The Non-Diet Approach

[HollyGirl]

Lose weight without dieting? HOW?!?!

By getting to the root of why you overeat in the first place! "Why Weight," written by Geneen Roth, is a non-diet book that contains exercises designed to help compulsive eaters learn how to stop using food as a substitute for handling difficult emotions or situations. You'll also learn how to enjoy eating and still lose weight naturally. This program offers reassuring guidelines on:

-- kicking the scale-watching habit forever
-- learning to say no
-- discovering other pleasures besides food
-- learning the difference between physical and emotional hunger
-- listening to and trusting your body's hunger and fullness signals

Each week at least one exercise will be posted; participants will be encouraged to share their answers, thoughts, etc. pertaining to the particular exercise. Snippets from Geneen's other books may be posted from time to time as well. She's a great writer and I encourage you to look into her books (and burn all your other "diet" books in the bathtub :) )

Join me in Breaking Free!

[HollyGirl]

Take time to introduce yourself to yourself.

Write your name next to the introduction below (you might want to copy and paste this info into your reply). Then, 10 times, complete the phrase "I am ..." -- the sentences can be short, long, abstract, whatever. You might only think of a few at a time, just add to your post as you think of them. You can give this a lot of thought or write the first thing that comes to your mind. Here we go :)

Introduction of:

I am:

I am:

I am:

I am:

I am:

I am:

I am:

I am:

I am:

I am:

Do you see things that surprise you? Are there any themes in your answers? You might want to remember this first exercise and repeat it every now and then to see how you're changing.

I hope that you'll feel comfortable enough to post your answers here; there's a very slim chance that we'll ever bump into you in the mall, so you don't run the risk of embarrassment :o

Peace to you during this first step of overcoming compulsive eating.

[HollyGirl]

Introduction of: HollyGirl

I am: a wife, mother, sister, daughter, aunt.

I am: usually tired.

I am: the only woman in the world who has legs the size of tree trunks.

I am: not happy in my marriage, or else it's boredom. I can't tell the difference.

I am: the type who likes to make others happy.

I am: neglecting myself.

I am: happy when my house is clean and tidy.

I am: a perfectionist.

I am: floating through my life, watching it without participating.

I am: often lonely, feeling like I have no friends.

[Loves-to-Be]

1. I am mom, wife, teacher, sibling
2. I am fat,fat,fat
3. I am patient
4. I am hot :devil: (it's 120 dergrees here)
5. I am often tired
6. I am creative, artistic
7. I am empathetic, sometimes too much
8. I am idealistic
9. I am often afraid of nothing in particular
10. I am thankful.

I like this idea for a thread HollyGirl.

[HollyGirl]

Hi, Love-to-Be --

I'm glad that you joined me in this quest. I'm sure it'll be heart-wrenching at times, but I think that if we get to the root of why we compulsively eat then we'll be better equipped to overcome it.

I look forward to working through this together.

:) HollyGirl

[HollyGirl]

I've eaten so much today -- potato salad, ice cream with chocolate syrup, brownies, more potato salad -- and I'm just sitting here looking at how big my legs are.

My 4-yr-old son was fine until my husband/his daddy came home then our son just starts throwing fits. I feel like my husband antagonizes -- both my son and me. It makes me tense and I just eat. Not with them watching, of course.

I feel like I have to stay overweight to justify having a bad marriage. It was a marriage of desperation. We've been married 7-1/2 yrs., got married in 1993 when I was almost 33 years old. We started dating in July, got engaged and got married at the end of October. I had the feeling that no one else would ask me to marry him so I'd better say yes or be single forever. And I feel that since I made a commitment before God I must honor it.

To be honest, if I were still single, my husband is not someone I'd even consider dating. Sad, but true. I feel like that if I lost weight I'd be even more discontent, feeling cheated out of a "better" husband (better looking, better built, better personality, etc). He is a nice guy and a good provider, but that's about it.

