't admit it to myself. Denial!

I never *saw* how big I was until I had lost a lot of weight. When I first looked at the photo that's now my 'before', I was wearing a favorite outfit and thought 'hey, I look pretty good!'. But I was blinded by denial and really couldn't 'see' myself. The funny thing is that my hips got bigger and bigger in the photo as I got smaller and smaller! Now I realize that I wasn't fooling anyone but myself about my true weight.

The power of denial - scary!

SlimLindy
01-15-2007, 10:14 AM
Wow. Some powerful commentary here. Refering to what Suzanne wrote about hopping in the car and arriving somewhere without noticing the journey... I especially think this is true when you are overeating because we often use excess food to aenesthetize us. We WANT to be numb. We DON'T want to notice. We are just eating from one moment, meal, snack to the next, avoiding FEELING what is happening in life. So, as GirlyGirl said, it is definitely fulfilling a need. To stop this and change it we have to come to a place where we are willing to live in the moment, no matter how painful it is, without the numbing narcotic of food. And the REAL KICKER is, we have to be willing OVER AND OVER again if we are going to lose the weight and keep it off. Weight loss is about a lot more than food and exercise, it is about being willing to address life's everyday stresses without the cushion that we are most familiar with. For me, this is the hardest part. Sure, I can lose weight. I've done it (literally) countless times. But can I deal with life without the joy, pain, drug of food when major stress hits? So far, the answer has usually been no. Robin, the answer to How did I let this happen? seems to be, at least in my case, it was the best I could do (or was willing to do) at the time. But I'm working on changing my 'best' so that as future stresses come, I'm able to handle them differently.

Thanks for getting me thinking.

Lindy

CyberGypsy
01-15-2007, 10:20 AM
When you are not happy you eat, it fills the void......and the more you do eat, the more you feel hopeless...

GirlyGirlSebas
01-15-2007, 10:29 AM
You've got me really thinking today, Robin. I should be working! I had a couple of more thoughts.

I did realize how much weight I was gaining, but I didnt want to expend the effort to eat right and exercise. After all, "there were just too many things going on in my life and I was stressed enough." What a load of baloney! When is life not stressful? There is always something to stress about if we let ourselves get stressed.

The other fact that slaps me in the face - I kept waiting for the magic weight loss diet....you know, the one that lets us eat anything we want, doesnt make us exercise and still lets us lose a lot of weight quickly? Also, I honestly do think I have some medical problems that contributed to my weight gain (I'm waiting on the test results now), so I kept trying to self diagnose myself and figured I would start dieting once I found the perfect diet for my situation...ie, menopause. Guess what I found out? Yep, there is no magic diet. So, I'm doing Southbeach as I've heard that it works well for menopausal women and for people with hypothryroid (which I dont even know for sure I have!) Yes, I lose slowly, but that is better than sitting on my duff and having a pity party. And I am losing and I feel better than I have in a long time. Thank God I decided to try again...and to do it now!

rockinrobin
01-15-2007, 10:53 AM
Great replies, I thank you all.

Suzanne, I kinda don't remember the drive, but I kinda do. And Meg as well, as far as the denial thing - I KNEW I was fat, I knew it. I knew I was fat a year ago, and five years ago and 20 years ago. I just CHOSE to IGNORE it. I didn't look good, I didn't feel good, I didn't act good (well).

Slim Lindy using food as a narcotic is definitely what I did and it was the best that I knew, or more like it - exactly like you said, that I was willing to know. And I am working hard to change that. I do know better now and I am WILLING to do better now. But old habits are hard to break, food is a strong and powerful drug to me. And I suppose I will struggle with it's denomic powers it holds over me for as long as I live. But I am gonna give it my all (finally) to keep the beast at bay. I just don't want to be fat and unfit and unhealthy anymore. I've been figuring out other ways to deal with life and all it's stresses.

Oh boy, this is heavy stuff. Thanks ladies.

Casey4
01-15-2007, 11:26 AM
I know I eat for comfort, pleasure and to fill a need. I think I will always have to be aware of this if I am going to get and keep the weight off. I truly think it is similar to alcohol or drugs. I love the buzz a couple of drinks gives me and in college I drank way too much. As I have gotten older I have controlled that impulse, but I think food has always been an acceptable alternative. Afterall we NEED to eat, right?

Anyway, may I suggest that you print and clip your post? Reading it may help when the going gets tough! Inspiration sometimes comes from the wake up calls we give ourselves. Hugs.

