MrsK
11-08-2003, 11:51 AM
Here I am - fat as ever.
But I had a bit of an epiphany on Thursday night. I had just gotten home from my Tae Kwon Do class after doing the regular class and not the one-on-one class that I've been doing for a month.
I didn't totally keep up with the rest of the class, but I didn't bail out either. I was complimented by several people including the Master of the dojo for my determination and good attitude. I even had my daughter jumping up and down telling dad how proud she is of mom for "doing the whole class, daddy.... the whole class."
It was a day and a time when I should have been proud of myself.
Instead as I lay in bed trying to fall asleep my internal dialog was so negative and so filled with "wrong thinking" that I can hardly believe it.
It was the first time in a long, long time that I've actually stopped and listened to the conversations I have with myself.
What I heard myself saying was shocking and appalling. I can't believe how degrading and mean I am to myself.
If these conversations have been going on in my own head - without my paying conscious attention to myself - for years it's no wonder I'm in the shape I'm in.
I really need to start reading the book over again from the beginning and really really work on the section on Right Thinking - because right now I am my own worst enemy to a degree I would never have imagined.
But I had a bit of an epiphany on Thursday night. I had just gotten home from my Tae Kwon Do class after doing the regular class and not the one-on-one class that I've been doing for a month.
I didn't totally keep up with the rest of the class, but I didn't bail out either. I was complimented by several people including the Master of the dojo for my determination and good attitude. I even had my daughter jumping up and down telling dad how proud she is of mom for "doing the whole class, daddy.... the whole class."
It was a day and a time when I should have been proud of myself.
Instead as I lay in bed trying to fall asleep my internal dialog was so negative and so filled with "wrong thinking" that I can hardly believe it.
It was the first time in a long, long time that I've actually stopped and listened to the conversations I have with myself.
What I heard myself saying was shocking and appalling. I can't believe how degrading and mean I am to myself.
If these conversations have been going on in my own head - without my paying conscious attention to myself - for years it's no wonder I'm in the shape I'm in.
I really need to start reading the book over again from the beginning and really really work on the section on Right Thinking - because right now I am my own worst enemy to a degree I would never have imagined.