I've got to work through this and find happiness within myself, by myself, for myself. I've got to stop blaming and take control of my life to whatever degree I am able.

Thanks for reading. Please feel free to join this group and/or leave comments if you feel so led.

[VermontChick]

Hey Holly -

I guess this could be a fun exercise to do. I approach my "diet" in a similar manner. I hate the scale (especially lately cause I haven't been losing..I am trying to break a range right now...). I try to focus on one special thing each week.

So far, I think I have broken two habits. I have already: lowered my fat intake for each day by modifying my eating habits...and replacing certain foods with others. I never go eat fast food, or eat "bad" foods...by this i mean all the stereotypical "bad" foods like ice cream, chocolate, pastry, etc.

I have also become more active. Now, I am not a completely sedentary person...but I was not always the type to go out and "exercise." I do that now. I try to walk three times a week, and do my weights at least twice. I just bought a pair of rollarblades, and I am adding THEM into my weekly activities. :-)
I haven't necessarily lost the pounds :-( but some people have noticed that I am smaller in the chest area (that's where I target a lot of my work out).

Ok, I guess this is the "I am" part. Hmm, let's thing here.

I am: a 21 year old student
I am: a sociology major that wants to make a difference in the world
I am: NOT willing to let my weight get in the way of my dreams. This includes love, happiness, and success.
I am: NOT happy with the way I look
I am: self conscious in crowds...especially around people my age, where I feel everyone notices how fat I am compared to them.
I am: doing my best to make a difference, step by step
I am: conscious of my efforts every day...which I guess CAN be a bad thing too...:-(
I am: talented at lots of things. I can sing, I love it.
I am: always worried that I would never be able to marry a nice man I deserve because of my weight.


Well...I guess that's it for now....I guess I have a lot of issues to work on, huh?

[VermontChick]

Holly -

I just read your last entry, and felt so sad for you! It's in the past! I know I am stating the obvious...but...why don't you leave? I mean, your husband will obviously be hurt (or will he??) I see you, and I see the person I am petrified of becoming!! I know I feel just like you about certain things. I think "I am fat, and that means I don't deserve to be loved." Believe me, I have had my heart broken enough times to be very cautious around men now. I have had two men up and leave me...leave me because they couldn't "handle me." One of them I still desperately love. His name is Nick....he's a singer, and I fell in love with him. He used to tell me he loved me, but I am not so sure if he was IN love with me, you know? It's so awful...cause I hear about him through other people...but I don't even talk to him anymore. Then there was this other guy that I went to cause I wanted to be comforted cause I missed Nick. He was a rebound guy....a really cool guy that met a girl that was more meant for him than me...it was hard, but not as bad as Nick. Then came Lyle...well...Lyle turned out to be gay. So after devoting nearly two years of my precious life...he was gone. We're still like best friends though. Then came Josh. Oh yes...all I can say is....he is AWFUL for me. Bad for my morale...bad for my self esteem...but for some damn reason I LOVE him. And I can't help but wonder if it's cause deep down I feel like no one else could ever love me. I mean, he has never said "I am in love with you." He has said he loves me...but I am not sure if it's gonna turn into anything...I love him so desperately...and I want so bad to lose weight FOR HIM. He's what keeps me going, cause I want him to think of me as hot...when all I am to his now is this chubbie cute kid that he feels like he is "settling" for. ::sigh:: what is wrong with us women???

[Loves-to-Be]

Mel, anything you do at this point in your life has to be for you and you alone. DO NOT SETTLE for anyone who doesn't love you completely and unconditionally!:^: I've been married for 16 years. There have been times when I was ready to walk out the door. I have serious PMS and I went crazy for 5 years after I remembered being raped by a reletive when I was nine:mad:; and I gained over 100 pounds He is far from perfect but through it all he stuck around. Can you say that about Josh?