Kathy

chick_in_the_hat
01-15-2007, 01:26 PM
I blame myself - I was in denial....but there was also laziness....and more denial...but today? There is a love of exercise, much more interest in eating healthier (a little edjumacation goes a looong way), and especially motivation to continue! Learn from the past, but don't beat yourself up over it. Ain't never goin' back! :cb:

shelby897
01-15-2007, 01:43 PM
Rockinrobin -- I think you are having a mid-weightloss crisis!! I've lost weight before and once the momentum and excitment kind of wore off, I just dwelled on how I got myself here to start with. It is so much easier to gain than to lose so I think it's easier to ignore the ups -- You would think when we need to buy up a size in clothes we would resist and work on it, but we don't! I've gone from a size 12 to a 20 without even noticing, okay I noticed but wasn't ready to work on it. The scales tell us one story, but our defenses dress us up and tell us "you look good". My biggest fear is, after I lose weight (and I will!!), everyone telling me how fat I was before and how good I look now -- which in turn gives me their opinion of me the last 12 years. I think we do so many things to protect ourselves -- overeating, binging, etc. that we've developed a protective barrier that somehow was telling us overweight was okay, as long as we took care of everyone and everything around us, our time would eventually come when everyone else was happy. I've decided I'm tired of trying to please everyone else at the expense of myself. We all have the inner strength to do this, we just need to finally take our time and put ourselves first. I know my whole family would benefit.

LisaMarie71
01-15-2007, 01:47 PM
I love this thread, and it's just what I need today to keep going. Thanks for posting all your thoughts here -- I love love love all the people on this forum!!

I knew I was fat and chose to ignore it too, for the longest time. I always thought I'd eventually get around to dealing with it, but it never seemed to happen. That's how I am about everything in my life, it seems. I'll eventually get around to having a baby, I'll eventually get out of debt, I'll eventually go to grad school, I'll eventually get something published. Dealing with the weight problem and actually succeeding this time is making me realize what I need to do in all these other areas. If I can tackle a 110-pound loss (and I'm over halfway there), then I can do anything. And so can you, rockinrobin -- you've lost 81 pounds!! We just have to accept that we made mistakes in the past that led to us living in really unhealthy bodies, and then we have to move on and never make those mistakes again. We're definitely strong enough to do that -- look how far we've come!

RitzyFritz
01-15-2007, 01:47 PM
Reading all this makes me feel not so all alone! It is as if you all have read my thoughts! One thing that I find is a bigger part of the battle....the fact that there is SOOOO much information out there as to what is the "right" way to eat until I just give up, saying, Who really DOES know!? I know I'm overweight but the stress of sorting through all the "what I should be doing to lose" information is overwhelming and I give up and go eat something to make the frustration go away. Silly, isn't it, how we do this? I'm thankful more and more every day for this site. I come here to remind myself again that #1 I'm not alone and #2 it really is do-able. Thanks to all of you for contributing to this forum. You are a silent lifeline for me. Now, I think my treadmill is calling. :-)

By the way, Robin, you are VERY inspiring to me. Don't let the blues keep you too long! You have something to be REALLY proud of. You could have kept doing what you were doing and been even bigger today! Instead, you chose to take control (which a lot of folks out there are not doing) and you are well on your way! Pat yourself on the back for me!

LondonJulz
01-15-2007, 02:04 PM
Reading all this makes me feel not so all alone! It is as if you all have read my thoughts!

I agree, wholeheartedly Ritzy! I have been keeping up with this thread all day, and I find that each new response I read, I'm nodding my head saying "amen to that one", "I hear ya", and "been there done that"..... it's nuts, isn't it.... we are all in the same boat, but for so long, I felt so alone in my fattness.... like I was the only one who knew how being this fat felt. This forum is a HUGE blessing to me!

rockinrobin
01-15-2007, 02:23 PM
I just want to clarify, this is a topic I truly don't dwell on. It's just that today along with the happiness of hitting the 80 lb mark, came a kind of sadness that I had let myself get SO badly out of shape. There is no room in my life right now to dwell on the past. I am too much looking forward to the future!

LondonJulz, I know what you mean, my heads nodding away too!!!! It is so, so, incredible to meet up with people who know EXACTLY what you're going through!!! I feel so fortunate to have found this place.

