[sh3l5]

Currently I am a size 12 top and 14 bottom. When I get to a size 10 top and possibly a size 12 / 10 bottom there will be a wedding. Ive always said I wont get married until I am happy with the way I look. I have been with my fiance for 4 years now - and I think its going to be one day soon - possibly not this year but I will never give up hope.

Come on size 10! Im predicting at least another 14lbs loss for me to be anywhere near this size. New year, new resolution, new me. A happier and more content one.

[nelie]

I think that sounds like a pretty attainable goal. For me, I always thought I'd have to wear a size 28 dress if I got married. When I actually got engaged and then went looking for wedding dresses, I was very happy to wear the size 22 gown that I did find. I wouldn't suggest someone put off a wedding due to their weight because obviously the person they are with loves them for who they are and a wedding comes and goes so quickly that it truly is about starting out the rest of your life with the one you love, not about the actual ceremony.

I think you are doing really well and keep up the good work.

[sh3l5]

i know my boyfriend really really loved me the way I was to start with. He maintained right from the start that I did not need to lose weight.

Im finding it easy to maintain 154lbs without any exercise or calorie counting, so I think I should maintain 140lbs ok too. I havent devotedly exercised or counted calories for at least 2 months - I guess it should help kick start my loss now I start again new year.

140lbs by the summer (May or June) and maintenance (or more loss) until December!

[MissH]

Wow - you've already lost 42 lbs. I have no doubt you will reach your goal.

[NewDay4MeToo]

I thought I would bring this up again because now the subject is closer to home for me.

My boyfriend and I are discussing when we want to get engaged and married. He is going to grad school in August, but will not know where he has been accepted until probably March.

If we are going to get married this year, it will need to be this summer, so probably in August before he starts school. This gives me the best chance of finding a job. (I'm finishing my Master's in May and will be looking for a job in academia)

Our alternative is having a long-distance relationship for his first year in school and getting married Summer 2008.

If we are getting married in August, I am feeling a lot of pressure to get everything together at the last minute. But this summer means we get to spend our lives together starting this summer! Next Summer means a year apart, which could mean we could save more, have first pick on sites, etc.

What does this have to do with weight loss? One of my big "cons" for getting married this year is that I don't feel thin enough. I am flabby in addition to being overweight. The idea of trying on wedding dresses at this size makes me sad. Not to mention that I have been in three weddings, and I have been the "fat bridesmaid" in all 3. None of the girls that I will ask to stand up with me are at all fat. They are all quite thin. I don't want to be the one fat girl in my wedding!

I know, even if we get married this year, it is still reasonable that I could lose another 20+ pounds before that time. Maybe this is just the kick in the butt I need to get back in the "groove" I whined about in another thread.

When I am being reasonable, I can also recognize that this is pretty superficial- the end result will be being with the man I want to spend my life with. But it still doesn't keep me from feeling a little sick inside when I think about it.

I'm sorry to vent so much. Does anyone have advice? Can anyone relate?

[sotypical]

Originally Posted by nelie

I wouldn't suggest someone put off a wedding due to their weight because obviously the person they are with loves them for who they are and a wedding comes and goes so quickly that it truly is about starting out the rest of your life with the one you love, not about the actual ceremony.

Well I completely agree with that I must say that one of the reasons that keeps me going is that I want to look beautiful in a wedding dress - but for me, my boyfriend and I havent even talked about marriage, so its not like im putting anything off.

[mandalinn82]

I also sort of take objection to the idea of postponing a wedding until you're at a certain size. Granted, there are a lot of pictures, and they'll be around forever.

I am just going to speak from personal experience here...but when my partner said this to me ("I don't want to get married unless I am thin", followed by "If you are thinner than me at the wedding I am going to have a really hard time with it"), i was really offended. First off, it implies that the wedding is about something OTHER than what the wedding is really about...its not a celebration of your body, its a celebration of a love you have found and grown and are ready to commit to forever. Unless you feel like you can't commit to your SO until you are thin, I don't see what the two have to do with eachother.

Obviously, your fiance thinks you are beautiful, and your body has nothing to do with how much he loves you, which is the real meaning of your wedding day.

This may be a different situation given that you are a heterosexual couple, and I don't know how most men feel about this sort of decision, but I know that for ME, it was really hurtful and offensive.

Just my 2 cents.