It took quite a lot for my dh to convince me to marry him. The thing that clinched it for me is I tried to imagine what life would be like 10years and 20 years in the future w/ him. He has several bad habits that get on my nerves. Taking his good parts and his bad parts, I imagined a nice life:cool:, I was right. Don't settle, Don't worry, Be happy:lol:! You're still young, take your time.

Holly, I'm sorry you're having a bad time. Try to remember the positive things about your dh. Have you tried to talk to him about your son's reactions to him? If you can't talk to him, write him a letter explaining your concerns. That has been a life saver in my marriage. Just remember, Chocolate is not the answer!:nono: I would call you on the phone right now if I could:cry:. Keep in mind, you may be experiencing the 7 year itch. Don't let it ruin your marriage. Talk things through. Go to a marraige counselor, don't give up w/ out a fight! Even if you have to fight w/ him :devil: ! Please work w/ your feelings, don't eat them. They won't go away if you eat them, they will simply stay w/in you and cause your legs to enlarge. :mad: Exercise, the sweat will be your frustrations and anger, and everything bad leaving your body only to be washed down the drain when you shower. I wish I could talk to you right now. Things will get better!

OXOXOXOXO :wave: :angel:

Yvette

[Galadriel]

OK, here goes:

I am: 25 years old and single

I am: a daughter, sibling, and friend

I am: a university graduate who loves learning but resents when it doesn't seem to get me anywhere. I guess I need to learn to love learning for the sake of learning and not for what it can get me.

I am: afraid of not finding that one special person who "fits" with me

I am: afraid that I've already found that person and let them walk out of my life because I was too afraid to do anything about it.

I am: secure yet insecure. There are some aspects of my life that I feel very secure in but others that scare me to death.

I am: tired of not liking the way I look

I am: stressed because I don't know what I want to be when I grow up. I always figured it would just come to me and I'd fall into something I love but that hasn't happened yet. Instead, I'm about to embark on a Masters degree that I'm not sure I want anymore.

I am: afraid of being alone. I value my independence and really enjoy my own company but I miss the intimacy of a partner and just knowing that someone other than my parents will love me no matter what I think is wrong with me.

I am: afraid that I am becoming a snob (or worse yet already am a snob) and place entirely too much emphasis on material things.

I am: a recent WW member (meeting #3 is tomorrow)

I am: a good listener

I know that's more than 10 things but once I started it was easier than I thought it would be. I'm a new member here and this thread is what made me join. I look forward to each new "exercise".

[LinInWI]

I was lost for a while, but now I found you. :lol:
Thanks for the message Holly!

Now for my attempt,

I am 42... oh gawd when did that happen??

I am a wife and a mom, 2 beautiful daughters, 13year old,
16month old.

I am tired of the way I look.

I had a baby 16 months ago, but I still look 18 months pregnant.

I am FAT damn it.

I am going to get my ged.

I am going to go to school this fall to become an accountant.

I am rich.... In love, happiness with my family.

I am glad I met (my third husband) Brad:love: my sweetie, on AOL 5 years ago.
(we have been living together for a few years and got
married in Dec. 99)

I am glad I married my second husband, because I "got" a
beautiful daughter from that union.

I am sorry I married my first husband, he was a jerk!!!!!!

Thanks

[HollyGirl]

It's 1:52 a.m. and I can't sleep. I ate homemade ice cream with chocolate syrup before I went to bed and it's all that's on my mind. My stomach feels like a bowl of jello every time I turn over in bed. If I had a sleeping pill I'd take one just so I could escape this feeling.

Thanks Yvette & MissMeliss for the kind words. And Linda, I'm glad you found me again! Welcome to you and Galadriel. I'm looking forward to knowing you all through this list and through these (probably) difficult exercises.