LisaMarie, I forgot to respond to your post yesterday, please forgive me. your ONE reason - it's truly THE best reason in the world. I too feel a kinship with you., odd but it's THERE. :hug: :hug: :hug: And you're right, we are STRONG and yeah, :coach: WE'RE GONNA DO IT!!!!.

Shelby, that's funny how you put it - a mid-weightloss crisis. But I think that might just be what it was.

Chickinthehat, It's AMAZING how the healthy eating gene kicks in. What a blessing!!!!

Casey, Absolutely, FOOD was/is an acceptable alternative. It was DEFINITELY my "drug" of choice.

RitzyFritz, GIVING UP IS NOT AN OPTION. You are NOT alone and yes, this is DO-ABLE. Got it? Good. :smug:

Casey4
01-15-2007, 02:47 PM
I think that is okay to look back with sadness and even anger (briefy, like you did:D ) so that we learn from where we've been. Life lessons we can all benefit from!

Kathy

Mississippi Magnolia
01-15-2007, 02:51 PM
Robin, I agree with your last post -- you are always so perky, and I enjoy reading all your posts.......but everyone has a day here and there ......
I was told all my life how fat I was .... I'm 5'10" and remember being reamed out in front of dad when I hit 160. I would DIE to be at 160 now!!! And for many years I blamed that voice for never being able to be happy with myself. But at some point in time it was all in my hands.

I have some weird body issues, too. How many girls do you know who can have a baby and be at the same weight they started the pregnancy at? :D Never gained a pound - -- til 6 weeks later (20 pound gains). I was at 150 when baby 2 was born -- by baby 5, I was at 225 ..... and the years drifted by with me thinking nothing could be done

Tried WW -- lost 30 pounds one year, worked like a turk. Two weeks after I went off, I had gained 20 back. Tell me, does this make sense???????

Anyway, I'm glad (I'm sorry!!!) that others have the same challenges and needs. hope the rest of your day is amazingly wonderful!!!!!

Barbara

WindyCityChick
01-15-2007, 02:54 PM
Wow, what a great topic Robin, and what great responses have been posted. I know I have felt the same regret that I didn't wake up and face the issue of my weight loss sooner. I wasn't emotionally ready or willing to face it until last fall.

I think putting on weight served a number of purposes that I now recognize as somewhat twisted. First, food is soothing - it is always there for you, no matter how crappy your day is, and we have been conditioned from a young age to see food as a reward. Second, being fat is a way to hide - no unwanted attention, and I was able to fade into the woodwork by hiding behind my fat. And as Meg says, never underestimate the power of denial. Of course I "knew" on some level that I had let my weight get out of control, but I managed to suppress those thoughts (often with a pint of Cherry Garcia) and let the days tick by without doing anything real to fix the problem.

While I wish I might have woken up to reality a bit sooner than I did, I also am grateful that I am finally facing this head on now - I still have a lot of years ahead of me, and I am looking forward to being healthier and happier than I have been for a long long time. It's good to reflect and learn from the past, but you also need to be careful not to obsess over things that can't be changed now. Rock on, Rockin Robin!

Mississippi Magnolia
01-15-2007, 02:58 PM
PS - have you read The Best Life by Oprah's guy -- Green, I think? He has some very challenging questions about the why's of why we eat......... Just read the first little bit.

rockinrobin
01-15-2007, 06:31 PM
WindyCityChick, ahhhh, the unwanted attention, I forgot about that one. Without getting into any detail, I think that could have definitely been a factor with me. And many other emotional reasons as well. And have I necessarily been "cured" of all these things, no. But unlike what some authorities think, I don't think you do have to be "cured" fully in order to lose the weight. There comes a time when you say "enough is enough" already. So this isn't perfect and that isn't perfect, this has happened to me and that has happened to me, tough you know what. Deal with it. No need to waste anymore time ruining your life. And really, I'm not obsessing over it. What's done is done. Better late then never as far as finally losing the weight. It could have been worse, I'm 43. Not 103.

MississippiMagnolia, I not only didn't gain any weight with my 3rd child, she'll be 15 on Wednesday. I LOST WEIGHT while pregnant with her. What was that all about? No, I haven't read bob greene's book, although I just saw a little bit of him on Oprah today.

Yup, Casey, life lessons. No matter what we go through, it brings us to who we are now.

shelby897
01-15-2007, 07:57 PM
I don't think any of us will ever be "cured", I think we just need to "educate" ourselves and prepare for the ups and downs of life, which is usually why we eat anyway. Back up plans, lots and lots of them to protect where we are going and how far we have come -- every challenge we overcome is a step closer to our goal, weight loss or not!!!

shelby897
01-15-2007, 08:12 PM
Falling Off The Diet Wagon

by Jonathan Bowden, M. A.