[ThisTimeIsMyTime]

CONGRATS on getting so close to your goal! Have you set a date yet? Give yourself a couple months (more or less depending on how your body looses...i know I'm like a turtle!) and you are there!!

I'm on your side sweetheart, I was engaged (thank god it didnt ever see the wedding day!) I gave myself a long engagement (1 year) to give myself time to loose the weight (thankfully it really just gave me time to see a few things I had missed with love struck eyes, but I digress....) as a bride - all eyes are on you. ALL EYES, ARE ON YOU. Because you are The Bride. Its the same reason I didnt want to go to prom...not because I didnt want to dance, not because I wasn't crazy about my date, not because I didnt want to be with my friends, because the thought of being as big as I was and stuffing myself into a formal dress for eveyone to see made me nauseous. (pardon my spelling)

Give yourself the time you need and have a great wedding day!!

[AquaWarlock]

Thanks mandalinn for taking the words out of my mouth (actually, words that I couldn't even think up,) I didn't care for the idea for having to be a certain size or weight at marriage. Yes, it would be nice to look good in marriage clothes but I don't think I'd go so far as to postpone a marriage or stretch out the engagement for the sole reason of "I'm still too fat."

So what if you're not at your ideal weight @ marriage & so what if others are making judgments? Have a small private ceremony, kick guests out - it's about you and your SO loving each other enough to make a (hopefully) lifelong commitment (in good times and bad, sickness and health -- both of which implies regardlessness of body size). And if you still feel personal beef about it, send them a Hot Goal-Weight photo postcard of yourself afterwards (on your anniversary, christmas cards, reunion announcements, thank you notes one year later -heh-, etc.)

[mandalinn82]

As an addendum - I realize that sounded a little harsh...I admit its a hotbutton topic for me. Was just relating my personal experience to provide another side.

[aphil]

mandalinn-I don't think you were harsh, I think you were very reasonable. I was going to take your same stance on this subject.

There is nothing wrong with wanting to look your best on your wedding day-getting a tan, getting your nails done, losing a little weight-but it shouldn't be something that you keep putting off, and keep putting off, and KEEP putting off-for years-because you are not a certain weight on the scale, or a certain size.
It is the same thing with having children. If you wait until the student loans are paid, and you have a certain amount paid on your house, and after you have done this and that...waiting for the timing to be "perfect" it never is. Sometimes you wait too long, and then it never happens.

Don't put your life on hold because of your weight. It isn't just about weddings-there are a lot of women who put doing things for themselves (buying clothes, treating themselves to things, taking a special class, etc.) on hold too, until they are thinner.

Do what you can to get fit and stay fit, but don't put off things that will make you happy indefinitely. Life is short.

[NewDay4MeToo]

HI Mandalinn

I really appreciate your opinion. I have seen your fantastic pictures and you are truly inspirational. I hope I didn't bring up anything too painful or hurtful.

To all: I also think I probably shouldn't have written when I was feeling so emotional due to crazy PMS hormones. Thank you, ladies, for bringing me back to reason. I just wanna marry him. It's not going to matter what size I am, not really. Not sure when it will be, but I'm sure we'll figure out the best time.

Again, thanks for the reality check.

[sotypical]

I agree with others, its one thing to want to look nice - but to put it off?

I was just talking to my boyfriend about this and he said he would be long gone, his said something along the lines of, "if your not comfortable with yourself then neither am I"

[ennay]

Originally Posted by sotypical

I was just talking to my boyfriend about this and he said he would be long gone, his said something along the lines of, "if your not comfortable with yourself then neither am I"

Wow, so true and yet so few men can express it that well.

dh about 5 years ago for the first time in our relationship (we've been together holy crap...18 years now) made a negative comment about my weight and being unattractive to him. After being all hurt and pissed and offended, he was able to explain what he REALLY meant which was that I was so miserable about myself that I was not fun to be around. So he hated the way my weight made ME feel.

[Cheryl14]

Hi 100py!

My future daughter-in-law showed me an article in the newspaper that stated that although casual clothing sizes have been adjusted over the years, WEDDING DRESSES have not. The girl at the bridal shoppe told her that she should expect to fit into a 12 since she wears a 6 in regular clothing. Her dress IS a 12 and fits well.

Just some info that might help you rethink the size thing IF you are talking about fitting into a 10 WEDDING DRESS!

Cheryl