I have a treadmill that I haven't walked on for about a month. Before I went to bed last night I made sure that all my "stuff" -- shorts, t-shirt, water bottle, etc., -- was handy so I'd be encouraged to walk in the a.m. before showering. I think that the idea of sweating my problems out and down the shower drain is a good one, Yvette. And talking through problems with my husband (or anyone for that matter) has always been a HUGE problem for me. I guess I have the idea that my thoughts aren't worth anything.

Well, I guess that's all I need to share for now. Thanks for listening/reading :yawn: I'm off to bed now.

HollyGirl

[sonny]

Introduction of: Sonny

I am: mother, wife, daughter, sister, friend

I am: tired of thinking about food every waking moment

I am: tired of feeling overwhelmed

I am: tired of bringing chaos into my life

I am: basically a good person

I am: a good mother to my children

I am: not a very good wife

I am: still trying to figure out who I am

I am: mentally competent, most of the time LOL

I am: going to win this battle

[sonny]

Hi Hollygirl,

I love this idea. I hate when I have to think about things, but it really is good to do exercised like this. I hope you have more to post. I definately want to do more.
We acually sound like we have some things in commen. It is Sat. morning and I had a bowel of cherries, a spoonful of hot fugde topping, 2 pancakes and a piece of peanut butter fudge. It is only 11:00. When I am home I pick, I try not to, I try to keep busy, but I have a hard time controlling it. I work full time so during the week I am pretty much in control (somewhat in control) but on the weekends I need help. It is so reassuring to hear that other people eat like I do sometimes. I feel like I am the only one who can eat chocolate for breakfast.
I too am in a less then satisfiying marraige. I met my husband when I was 17 and I am now 38. We have had many ups and downs and now we are leveled out, but something feels like it is missing. As I get older I wonder if I am settling or if there is someone else out there for me. I guess we all have feelings of uncertainty and insecurity. I don't want to go on forever here but just to thank you for making me think again. To really think about who I am. Have a great day.

[VermontChick]

No problem Holly...it was just nice to be able to relate to someone, you know?

Ok, I met this really cool guy on the Internet, and he has seen my picture...from the SHOULDERS up...so of course he can't see my fat ***, you know? LOL. I am so afraid it's going to scare him. See, he wants to meet me next summer and I feel like I need to lose all this weight before I go to California to meet him. ::sigh:: So, every time I see a picture of a thin girl, I get this incredibly sad disheartened feeling inside cause I feel like I'll never BE like that. Of COURSE I want to look like that deep down...but I have to overcome these bad feelings that it just won't even happen. And whether or not we all like to admit it to ourselves...it seems that in order to get a hot guy to like us, we have to have a perfect sculpted body, LOL.

[HollyGirl]

Here's an excerpt from Geneen Roth's book "Breaking Free From Compulsive Eating" --

"The first step in breaking free from compulsive eating is to eat when you are hungry. When I first decided that I wasn't going to diet any anymore I began keeping a chart of when I ate, what I ate, and if I was hungry. After a few days I was dismayed to realize that I never ate because I was hungry. There were too many other good reasons to eat: when I was upset ... when I was happy ... when I was sad ... when I was angry ... when I was frustrated or bored and couldn't figure out what else to do.

"Part of breaking free is going from not listening [to your body] to listening. You begin eating when you are hungry by letting yourself get hungry. Here are some guidelines:

1. Keep a chart of what you ate, the times at which you ate and whether or not you were hungry before you ate.

2. Don't eat at your regular meal times for a day or two and if you find that it helps you get in touch with your hunger, try not eating at your regular times for a week or longer.

3. Pay careful attention to the bodily sensations that you recognize as hunger.

4. When you've decided you're hungry, rate your hunger on a scale of 1 to 10.

5. When you are not hungry but decided to eat, choose a food that you ate that day when you were hungry. Be aware of how the food tastes, how the taste was different when you were hungry, if you enjoy it as much as when you were hungry, what you're really feeling and how you know when to stop eating."

[LisaAJames]

Hello All......