"One of the most discouraging aspects of weight loss are the inevitable slips. Everyone has them. For some people, an occasional slip engenders an all out binge...followed by guilt, self-recrimination, a sense of powerlessness, and a feeling of "What's the use?"

Sound familiar?

I call it "falling off the diet wagon," and if you can change how you think about it, you don't need to be victimized by it anymore.

Let's start by looking at a simple children's game called "Chutes and Ladders." Here is how it works: you use a spinner to advance from space to space toward the winner's spot. Along the way there are ladders-which leapfrog you over a lot of spaces-as well as chutes-which send you back in the opposite direction.

Some kids play this game with a laissez-faire, "whatever" attitude, taking life as it comes with all its ups and downs, pitfalls and triumphs. They learn the wonderful moral of Chutes and Ladders-half the secret of life is just showing up. Keep playing the game, and eventually you will get where you are going.

Some kids, however, get very upset when they land on a chute. They are ready to quit the game, pick up their proverbial marbles and go home. For some reason, they believe that life isn't supposed to have any chutes. When they land on them, they are very disappointed and feel like giving up.

Weight loss is like a huge game of Chutes and Ladders.

In dealing with hundreds of clients over the years, I've discovered that the biggest difference between the winners and the losers in the weight loss war isn't whether or not people have "slips" and go off their program. It's not really a question of "if" they have them, it is a question of "when."

What really makes the difference is how you deal with the slips when they happen.

Her's an example. You have been absolutely wonderful on your plan for three weeks. You've been sticking to your exercise routine and feeling pretty terrific. You go to your best friend's wedding and have a glass of wine. Before you know it, soemone is insisting that you try those delicious little canapes, and before the wedding singer can say "Tanta Elka Cuts The Cake," you've managed to down about 4,000 calories from stuff you wouldn't have been caught dead looking at during the past few weeks...pates, desserts, breads, stuffings, you name it.

Most people think that's where the action stops. Actually, it's where the real action begins.

First, a reality check. Have you done a lot of damage? Not really. You may have put on a pound or two. Big deal. You can knock it off in no time, and go right back to work on yourself.

So what's the problem?

The problem isn't what we did, but what we make it "mean." We tell ourselves that our "transgression" means that we have no willpower, that we will never succeed, that our efforts are in vain.

Let me suggest something more empowering.

Suppose, instead, that we learn to see life's occasional "chutes" as just that-stumbling blocks that everyone hits on their personal path to personal power, nothing to be afraid of and certainly nothing to give a lot of meaning to.

So you had a chute. On your next spin you might hit a ladder.

Most important of all, you can't win the game unless you keep on playing.

And every minute gives you a new chance for another spin. Take it.

And don't look back.


*this article was found by 3FC member Silence...I thought you all might enjoy it as much as I did.*

Nancydream
01-15-2007, 08:17 PM
Hi Robin -

Congrats! You're an inspiration!

As far as the "How did I let this happen?" question, everyone's nailing it on the head. As a couple people have mentioned, I think it's denial and deluding ourselves. My favorite mantra has been "I don't care, it doesn't matter." That little cue has allowed me to forget for the moment that I have a life and I DO care and it DOES matter. It has allowed me to suspend time to indulge in my addiction.

When you say, "What was I thinking?" I don't think you really were thinking. You were probably trying NOT to think about whatever was driving you to eat.

The main thing is. This is a journey. It's a journey of self-healing and self-acceptance. Give yourself a big HUG. You're a star and you're taking good care of yourself. Where you've been has made you who you are--a strong, wise, and lovable woman. :)

melsfolly
01-15-2007, 08:40 PM
First - let me add my congratulations - what a long way you have come!!!

I really like Suzanne’s analogy!! That is how I got to my highest size in the first place. But I stayed there because it was an excuse not to try anything new. In my mind trying actually equaled failure. Unlike friends and family members, I didn’t have to worry about things like applying for a better job because face it – they weren’t going to hire fat old me. I didn’t have to worry about going on a date with the new guy because face it – he would just break up with fat old me. And I didn’t have to go on that trip to the Rocky Mountains because face it – fat old me couldn’t keep up with the rest of the group. (I could go on, but I won’t ‘cause I like ya’ll!). It took me a long time to realize that I was becoming the ultimate failure because I wouldn’t even try, but the light bulb finally came on. I’ve still got a long way to go both mentally and physically, but I’m doing my best not to slip back into that old mentality.

