Weight Loss Support - Steppin' with my Momma- advice?
12-19-2006, 11:52 AM
My Mom invited me to go to her step class today. She can only go sometimes, since she works at a hospital and her work schedule varies from week to week.
Anyway, my Mom and I have been getting along better, and I haven't been exercising regularly since it's gotten too cold to bike, so I decided to go.
I went. It was fairly difficult, considering I haven't done a lot of step. But I was moving the whole time, and it was ok. Once I figured out a move, my Mom would say "Good job!" in the voice she used when I was 5. When the instructor had us jog at the end, she said, walk, walk Christine. I just did a slow jog like everyone else.
At one point in the middle of the hour-long class there was a short break. We went out to the hall, and she said she was feeling dizzy. I had a bit of a headache. I was frustrated at myself, because I forgot to eat breakfast. My Mom's only response- well, you burn more calories that way!
At the end, my Mother said, "Christine, I have two words for you. Don't COMPLAIN. PERSEVERE." Then she went on and on about how she was so proud of me, and how this was going to be wonderful, and it was going to be such a great change in my life.
I bristle when my Mom gives me advice like this. I feel like she still treats me like a kid, when I am actually 24. I am also not crazy about taking fitness advice from her. She is the one that acted like 1200 calories was way too much to eat in a day when losing weight. Admittedly she is tiny, 5'1" and maybe 110, but her telling me that I was eating too many calories when I was eating 1400 makes me upset.
This has turned into a long rant, I'm sorry about that. Am I just being too whiny? Do I need to get past how much she annoys me and just do this? Be honest.
12-19-2006, 12:02 PM
I think that it is great that you are going with your mom. And remember no matter how annoying you think she is, she is just trying to help you. Being a mother myself i know that it is hard to let go and relize that maybe your kids dont need your help or advice as much anymore. So maybe she is treating you a little bit like a child but you are her child and sometimes its hard to see your kids grow up. i think that she has the best of intentions in mind and i bet its really nice for her to have that time with you.
12-19-2006, 01:05 PM
I can really relate to your post. I'm almost 39 years old and I have the same kind of issues with my own mom. In her head, she thinks she's helping me saying things like that. And maybe to someone else it might actually be a compliment, but it never, ever comes out that way with her and it's hard to let it go.
It's great to be taking the step class. But, you have to figure out if it's what's best for you to take it WITH your mom. I know I wouldn't be able to do it. I got my mom started with WATP and that works.....because we don't do it together LOL It's hard to step back when they make comments like this, but it's what you need to do for yourself. You're taking care of yourself, you're exercising, you're eating better, when she says these things, just nod your head in agreement and change the subject. It's taken me a lot of years and a lot of trial and error to get to this place, but I'm finally making it work for me. Good luck!
12-19-2006, 01:28 PM
When you are a mother, you will see where she is coming from. You child is always your child as long as you live.
Be glad she is trying to help you instead of annoyed.
12-19-2006, 02:11 PM
I suppose I'm similar to your end of it...age wise at least. I'm 26 and I have no kids....and the best thing that ever happened to my mother's and mines relationship was moving out of the house...though she still sometimes finds ways to talk down at me like I'm 5... but its cool and I come back at her like she's 60 and then we get on the same page and laugh about it.
Its true, your mother cares about you...she just may not be so good at putting it in words that you are comfortable with...but its obvious she means well. Just cause she gives you fitness advice doesn't mean you have to take it if you are not comfortable with it. Its a lot easier to realize she is meaning well, nod and say 'ok' or 'oh I'll think about that' and move on than to waste all kinds of time and energy getting annoyed and frustrated.
Move past this and just do it? That's up to you, I think you need to find a better way to communicate with your mother. If it doesn't work for you to go to step class with her and her words are inhibiting your get healthy plan then don't go, its that simple. Find something else you can do with your mother and go to a class on your own. I don't know what its like to be a mother, and I'm pretty sure I don't want children so I'm sure I won't ever know first hand... but every once and a while I catch a glimpse in my parents eyes and realize how hard it is for them to watch me grow up and I sort of know and try to respect that a little more each time. Its all about finding a balance as you get older.
12-19-2006, 02:12 PM
I can also relate to your post. I'm 22 and I find that I get easily frustrated with my Mom when she acts in a patronizing manner. I love her and know she doesn't mean any harm, but I can't help how I feel. I think one of the things that I really love about doing exercise is that it is a time for me to totally relax and unwind. If I were working out with my Mom on a regular basis, I would be too stressed out to enjoy what I was doing! I agree with hoosiermom: Love your Mom, appreciate the relationship the two of you have, and find some other way to exercise separately:)
12-19-2006, 02:18 PM
I read this great thing once, it said "The reason your parents know how to push your buttons is because they installed them."
She is never going to stop being your mom, and she is probably always going to say things that annoy you, even if it wouldn't annoy you if someone else said it. Know what I mean? And she loves you, and in her clumsy mom way is trying to be encouraging.
My mom is no longer with us, and I have to tell you that the day will come when you will wish that she was around to say even those stupid things.
You are doing great, no matter what your mom says! Keep going with what you're doing! Let it roll off, and let the weight roll off right with it!
12-19-2006, 02:58 PM
I am a mom to 3 teenaged daughters. I have no doubt in my mind everything she is doing she is doing out of love for you. The urge to want to help your children in every little aspect of their lives is absolutely overwhelming. Having said that I could definitely see where her actions towards your are more then a bit annoying. And that probably won't change anytime soon. Have you tried saying something in a very respectful manner like, "Mom I appreciate all your advice, but I really need to do this in my own way." If at that point she continues on I most certainly would not exercise with her. Your time is very valuable and you have to do what works for you, not leaves you feeling miserable and incapable. Good luck.
12-19-2006, 05:18 PM
I really appreciate all the thoughtful replies that were posted. I talked to my Mom some more this afternoon. I do want to try hard to respect her and appreciate what she is trying to do for me.
I need to take some more time to reflect on what will be best for me. Having a class and accountability may be good for exercise, but I am not yet sure if I will commit to exercising with mom. We are doing other things together which are less likely to cause friction.
Thank you again for your replies.