What a coincedence.....I just bought a Geneed Roth book off Amazon.com this afternoon, and now I find a 3FC thread about her non-diet! She must be pretty good. I hope my money was a good investment! lol

Anyway, this thread really sounds like a good idea. No one knows what it is like to be a failed dieter (or even a successful dieter) better than the people who are going through it. And I am definately one of those people. I have been trying to loose weight for 4 years now and am 25 pounds heavier than when I started. (Isnt that everyones story? :( ) I over this time I slipped further and further away from being a normal eater and now I am so far away I dont even rmember what it is like to eat ice cream or something and not feel so guilty and sad that I go and eat the entire fridge. I have been trying to seperate hunger from boredom-eating or sad-eating or noreason-eating but its hard. When I heard about Geneen Roths books I hoped that they could help me. This post seems like it could be really good too. I hope you guys have room for one more!

So here goes.....

I am 21 year old student.
I am sick of working out so hard everyday.
I am embarassed to see people from high school becasue I have gained 35 pounds since then.
I am creative and love to make people laugh.
I am afraid of being alone.
I am frustrated with my boyfriend of 4-years and dont know waht to do. ( hmmm...interesting how my weight problems have been around for 4 years and so has my boyfriend)
I am afraid I will always be crazy about food and will never be able to enjoy life and not let it bother me.
I am unwilling to give up on this battle, but also scared to succeed.
I am going to bed now. :)


Lisa
168/168/140

[HollyGirl]

Hi, Lisa and Sonny, I'm glad you both are joining us :)

Lisa, you and I have similar weights/goals. I'm also at 168 with a goal weight of 140. I'd like to point out something here -- it doesn't matter if someone in this group has 20 pounds to lose or 120 pounds to lose -- if you're here there's a good chance that you're having a problem with compulsive eating. The goal is to change your eating habits and thereby become healthier. Please keep that in mind. I know I've read posts before where I think [snort] they only have 20 pounds to lose, what's their problem? Well, that's not a very supportive attitude, is it?! :dizzy:

I'm glad to hear that someone else here has at least one Geneen Roth book. I really recommend them. If you buy only one of her books, get "When You Eat At The Refrigerator Pull Up A Chair." It's filled with 50 chapters of ways to be kind to yourself when that's the farthest thing from your mind.

Well, that's it for tonight, I'm off to bed (another way that I need to be kind to myself is by getting enough sleep :) )

G'night!!

[Grannie39074]

Hello This is a great thread. so here goes


I am : A 49 year old house wife

I am: 239 lbs. (lost 6 lbs. last week)

I am: TIRED of being FAT
I am: Going to try harder this time.

I am: Tired of thinking my husband would love me more if I was thinner.

I am: Hungry (It's all in my head)

I am: Happy most of the time.

I am: really glad for this forum.


Thats all for now. :)

[Elisette]

I like the non-diet, I'd like to have a healthy attitude towards food. So here goes!

I am independent.
I am strong, smart, and able.
I am too good to settle.
I am outgoing in my head and shy in reality because I do not look as good as I would like.
I am not doing what I want to do for the rest of my life.
I am a great friend to a few, but I don't trust most people.
I am an athlete.
I am an animal lover.
I am sarcastic.
I am slyly witty and no one knows what I really think about most things. ;)

[Loves-to-Be]

Hi ya'll,

Today I am proud of myself. I am on chap. 3 of Overcoming Compulsive Eating by G. Roth

1. I didn't eat until I was hungry and stopped when I was no longer hungry.

2.I ate only at the table and concentrated on the taste, texture etc of the food.

3. I exersised and felt wonderful during and after.

4. I determined if the food on my plate was "humming" or "beckoning" then ate only the hummers.(from the book)

If possible, read the books.

:wave:

Yvette

[LisaAJames]

Hello!