GirlyGirlSebas
01-16-2007, 07:59 AM
Shelby, thank you for the 'Falling off the Diet Wagon' article. I enjoyed it.

Mami
01-16-2007, 12:41 PM
There is a question here somewhere:

I so want my nice co-worker, who is in the mid 200s, to join 3FC. Even if she doesn't commit to a plan, I just want her to see how great 3FC is and how helpful it can be, plus tips on actually getting OP. She is clearly in the "denial" and "too much effort to bother" frame of mind. I've mentioned 3FC a few times, but I don't think she checked it out because I don't think she really wants to make any effort at this point to lose. That's OK and certainly her prerogative. I just worry about her, so I want so much for her to see how relatively simple it is to get OP once you get the support, information and do a little bit of planning.

Anyway, my question is: would it be totally out of line to print out this thread and give it to her so she MIGHT read it (I realize she may dump it in the circular file anyway) and get interested in checking out 3FC? I dont want her to think I'm trying to push her into weightloss if she's unwilling and I certainly dont want to insult her in any way. Think back to before you started here, would you have minded?

GirlyGirlSebas
01-16-2007, 12:58 PM
Anyway, my question is: would it be totally out of line to print out this thread and give it to her so she MIGHT read it

Hi Mami,

IMHO, it really depends on how close the two of you are. If you are friends as well as co-workers...and if you are close enough to share confidences, then I would share this thread with her. If you are only aquaintances, then I probably wouldnt bring the subject up again. If she gets serious or ready to deal with her weight issue, she might come to you or she might decide to check out 3FC on her own. Who knows, she just might be lurking on the threads now!

famograham
01-16-2007, 01:05 PM
Mami...in answer to your question. I'm not sure what she will think, but I know I wouldn't have liked it.

It would have only made me feel worse about myself. This has happened to me in a few confrontations with loved ones and only left me feeling sad and insulted, and hating myself for being a failure.

I can only start when I am ready...everything else falls on deaf ears...it's that whole denial thing again.

However, I'd like to hear what everyone else thinks...'cause I'm super sensitive! :yes:

GOOD LUCK...and you are so sweet to be worrying about her like this :)

:hug:
Linda

shelby897
01-16-2007, 01:25 PM
Mami -- I agree with the others, unfortunately she is probably not ready yet and might be insulted by your offers to help. You know we are all just so far past that!!! ;)

She is still coasting in the denial stage unfortunately, something "big" needs to happen to her to get her going unfortunately. You know, the point we all decided we'd had enough - the embarrassing moment, the lack of nice clothes, no energy, etc.

The best help you can be to her and that you are sticking with it and hopefully she will see your great progress and look to you for support.

rockinrobin
01-16-2007, 01:51 PM
Mami, I agree with my fellow 100 lb clubbers. Although I know without a doubt you are just trying to help her, I think it would really, really upset her. And it would probably be pointless as well. Believe me she KNOWS she's fat and she KNOWS she should lose weight. All the KNOWing in the world doesn't mean a darn thing until SHE is ready to deal with it. Until she cares about herself more then the food. We all here know HOW to lose weight. It's a matter of wanting to - BADLY ENOUGH.

Shelby, just wanted to say thanks for the article. It was interesting and insightful.

Nancy, You're right, I wasn't thinking - I was avoiding. And yes, even though I am only at the half way point this losing experience has been just that an experience. Now certainly I wish I wouldn't have had to gone through it, but I tell you I am enjoying it and LEARNING from it. I am so glad you have joined this place. I think we will all gain from having you on board. You're so witty and intelligent and you write beautifully.

Melsfolly, yes keeping the old fat on is quite an excuse for avoidance. Avoiding this and avoiding that. Avoid, avoid, avoid. I'm so glad you found that lightbulb. Now you have a chance to SHINE!!!!!

Mami
01-16-2007, 06:09 PM
Thanks ladies, I've already thrown the printed thread in the trash based on your responses. She's just such a nice person and this site is just so helpful so I would love it if she'd at least check it out, but alas, can bring horse to water but cant make it drink (I've actually tried this with my doggie but she wouldn't drink either, even when I knew she was hot and thirsty)..and all that good stuff.