I am also on Chapter 3 of a G. Roth book. I just got my copy of Breaking Free from Compulsive Eating in the mail yesterday, and I couldnt put it down. Its a really good book--as Im sure they all are--and I suggest that anyone who eats for a reason other than hunger buy one of her books.

I have decided to do my best to eat only when I am hungry, but its going to be harder than I thought. I already woke up this morning and ate breakfast before I even stopped to think if I was hungry or not. (I wasnt) So now I feel too full....blech. :spin: Oh well theres always lunch... That means not wolfing down my lunch at my desk and then squeezing a workout on my break. I am actually going to have to think about whether or not I am hungry first. Yikes. I have so many bad habits and routines to break.....

The book suggests that you get rid of your scale. :eek: Has anyone done this? The idea really scares me. I know that its not good to weigh yourself everyday and I have become a bit of a slave to the scale, but I dont know if I could bring myself actually get rid of it or hide it. I may just try to weigh in less often....maybe once every week or two.

Holly, that is pretty funny that we have the same weight and goal. Lets do our best to get to 140!

Ok talk to you all later!

Lisa

[just me]

Introduction of: Gina

I am: a 27 year college student majoring in interior design

I am: very much in love with my husband of 3 years.

I am: proud of myself for losing the 40 pounds I have in the last year.

I am: disappointed in myself for gaining 7 of those pounds back in the last 2 months because I can't seem to get focused.

I am: sick of food controlling my life.

I am: ready for this to be the last time I ever lose weight.

I am: a good friend and fun to be around.

I am: tired of letting my weight hold me back in the world.

I am: secure.

I am: insecure.

[Grannie39074]

Welcome Gina

To all. I haven't read the books you are talking about but they sound interesting. I need to pick them up. I think I am doing fairly well on this lifestyle change, thats what it is you know, its not a diet it's a lifestyle change. I need to drink more water and exercise more.


I am: Unhappy with my weight

I am: Terrified of going through life fat.

I am: very much in love with my husband

I am: insecure

I am: a lovable person

I am: Going to do it this time.

[Arabella]

Hi All,

I want to start over at the beginning, so forgive me if having the threads brought up causes confusion. Maybe there are others who would like to start in? Here goes:

Introduction of:

I am: a 46 year old woman

I am: pretty

I am: a writer

I am: worried about situations in my life that I want to be able to let go of

I am: a consistent exerciser

I am: (sometimes) a compulsive eater, trying to recover

I am: empathetic

I am: tired of wasting time and energy

I am: trying to work up my optimism

I am: about 40 pounds overweight

Interesting exercise! I know that my answers would be different depending on my mood.

babette
231/204/160

[Sprite]

Hi everybody!

I found this thread a couple of weeks ago and am doing the current exercises as well as starting from the beginning so I hope I don't cause any confusion.

I don't know why but I feel a bit nervous doing this. I think because I have to face the fact that I have a problem with food which is caused by other problems and I can't (and don't want to) hide from it anymore.

So here it goes:

1. I am 34

2. I am a mom

3. I am a wife who goes from happy with her husband to completely dissatisfied with him from day to day?

4. I am a volunteer

5. I am going to go to school in January to be an Administrative Assistant.

6. I am a fighter

7. I am often lonely despite having several friends

8. I am ashamed of my excess weight

9. I am determined.

10. I am happy I found this thread

I have such a good feeling about these exercises. I really feel like this is it. This is what I need. This is going to do it for me.

Sprite

[waterbaby]

Introduction: Claire (waterbaby)

1. I am: very obese
2. I am: unhappy about my weight (5'5", 281 pounds)
3. I am: very inflexible because of my size.
4. I am: in a great marriage (2nd time around)
5. I am: puzzled as to how I gained so much weight!
6. I am: learning to be a good listener
7. I am: worth more than I'm paid.
8. I am: interested in many things
9. I am: basically a happy person
10.I am: grateful for all that I am about to receive through this forum.

Claire:D
281/281/119 Little bones, lotta fat!